Part XIV

Both Buffy and Angel had never felt so awkward in their entire lives. Buffy in her bath towel and Angel trying everything to conceal his true feelings for the woman he loved were almost unbearable as Xander stood in the middle of the room just staring at them.

“So, umm, Angel. What are we going to do about my dress that was, umm, torn by the bush?” Buffy attempted to break the awkward silence by making conversation but that didn’t relieve the uncomfortable air that stirred around her.

“Well, the, umm, bush probably ruined it, so we will probably have to get you a new one,” Angel studdered as he kept his eyes off of the blonde woman in his living room. He knew that he couldn’t look at her without wanting to run and take her into his arms. Her presence around him was just too much, her aroma wafted towards his nostrils where he breathed her in deeply, just like he had last night. Her scent was intoxicating and Angel craved for more, but he didn’t want to give in how wrong he was before so he stood there firmly planted on his feet. “Umm, Xander could you run to Oz’s house and get a dress for Buffy or maybe she could borrow one of Cordy’s dresses.”

“Sure,” Xander responded as he turned to walk out the door. The tension in the room was almost more than he could bare and he knew that he had to get out of there.

Buffy and Angel were left alone in the room together and both refused to make eye contact with each other. The just looked at the floor and stood in silence.

Finally breaking the silence, Buffy said sweetly, “You know, we can’t keep on acting like this in front of your friends, they will figure out what happened to us last night.”

Angel smiled and raised his eyes to meet her beautiful form. He was captivated by the glow that her silky skin seemed to radiate. The little droplets of water that still clung to her skin reflected the light that shone into the room and twinkled on the walls were the rays bounced off. She completely captivated him and he could barely force breath to come in and out of his lungs. “We’ll think of something,” he said just above a breathy whisper.

Buffy nodded her head and turned around to go back into the room that she and Angel shared last night. Walking back in and closing the door behind her, she went over to the bed and gently sat down on the still warm sheets. She gingerly ran her fingertips across the cotton sheets and picked up one of the pillows that were at the head. Lifting the pillow up to her face, she breathed in deeply. ‘Angel’s pillow,’ she thought to herself as his smell brought her back to the events of the previous evening. Buffy took the pillow from her face and hugged it close to her chest, wishing that it was Angel that she held in her arms, not just something that he touched. She felt tears begin to form again in her eyes even though she thought that she had cried her last drop while in the shower.

‘Thank God the shower was loud,’ she thought. ‘If he would have heard me crying, I don’t know what I would do.” With the pillow still placed firmly on her chest, she rested her face back into its soft folds and began to cry again.

Buffy cried for several minutes before she was quickly jerked out of the pillow by the sound of someone walking through the door.

“You must be Buffy,” the red haired woman walked up to her with a beautiful deep purple gown in her hands.

“That’d be me,” Buffy whispered. “Are you Cordelia?”

“Are you two talking about me already,” a loud voice came into the room. “I don’t even know you all that well and Willow is already brewing the gossip.”

“That’s Cordelia,” the red haired woman turned to glare at the young burnette that just graced them with her presence. “I’m Willow,” she said while pointing at her chest.

“Nice to meet both of you,” Buffy couldn’t suppress a smile that was forming on her face at these two completely opposite people standing in the room with her. Looking down at the dress that Willow hung in her hands, Buffy whispered, “Did Xander come and ask you if I could borrow that?”

“Yes,” Willow said and extended it to her but was quickly cut off by Cordy intercepting it.

“You know, Will. That dress doesn’t match her color at all. She needs more pastels,” Cordy critiqued as she extended a soft yellow dress in Buffy’s direction.

“Who asked you?” Willow said with a smile on her face.

“No one. I just enjoy handing out fashion advice. It is my calling in life,” Cordy responded matter-of-factly. “Besides, with her light hair, I think lighter colors just matches better. I was thinking about going blonde once, but then I thought how horrible I would look so I decided not to attempt anything.”

“I think I like you better with dark hair,” Buffy stated as she moved a little over on the bed to allow Cordy to sit next to her.

“I’m with Buffy on that one,” Willow agreed. “Do you need any help with that?” she asked Buffy while pointing towards the dress.

“No, but thanks anyway,” Buffy stood up with the dress clutched in her hand and she made her way to the closet where she could dress with some privacy. Buffy heard silence spread across the room as she made her way out of sight.

“You know, I think it is horrible what the guys did to you,” Cordy said loudly enough for Buffy to hear. “Last night I smacked Doyle on the back of the head for his stupidity.”

“Are you scared?” Willow asked with concern.

Buffy’s voice came through the door of the closet, “Actually, no. I am kind of relieved to get out of my house for a while.”

“WHAT?!” the two girls said at once.

“Yeah, I know it doesn’t make much sense at the moment, but it is the truth. Arranged marriage is just one thing that I don’t want to deal with ever,” Buffy’s voice suddenly turned bitter.

“Let me guess, complete nincompoop,” Cordy wondered.

“Captain Cardboard, let’s just say.”

“Oh, that’ not good,” Willow said as Buffy came out of the closet wearing Cordy’s dress. Being shocked by her appearance, Willow conceded, “I have to admit, Cordy. I think you were right about the color.”

“Was there any doubt?” Cordy smirked proudly. “I know that Angel will like that dress on you.”

“No, no he won’t,” Buffy, responded quickly as she attempted to cover up the blushing on her cheeks at hearing his voice.

“Oh, come on, Buffy. You are going to knock his socks off with that outfit, maybe even more than that,” Cordy huffed.

“Ah, no socks or clothing will be lost, let me guarantee that,” Buffy shot out as her cheeks turned bright crimson.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Willow asked after noticing Buffy slight change of color.

“Oh yeah, I fine. No problems here,” Buffy answered rapidly not looking either of them in the eye. She just kept her eyes on the bed that she shared with Angel.

“You like him, don’t you?” Cordy said as a smile crept across her face. “There has to be something going on between you two for you to be acting so nervous.”

“No, nothing is going on,” Buffy tried to calm her nerves but her efforts were fruitless.

“Was it your first time?” Cordy asked bluntly knowing something must have happened last night between them.

“Excuse me?” Buffy turned to the dark hair woman that still sat on the bed but her posture was straight.

“Was it your first time making love?” Cordy pushed Buffy for an answer.

“What makes you think that?” Buffy asked innocently.

“You can’t fool me, I have seen this too many times before. I know how to read people, well, sometimes when I am not looking at their clothes and I can tell that you two did something last night.”

“Is it that obvious?” Buffy muttered under her breath.

“I KNEW IT!!!” Cordy yelled. “I am so good it is almost scary.”

“You do scare me, Cordy,” Willow rolled her eyes at her friend.

“Willow, I knew when you and Oz made love before you to got married, didn’t I?” Cordy said with a cocked eyebrow.

“That was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life, especially when you had to bring that out in front of my parents,” Willow admitted. “I wanted to kill you.”

“So, Buffy, tell me something. Was it good?” Cordy asked excitedly.

“That’s a little rude,” Willow scolded.

“Be quiet, I am curious. Us girls have to must talk about this sort of stuff, I think that is a rule or something.”

“You read that in a handbook?” Willow asked.

“Probably,” she shrugged. “So tell me honestly, how was it?”

“Unbelievable, from what I remember. I wasn’t exactly sober last night,” Buffy admitted with a smile on her face. “But it was a mistake.”

“A mistake! What are you talking about?” Cordy said with confusion in her voice.

“It can never happen again,” Buffy said bluntly as tears brimmed her eyes.

“Why? I can tell you like him, what’s the problem?” Cordy continued.

“I was just about to tell Angel how I felt and he interrupted me and told me that this was a mistake,” Buffy started to cry.

“Oh. My. God! Men, I just don’t understand them sometimes,” Willow said in shock over what Buffy was saying to them.

Buffy flopped backwards on the bed and turned to have her sobbing face pressed into the bed sheets.

“Don’t worry, Buffy. Everything will turn out alright,” Willow said as she scooted backwards and stroked the blonde’s shoulder.

“Until then, I get dibs on whacking him over the head with something large and heavy,” Cordy said with an evil smirk across her face.

Part XV

“You are going to have to face him sometime,” Cordy said through the many tears that Buffy was shedding while her face was implanted in the comforter on the bed. “He was the dumbass, and we will make him see that.”

Buffy ceased her sobs for a couple of seconds to rise from her position and look straight at the brunette to nod in her direction. Willow reached up to Buffy’s face and tenderly wiped away the tear streaks that stained her face.

“And, besides, you don’t want to face him with teary face, not very appealing,” Cordy said bluntly and chuckled a little. “Red eyes don’t go with your complexion.”

Both Buffy and Willow laughed right along with her statement. “Thanks you for listening to me. I really needed someone to talk to about this,” Buffy said with relief in her voice.

“Oh, don’t thank us yet, we have some things to do before you will be fully satisfied,” Cordy winked at Willow who had a thoughtful gleam in her eye.

“So, you ready to face the beast?” Willow asked.

“Ready as I will ever be,” Buffy responded as the three girls lifted themselves off the bed to start to walk out the door to meet the rest of the gang.

The three girls opened up the door to find Xander, Oz, Angel, Gunn, and Doyle all standing around Angel’s living room in deep conversation about the paper that they shared amongst themselves.

“Xander, where’s Anya?” Willow quickly asked wondering where her best friend’s wife was.

Lifting his eyes off of the paper for only a moment to look at the red head, he answered nonchalantly, “Working. Why that girl works as much as she does absolutely blows my mind.”

“So, when are you going to learn from your wife and start working instead of hanging around with these same people all the time,” Cordy raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, I work,” Xander lifted the paper and pointed it at his ex-girlfriend. “We all work hard on this project.”

“What’s in the paper?” Buffy asked innocently.

“Nothing much,” Angel said with fear in his eyes that Buffy could read like a book.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked more sternly.

“The English are stabilizing troops around Dublin to rake through the town to find a missing person,” Doyle answered for his friend who couldn’t seem to find words at the moment as he stared at the beautiful woman in the pale yellow dress that clung to all the right curves.

“Ah, let me guess, they are looking for me,” Buffy returned with sarcasm.

“Well, that should teach you boys that it is bad to kidnap people,” Willow shook a finger at the group of males still huddled in a circle. “Shame on you.”

“So, Angel-man what are we going to do?” Gunn asked ignoring the red head’s scolding.

“We should probably keep a low profile for the next week or so, then we will see what is going to happen,” Angel commanded as his eyes traveled off of the beautiful blonde back to the paper in front of him. He was concentrating so hard on his thoughts and the fact that these people wanted to take her away from him, he didn’t notice the Cordelia and Willow walk closer to the group while Buffy kept a sure distance from Angel.

As soon as Cordy was behind Angel, she immediately moved her hand up and promptly smacked Angel on the back of the head.

“What was that for??!” Angel asked with confusing as he reached up and massaged his head where her palm made painful contact with his scalp.

“What was what for?” Cordy asked innocently as the other girls in the room could hardly control the laughter that rose in their throats. “Willow did you see anything?”

Shaking her head in disagreement, she answered, “No, what happened Angel?”

A low growl came out of his mouth as he turned away from the girls back to the situation at hand. Letting his anger soften a little before speaking again, Angel commanded, “Ok, here’s the plan. Everyone stay out of public as much as possible unless it is necessary for you to leave.”

Cordelia huffed at Angel’s command but before she could argue Doyle turned towards her and took her hand in his and he began to slowly massage the back of her hand with the soft pad of his thumb. “Sorry, ‘Delia. I think this is for the best even though I know you will get serious cabin fever by staying out of the public.”

Consenting to him, Cordy nodded in agreement and remained silent (probably the first time in her entire life).

“What’s going to happen when the troops come through town?” Oz asked to the group.

“I wouldn’t be surprised for even more bloodshed than before,” Xander confirmed. “We are talking about full fledged war. So that’s why we have to stay low and hopefully, they will just go away.”

“Ah, the traditional Xander method of fighting. He laughs in the face of danger then hides and hopes it goes away,” Cordy joked and the entire room began to fill with laughter, all except for Buffy.

“I am thinking I am out of the loop here,” Buffy shrugged. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“You will figure out soon learn little things about us when you are around us for too long period of time,” Willow laughed. “Not bad things, just interesting.”

