Title: Thank The Fifth Dimension

Author: Jeanny

Parts: 1/1

Spoilers: None

Rating: PG

Feedback: Please! jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Distribution: Go ahead, I don't mind, just credit me and tell me where it's going.

Disclaimer: Joss & Co. owns all these people, demons, creatures, etc. I'm only playing with them.

Summary: Giles, Spike and Cordelia fight demons by a new and different method.

Dedication: For Mo, by request.

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"This is your brilliant plan?" Giles hissed. When Spike had told him to meet him in Weatherby Park about an hour after sundown, he'd had no idea he'd be looking at this spectacle. Spike just smirked in response. He was striking his most heroic pose, trying for dashing but mostly looking goofy in his aviator goggles. Not to mention he was standing next to an nearly inflated hot air balloon. "THIS is your brilliant plan?" Giles repeated incredulously.

"Of course. You said we had to hit them from above and drop in real quiet like, so I borrowed this beauty from an old mate of mine. Lovely, isn't it?"

"It's black."

"Better for sneaking, don't you think? Besides, of course it's black! What kind of balloon do you think a vampire would have, anyway?"

"It says, 'Bite Me' on it. And since when do vampires have balloons?"

"Not important, you have to admit it's perfect for what you've got goin down. Quiet and from above, Watcher, that's what you said, right? So I've done my part. You got the rest of it?" Giles held up a paper bag.

"I have what we need." Resignedly Giles approached the basket and looked into it. "Spike."

"Yeah, what is it now?" Spike asked distractedly, busy tending to the tethers holding the balloon down.

"Might you tell me precisely what Cordelia Chase is doing in the balloon? And why you have her all tied up and gagged?" Spike looked up, a guilty expression on his face so briefly that Giles couldn't be sure he'd seen it before the vampire resumed his customary smirk.

"Right. I forgot about the bint. She came wandering through the park while I was getting the balloon from my mate, see? We're just inflating the balloon all peaceably when she comes running up. Stake in hand like she was some kind of Slayer Jr. Not willing to exactly let bygones be bygones, I guess. My unchipped ballooning friend knocked her out cold. Was gonna let him have a taste, but I knew that Buffy'd stake me if I let one of her school chums get eaten in front of me. Plus I never really liked the guy, so I staked him instead." Spike puffed up a bit with pride.

"That still doesn't explain why she's all tied up. And glaring at me." An angry squeal, which despite being muffled by the gag was still loud enough to be heard over the jets, punctuated his statement.

"Oh, well, I had to tie her up so she wouldn't stake me when she came to. And the gag, well, I couldn't take the sound of her voice. It's like nails on a bleedin' chalkboard. We're almost ready to go. Go on, get in." Giles handed Spike his package reluctantly, looking as if it would dissolve the second the vampire touched it.

"Be careful with this. Don't jostle it in any way, it could prove quite disastrous." Spike gave an exaggerated sigh of impatience as Giles gingerly climbed into the basket. The Watcher gladly accepted the package back from the vampire, then bent to tend to Cordelia. He was pleased to see that other than a nasty bruise on her forehead she seemed to be unharmed. The girl was shaking, but not with fear. Pure venomous rage was practically radiating off of her, but it seemed as if it was starting to be tempered by her curiosity. He leaned in to speak softly.

"Cordelia, I'm going to remove the gag, but you must promise me that you will not scream. It is very important that we proceed quietly. Do you understand?" She gave a hurried nod, and he removed the gag gently. The second it was off she began to speak in a loud and angry voice.

"What are you doing with Spike? Don't you know what he tried to mmmph?" Cordelia's eyes widened as she tried to look down at Giles' hand clamped over her mouth.

"Apparently I did not make myself clear. I need you to be quiet. Do you understand what quiet means?" Cordy glared at him suspiciously but nodded again, and he removed his hand. She continued in a softer voice.

"Giles, I'm disappointed in you. You abandoned the gang and went with this loser." Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh my God, you're a vampire! You're going to share me with Spike and do some kind of freaky vampire Mile-High Club kind of ritual, and I'm going to die. Oh God!" Her voice had risen in pitch again. Giles gave her a long-suffering look and sighed.

"I am not a vampire. And Spike...well, let's just say that Spike is not the vampire he was when you last saw him. He's working for us, and while I wouldn't exactly say I trust him, I can assure you that he will not harm you in any way."

