Title: You Are Here
Author: Jeanny
Feedback: Please. jeannygrrl@hotmail.com
Distribution: I don't mind, just credit me and let me know where it's going.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Season 6 Through As You Were
Disclaimer: I own no one and nothing, especially the characters in this story. I'm merely borrowing them for the pure pleasure of messing with their lives.
Summary: After the end of As You Were, Spike takes stock and...deals.
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Now what?
Serious as a heart attack, she was. Didn't want to see it at first, but I could feel it. It felt cold. Hard, nasty, icy cold. Like I imagine a stake to the heart feels like for that one second before it's over. 'Cept it's been more than a second and this feeling doesn't seem to be going anywhere...
Now what?
How long? Been about ten minutes. At first I couldn't think, couldn't even see. Fumbling around in the dark. Proverbial dark, of course. Used to the other kind. Then, all of a sudden I could think again, but all I could think was: Now what?
I really, really need to kill something. No chance of that, though, is there? Another thing I can thank Soldier Boy for. Oh, he might be gone, but he certainly left his mark, making sure that she knew how wrong she's been, giving her a right spanking. Oh, she liked that, didn't she, and then...oh, sod them both!
That's better. Not like I could really do much more damage than there was already, but nice to break a few things. But still...
Now what?
I know what I need. I need a plan, preferably an evil one. The last one didn't work out, true, but I wasn't exactly on my game now, was I? Trying to raise money for her, not that she'd care...I'm not thinking about that anymore, that's it, I'm done. I need to come up with something new. Something to keep my mind off of...what I won't be doing anymore. Won't be feeling anymore...
Anything will do.
...
Dammit, all I can think about is her! She can't just leave me like this, I won't let her go. I can't let her go!
That's right, William. Pretend you have a soddin choice. And by the way, love that evil plan! Great, being sarcastic with myself, in my head, that's just bloody wonderful. She'll see, I'll have a plan...
...
...
I really, really need to kill something.
Never been much about planning for the future. Not since my future got to be too bloody long to plan, I reckon. And hanging out with her, never seemed to be much point in it. Always knew it would end in a rush, just thought she'd have the decency to dust me, is all.
Alright, that's enough of this. Not gonna sit around here feeling all sorry for myself. That's not the stuff I'm made of, not anymore. In fact, I'm not gonna sit around this dump at all. That's the first order of business, all right. Find some new digs. Something...a bit less blown up. Something without so many memories...
Vampires have memories that are just too bloody long, that's the trouble. I'm sure I'll forget eventually, the way she smelled, the way she...moved. The way she made me feel, when she wasn't even trying...
I wished she would try, but I knew she didn't love me. I told myself it didn't matter. That's what makes me such a sorry fool...
But it's not like she's the only bint out there. Lots of girls for a man like me...stupid to limit myself like that. I don't need the Slayer. She was only keeping me...
Making me...
Making me love her...
Why do I have to love her? Why does it have to hurt so bloody much?
Maybe I can kill something small...
Bloody hell, who am I kidding?
...
Now what?
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