“Will I be able to use some of these things for blackmail later?” Buffy asked.

“Maybe, probably the best one you could use would be the Angel getting a tattoo on his back story. That one was a classic, you should see it sometime…” Doyle started saying but was abruptly stopped by Angel.

“Doyle, don’t you even dare tell her about that,” Angel grew a little red in the face because of the embarrassment that he felt.

“Don’t worry, already saw it on his back last night,” Buffy said before she considered what she was saying. Realizing what she just said, she blushed slightly as she saw Angel’s eyes open widely to look back at her in fear.

“And how did you know about the tattoo?” Xander asked with interest.

“The bush,” she answered quickly recovering for her mistake. “His shirt got torn and I saw his back.”

Willow and Cordy just stood back from this situation and felt a laugh coming on again. They knew that Buffy was trying to hide what happened last night and not doing a very good job of it at the moment. Noticing the blonde’s distress as all eyes were on her, Cordy quickly changed the subject, “So when should this plan begin?”

“Sooner is better than later,” Gunn answered.

Everyone except for Buffy and Angel started filing out of his house as they began the plan of living discretely for the next week or so. Once alone, a sense of awkwardness filled the room as the two just stared at each other.

“Nice recovery on that one,” Angel finally said breaking the silence.

“Thanks,” Buffy shrugged. “So what are we going to be doing this week?”

“I don’t know, but I think we can figure out something,” Angel said trying not to imply the idea of wasting away the time being entwined in each other’s arms all week. That’s what he wanted, but you can’t always take what you want because things can turn awful if you would act upon want.

“Oh goody,” Buffy sighed then muttered under her breath, “This is going to be a very, very long week.”

~ ~ ~

The entire week went as soon as can be expected due to the awkwardness that each felt when around the other. The electricity and tension in the room was close to palpable and they could barely suppress their wants for each other.

Every morning Angel would wake up from the couch that he would sleep upon and walk over to the room where Buffy slept. Silently opening up the door to watch her beautiful form lay in a peaceful rest, he marveled at her exquisite body. His body screamed at him wanting him to lie down next to her and hold her small body inside his strong arms.

Angel remembered their glorious night together and couldn’t help to feel like he wanted a repeat performance between them. That one night opened up his eyes and he knew that he really loved her. Love her completely heart, body, and soul; and nothing could stop him from loving her but he couldn’t tell her that.

Walking away from the door and shutting it, Angel turned to go back to his cold couch. He walked a few steps out of the doorway before he heard her feet move quickly across the room. Entering the room once again, he couldn’t find her anywhere so he decided to go towards the bathroom door and softly rapt on it.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Angel whispered with concern through the door. He didn’t hear a response from her so he decided to turn the knob on the door and check if she was ok.

Angel was shocked to find her sitting beside the toilet with the pale trail of vomit on her small chin. She quickly reached up to wipe away the remnants of her being sick and turned away from Angel’s concerned form standing over her.

“What happened?” Angel asked as he crouched down to be closer to her.

“Must have eaten something bad last night,” Buffy said as she felt nausea overcome her again.

Angel reached over, placed a comforting hand on the swell of her back and slowly began to massage it.

Moving quickly away from his hand, she whispered, “Don’t touch me.”

Part XVI

“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Angel asked again as he tried with everything in his power not to reach out and touch the woman he loves. He couldn’t stand being there in that room with her and not touch her beautiful form or look longingly into her expressive eyes.

“Nothing is wrong,” Buffy whispered harshly as her face was still held over the bowl, just in preparation for another attack on her stomach. ‘Please go away, Angel,’ she thought to herself. ‘I don’t want you to see me like this.’ “No, something is wrong,” Angel said more sternly. “If nothing is wrong you will look me straight in the eye and tell me so.”

Buffy lifted her head slightly to turn her bloodshot eyes in his direction. “Nothing is wrong,” she answered icily.

“Well, is there anything you need me to do,” he asked with concern laced in his voice.

“No, I can handle myself. Just leave,” she commanded turning her attention away from Angel’s burning eyes.

Angel’s heart shattered at the cold words that just came from her beautiful mouth. He knew that she was upset with him and he felt that there was nothing for him to do besides do as she pleases. Standing up from his crouched position next to her, Angel stood up and turned to walk away from the frail woman that still lay there on his bathroom floor.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he muttered softly under his breath not allowing her to hear his voice and he walked out of the bathroom to his designated couch.

Lying there down on the couch, his thoughts were filled with concern for Buffy who was obviously ill and yet he didn’t know what to do. She wouldn’t let him do anything to help her and he felt so lost. ‘Why won’t you let me help you?’ he thought to himself as he stared up at the ceiling.

Angel could almost feel the pain that she was feeling and at first he was sad over her response to him, but then he just got angry. He abruptly sat up from where he lay and stared down the door that he had shut behind him. Determined, he stomped towards the door and firmly yelled, “Buffy, we need to talk…” But his harsh words were stopped suddenly when he saw Buffy lying on the cold tile floor, as pale as a ghost and curled up in a small ball next to the bathroom tub.

“Oh My God,” he whispered in shock at the appearance of his love lying there on the floor. “Buffy, what is going on?” Towering over her with slightly slumped shoulders, Angel tried to pour as much compassion in his voice and the look in his eyes as he could muster.

“I told you, that you should just leave,” she breathed as tears began to run down her cheeks.

“No, I won’t accept that,” Angel said as he leaned over and took the petite blonde in his strong arms and cradled her to his chest. “There is something wrong here.”

Her mind was screaming at his touch because even though she was supposed to be angry with him for what he did to her, a feeling of such love and security ran through her and she felt like she was being betrayed. Buffy wriggled slightly trying to release herself from his grip but he only held onto her tighter as she moved. Knowing that further struggling against him would be fruitless, Buffy let her heart take control and allow Angel to lift up her body and carry her back to bed.

She snuggled further into his chest as he brought her back to the bed where she slept. Involuntarily, Buffy wrapped her arms tight around Angel’s body and held him close. Having him hold her like this, she felt at home and the only time that she had felt this way was when she was with him a week ago. She was so moved by his gentleness that tears began to yet again roll down her cheeks.

Angel softly placed her back on the bed and moved the covers out of the way to tuck her tightly inside their warm folds, leaving a little space for him to climb into the bed with her. He quickly moved underneath the covers next to her and wrapped both their bodies inside the comforter.

Buffy was surprised suddenly when he lay on the bed behind her and tenderly enveloped her trembling body in his strong arms. Her breath caught in her throat as she moved her body slightly to burrow deeper into his warm chest. Her tense body slowly began to relax as she started to feel sleep overcome her small form inside his loving embrace. A small smile crept across her face as she drifted into unconsciousness and before she finally shut her eyes she whispered softly, “I love you.”

For a long time, Angel just laid there behind her with his arms encircling her waist. He heard her fall back asleep and he felt himself doing the same but he knew that he had to get a doctor to check her over to make sure she was all right. After a few moments when he knew that she fell asleep, he unwillingly untangled himself from her and rose to go get help.

Angel knew that he had to get a doctor to help her out but first he decided to get Cordelia and Willow, maybe they could help her out.

~ ~ ~

Walking quickly over to Doyle’s house, Angel urgently pounded on his front door hoping that someone would quickly answer the door. He had to forcefully place his hands in his pockets after knocking at least 20 times because he wanted to rapt on the door some more, but decided that he should work on his patience at the moment.

His thoughts were constantly on Buffy and the sound of the unlatching of the door lock brought him out of his reverie.

“Angel, what are you doing here?” Doyle groggily asked with his hair in disarray for just waking up. “It is too early to be doing this.”

“Is Cordy here?” Angel asked urgently.

Doyle suddenly perked up as soon as he caught the sound of stress in his friend’s normally calm voice. “Angel, what’s wrong?”

Pushing past him, Angel stormed into his house. “Something is wrong with Buffy and I thought maybe Cordy could help her.”

Staring at his friend incredulously, “Angel did you have too many drinks last night or something?”

“Doyle, I am serious. Something is wrong.”

“Ok, I will get her but I am warning you if you wake her up from her daily beauty rest too early, you will be forced to meet the wrath of my wife,” Doyle shrugged as he traveled back into their bedroom.

Angel stood in his hallway, looking down at the floor and playing nervously with his hands in front of his body. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to think of different things that could be happening to her. The thought of her being ill frightened him. Medicine was not very developed and the idea of losing her was too much for him. Knowing that these thoughts jumped the gun, he couldn’t help to be worried that she could die from this and he would never be able to tell her that he loved her with everything that he was made of.

“Ok, Brood-boy, why on God’s green earth would you come over to my house at the ass crack of dawn and make my husband drag my ass out of bed, it had better be a really dire reason,” Cordelia said as anger flooded her voice.

Snapping from his thoughts, he turned towards her and said, “Buffy’s sick, could you stay with her while I get Willow and a doctor.”

Cordelia’s anger was suddenly ceased as she heard the pain that was in his voice. Feeling a joke coming on, she sighed and nodded, “If she isn’t dying, I am going to kill you.”

“Thanks, Cordy. I will owe you one.”

“Why don’t you go to the doctor’s now and I will get Willow. We will meet you at your house, that sound ok?” Cordelia asked as she moved towards her bedroom to get on appropriate attire.

“Fine. See you there,” Angel said as he almost sprinted out their front door to go and get a doctor.

“What do you think is wrong with her?” Doyle asked as he placed a strong hand on her shoulder.

Shaking her head at her husband, she said, “I don’t know, but I think I may have an idea.”

~ ~ ~

Buffy woke up from her slumber only to find that Angel had left her side. All the warmth that she had collect while she slept seemed to drain completely out of her. She felt tears come towards her eyes again but then was suddenly stopped as Cordelia and Willow came bursting into her room with an older man in a tweed suit right behind them.

“Buffy, how are you feeling?” Willow asked as she sat next to her on the bed and placed her hand in hers.

“What is going on?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“I called the doctor here to check if you are sick,” Angel said as he pushed past the two females and the doctor in the room to stand next to where she lay.

“Angel, I am going to have to check her, so you are going to have to leave the room,” the doctor ordered as Angel’s head bowed slightly and he shuffled out of the room.

“Buffy,” the doctor said as he moved towards her with his bag in hand. “I am Dr. Wyndam-Price, but you can call me Wesley.”

“Hello Dr.” Cordelia quickly answered for her since the girls did not have to leave the room while he examined her.

“So what happened this morning?”

~ ~ ~

As soon as the door was shut behind him, Angel couldn’t stop walking so he paced the floor over and over again. He must have walked around his living room at least twenty times before Doyle and Oz came through his front door to stop his movements.

“Hey man, you are going to burrow a hole in the carpet if you continue on with that pattern,” Oz stoically admitted.

Even though he heard what Oz had said, Angel just couldn’t hold still; he just continued on walking faster than he had previously.

“Don’t worry, she will be ok,” Doyle assured as he placed a hand on his friend’s should to stop his marching.

~ ~ ~

“So Dr., what’s wrong?” Buffy asked as she sat up from the bed and looked straight at him.

“Nothing that nine months won’t cure,” Wesley said as he packed up his tools in his bag to leave.

“Nine months?” Willow asked in confusion.

“She’s pregnant,” Cordelia snapped back at the red head.

“Isn’t it a little early to tell these things?” Buffy asked with shock in her eyes.

“I have seen enough pregnant women in my career that I know what I am talking about,” he admitted. “So who’s the lucky dad?”

Angel popped up in her mind and suddenly her hands shot up to conceal the look of fear on her face. “Oh God.” Buffy kept her hands to her face while Cordelia and Willow escorted him out of the room.

“Wow, Buffy,” Willow shook her head in disbelief. “What are you going to tell Angel, I am assuming that Angel is the father?”

Through her hands she cried, “Yes, he is.” Buffy’s entire world seemed to be turning upside-down and nothing would stop its movements. So shocked by the news, she didn’t know how to feel about this. ‘Should I feel happy that I am having Angel’s child or sad that this baby will be a constant reminder of what I can’t have?’ she thought as he hands still concealed her face. “What am I going to do?” Buffy asked her friends that had moved to sit on the bed next to her.

“Well, I can tell you one thing, the back of Angel’s head is going to have another meeting with the palm of my hand,” Cordelia chuckled lightly breaking the heavy tension that shrouded the room.