"So you're not a vampire?" Cordelia responded doubtfully. Giles sighed again and removed a cross from his pocket with his free hand, pressing it to his forehead firmly. Cordelia visibly relaxed. "That's great, really, cause whoa, you know Sunnydale...they say you can never go home again, but this place is just as full of evil undead things as I remember it-"

"Cordelia," Giles interrupted quickly, "under different circumstances I'd love to find out all the fascinating details of your auspicious return to Sunnydale, but I'm afraid that just now is not the time. Spike and I are using this balloon to perform a ritual of the utmost importance. Time is of the essence. I'm going to untie you and send you on your way. Please don't stake Spike as you leave."

"She's coming with us, Rupert," Spike said quietly as he looked down at them, and they both looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"I don't think that's wise," Giles countered, but Spike shrugged.

"Wise or not, we've launched. Unless she's learned to fly, she's a passenger on this happy voyage." Cordelia practically spit in annoyance as Giles stood back up and looked out at the ground from which they had glided away. Spike gave a short laugh as he returned to his position as pilot.

"You're just going to have to land this thing and let me out! Now! Spike? Giles?" Giles gave her a harried look after glancing at his watch.

"I'm afraid he's right, we've no time. You'll have to come with us." Cordelia glared at both of them for a moment before closing her eyes.

"Can I help?" she asked through clenched teeth.

"Pardon?" Giles asked. He was surprised to see her demeanor change to be calm and almost professional.

"I'm here. I'm stuck. Between high school and working with Angel, I'm sad to say I'm pretty experienced. Look, when I decided to visit Sunnydale I knew the odds were pretty good I'd have some vision and end up in a 'saving the world from evil' situation with you people." Looking around the basket, she shook her head ruefully. "Although I must admit this I never saw. Except in a dream where I was in Napa with Heath Ledger..."

"Yes, of course. Your help would be greatly appreciated," Giles interjected hastily. Looking out over nighttime Sunnydale, he turned to Spike.

"Are we headed in the right direction?"

"Um, Giles?" Cordelia interjected, but he ignored her waiting for Spike's answer. The vampire shrugged.

"I got us in the right wind currents. As long as the wind doesn't shift we should be right on time...but you can't exactly steer these things." Giles looked at his watch again, his expression tense.

"Giles?"

"In a minute, Cordelia. Spike, must I remind you how important-" Spike held up a hand to interrupt the Watcher, rolling his eyes.

"Please. Don't. If we don't perform our part of the ritual while the witches are blah blah blah, doom and gloom, everyone dies. Got it the first hundred times."

"Giles!"

"Cordelia, what is it?" Giles called to her in exasperation. Cordelia wriggled her still bound body in exasperation.

"Ropes. Chaffing. Untie? Like now?"

"Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry," Giles stammered, hurrying to release her bonds. Cordelia stood and tried to restore circulation in the cramped space, glaring at Spike all the while. She looked down at the houses below and gave a low whistle.

"Wow, we’re really up there, aren’t we? I bet I could see my house if it hadn’t been seized by the IRS," she said with a nervous laugh. Sudden realization hit her and she whirled on Giles, startling him. He fumbled with his precious package, nearly dropping it. "Did he say everyone dies? As in 'everyone' everyone?"

“Yes, well, I’m afraid we have a pack of Yaidod demons that are attempting to bring about an apocalypse. Thus far Buffy has been unable to stop them. They‘re quite small and harmless looking, but frightfully difficult to kill.”

“Little wankers. One bit my knee,” Spike grumbled. Cordelia saw Giles struggling to hold back a smirk.

“Yes, well, this particular pack has delusions of grandeur. They’ve gotten too big for their britches, you might say.”

“They want to make it ‘big’ in Sunnydale.” Both Spike and Giles were shaking with suppressed laughter. Cordelia held up her hands.

“I get it, I get it! Enough with the small jokes. Jeesh. So can these little Izod-”

“Yaidod.”

“Whatever, can they actually do it? Destroy the world.”

“If we don’t stop them tonight. They’re going to be attempting to open the Hellmouth, but the ritual will take them hours to complete. Willow found a spell to destroy them, but for it to work we need to drop the main catalyst on them from above. Fortunately they’ve recently torn down what was left of Sunnydale High School, so the Yaidod will be out in the open. Willow and Tara are preparing to do the other part of the spell back at my apartment. We must do both parts simultaneously, which is a bit tricky to be sure, but it should kill them instantly.”

“I hate to mention this, but this kind of thing is in the Slayer’s job description. Why couldn’t Buffy do it?”

“Cause they’ve recruited some pretty nasty vamps for protection. Smart little buggers know we’re gonna try to stop them. Buffy and your ex’ll be taking them out while we do our bit.” Spike grinned in anticipation.

