Title: Stasis

Author: Jeanny

Feedback: Please. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Distribution: I don't mind, just credit me and let me know where it's going.

Rating: G

Spoilers: Season 5 Through Spiral.

Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, especially the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them for the pure pleasure of messing with their lives.

Summary: Buffy's thoughts immediately before the end of Spiral. My response to vic's 500 word mood piece challenge.

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We emerge into a slaughter. No more knights, just blood and death. Not unusual in my life, really. But this time is different. This time I don't care.

That's not it, exactly. I want to care. Dawn's gone. I couldn't protect her, couldn't save her...I was less than useless. Watched her be taken by Glory...one more loss in a long string of Buffy losses. And all those losses hurt like hell, every one of them, but this one just doesn't. I can't seem to make myself hurt.

The others are waiting for me to lead. I tell my body to move, to follow, to find, to slay. But I can't. Because of the pain that is not, I guess. I'm numb all over, like someone pumped me full of Novocain, all the way to my heart. Everything I see around me looks all fuzzy, so I stop looking. My limbs feel too heavy to hold me up. It's not worth trying to stand, so I fall down.

It doesn't hurt to fall.

My body folds over like one of those little Japanese paper thingies, whatever they're called. I don't think I look like a swan or a flower, but I'm folded.

There's no energy left in my body, that's what it is. I guess there was only so much there, and I've used it all up. I can almost hear voices. The others, talking to me, talking about me, all worried and stuff. I want to tell them I'm okay, just...folded. Finished. I think I'm finished. But I don't have the energy to say I'm out of energy, even, so I'll just let them figure it out for themselves.

From somewhere far away I feel someone pick my body up. My body, the body of the Slayer, with all its superhuman powers. Just a bag of bones now. Still breathing but lifeless. Still folded. I don't know who's carrying me, and I don't even wonder. Have to care to wonder, I guess.

Can't remember the last time I sat quietly. Or the last time it was quiet in here. My mind feels deep and dark. Something's going on down there. I could find out...but I don't. I don't even have the verve to explore my own head. That's probably pretty pathetic, but it hardly matters anymore.

Fine. I'll just sit here then. Maybe I'll get a second wind. Or maybe not. I can't seem to muster interest in it. Or in them. I know they're watching me. They're waiting for me to come back. They need me to be strong. They don't get it yet. There's no strength left.

Without trying I'm slipping deeper into my mind. It's like a hole that's grown so big I can't help but fall in. That's fine, it doesn't hurt to fall. No effort required. No fight I can't win.

Time to give up. Time to fold.

Origami. It's called origami.

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