“I mean what am I going to do about telling Angel?” Buffy said finally releasing her hands from her face.

Willow just shook her head in uncertainty. “I have no idea,” she admitted.

“Nothing. Don’t tell him anything yet. When the time is right, that’s when we will drop this little tidbit of fun facts on him and let’s see how he acts,” Cordelia said confidently.

“But when do I tell him?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide with expression.

“Don’t worry about that, I have a plan on how to tell him,” Cordelia disclosed with a small smirk on her face.

Part XVII

No matter how hard he tried, Angel just couldn’t stop and hold still. He felt so uncomfortable in his own skin because he felt that there was nothing that he could do for the woman he loved with everything that was inside of him. When she was ill, he felt the same.

Everything seemed to be going wrong for him. He was forced to kidnap the one woman in his life that meant anything to him, had one absolutely incredible night with her, now she hates him for it, and he found her this morning curled up on the bathroom floor being sick. And now, above everything else, the English army is mobilizing around Dublin to sweep the city to find her and take her away from him.

“Angel man, you are making me queasy,” Xander said while he sat there on the couch with Gunn, Doyle and Oz watching Angel pace the floor.

Stopping in his pattern to turn towards them, Angel apologized. “I am sorry, you guys.”

“Maybe we should think of something to get your mind off of this for a while?” Doyle suggested.

“Sure, what?” Oz answered.

“Well, do you know that the troops were called up this week and in a couple of days, they will begin to scour the city?” Doyle informed his friends.

“Already?!” Gunn shouted. “Angel man, what the hell are we going to do when they come for us?”

Sighing in defeat, Angel slowly shook his head at his friends. “I have no idea.”

“Well, we have to do something. We can’t just sit here and just wait for them to come for us,” Xander tried to rally his friends together. A thought suddenly hit him and he burst, “Maybe, we can…”

But Xander was suddenly stopped when the doctor stepped out of the room and Angel quickly attacked him for information.

“Wesley, how is she?? What is wrong?? What can I do??” Angel rapidly asked not taking a breath between phrases.

‘Obviously the father,’ Wesley thought to himself and a small smile spread across his face. “Angel, one question at a time, please,” he said calmly.

Doyle suddenly rose from his seat and stood next to his friend and placed a soothing hand on his shoulder. “What happened to her?” he asked for his friend whose face was turning bright red from anger.

“I think you should probably ask her,” Wesley suggested and winked at Angel whose anger was increasing because he wouldn’t tell him that the young blonde in the opposite room was carrying his child.

Before any more questions could be asked, Wesley walked past the five men in the room and exited Angel’s house.

“Well, that was informative,” Xander responded bluntly.

“You’re telling me,” Gunn started to laugh. “I remember when I was a little kid and my mom got sick one day, my father sent for the doctor. After examining her, the same kind of response was given to my father. I have never seen him so tense before in his life. His face was completely classic, I will always remember that one.”

“Did he ever figure out what was wrong?” Doyle asked wanting to learn more about what was making his friend laugh so.

Still laughing, Gunn answered, “Yeah, we did.”

“Wanting more of a back story here, what was it?” Xander pried.

“My sister.”

“Your sister??” Doyle asked in confusion. “What in the world would your sister have to do with your mother being ill?”

“Let’s just say in nine months from that doctor’s visit, I met my sister for the first time,” Gunn smiled as he grew nostalgic over one of his most prized memories while he lived in the United States.

“She was pregnant?” Xander asked still in confusion.

“No idiot. My sister just randomly popped out from thin air at some coincidental time,” Gunn laughed. “Of course she was pregnant.”

While his friends laughed, Angel became deathly quiet and horribly pale. So many things were running through his mind and this revelation. ‘Could she? Could she be pregnant?’

“Angel man, are you ok?” Gunn asked still laughing, noticing the sickly look that was on his friend’s face.

“Yeah, just fine,” he responded and donned a fake smile so that he could get his friends off his case a little while longer so he could be alone with his thoughts. “That had to be pretty interesting for your father.”

“God, it was so funny. There was a huge line down the center of his forehead and he was constantly pacing the floor. My mom teased him for the longest time when my sister and I would roll a ball on the floor where he was and the ball would be suddenly stopped in the unseen ditch in the middle of the floor. She said that he scuffed a trench in the floor that is just like a stain, you try and try again but nothing is going to get that thing out,” Gunn yet again grew sentimental over his childhood memories.

“Uh oh, Angel. What did your little trip into the bushes do to her?” Xander chuckled.

Angel suddenly perked his head up as soon as he heard Xander’s question. “Wh-what are you talking about?” Angel stumbled remembering the lie that he and Buffy had told him when he came into his home after their night together.

“Bushes??” Doyle, Gunn and Oz all turned their attention back to Angel and asked at the same time.

“On our way home from the pub that night when I punched Xander, we were stumbling trying to get back here when we fell over and my dress got torn on a bush and Angel’s back got all scratched up,” Buffy’s voice through the door took the pressure on Angel for an explanation of what happened that night.

Angel’s eyes lit up when he saw Buffy walk through the door with Cordelia and Willow behind her. He wanted to run to her and wrap her small body in his arms, but his head telling him that he shouldn’t do that, kept his feet firmly planted to the floor. “Buffy, are you all right?” he asked with sincerity in his voice.

“I think the doctor said it must have been something she ate last night,” Cordelia responded as she walked past Angel to stand next to her husband. “No worries, she is fine.”

Angel kept his eyes on Buffy’s hazel eyes as he heard Cordelia’s voice tell the group what was wrong. At the very same time, they both felt completely drawn to each other. Buffy wanted to feel his arms around her in comfort and Angel just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t mad at him. He pushed the thought of her being pregnant from his mind as he took one step closer to her.

“Earth to Angel! Come in Angel!” Doyle shouted bringing his friend out of the thrall that the blonde had on him. “We still need to work out what to do about the troops coming for us.”

Forced to blink his eyes a few times to break their connection with hers, Angel turned to address the rest of the group while he moved to stand behind Buffy with Willow next to him. “Any ideas?” he asked as he moved closer to Buffy from behind her. He could feel the warmth from her body radiate to him with every inch closer to her he was.

“I am sure we can figure something out,” Xander shrugged.

“Here let me help,” Willow said as she reached up and smacked Angel on the back of the head. “Does that help?”

Reaching a hand up and rubbing the back of his head where her hand made a connection with it, Angel sneered, “What was THAT for??”

“Good idea, Will. Maybe that will pry some ideas his mind,” Cordy said laughing at Angel’s scowling face. “We should try it aga…”

Cordelia was suddenly interrupted when Doyle jumped next to her. “We should take her to headquarters. They will tell us what to do or will keep her there for security reasons.”

All eyes perked up and looked straight at him. “That’s probably our best option,” Oz admitted stoically.

“Anyone else up for a trip??” Xander asked as he raised his hand to the sky.

Everyone just stared at the Xander, as he looked odd with his hand raised in the air, but then nodded.

“Well, this is going to be fun,” Gunn muttered under his breath.

Part XVIII

“Come on, boys. I know that you can drink just one more cup of hot chocolate,” Joyce begged Spike and Riley, who were starting to turn purple after drinking too many cups.

“Uh, no thank you, Miss Summers. I think I have had my fill of today.” ‘And of the week, month, year, and millennia,’ Riley thought to himself.

“I’ll have another…” Spike admitted as Joyce stood up to get the boiling water off the stove to make Spike another hot chocolate. “Extra marshmallows this time!”

“How can you stand drinking this anymore?” Riley forced conversation while Joyce was away.

“Talent, I guess,” Spike smugly responded.

“We have been forced to drink these ever since Buffy was kidnapped… FOR THE PAST WEEK AND A HALF!!!!” his voice raised. “I don’t know if I could handle this waiting anymore, or drinking for that matter.”

“God damn, you are annoying. Quit your blooding whining! I am surprised I haven’t killed myself yet with you here. I am speaking the bloody truth that it would probably feel better to have a railroad spike implanted in my skull to listen to your hee-haw voice for one more bleedin’ second!!” Spike yelled.

“Hey you boys aren’t about to get in another fight are you,” Joyce chastised as she placed one more cup in front of Spike.

“No ma’am,” they answered in unison.

“Would any of you like something to eat?” Joyce offered when the room was filled with silence. “I know Spike, you could use a good fattening meal.”

Glaring back at the older woman in the room, Spike muttered, “No thank you.”

“When are the troops going to be here?” Joyce directed at Riley before he could say anything about the food question.

Dropping his head down and letting out a big sigh, he just shook his head. “The troops won’t be here for another month or so.”

“WHAT?! WHY?!” Joyce yelled with fear in her voice. “I need my baby!”

“I know exactly how you feel,” Riley empathized. “From what I have heard, the tides have changed in the Great War over in the mainland, and the troops are being stationed there shortly to begin to build trenches across Europe. I am actually waiting for my orders of what to do.”

“And you will just leave Buffy alone here and not try to help her get out,” Joyce sadly replied as she felt tears brimming her eyes.

“Just for the record, I would never leave your daughter alone,” Spike consoled Joyce and glared back at Riley.

“That is because you are a low life nothing who has got nothing better to do than to stalk my fiancé,” Riley began to raise his voice. “You are so beneath her, can’t you see that.”

Anger began to seep into Spike’s veins and he clenched his fists in preparation of punching out the other man in the room. “Well, if I were her fiancé I would tell that bloody army to go screw themselves and stay here to find Buffy,” he yelled and stood up to look Riley straight in the eye.

“Boys, boys, calm down,” Joyce stepped between the testosterone poisoned men to break up their almost fight. “I know you all are just worried about Buffy but if we just work together, she will be found and brought back to us.”

“The sooner, the better,” Riley sighed as he retreated back to his seat. “That way we will get married and you will be out of our lives forever. And boy oh boy, I will be counting down the days till that happens.”

“I don’t believe that you will ever get entirely rid of me. Joyce, here, likes me too much to get rid of me and when you see Joyce, you will see Buffy,” Spike admitted to him. “And another thing, nothing lasts forever.”

“I don’t know if I entirely agree with that pessimist opinion,” Joyce countered his comment. “There are plenty of things in this world that will be that way.”

“Oh yeah,” Spike shot back, “Name one!”

~ ~ ~

“So here’s the plan… Tomorrow morning we all take a little trip to headquarters and hopefully we won’t be found?” Xander asked a little shakily.

“That’s the best we can come up with,” Oz admitted stoically with his arm wrapped around his redheaded wife.

“And what time are we planning on going?” Gunn asked the group.

“Earlier the better,” Angel responded quickly as he felt Buffy stand closer to him in the group.

Cordelia quickly shot an icy glare at Angel. “You know my rules about mornings. Getting up too early can do a lot of damage on my appearance.”

“Cordelia,” Xander sighed. “No amounts of hibernation over the many months of winter could help you in your appearance.”

“It would be a waste of my breath and time to even consider a witty response to that statement, Xander, because I don’t know if your simple structured mind could even comprehend what I am trying to say,” Cordy shot back with no emotion in her voice.

“Well, umm…” Xander began to say but was quickly cut off by Doyle.

“Don’t listen to him, ‘Delia. You are the most beautiful person that I have ever laid eyes upon,” Doyle assured his wife as he pulled her in closer to his body.

“And I think you would all agree on that one,” Cordy responded haughtily.

‘I don’t know about that comment,’ Angel thought to himself as his eyes wandered in the direction of the exquisite blonde that stood very close to him. “Whatever you say, Cordy,” Angel responded still looking at Buffy.

“So, um… Can we go now? We have spent most of the day here with you and I would like to get a little rest before we have to get up tomorrow morning,” Cordy asked.

“Oh yeah, start early. Don’t want you to miss…” Xander again was interrupted mid sentence but this time by Angel.

“Xander, don’t start,” he chastised. “You all should probably go and we will see you in the morning.”

“Sure,” Xander answered as he and the rest of the gang walked out of Angel’s house and began to walk towards their places of residence.

For the first time in a couple of hours, the house was completely silent. Buffy had no idea what to say to him anymore. She wanted to profess him everything but in her mind, the words, ‘it was a mistake’ still rang clear as a bell. Everything that she felt for this man and what she carried of him in herself was all a mistake. A mistake that she had fallen into, even though if she was forced to choose between that mistake and not, she would not have changed her actions.