“Xander Harris is so not my ex,” Cordelia protested automatically. “We were over before we even were. So that’s it? Bombs away and then fly off into the sunrise?” Spike glowered at her.

“Hey! Bite your tongue! Better yet, let me do it for you!”

“Spike, do shut up! Yes, Cordelia, that’s essentially it. We drop, we leave. Xander and Buffy will take care of the rest-” Giles stopped when Spike held up his hand.

“Okay, folks, almost there. Time to quiet down, show’s about to start.” The three instinctively drew closer together. The silence and sense of expectation increased the tension between the three unlikely allies. Cordy glanced nervously at the bag Giles was still holding.

“So, what kind of slimy gross spell stuff do we have to drop on them?” Cordelia asked Giles in a stage whisper. He smiled at her and opened it, allowing her to look inside. She looked confused.

“Eggs? You’re gonna kill demons with eggs?” Her voice grew louder and both men looked at her sharply.

“Shhhh!” Spike admonished, and she hung her head apologetically. She could tell Giles was itching to launch some long-winded explanation of why they were about to try to make scrambled demons. For the first time she was glad that they needed to be quiet. Giles looked at his watch, then at Spike who nodded.

“It’s almost time,” Giles whispered in Cordelia’s ear. “Take an egg and get ready.”

“I think we’ve been spotted,” Spike said softly. The others followed his gaze to the empty lot that had once been Sunnydale High.

Cordelia saw a strange glyph drawn on the ground and within it were a group of demons that looked like the lovechildren of the Munchkins and the Winged Monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. The Yaidod were pointing almost as a group at the balloon.

“Doesn’t look good,” Spike continued, trying to bring the balloon in lower. Cordelia clutched her egg as tightly as she dared without running the risk of breaking it and tried to see what was going on. She saw vampires join the demons, followed by the flash and sound of gunfire.

“Duck!” Giles yelled unnecessarily as the three dove down into the basket. Cordelia screamed.

“Bloody Hell! That’s just not sporting!” Spike yelled. Both he and Giles exchanged glances. If the vampires were using guns, then Xander and Buffy would likely get shot if they tried to stop them. The balloon lurched, and they could tell that some of the bullets had found their mark.

“We‘re in trouble,” Spike said. “We’ve got to get out of here.”

“We have to stop them!” Giles responded.

“We’re going to crash,” Spike countered. “Crash and be very dead, which for those here who are not already dead, might be a bit of an inconvenience.” Before Giles could retort, Cordelia stood up with a strangled war cry.

“Take this, you yuck-dogs!” She threw the egg she had been cradling in her hand as hard as she could. The balloon was now descending rapidly directly over the demons. As her egg found its mark, the Yaidod began screaming. Giles and Spike joined her in hurling eggs, and in short order it was over. All was silent other than the hiss of air escaping the balloon. The basket collided with the ground hard and tipped over. The three passengers tumbled out onto the grass and lay still.

As they sat up, moaning in pain, they could see two figures running towards them. Giles was relieve to see that it was Buffy and Xander. The Slayer naturally reached them first.

“Giles! Giles! Cordy?” Buffy’s eyes widened, but she quickly recovered. “Are you guys okay?”

“Buff, I thought you said...Cordy?” Xander echoed. His mouth hung open in shock.

“Can I just say, ow! My body’s going to be one big bruise tomorrow, and bruise is so not my color!” Cordy responded painfully.

“Yes, I am just fine, thank you for your heartfelt concern,” Spike chimed in bitterly.

“I believe that all things considered, we’re fairly well off. When we heard the gunfire we were quite concerned,” Giles said, taking Buffy’s outstretched hand to help pull himself to his feet. He moved tentatively and winced. Xander grinned

“Well, the good thing was that none of the vamps the Yayas-”

“Yaidod,” Giles corrected automatically.

“-hired were exactly Mensa candidates,” Xander finished. Buffy nodded.

“They were totally focused on bringing you guys down. Never occurred to them that bullets might actually harm the Slayer.”

“So, all’s well that end’s well, then,” Giles finished, leaning on Buffy as he walked away.

“This is a good ending for you people? I can’t wait to get back to Los Angeles,” Cordelia huffed, limping along beside Buffy. Xander trailed closely behind, trying to pretend he wasn’t checking her out, just as she tried to pretend she didn’t know he was. Spike remained behind a moment longer, staring dejectedly at the ruined balloon.

“Damn. It was fun while it lasted. Hey, wait for me, people! You owe me a new balloon!”

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