Be Still My Heart What If?
Part One
By Aeris Jade Orion
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net

Rating: Pg-13/R
Pairing: Kerry, Lucy, Carter
Beta Readers: Scotty Welles and Leyla.

Notes: This part was actually ready to be posted several days ago, however Real Life took an unexpected turn. Meaning the only pair of glasses I own snapped in two while I was doing 60 down the interstate, and my new pair won't be ready until sometime next week...*heavy sigh*. Don't ask how I managed to write this paragraph.

Disclaimer: They're mine and you can't have them. *sticks tongue out*



Lucy charged through one room after another, searching for Carter. All day he'd left her on her own, not supervising her or even letting her have more than a minute of his time. Not that she didn't appreciate the freedom she got in return, it was just she'd have felt better if she'd had a net to catch her if she screwed up.

The short conversation she had managed to have with him had been one sentence consisting of him saying she could handle it and that he was busy. Which was fine for him; he wasn't the one that had no idea what was wrong with his patient.

She stormed from trauma room one into trauma room two but there was no sign of him. Indesperation, she meet Dr. Greene's eyes hopefully. "Dr. Greene I...."

"Not now, Lucy."

Lucy clutched the chart to her chest. It seemed like no one was willing to give her a minute of their time. "But..."

"Why don't you go find Carter?"

Lucy's shoulders slumped as she stalked out of the trauma and marched into the hall, muttering under her breath. "I have been."

Frustrated, Lucy wished that Dr. Weaver was working instead of Dr. Greene. The chief of the ER was always willing to take the time to answer questions when Lucy needed an opinion or any assistance. But Dr. Weaver wasn't working today, and Lucy wasn't sure where else to turn.



Kerry inched her way to the elevator doors and peeked out, making sure everyone was distracted. It was Valentine's Day, one of the worst days of the year to work the ER. Everyone was too cheerful, too happy. It didn't suit her mood. And she was not going to get caught working in the middle of all of that love and emotion.

Taking one slow step out, she took off at a half-jog toward the doors. Ten yards... five yards... She could already feel the cold metal and glass of the doors beneath her gloved hands. Clenching the forgotten files tighter to her body, she reached out and...

"DR. WEAVER!!!"

'Oh damn. Just ignore her and she'll go away.' Kerry kept moving, with no hint of slowing down. She was just about at the doors. All she had to do was make it to the bay.

"Dr. Weaver, wait..."

Kerry paused at the desperation in the enthusiastic voice. She couldn't shake the guilt she still felt at having to give up her mentoring the young girl. She owed Lucy to at least hear her out. Giving in to the nagging voice of reason, she turned to the student."I'm not working tonight."

"It'll only take a moment..."

Kerry scanned the ER with a sinking feeling. Everyone was running and dodging through the halls. The residents and attendings were shouting out orders without slowing down. Taking in Lucy's frustration, she would guess that everyone had thrown her out on her own without a net. " Make it fast Lucy."

Lucy relaxed and handed her the abused chart. "My patient's complaining of a continuous headache, nausea, pain around his eyes, but no fever."

Kerry scanned the chart, already shifting into her doctor mode. "What are you thinking?"

"That's the problem, every test I've run so far has come back normal."

Kerry glanced over at the doors. Five more seconds and she would've been free... "All right, I'll take a look at him, just let me put my purse in the lounge."

The relief on Lucy's face was obvious."Thank you, Dr. Weaver.I really appreciate your help!"

Kerry watched the young woman take off toward the exam room. She had been like that once. Questioning everything and anything. Always needing to know why things happened. She'd gone through eight residents and attendings before she finally ended with Gabe. They had all been annoyed with her enthusiasm and each time they would pass her off to someone else.

Gabe had seen what was happening and finally intervened. He had been an incredible teacher. Patient and compassionate. Able to spend hours lecturing on anything from a mole to brain surgery and making it sound like the most unique experience in the universe. In return, all he'd wanted of her was for her to follow her dreams, and pass on what he taught her. It had been a promise she'd made to him, the last promise she'd made to him.

Kerry dumped her stuff in her locker and grabbed her lab coat. Maybe it was time she considered taking Lucy under her wing again.



Lucy entered exam three feeling much more relaxed, especially knowing that Dr. Weaver was going to give take a look at her patient. Hopefully they would be able to figure out what was wrong and get him out of here soon.

Sobriki was pacing around the room like an animal trapped in a cage. His hands were clenching and unclenching.

" Paul, you need to lay back down. Dr. Weaver is going to examine you."

The bloodshot eyes were suspicious. "Why can't you do it?"

"I would feel better if we got a second opinion, and Dr. Weaver is one of our best doctors."

He moved to the blinds and eyed the people passing by in the halls. Was that fear flickering in his eyes? Lucy wondered."I don't want anyone to hurt me..."

"No one's going to hurt you." Lucy gently put her arm around him and guided him toward the bed. His body seemed rigid and jumpy under her touch.

He jumped as the door opened and Dr. Weaver entered."All right, let's see what we've got..."

Paul wrenched away from Lucy, muttering softly to himself. "I won't let you hurt me..." He started to back away, getting more and more aggitated. His eyes focused on the crutch. "You want to hurt me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you. I assure you I'm completely harmless." Kerry slowly leaned the crutch against the wall, sensing it was just making things worse. She made eye contact with Lucy and motioned towards the patient. He seemed to trust her on some level.

"This is Dr. Weaver. She's the doctor I was telling you about." Lucy started to reach for him, wanting to convey trust through her touch.

Paul took a step back and doubled over. The two women jumped back against the sudden outpour from him. Lucy glanced up at Dr. Weaver, at a complete loss. Up until that moment there had been no physical evidence of him being sick.

"It's against Roman law to take one's own life.
The penalty is death."
--- from 'A Funny Thing Happened
On The Way To The Forum'

Aeris Jade Orion
AIM: Aeris Jade
ICQ: 51496263
AT&T/Pow-Wow: Jade
Pow-Wow Community: Orion

Web Site: www.geocities.com/aeris3996

" This act hasn't been seen in 20 years, and if i'm any judge of talent it will never be seen again."
- Theres no business, like show business