“So, what did Wesley say to you this morning?” Angel asked finally breaking the silence.

“Ate bad food, got sick,” Buffy abruptly lied. “Nothing deadly.”

“Oh,” he sighed. “Well that is always a good thing, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” she shrugged refusing to look deeply into his dark eyes for fear of being lost in them.

“Are you hungry?” Angel asked as he placed a hand under her chin and lifted her face to look into his.

“Starved,” she smiled back at him as her stomach growled.

“I will make you anything. You pick it, I cook it,” he said lightheartedly as he made his way into the kitchen. “And I promise you, I would make you sick tomorrow morning this time.”

“Well thank you.” ‘I think I may get sick none-the-less,’ she thought to herself as Angel made himself busy with their dinner. “Whatever you want to make is probably just fine with me.”

“Ok, well just relax in the living room and dinner will be served shortly,” he said as the sound of pots and pans hitting counters reverberated through the house.

For the next hour or so, Buffy had to try really, really hard not to laugh out loud when she heard the clatter of kitchen ware and Angel’s muttered curses in Gaelic. “You need help in there?” Buffy asked with a soft laugh in her voice.

“No, I think I got it,” Angel answered as he brought out their food on a tray and placed it on the dinning room table. “Food is ready!”

“That smells delicious,” Buffy sniffed the air as she made her way towards the room. “If I get sick tomorrow, I will come to believe that you are trying to kill your hostage instead of using her for ransom.”

Hearing her comment, all the blood in Angel’s face drained out. He hated to hear her say that she was his hostage because it just hurt him too much to think about what he had done to her. “I am sorry, Buffy,” he whispered sincerely.

Even though his apology was faint, Buffy could still hear it and she felt a horrible pang in her heart from hearing his pain filled words. Grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him to face her, she looked deeply into his eyes. “Angel, you don’t have to continue on saying you’re sorry. I understood you the first time you said it to me.”

Looking deeply into her hazel eyes, Angel forced himself not to lean down and claim her lips as his. His entire body tingled as she gripped his shoulders and held him so close to her. “I…” he started to say but then was cut-off.

“If you are going to say your sorry again, I might be forced to punch you out like I did Xander, ok?” she threatened as a smile spread across her face.

“Yes ma’am,” he laughed in mock fear.

“Now, when can we start eating?”

While they ate, no conversation was made for they were enjoying their food a little too much to say anything to each other. Quite content in their presence, they sat there eating and sometimes catching quick glimpses of each other to quell hungry eyes.

“I think I am about to implode from all this food,” Buffy sighed as she moved her napkin from her lap and placed it on the table.

“Oh please don’t, I don’t want to be cleaning little bits of Buffy out of my carpet for the next couple of years.”

Yawning and laughing at the same time, Buffy began to rub her eyes in tiredness. Today had been one hell of a long day for her and she was definitely feeling the affects of it right now. “I think I might head to bed now, I am really exhausted.”

“I might be joining you on that one,” Angel said to her in a yawn.

Hearing this, Buffy cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

Reading this response from her, he quickly added, “Sleeping, I mean. In an entirely different room, away from where you will be sleeping.”

“I knew what you were talking about,” Buffy stood to excuse herself from the table. “Goodnight, Angel.”

“Goodnight, Buffy,” he said as he watched her walking into his room. ‘Got to love Freudian slips,’ he laughed to himself as he cleaned up the table and made his way back to the couch where he would be spending another long and lonely night.

But every night had been that way since being with her. The most horrible pain in the world is to be sitting next to a person and know that you can’t have them.

Removing all of his clothing except for his boxers, Angel began to burrow himself deep into his couch readying his body for sleep. Much to his surprise, sleep quickly caught up to him as he turned to his side and had his back pressed firmly to the back of the couch.

Buffy on the other hand, lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling and could not fall to sleep. Her mind was racing with millions of thoughts and even though she was tired, sleep could not claim her.

Standing up from the bed, she walked to the door and opened it a crack to see Angel already fast asleep on the couch. He looked so peaceful as he slept and all that Buffy wanted to do is reach out and trace her fingers across his resting features. She saw him shiver lightly from the lack of a blanket, so she moved to the bed, removed a blanket from the mattress and made her way towards her slumbering lover.

Kneeling in front of him with her face next to his, Buffy leaned in to place a tender kiss on his soft lips. As soon as their lips touched, she felt the same bolt of electricity run through her body as even in his slumbering form, he responded to the kiss and kissed her back.

Breaking away from him and placing the blanket on top of him, she turned around and began to walk away.

“Please don’t go,” he whispered in his sleep. “Buffy, please.”

Buffy heard his plea and turned to face him. Narrowing her eyes to examine him, she knew that he was still asleep and didn’t just say that to torment her one more time. Buffy tiptoed softly towards him and began to lie down quietly next to his sleeping body.

Feeling the warmth radiating off of his body as her back pressed up against his muscular chest, sleep finally began to claim her. Her eyes slowly shuttered closed as she felt a strong arm suddenly come around her waist and hold her tight.

Part XIX

Raising his arm to salute his superior officer, Riley greeted, “General.”

Mimicking the inferior officer’s gesture, the general answered, “Private Finn, what brings you here so late at night?” Dropping his arm from the salute, the general stared back at Riley with annoyance glaring from his eyes and body language.

“Excuse the hour, sir. I wanted to inquire as to the status of the mission,” he asked abruptly with stoic expression with his back still straight in attention.

“At ease, Finn,” he commanded and Riley promptly obeyed. “And what mission would that be, soldier?”

“The scouring of the city, sir. For Buffy Summers who has been missing for about two weeks now.”

“Cancelled,” the general responded bluntly.

“CANCELLED!!!” Riley’s voice began to rise. “What do you mean cancelled???”

The general leaned over to retrieve a file folder from up top of his desk and suddenly turned to throw it into Riley’s unsure hands. “Take a look at that and you tell me what I mean.”

Riley threw open the cover of the file and allowed his eyes to skim page after page of military intelligence information. Each page contained recent reports of the war raging on the mainland of Europe and all the difficulties that the troops are facing against the enemy. Turning to the last page and closing the file, Riley extended it back to the general. “I don’t understand, sir.”

“Oh, I think you do by that look upon your face. Parliament is intending to send a couple hundred thousand of soldiers to build more trenches along the front because our casualties have increased 30% in the last few months. The war is turning on us and we need all the man power that we can possibly muster there,” the old general sighed as he retreated back to behind his desk and slumped down into the chair.

“But, sir. What about my fian… Buffy Summers?” he began to plead.

“What about her?” he retorted back with a snap in his voice.

“Didn’t we make a promise to her family that we would get her back as soon as possible. At least we should try to look, even if it is to appease such a powerful man such as Hank Summers.”

“Finn, you read the reports, you know how many men we are losing over there,” the general pointed to the wall behind his head. “If we send troops across Dublin, do you know how many men we would lose to the revolutionaries. If we are going to lose men, they are going to be lost in the Great War not just some uprising by some temperamental Irishmen.”

Riley could think of no words to retort back to his superior officer. He knew not to argue with him but his heart was telling him to get her back. The muscle on the inside of his cheek pulsated with anger as he tried to think of something to say that would convince the army to march across Dublin. “Don’t you think that it would grease the wheels of the English people to know that the army was willing to search high and low to try to get one young woman from the clutches of the enemy? Give a little more faith in our goals?”

“I’m sorry, Finn. But I already had this meeting with Hank Summers previously and he lobbied the same exact thing. And the only thing I can really do is to let you know that periodically some soldiers will be sent across the city for the next couple of months and if we can’t find her in 3 months then about 500 soldiers will be sent here to look as a last ditch effort.”

“Did he agree on that?” Riley asked in the hopes that Buffy’s father was unhappy about this and was willing to petition the army to help out more than they are willing.

“He seemed upset with it as any father would be, but then he decided that it would be best.”

“Just like that, he agreed?” Riley asked in shock.

“Yes,” the old general answered bluntly. “He had absolute faith that the kidnappers had not harmed his daughter due to her value so that it would be just fine that they waited for the right time get a full force out on the streets. I don’t want to here any more arguments about this topic, and that is a direct order!”

“But, sir…” Riley began to argue but then was quickly interrupted by his officer.

“Private Finn, are going planning to ignore a direct order?” the general asked with curiosity in his voice.

Returning to his about face stance, Riley responded, “No, sir!”

“Good, you are dismissed!” he ordered as Riley turned to storm out his door. ‘The best that I can do, I pray will be good enough,’ the general thought to himself as he shook his head in despair with the thought of this young girl being so scared right now.

~ ~ ~

Caught in one of the most pleasant sleeps that Angel had ever experienced in his life, he had no idea of the warm body that molded close to his chest. He dreamt of her though, dreams filled with her in the sunlight with her golden hair illuminated by the warm rays of the sun, her running through the rain with a smile across her face while her damp hair and clothes clung to her body revealing all of her perfection, such beautiful images that it would have been a crime to not have seen them in reality.

Angel felt warm and at ease with each image that flashed across his mind, but then suddenly his entire world turned a shade of deep obsidian. ‘Angel?’ Buffy called out to him as her hand unconsciously traveled down her body to caress her distended abdomen. ‘Buffy?’ But it was too late, she was gone from his sight but he could hear her screams from somewhere. ‘BUFFY?’ he hollered.

Buffy opened her eyes suddenly, waking from her beautiful rest to make a mad dash to the bathroom. Removing herself from his strong grasp, she ran away from her sleeping lover and prepared herself to be sick in the restroom. She looked back only momentarily to check to see if Angel’s eyes still remained closed tight.

From his nightmare, Angel’s eyes suddenly burst open as he looked around the room. His heart raced in his chest as he panted crazily to get air into his lungs. Reaching his hands up towards his chest, he ran his fingers across his chiseled muscles to feel his heart fluttering inside. He felt so warm to the touch and he looked down to see that he had a blanket wrapped around his body.

Grabbing the warm folds of the cloth, he brought it up to his face and breathed it in deep. ‘Buffy,’ he thought to himself as he deeply inhaled her glorious scent. But then suddenly he looked at it in confusion.

“I walked in her last night and you weren’t sleeping with a blanket, so I thought I would bring you one,” Buffy’s voice brought Angel straight out of his confusion. “Hope you don’t mind.”

“I didn’t know you were awake,” he said quickly as his heart began to beat faster with her presence in the room. “How did you sleep?”

“Great, I love your bed. It is so much better than mine at home,” Buffy lied about where she slept that night.

“Hmm…” Angel once again entered his confused state.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Buffy teased him slightly.

Angel smiled weakly back at her, “If you offered pennies for all of my thoughts, I think I would probably be a rich man by now.”

“Probably,” Buffy giggled. “No, honestly what’s on your mind?”

“How long did you stay in my room when you gave me the blanket?”

“A few minutes,” she lied again as she moved towards him and sat down on the couch next to him.

“I don’t know why but I feel like it was longer.”

“You were sleeping, how could you tell?”

“Just a feeling.”

“Well, feelings can lie to you sometimes,” she said bluntly.

“Not all of them.”

The room was filled with silence as the two just stared at each other. Buffy had no idea how to respond to that statement because as he stared deeply into her eyes, she felt his gaze burn deep inside her body and wrap around her heart and soul. Angel felt the exact same and he had no idea what to do at the moment. Unconsciously leaning forward, their lips slowly came closer to an embrace within a kiss.

“Angel, you ready???” Xander asked as he stormed through his friends door and watched Angel and Buffy quickly break apart from each other. “Oops, did I get in the way of something again?”

“No, you are fine,” Buffy said bluntly. “I had better get ready for the day,” she quickly stood up and walked away, leaving a very stunned Angel.

“Xander, it is officially, I need to get you a cow bell so I know every time you come near me,” Angel sighed at his friend.

“Moooooo!!” Xander joked as Angel began to laugh. “So are we ready to go to headquarters?”

“When Buffy is ready then we can head out. Where is everyone else?” Angel asked as he made his way into his bedroom to retrieve a shirt to wear.

“They are outside, waiting for us.”

“Great,” Angel smiled as they waited for Buffy to emerge out of the bathroom ready for the day ahead of them.

It didn’t take but 15 minutes for her to look absolutely perfect and them leave Angel’s house in silence. No one said a word as they snuck around and finally made their way back into head quarters.

Angel knocked faintly on the door and suddenly it opened to allow all of them to walk inside.

“Penn!!” he greeted as he embrace his friend for a long time. “Buffy Summers, this is Penn O’Connor. Penn, this is Buffy,” he introduced them quickly.

“Nice to meet you, Buffy,” he extended a hearty hand to Buffy which she quickly accepted. “I hope Angel here has treated you well, if not I will kill him for you,” he threatened jokingly.

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary for now but if you want to beat him with a shovel at any moment of time, be my guest,” she laughed and soon everyone else, except for Angel, began to laugh at her statement.

Penn turned his attention back to his scowling friend. “So you want to talk to the man today, huh?”

“Yes, is he in there?” Angel asked as he touched Buffy’s back lightly with his soft fingertips.

“Yep, been there all morning,” Penn informed them as he led his friend and the beautiful blonde to the dark room. “You guys have fun,” he pushed them inside.

“So…” the voice hissed as they walked across the doorway. “How is life treating you both?”

“Fine sir,” Angel answered as a lump built up in his throat. “I was just curious as to what you want to do with this plan.”

Suddenly a piece of paper was thrown out of the shadows and tossed straight in front of Buffy for them to read. “What’s this?” Angel asked as he read.

With harsh voice, the leader in the shadows answered, “The troops won’t be coming for some time, now.”

“How long?” Angel inquired with his eyes straining to read the words through the darkness.

“Three months or so. Don’t worry about this, just take her to your house and watch over her,” the voice ordered. “Now go, I have things to do!”

Angel turned suddenly to walk out the door and had to grab Buffy by the arm to drag her out of the room because she seemed not able to move. Leaning down to whisper in her ear, he asked, “Are you all right?”

“I know that voice,” she admitted.

Part XX

“I JUST CAN’T BLOODY BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WAIT AROUND FOR ANOTHER TWO GOD-DAMN MONTHS TO GET BUFFY BACK!!!” Spike screamed at Riley. “It has already been two months since she was taken. SHE COULD BE ANYWHERE!!”

“What do you expect me to do??” Riley sighed tiredly.

“I don’t know, and I really don’t care. Pull rank, throw a bloody coup, DO SOMETHING!!!” Spike’s voice was still raised.

“No,” Riley asserted. “I may be Buffy’s fiancé, but I am a soldier through and through. It is not my place to question the ulterior motives of the army. I follow the orders that are commanded of me.”

“I can’t believe my ears! You are a bloody fool!” Spike paced the floor angrily while Riley just sat in his chair with his back straight against the back. “You are not willing to fight for the woman that you supposedly love, that is pathetic!”

Riley now started to get annoyed with Spike’s anger and he decided it was time for him to start to yell. “What do you mean supposedly love, I love her with every fiber of my being?”

“And yet you are willing to do nothing to help her,” Spike stated coolly.

“I have done absolutely everything that I could have done so far. At least I went to the army to plead my case unlike you who has no connections to higher places to get jobs done. You are nothing but a waste of space!”

“Well, I can’t sit around here any longer. I need to go out to do something,” Spike ignored Riley’s comment. Offering a white flag, Spike asked, “This search will go a little better if you help me here.”

“I can’t,” Riley interjected.

“Why not? Too chicken?” Spike mocked.

“No, I am being sent to fight in the Great War in a couple of days. I have been commanded to pack up my gear and head out at 0600 Thursday morning.”

“Well, it is a shame that I won’t be missing you all that much while you are gone,” Spike sneered truthfully. Reaching over to him and patting him on the back, he smiled and stated, “Bon Voyage, Captain Cardboard! I just hope you aren’t all that upset that I won’t be throwing you a going away party because I have things to do and people to see.”

“Thank you for your bode of confidence,” Riley said sarcastically then pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a few addresses for Spike. Reaching out to give them to the blonde anorexic, Riley assured, “If you need any help, these people could be useful.”

“Why should I accept your help now when before you wouldn’t give me the light of day?” Spike first refused the paper but then relented and took it in his hand. “This would be helpful but I have all my sources too. Time for me to call in a few favors from old friends.”

Spike promptly left the room leaving Riley to prepare his stuff for he journey to the mainland.

~ ~ ~

“Are you certain that you don’t know who that man at headquarters is?” Buffy asked for the hundredth time in the past couple of months. Her mind could not rest with the attempt to pinpoint how did she know that voice and it was starting to really get on her nerves that she couldn’t think of the person who owned that voice.

Angel’s heart broke every time she asked that question because he knew no answer to give her and he could tell that it was putting a strain on her body. She seemed to be really tired lately and he had no idea how to make her feel better.

To relieve some of the stress that wracked his lover’s body, for the past couple of months, the lovers would venture outside for a few moments to take a walk along the cobblestone-paved streets of Dublin. Angel wrapped a long black duster around her body so that no one would recognize her and escorted her out the door. It was nice to walk next to her but he still kept a firm distance from her while they walked.

“No, I’m sorry. He has always said that he has kept his identity secret so that he can allude all the English authorities,” Angel sighed dejectedly.

“I understand that but CAN’T THE BASTARD AT LEAST GIVE A LITTLE CLUE AS TO WHO THE HELL HE IS!!!!” Buffy screamed in desperation while Angel gawked at her response.

A smile began to curl on his lips and he couldn’t hide his laughter any longer.

“What’s so funny???” Buffy shot at him with her eyebrows raised.

“You!” he chuckled. “Just when I think I have you figured out, a new side of you shines brightly and I feel that I am blinded by it. What kind of noblewoman would have just called someone a ‘bastard'?”

“I did get a little carried away there, didn’t I?” Buffy sighed and laughed softly with him. “It’s just sometimes I get the biggest urge to yell to the sky with frustration.”

“It is good to do that sometimes, makes you feel a lot better. At least it does in my opinion,” Angel admitted freely. “You know what else makes me feel better?”

“Kidnapping young, innocent girls for pleasure?” Buffy jabbed at him.

Angel paled slightly at her words and he could think of what he was going to say to answer his own question. He looked down at his feet as they continued to walk down the street. The fact of what he had to do to her was still an open wound that she just rubbed a pinch of salt into. His free swaying hands felt a call to bury themselves deep into his pockets but Buffy ending up not allowing one of his hands there.

Pulling his hand into hers, she lightly squeezed his in assurance that she wasn’t upset with him any longer. Buffy hadn’t been mad at him since she came to stay at his house but she knew that he would always think that she was angry at him. “I’m sorry for saying that,” she apologized.

Angel responded to her statement in silence because he truly had no idea if she really meant it or was just trying to make him feel better.

“Hey, are you going to say anything for the rest of our walk????” Buffy began to become annoyed with his silence for they had been able to talk about basically everything and when he was silent, she knew something was wrong.

“Probably,” he whispered sadly.

Stopping suddenly and turning him to look straight into her eyes, Buffy held onto his arms tightly preparing herself to give him the lecture of his life. “Would you stop beating yourself up about this, if I tried hard enough I could hear the silent beat down from all the way across the room! I AM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU!!!!”

Shaking his head, he started to say, “Buffy, I…”

“No,” she interrupted. “You will let me finish. Do you know how many opportunities I had to run away from you and yet here I am?! PLENTY!!! So if you don’t get that fact into your head, I think I might be forced to physically beat it into your thick skull,” Buffy threatened.

Angel looked away from her blazing eyes until Buffy reached up and grabbed his face in her small hand and forced it to look at her. “Buffy, I…” he tried again but was interrupted by Buffy’s lips quickly overpowering his in a passionate kiss.

Surprised at first by her actions, Angel was confused but then it took no time for him to respond to that kiss with equal force. He wrapped his arms around her small body and lifted her slightly off the ground to feel her strong heartbeat strum against his chest and give his mouth greater access to her face.

Buffy’s fingers ran through his dark hair as she tried to get him as close to her as possible. He hugged her tighter to him with the small of her back forcing her abdomen where his child lay to press tightly into his body. Buffy hadn’t begun to show her little secret but deep down she prayed that Angel could feel the life growing inside of her and recognize it as his own.

Angel broke the kiss to catch his breath but he refused to let her out of his embrace. She laid her head on his shoulder and he took cues from her and did the same.

Removing her head from his shoulder, she looked up into his eyes and smiled at him. “I don’t want to be forced to punch you out because with these mood swings I might end up knocking you unconscious instead of kissing you!”

“Mood swings???” Angel asked still in a thick haze from her kiss.

“Uh nothing!” she quickly responded hoping that he would drop the subject. “Ah home sweet home,” she stated as they walked to his front porch after walking all the way around the city.

Buffy walked through the front door and headed straight to the kitchen. “I am so hungry!” she sounded ravished for hunger.

“I could make you something?” Angel offered.

“Sure, that would be good. Make anything and I will eat it!” she admitted then turned to walk to her room. “I am going to get changed out of these clothes while you get the food ready.”

“Have fun,” he wished to her as he watched her skip lightheartedly into the room and closed the door. Nothing could stop his smiles that radiated from his face. His body hummed with the after effects of the kiss that they had just stared momentarily ago.

First she was scolding him and the next she was kissing him. ‘God, I love this woman,’ he thought to himself as the images few through his mind. So caught up in his reverie, he almost didn’t here the knocking on the front door.

Walking over to the front door, Angel opened it and started laughing. “Xander, you really need to get a life instead of coming over to my house and… You’re not Xander.”

“Is that how you greet an old friend anymore?” the man asked on his front step.

Angel stepped forward and took the man in his arms for a strong hug. “Spike, long time no see!!!”

Part XXI

“So what brings you to my doorstep?” Angel asked as he still had an arm strung across Spike’s shoulders and escorted him inside his small house.

“Just thought I would like to pay a visit to an old friend. You know for bloody shits and giggles,” he smiled at Angel and started to laugh.

It had been at least ten years since Angel had saw Spike last. Memories from their childhood flooded his mind and he began to remember of all the mischief they had gotten into together. They had such a wonderful time sneaking into the nearest pub and stealing drinks from the old men that sat their too inebriated to know that two small boys skittered across the floor or doing everything possible to scare their teachers to death in school so that they weren’t stuck in those uncomfortable desks any more than they had to.

//”Are you sure this is going to work?” young Liam asked his friend as they hid behind a wall, randomly sneaking glances at their on coming prey.

“You scared?” Spike teased. “We have been planning this thing almost every recess period for the last week, this is our chance.”

Liam shrugged and consented his approval for the event to take shape.

“Hey guys, whatca doing?” Penn asked loudly as he turned the corner and went behind the wall and found his two best friends crouching down.

“Bloody hell, Penn! Would you like to try again and see if we can get everyone and their mothers to hear you!” Spike whispered harshly.

“Sorry,” Penn apologized in a hushed tone.

“And what are you boys doing back here?????” an adult voice cut through the silence after Penn’s apology.

A three boys stood erectly and turned to face the image of the old croon with the largest nose they had ever seen on anyone’s face, the wretched hag herself… Mrs. Garrahan – their teacher! Even on the warmest of days, the sight of her would send a shiver of cold down anyone’s back.

“Nothing Mrs. Garrahan,” all three responded in a singsong voice.

Leering down at them and crossing her arms across her burlap-covered chest, she raised an eyebrow at the seemingly innocent young boys in front of her. “And how come I find that hard to believe, especially you William!”

Spike winced openly at the sound of her calling him by his christened name. He had hated that thing ever since he could remember; he definitely preferred Spike to that. He wanted to say something to her and he didn’t by biting harshly down on his lower lip to keep from talking. Taking their lead from him, Liam and Penn did the same but not from anger, but to keep from laughing at the anger that was in Spike’s face.

“Come on, boys. Now tell the truth for the truth shall set you free. What were you doing?” she pried further.

No longer able to hold his tongue, Spike retorted back to her in the calmest of voices, “We were thinking on how lovely you look this morning with your faded polka dot shirt and plaid skirt. Interesting! Now tell me one thing, are you blind in the morning that you can’t tell what you pull out of your closet?”

Liam could no longer hold the laughter in but Penn kept painfully silent.

“You think that is funny?” she turned her attention to the snickering boy.

“Yes!” he laughed a little harder.

“Well, you wanted the truth, I think we will be on our way,” Spike smirked back at her as he began to walk away.

“I don’t think so!” she said as her gnarled hands reached out and grabbed Spike’s and Liam’s ears harshly in a firm grasp. Pulling them out from behind the wall she chastised, “Truth is in the eye of the beholder!”//

Angel remember that day like it had been yesterday. Fond memories of his childhood and nothing could stop his smiles but all those memories quickly stopped as he thought of not so wonderful memories. Ten years ago, life for these friends had changed completely.

“So what have you been up to lately, Spike?” Angel asked as he brought himself out of his reverie.

“You mean after that little stunt a couple of years ago in which both of us ran but only one got caught, sent to a reform school in England and couldn’t return back here years later… Nothing much,” Spike shot at his friend.

The image of the running through the streets and watching the authorities drag his friend away with him just standing there as if his legs were made of stone and he could not move. His mouth dropped open as if to say something but he was quickly cut off by Spike.

“But that is all in the past, right??” he asked with a hint of ice in his stare. “Actually that little incident helped me to get a job and meet one interesting girl.”

“Oh, really?” Angel asked trying to get the conversation off of that fateful day years ago.

~ ~ ~

Buffy’s body still hummed from that kiss that she and Angel had shared in the streets earlier. Unconsciously she rubbed her stomach where a new life grew and felt tiny pricks of electricity on her palm.

Singing softly to herself as she walked light-heartedly around the room, “Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra, Too Ra Loo Ra La, Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra, That’s an Irish Lullaby,” she sang to her unborn child.

Skipping lightly towards the door, it seemed that nothing could break the mood that she caught herself in. Buffy reached toward the doorknob and slowly began to turn it and walk out the door. With the door-cracked open slightly, she heard two distinct male voices from outside.

At first she thought it was probably Xander making his random visit to get in the way of Angel doing something, but then listening closely she knew that it wasn’t his voice that she was hearing. The voice was very familiar, one that she normally tried to avoid like the plague but always seemed to find her and stalk her. “Spike!!!!” she hissed softly as she retreated back into the room and silently shut the door.

‘Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!’ she thought to herself as she snaked her way into Angel’s closet and hid in the corner under a veil of darkness. The entire place smelled of him and suddenly through fear and confusion, her happiness broke and tears began to wander down her cheeks.

~ ~ ~

“Yeah, she is just one of those girls that gets under your skin and drive you absolutely crazy,” Spike began to describe the woman that believed he loved.

“I know of some with that quality,” Angel admitted automatically thinking of Buffy who was still in his bedroom.

“She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen,” Spike said dreamily as he pictured her in his head.

Still with the picture of Buffy in his mind, he smiled to himself. “So beautiful that the world without her being there seems like such an ugly place but with her standing next to you, the world glitters.”

“Very kind.”

“Extremely intelligent.”

“MY KIND OF WOMAN!!!” they both exclaimed aloud together and broke into fits of laughter.

“So what’s this young vixen’s name?” Angel asked through his laughter.

“You are probably not going to believe me when I tell you but Buffy Summers,” Spike continued on laughing. “You know Hank Summers’ daughter.”

Angel suddenly stopped laughing and stared at him in shock. ‘We were talking about the same person, oh my God!!’ His mouth gapped open as to say something but no words were able to come out. “Really?” Angel coughed.

“I know it is not like me to love her, but it just happened. I work for her father and her family now since I was permitted to come back here,” Spike stopped laughing when hearing Angel become deathly silent and pallid. “What’s her name?”

“W-w-what???” Angel stumbled.

“The girl you were talking about her name,” Spike clarified.

“Her name?” he thought to himself and pulled his gaze to his clenched fists. “Her name? OH HER NAME!!!” he yelled, “It’s Shannon.”

“Well, I am going to have to meet this girl,” Spike was confused by his friend’s reaction. “But back to business.”

“Yeah,” Angel agreed, as he wanted to get off this conversation as quickly as possible.

“I am sure that you have heard about Buffy’s kidnapping and most people are suspecting that it was the IRA that did this,” Spike began to explain to Angel. “I know that you were a big part of this and are able to some ideas as to who could have possibly done this.”

“I-I-I don’t think I can do that,” Angel stuttered.

“I am pretty sure you can for someone who you owe something,” Spike threatened with the hopes that Angel would catch what he was insinuating. “You know, for an old friend.”

Being stuck between a rock and a hard place was just somewhere that Angel really didn’t want to be caught in. He felt so guilty about what happened to Spike those years ago but by helping him out, he would reveal himself and Buffy would be gone from his life forever. Not helping him out would betray an old friend that saved his life basically. ‘What am I going to do?’

“Did you see Penn yet?” Angel asked suddenly.

“He is going to be my next victim,” Spike smiled. “I am going to need both of your help.”

Silence filled the room again as Angel thought about his options. He knew he had to say something quickly or Spike would suspect something was wrong so he though fast. ‘What to do?’ he thought but then came to a resolution. “Come back in a week and hopefully I will have something for you.”

Hearing his agreement, Spike stood up from where he was sitting and smiled gratefully at his friend. He reached down and took Angel’s hand in a harsh handshake, “I knew I would count on you, old friend.”

“Always,” he muttered under his breath as he returned that handshake and led Spike out his front door. Spike turned his back on him and walked toward the street. “Oh, Spike!” Angel called out to him, making Spike turn back around to stare at him.

“Yeah,” he answered.

Laughing to break his tension, Angel said, “You should probably ask for a raise. I can see you haven’t been eating all that well.”

“Whatever!” Spike laughed in return and walked away as Angel shut his front door.

As soon as the door was shut, Angel leaned his back against the hard surface of it. His head began to pound over all the thoughts that flew in and out. Sighing loudly and moving his hands to his head to massage his temples to relieve some of the pressure, he felt like he couldn’t move.

But then one thought took precedence over all the others at the moment. Buffy. Bounding off the door, he made his way to room and softly rapt on the door.

“Buffy,” he called then slowly opened the door to find the room completely empty. “Buffy, where are you??” he asked softly and fearfully that she had left him.

‘Where did she go?’ he thought to himself as his heart sank at her absence.

Part XXII

It felt like Buffy had been in that closet an eternity. She was alone with her thoughts over what the past couple of months had done upon her heart and her mind. While she was with Angel, she had felt happiness that she had never felt before, even though she had to lie to him every time she had the opportunity to tell him about the baby. Thoughts of her life before she met him seemed like such a distant memory but everything flooded back as soon as she heard the cordial conversation between Spike and Angel. Images of a life that she was forced to conceal her free spirit confined inside a body that was supposed to be prim and proper at all times, a life that she was frequently cast aside by her father and the closest male figure in her life had been her some-what uptight butler, a life in which she was forced to marry against her will and a life of being constantly stalked by none other than the man that was sitting in her lover’s living room.

Buffy pulled her tightly against her chest and buried her face in her knees. She shielded her eyes from the physical world around her and yet nothing could stop the images that played against her closed lids. One image would quickly cover up the one previously and she began to feel quite nauseated by the speed but then the final image of Angel kissing her that day, pulled all her thoughts into slow motion. His perfume inside the closest helped her to imagine his arms wrapped around her just had it had wafted around her body and provide a little comfort. Buffy’s tears began to become dried on her face as she smiled and thought of him.

Then his voice broke through the silence inside the small room and she knew that it was safe for her to come out. Pushing her legs from her chest and moving her hands to her face to remove any remnants of tears, she prepared to step out of the closet in confidence.

From outside of the closet, Angel could hear the soft sniffles from inside and movement of some of his shoes. He knew that she was in there and a smile spread across his face with the knowledge that he found her.

Angel strode towards the closet and grabbed the knob to open it just as Buffy was doing the same on the inside. The door promptly swung open, revealing an extremely shocked Buffy looking like she was a deer caught in headlights. Buffy took a surprised step forward, but wasn’t aware of the shoes that were strung across her feet and as soon as she lifted her foot, she was caught up in them and fell face forward into Angel, who still stood there with his hand on the doorknob.

He was definitely not prepared for her to come forward into him, so as he tried to catch her from falling, he ended up on the floor, pinned against the hard surface by her soft body.

Buffy looked into his eyes without moving off of him and whispered softly, “Oops, sorry about that.”

Angel couldn’t think of any words to say at that moment. Buffy pressed up against him, caused all rational thought to escape his mind. He felt her warm breath upon his face as he moved his hands from his side to softly grab her hips. “Um… That’s alright, you can fall on me anytime you want,” he joked as words finally fell off his tongue.

Hearing his jest, Buffy gave him a small smile and she rolled off of him and raised herself on her elbows on the hardwood floor. Angel instantly turned from his back to his stomach to propel himself off of the floor to stand. Quickly, he was on his feet and offering a hand down to her, to help her to her feet.

“So, what were you doing in there?” he finally asked as he still held onto her hand long after she was off the floor.

“I could tell the closet was feeling a little neglected at the moment, so I thought I might me and the closet should have a little alone time,” she laughed faintly and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Plus, you had company and I just was not in the mood to make an appearance.”

Angel took his eyes from her and looked toward the floor. “Oh, so you heard me talking to Spike.”

“Loud and clear,” she admitted. “So, when are we going to make a trade? That’s what you were doing, right?? You get your bloody money or God knows what else and I get to go home.”

“Is that why you think he was here?” Angel asked as he shot her an icy glare with his eyes.

“Why else would he be here?” she asked with her voice slightly raised in anger. “Doesn’t it seem a little odd that the man that is paid to follow me wherever I go just randomly comes to your front doorstep to have a little chat. Oh, I know, it was just a social visit filled with tea and crackers!” Buffy knew that her anger was irrational but ever since she was holed up in that closet, she needed release and Angel was there to take the brunt of her rants.

Angel promptly grabbed her by the shoulders and swung her body around to look at him squarely in the face. “Buffy, I had no idea…” he started to say but she wasn’t finished yelling at him.

“Liam, you don’t have to lie to me. Believe me when I get home, I will make sure you get paid in full for all that you have done for me!”

“What makes you think that I am going to get you away from me that easily? Do you honestly believe after all this time, I would want you to push you out of my life like this?” he asked as his gaze burrowed into her. “Spike isn’t here anymore, I told him that I have no idea who kidnapped you and that I asked for a week to find something for him to go on. But if you want to leave on your own accord right now, I am not going to stop you, just make sure that the door doesn’t hit your ass on the way out!”

Angel dropped his grip on her and promptly turned to have her face his back. “The reason why he was over is that when we were young, we were friends. Always getting into trouble, but having a damn good time doing so. Then one day in our normal fashion of mayhem, we ended up running from the authorities, Spike got caught while I continued on running. I only heard about what happened to him after Penn stopped me in the street and told me about Spike. I haven’t heard neither hide nor tail of him and then suddenly 10 years later he came to my front door, asking for a favor. Help him find his girlfriend, who just happens to be the one and only Buffy Summers,” his anger began to simmer down as he whispered to her.

Hearing his heartfelt confession, she could no longer hold her anger towards him. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed while his held shook. “I don’t want to tell him the truth but then he saved my life from something completely horrible as being uprooted from friends and family and sent away. So I guess I will put the decision in your hands.”

“What?” she asked as she took a step towards him and gently placed a hand on his arm.

“What do you want me to do? If you want me to let you go, I will lead Spike directly here but it is all up to you,” he whispered with half of him wanting her to answer and the other, dreading her decision. “Choose.”

“Will you be caught?” she asked.

“I was the one that did this to you. It is only justice that I would be the one that would be taken for all the time that I stole from you.”

“What will happen to you?”

“I honestly don’t care anymore.”

“You don’t care!” she screamed. “How can you say that??”

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head as he turned to face her with sadness in his eyes. “There is nothing here for me.”

“I will just be repeating myself here, but how can you say that??? You have all your friends, you have all of this,” she pointed her hands around the room. “And you will have me.”

“You can’t say that about yourself. No matter how much I want your words to be real, you will always be one step in front of me, just out of arms reach,” he said truthfully.

“Angel, I lov…” she started to say as tears began to fall upon her cheeks.

“Don’t say that,” he interrupted her. “You have no idea how those words hurt me.”

Buffy wanted to pour her heart out to him and tell him everything but she held her tongue. Instead, she took a step forward towards him but he quickly took a step back from her.

“I am tired,” he sighed. “If you need me, I will be sleeping on the couch.” Angel’s gaze hit the floor and with slumped shoulders, he shuffled out the door leaving Buffy crying in his wake.

~ ~ ~

Even though Angel felt tired and weary straight down to his bones, he couldn’t shut his eyes long enough to embrace sleep. He decided that he needed a walk and maybe that would help him to finally rest.

He rolled off the worn couch to stumble across the floor to pick up a pair of shoes that he had in his living room. His tired fingers found great difficulty in tying the laces but as soon as they were finished he was on his feet to retrieve a jacket to shield his body from the cold night.

Moving towards his front door, he grabbed the knob but the thought of Buffy stopped him from walking out the door. He turned on the balls of his feet to check up on her in the room. Silently he walked across his house to open his bedroom door a crack to look in on her. The sight in front of him, caught all breath in his throat. In front of his eyes, lay the love of his life still in her dress for that day, curled up in a tight ball with her hair flung haphazardly across her pillow. Even though she looked disheveled, she was still the most beautiful creature that he had ever set eyes upon. The moonlight danced across her milky skin making her look like an angel glowing in light.

His heart wanted him to go in and pull her into his body in an embrace but his mind was telling him that he can’t. Letting his mind make his decision, he quickly pulled the door shut and walked away from her door.

This time he shuffled out the front door, locking the door behind him and walked out onto the street.

Angel was completely numb to the world and the cold that encased his body as he made his way to a friend’s front door. Raising a hand, he firmly knocked on the front door to come face to face with a tousled Penn on the opposite end.

“Angel, what are you doing here so late?” he asked in a yawn.

“Did Spike come to talk to you?” Angel asked.

Penn nodded his head as he turned to the side to invite his friend inside out of the cold. “Yeah, he wanted to find Buffy and he called in a favor. I am guessing that he did the same to you.”

“I talked to him as Buffy hid in the closet in my room,” Angel smiled faintly.

“Smart girl. I think if I would have known that it was him that came to my door, I would have hidden also,” Penn said trying to lift the mood of his friend.

“So what are you going to do?” Angel asked him.

“I don’t think it is important what I am going to do, I think more importantly, what are you going to do because I will follow you.”

Angel buried his face in his hands as he slumped his body down into Penn’s nearest chair. “I don’t know.”

“Well, then here,” Penn said as he sat down next to his friend. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to tell him nothing, I want to lead him on a wild a goose chase so that I can spend some more time with her. But what I want doesn’t matter.”

“Keep on telling yourself that. I know that you think you have some moral obligation to Spike for what happened that day, but you are not the man that you were 10 years ago. It was horrible what happened to Spike, I won’t deny that, but that didn’t happen to you. You can’t be held responsible for what happened, we were young and didn’t know any better and I know that if it were possible to turn back time to change what happened, I know you would take it. But you can’t change the past; you can only learn from it and grow from your experience. Learn to forgive yourself and embrace what you have now…” Penn spoke.

“Did you figure out who the boss is yet?” Angel asked, abruptly changing the subject of their conversation.

“No one knows. I have grilled every available person and there is nothing,” Penn said truthfully. “It is really starting to make me extremely brassed off.”

“Is there anything?”

“The only thing that I can come up with is that, when I hear his voice, his accent is not quite alike ours. I know it isn’t Irish,” Penn thought aloud.

Angel contemplated his words and dove into his memory over when he heard that man talking to him. Suddenly, he could hear the difference and his mind raced to try to pinpoint where the accent may come from. “As I think about it now, I see what you mean. Buffy said she heard that voice before and maybe she knew it when she was living among the British.”

“Could be?” Penn admitted to himself.

“You don’t think that if I go up to him, he would tell me his name, would he?” Angel chuckled to him.

“I don’t think I would waste my breath.”

Angel sighed loudly and put his hands on his knees to pull himself on his feet. “Well, I ought to be getting home. I still want to walk around for a while before Buffy wakes back up. But if you hear anything, I want to be the first to know.”

“Sure thing,” Penn agreed as he stood to escort Angel out the door. “Just answer me one question before you go.”

“Shoot,” Angel said as he turned to face Penn after he walked out of Penn’s front door.

“Are you in love with her?” Penn asked wanting a truthful answer. He could see the look in his friend’s eyes when he said her name and he knew that Angel’s feelings for her had gone much deeper than the kidnapper toward his hostage.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Angel said, “I love her with everything inside of me, but it isn’t enough.” Angel swiftly turned on his feet and walked away from Penn as he shut the door behind him.

Part XXIII

When Angel shuffled through his front door after walking the streets of Dublin for a couple of hours, he came inside to be greeted with deathly silence. The only sound that was partially audible was the soft ticking of the large clock that was on the opposite wall from where the front door was. His heart prayed that when he would open those doors, Buffy would be sitting right there waiting for him to come home, but he knew that would be a foolish dream.

With a heavy heart and a loud sigh, Angel quietly shut the door behind him and removed his coat to place it back on the coat rack. Instead of heading straight back to his couch, he decided to make another visit to Buffy’s room to see if she was still asleep. Angel silently opened the door to find Buffy still in the same position that he had found her previously. The only difference that he sensed was the fact that she clutched the bed sheets more tightly to her face that when he left her before.

One more time his heart and body screamed to lay down next to her and wrap his arms around her body, never letting her go but he knew that he couldn’t do that. His eyes looked down at his feet, as he pried them from her beautiful form lying there. That is the worst pain in the world to bear—sitting next to someone or being so close to someone and yet know for a certain that you can’t have them. Angel would never have her and he kept on telling himself that over and over again, but for tonight, he would give his heart some rest from this ache.

Angel silently crept inside her bedroom and tiptoed softly over to where she lay sleeping. Gently, he traced a finger across her cheek and moving a strand of golden hair away from her glorious face. He would be content for an eternity to just stand there and watch her sleep peacefully but he didn’t have an eternity, only a few more moments. Leaning down, Angel softly brushed his warm lips across her forehead only to see her stir briefly and take a deep breath from his touch. A smile spread across his face when he saw her own smile as she slept.

Taking a step back from her, Angel kept his eyes on her the whole time, barely blinking in the process. He retreated to the opposite corner of the room, where he pressed his back firmly against the wall and slid down the hard surface so that he now was sitting on the floor with his knees bent in front of him. The back of his head leaned up against the wall as his eyes still remained open to watch her.

Angel felt his eyelids begin to droop after watching her for countless minutes. Instead of seeing her with his eyes open, he watched her behind his closed eyelids. He saw her beautiful smile, her hair blowing wispily in the soft breeze, the way the sun made her skin glow a radiant hue, and her kind heart. Angel didn’t need to look far to see that aspect of her, she wore it on her sleeve for the world to see and he loved her for that. As the images played there, Angel felt himself being lulled tenderly to sleep and for the first time that day, he experienced serenity.

~ ~ ~

A bright ray of sunshine broke through the shut blinds of the window to flash across Buffy’s face, causing her to groggily open her eyes to meet a new day. She heard the faint song of morning birds outside the house and sat up in the bed, only to notice that she was still wearing the same dress that she had been wearing the previous day. She stretched her legs out among the rumpled bed sheets, and used her hands in attempt to smooth out the creases that were in her skirt.

“Here’s me, in desperate need of an iron,” she whispered to herself silently. Her eyes remained on her dress until she looked up to see Angel sleeping against the wall on the wall opposite to her. His dark shadow of a beard grew in short stubble across his face as it lay against the wall propped against his shoulder. Buffy noticed how disheveled he looked and she knew that he probably had just a horrible time sleeping as she had.

Buffy watched him as he slept peacefully not being able to take her eyes off of him. The soft glow of sunshine bounced across his unshaven face and it seemed to caress every line and crevice of him. She wanted him to stay that way forever because if he would wake up, he might break her heart just as he had last night. While he rested peacefully, she could dream of when they could openly say that they loved each other and he would hold her in his strong arms.

She was quite disappointed when she saw that he slowly began to stir from his slumber to stretch and sigh. When he finally opened his dark eyes, she could see the look of shock on his face as he locked eyes with her.

“How long have you been awake?” he asked as he moved his hand to rub the side of his face and comb through his disheveled spiked hair.

“Not too long,” she answered truthfully. “Have you been there all night?”

“Not all night. After you fell asleep, I took a walk around town then after I came here,” he admitted to her.

“Well, good morning,” she smiled sweetly at him as he grunted trying to raise himself off of the floor.

“Good morning,” he responded to her with little emotion in his voice. “Buffy, I need to talk to you about last night…”

“Last night…” she whispered to herself before she raised her voice to stop him. “I want to apologize for my comments after Spike left, I was scared that he would find me and take me back.”

“Buffy, I need you to do something for me,” Angel said quickly not commenting on her previous confession.

“Anything,” she responded truthfully as she looked deeply in his eyes.

“I need you to get away from me,” he unintentionally snapped at her.

“W-w-what??” she stumbled.

“I am going to take you to Willow and Oz’s house this afternoon where you are going to stay with them until we can figure everything out.”

He was sending her away and she felt the tears brimming her eyes one more time. At first, she felt sad at his request for her but then her emotions drastically turned angry. “Why??” she demanded.

“Spike knows where I live and as long as you stay here with me, he can come anytime he wants and take you back. He has no idea about Oz’s involvement in your kidnapping, so their house is safe for you,” Angel said in desperation. “We will go over there when you are ready.”

Angel turned his back on her and tried to walk out the door right before she jumped from her spot on the bed to grab him by the should to make him turn to face her. “Is that what you really want?” Buffy asked in the hopes that Angel would change his mind and not send her away.

“Yes,” he answered coolly. “I cannot protect you any more.”

Taking her hand from his shoulder and throwing both arms limply to her sides, she looked to the floor and turned to walk back towards the bed. “I will be ready in a few minutes,” she whispered and after a few seconds she heard his feet softly pounding on the floor as he made his way out.

As soon as she heard the door shut behind him, she picked up the nearest pillow lying there on the bed and tossed it across the room at the closed door. “Bastard,” she screamed softly to herself before she crumbled down on the bed in tears.

~ ~ ~

It took only about five minutes before Buffy and all her things were packed up to relocate to Willow and Oz’s. No words were said as Angel walked Buffy a few blocks down.

“Here, let me take that,” he offered as he moved his hand and placed it over top of hers on the handle of her bag.

Buffy felt his warm touch open her skin and prompt pulled her hand away, as if this hand burned hers. “No thank you.”

“No problem,” he said sullenly as he dove his hands in his pockets to try not to place his arm around her shoulders.

Walking up to the front door, the tension between the two was so thick; one can almost cut it in half with a dull knife. Angel quietly rapt his knuckles on the hardwood door, only to see Willow’s face as she smiled when she opened the door.

“Hello, you two,” she greeted with an even bigger smile.

“Hi Willow,” Buffy said as she put on the façade of happiness with a smile that matched the red head’s.

“Well, I ought to be getting along,” Angel said. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Angel turned to walk away from the two women, but before he could get too far, he heard Willow call out to him.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” Willow yelled.

“I can’t,” he said honestly because he knew that he could never fully let her go. She would always be in his heart and nothing could take her from that spot. Not able to say anything more, he turned and walked back towards his house.

Willow returned her attention back to Buffy who was still standing outside her door, only to see the look of sadness in her eyes. “Are you all right?” she asked soothingly.

“I’m fine,” Buffy answered her knowing that she was not fine. She would never be fine until she was with him.

“Buffy, you can tell me the truth. I can see you are hurting, you know you can talk to me about it,” Willow offered.

Hearing the kindness and tranquility in Willow’s voice was the last straw for her, Buffy let the tears stream down her face. “God, I hate him and yet I can’t hate him,” Buffy sniffled softly.

Willow wrapped her arm around Buffy and escorted her into her house. “Does he know yet?” she asked.

“Does he know what?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“About the baby?” Willow clarified.

Buffy’s hands unconsciously moved down to her abdomen where she began to feel the small swelling under her touch. “No, and I don’t think I am ever going to tell him,” Buffy said truthfully as her anger resurged and he tears stopped.

“Buffy, he needs to know,” Willow shook her head at the blonde. “I think it might change his mind a little if he knows.”

“I don’t want the only reason that he is with me is because I am carrying his child. If he doesn’t want me, then he doesn’t want this baby,” Buffy said not taking her hands from her womb.

“He will come around, all he has to do is deal with a few things, then he will be right back here, begging for you to return to him. I know he will,” Willow tried to assure her friend but she didn’t know if Buffy would believe her.

Buffy only cast her eyes downward towards the floor and nodded her head slowly. ‘In my dreams, only my dreams,’ she thought to herself as she took a deep breath and a look around the place that she would consider her home for the next couple of weeks.

Part XXIV

The loneliness of a week without Buffy started to gnaw and eat away at everything that Angel held inside of him. No matter if he tried to escape the memory of her, he would find someplace that would remind him of her. He would walk the same path that they would take on their walks together, remembering how she had held his hand as they walked or pass by the building along their route where they exchanged their last kiss; all memories almost too painful to bear.

With her being gone for a few days, Angel decided that he should probably move back into his bedroom but every time he laid his head down on the pillow, he would take a deep breath of her scent that still clung to the sheets. It was also on that same bed that they had shared something that could never ever be replicated, unless they would be able to have another moment just like that one. But that would never happen again!

Angel shook his head at the memories and knew that he had to stop his brooding and actually get something accomplished instead of just sitting there and feeling sorry for himself. He stood up suddenly from the chair where he was sitting to have his worn copy of William Shakespeare’s play, Romeo and Juliet, fall from his knee and clatter on the floor.

‘Must find Spike,’ he thought to himself as he ran from his home to try to get his old friend off his trail for a little while longer to figure out things.

He ran with reckless abandon thinking of everyplace that Spike could be possibly found and he followed his feet back to a place that he never wanted to see again… Buffy’s house.

Angel worked up enough courage to step up to the front door and knock on the hardwood door to see if anyone was home. Part of him wished that no one was there so that he could make a clean getaway but part of him wanted to face this and get it over with. After a few seconds of waiting Angel turned his back to walk away, but then the sound of the door creaking open, he turned back around.

He took a few moments to evaluate the man that had answered the door. The very presence of the man in front of him absolutely screamed butler, so he found it safe to assume that it was. The man was a little over 40, his body incased in a suit of tweed and he had thin-wired glasses on the bridge of his nose. Angel could tell from the wear on the sides of his glasses, that the wearer put them on and took them off quite frequently.

“Can I help you sir?” the man answers while staring Angel down on the porch.

“I am looking for Spike, is he by chance here?” Angel asked as he tried to keep his voice calm and collected.

“And you are??” the man asked with slight annoyance in his voice.

“I, um… I am Liam Malone, sir, but everyone calls me Angel,” he stuttered with a shaky voice. The plain fact that he was standing in front of Buffy’s front door and moments away from being caught made him quite nervous.

“Angel!” the man exclaimed. “I have heard much about you from Spike.”

Hearing the influx of the man’s voice, caused Angel to relax slightly but he was still on guard for anything wrong that could happen. “Whatever he has told you, don’t listen to a word he says,” Angel said halfway between being serious and joking.

“We don’t listen to him much around her anyway so no need for the warning,” he smiled back at Angel. “Why don’t you come on in and I will go and see if I can find him.”

As soon as Angel stepped inside the threshold, the man that opened the door quickly sprinted away from him leaving him all alone in this strange place. He buried his hands deeply into his pockets, and craned his neck so that he was staring at the ceiling while he rolled back and forth on the balls of his feet to his heels. Waiting was the worst, especially in the position that he was in.

It took only moments before the man came back. “I forgot to introduce myself back there, I am Rupert Giles, the Summers’ family butler.”

“Nice to meet you,” Angel greeted with a hand extended in offer of a handshake. “Is Spike here?” he asked still with his hand interlocked with the butler.

“Yes, he will be here in a few moments. He is always busy around here, running around trying to find anyway to get back the girl that was kidnapped from here,” Giles informed him as they dropped their hands.

“Buffy,” Angel said plainly.

“Indeed, have you heard about her?” Giles asked with excitement in his eyes. ‘Maybe he is going to tell Spike were she is.’ “I am so worried about her. I can’t stand the thought of her being lost somewhere with the people who did this to her.”

“Were you close to her?” Angel asked directly because his curiosity of this man took control of his mind.

“She was the only person in this whole world that was like a daughter to me. I never had any of my own, but I always had her. God, I miss her so!” Giles exclaimed as he tried but failed to hold in his emotions. “It is so odd to not see her every morning, bounding down the stairs, with the biggest smile that anyone could have.”

“I bet.”

“Oh my, I should not be talking to you about this, it was rude of me,” Giles apologized but he didn’t need to. Angel could tell that this man truly cared for the woman that he loved and it felt good to her something about her life before she met him.

“No, that is alright, I am a pretty good listener,” Angel assure him with a smile on his face.

“Well, all I can say is that when she comes home and I see a new scar on her body that I don’t know of, I might act quite irrational,” Giles admitted. “I have been there for every bump, bruise and scratch.”

“I have always been curious as to how she got that tiny scar on the base of her head towards her neck,” Angel slipped.

“What did you say?” Giles inquired as he heard the man’s question about a scar that normally Buffy had kept quite hidden.

“I, um… I… Here’s Spike,” Angel tensed up from the question and was quite lucky to see Spike bail him out perfectly from the awkward situation.

“So, Angel, what brings you to my crypt?” Spike greeted with a large grin on his face then turned to face Giles and commanded, “You can go now.” Giles responded with a slight bow of his head and turned to leave the two young men alone.

“Have you heard anything?” Spike asked imperatively.

Angel cast his eyes down at the floor in order not to look his friend in the eye when openly lying to him. “No I am sorry, Spike. Everyone has been keeping exceptionally hush, hush, and I could pry not one word from anyone to find out who kidnapped her.”

“Really?” Spike questioned, wondering why Angel could not look him in the eye to tell him this. “You have heard nothing.”

Angel knew that he had to look Spike straight in the face in order to pull this off, so he took his eyes from the floor and stared into his friend’s light blue orbs. “Not a peep, but I will keep on trying. I am pretty sure that around the time that the British officials sweep through Dublin, people are bound to crack and slip something.”

“You heard about the officials?” Spike asked now starting to be convinced that his friend was telling him the truth.

“Everyone has, especially after that little incident in the bed and breakfast a month ago. Only one couple escaped from the explosion and right away the accident was blamed on Irish revolutionaries.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that story now. What happened to that couple anyway?” Spike inquired.

“Not sure,” Angel admitted with a shrug. “I think they may have headed back home or something.” After telling him this, Angel sighed loudly and slumped his shoulders with absolute exhaustion.

“Are you alright?” Spike sounded concerned.

“I am fine,” Angel said while straightening his body slightly. “Just haven’t been getting too much sleep lately.”

“Aww… Is that girl that you were talking about keeping you up all night?” Spike mocked him. “Really, Peaches, I thought that you would have a little more stamina.”

“She keeps me up all night,” he admitted but then finished the statement in his head, ‘but in a way that you mean.’ “She is gone for a while though, so I am going home and getting some sleep.”

“You do that,” Spike said with a smile then grabbed his friend’s arm to escort him out the door. “It looks like you could use a full 24 hours of sleep with the way you look.”

“And it looks like you could use a constant stream of food for 24 hours with the way that you look,” Angel joked.

Spike laughed along with his friend, and continued to lead him out the door. “You go home and make sure to get some sleep and if you hear anything, you have to let me know.”

“Will do,” Angel nodded his head and walked away from the front door. ‘Now, I have to make a pit stop.”

Shenanigan’s Pub.

Angel felt the overwhelming urge to drown his loneliness and pain in as many bottles of alcohol that he could get his hands on. In on time at all, Angel found a spot along the bar and began to down one drink after another in hopes to wash away the heartache.

~ ~ ~

For the next few weeks, Angel spent almost every waking hour inside that pub, wasting away in his drinks. He had cut off most conversation with his friend’s and they were getting quite worried about him.

“Angel,” Doyle said as he squatted down to Angel’s face that was pressed firmly against the top of the table. “Why don’t you let me have this one?”

“No,” Angel slurred as his mouth barely moved and his eyes stared forward with no emotion in them.

“If he can’t take it, then I will,” Gunn came up quickly behind him and swiped the drink away before Angel could protest.

Angel was extremely pissed off about Gunn’s action but he could not move fast enough to take physical revenge from his friend. “That’s ok,” he garbled, “I will just get a new one.”

“Oh no, you don’t,” Xander stated plainly. “You really need to stop this, what the hell happened to you anyway?”

“You guys wouldn’t understand,” Angel said as he laid his head back down on the table.

“Girl troubles,” Gunn, Xander and Doyle all said at once.

Angel turned his head to the side so that he didn’t look at them any longer and his other cheek rested on the cold surface.

“Who is she?” Xander pried. “You normally tell us everything but ever since Buffy left your home to live with Willow and Oz, you have said maybe five words to all of us.”

“Well, unlike you Xander, I don’t have an overpowering urge to keep my mouth moving at all times of the day,” Angel began to take his anger out on his friends.

“What is wrong with you man?” Gunn pried further. “You can’t keep on doing this to yourself.”

“What happened?” Doyle said in a soothing manner as he crouched across his friend and placed a hand on his back. “You can tell us.”

“God I love her!!!!!” he yelled as he felt tears begin to fall on his face.

After his outburst, the room fell silent. “That was it?” Xander asked breaking that silence. “That is everything?”

“Well, does she know how you feel?” Doyle asked.

Angel shook his head no, not pulling his head up far enough that his nose still scrapes across the table.

“Why don’t you?” Xander asked.

“Because I can’t and I won’t. This is all too difficult.”

“The course of true love never did run smooth,” Gunn whispered in the back.

Angel picked up his head suddenly to stare down his friend. “What did you say??”

“Good ole Willie Shakespeare, ‘The course of true love never did run smooth.’ Ever heard that one?” he repeated.

“She loves Shakespeare, too,” Angel admitted as he sobered up slightly from Gunn’s words.

“Angel you can’t just spend the rest of your life here, trying to drown out you problems. Believe me I tried,” Doyle began to explain. “After Harry left me, I felt that I could never feel good again but hey, look at me now. I am just fine.”

“What did you do?” Angel asked barely above a whisper.

“I went to talk to her. We talked things over and we decided that the separation was probably for the best, but it might be different for you,” he said. “She is probably feeling just as shitty as you do, but in order to see that, you have to talk to her first.”

“I don’t know how,” Angel admitted.

“Well, the first thing you need to do is get off your ass and walk to where she lives,” Gunn stated as he grabbed Angel under the arms and lifted him to his feet. “That is always a good start.”

Gunn let Angel go, thinking that he was going to hit the floor, but Angel surprised everyone when he stayed on his feet. “You know what, you guys, you are right! I should go and find her and tell her what she is missing,” Angel claimed as he swayed back and forth on shaky legs.

“That’s the spirit!” Xander exclaimed. “Now the next step is getting through the door without falling.”

“No problem,” Angel waved his hand nonchalantly and promptly took a step forward which caused him to quickly fall straight to the ground. “Uh, guys. A little help here.”

After much struggling, the three boys were able to get Angel to his feet and out the pub’s doors. From that moment, he was able to walk well enough on his own and the three others returned back to their homes.

With unsteady legs, Angel made his way to Oz’s house to confront the woman that he loved. “And I know that you are feeling the pain just as I am, so here I am to tell you that I love you!” he screamed to the darkness of the street, practicing what he was going to say.

“I know you are hurting just as I am so…” he yelled before he got to Oz’s front lawn. He caught himself staring at the front of the house for many moments, not moving, before he finally decided to walk toward the door and ask for her.

Striding forward, Angel’s eyes never left the house but then when he was able to see through the window in the front of the house, all walking ceased. There was Buffy in the living room with the largest grin on her face. Angel could see the sparkle of happiness in her eyes, and he could tell how glad she was there without him… probably happier than when she was with him.

He could not take his eyes off of her while she seemed so happy and laughed loudly with the people that she was sitting with. This was proof that she was happy and not in pain as he was, so with even more tiredness and with drooping shoulders, he turned around to walk away from the house only to return back to the pub.

TBC…

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