Be Still My Heart What If?
Part Four
By Aeris Jade Orion
aerisjade@worldnet.att.net

Title: Be Still My Heart What If..
Part: 4/?
Pairing: Lucy, Weaver, Carter
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles.
Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimers: They're mine so nanananana........



Lucy closed her eyes against the tears that were running freely. She wanted to help, to be in there with the others, working to save Dr. Weaver. Her first response after they'd rushed toward trauma one had been to charge after them. Carter had taken only a moment to order her out. She'd just stood there until he'd lashed out at her.

It wasn't that he'd never yelled at her, it was just he'd never attacked her like that. With that edge of desperation and near-panic. His eyes had been the worst. Wild and scared. She had backed toward the door watching as Weaver crashed.

Carter's panic rising while everyone worked to save her, to save one of their own. Lucy's body being pushed aside as Kovac raced in, his dark complexion paling as he saw who it was, saw her laying there lifeless.

Malucci not far behind him. His hands clapping together in the trauma room with smugness. "Nothing like the smell of a fresh trauma to start your shift..." The way he'd pushed Lydia aside to take over incubating her and the look of horror on his face.

Lucy had watched his unshakable loftiness collapse as he dropped the instruments to the floor and wheezed. "Ch-chief..." Malucci had backed up and run from the room, audibly getting sick into one of the nearby hazard bins.

She'd finally backed away from the scene playing out in front of her, sitting on the floor across from the doors, keeping guard. Malucci joining her shortly after. Helpless to do anything except listen to the flatline and the electrical charges as they shot through Weaver's body.

Malucci reached over, gripping her hand tightly. "The chief's strong, she'll make it."



Carter stood in the middle of the trauma room, staring at the empty table. She'd crashed three times, each time it had taken them longer to revive her. Each time he had nearly broken down.

He slowly peeled the blood-soaked gloves off, letting them fall to the floor. He should go upstairs, he should be there when they brought her out of surgery. Then who'd cover the ER? Both Malucci and Lucy were too shaken up to be of any help.

He jerked off the protective glasses, letting them join the rest of his scrubs on the floor. His clothes felt heavy, clinging to his body from her blood. He paused just outside the doors, feeling the bile fighting to rise.

The ER was silent except for the soft murmurs of the detectives. Everyone was in shock. Even the normally racy Randi was just sitting behind the desk. The nurses and other doctors were standing around waiting, now wearing various scrubs.

There was nothing else to do. The police were only letting in patients brought in by ambulance. Carter watched as Lydia dropped her head. It was probably better that way. No one here was up to dealing with anything, at least until they knew what was happening with Weaver.

"Here..." Carter took the scrubs that Malucci handed him. The younger man was staring at the blood on Carter's clothes, looking like he was going to get sick again.

Carter numbly made his way toward the locker rooms, stripping off his expensive clothes as he made his way towards the showers. He turned on the water, letting it heat the suddenly cold room, steam surrounding his tired body.

He pushed his palms against the chilly tiles and let the first sobs retch through his wet body. Each sob came harder than the last. If he'd only trusted his instincts and gone into the exam room maybe he could have stopped the attack. If he'd only paid more attention to Lucy then it would've been him lying there instead.

He just couldn't shake the image of her lying there in a puddle of her own blood. Gazing at him in pain and confusion. Carter slipped to the floor, curling up and let go of all of the emotions he'd tried to hide.

The wounds shouldn't have made her crash so many times. She was strong, strong enough to fight this, to fight death. Why wasn't she trying harder? Carter leaned his head and felt his panic rise.

The week he started moving out, he'd lost a patient. He'd spent four hours working on her trying to save her. Her wounds had been bad enough to be life-threatening, but not bad enough that she shouldn't have died.

Kerry had sighed heavily. "When I was first starting out, I lost a patient. There was no apparent reason why. One of the doctors at the clinic was a shaman. You know what he told me?"

John shook his head without any real interest.

"Sometimes the soul is too sick for the body to be saved."

John stood up at the loud bang that echoed around him. Someone had just come into the shower room, letting the door slam. What if it was the guy responsible for Kerry's current problem? His breathing sped up as the fear became rage. Not caring about his nudity, he glanced around for some sort of weapon with which to defend himself. If he could get his hands on the bastard who'd stabbed Kerry...

Nothing but his towel came to hand, but he held it under the water, letting it gain weight as it soaked. It wasn't the most effective of clubs, but swung hard enough, it could still stun an attacker. He inched into the locker room, spotting the dark-haired man bending over to pick up his clothes.

A loud scream ripped from Carter's throat, the improvised weapon swinging in his hand. The man spun around to him, blocking his wrist before the towel could connect. Carter pushed forward. How dare he hurt his friend? How dare he come into this haven and hurt her?

A torrent of Croatian filled his ears, pain exploded across his face, and he fell back. Kovac's hand pulled back, ready to slap him a second time. "Jesus, Carter, what are you doing?! Are you trying to kill someone?"

Sanity returned as it sank into Carter's head that he was assaulting one of his colleagues, an attending, no less. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, Dr. Kovac. I...I thought maybe it was...after what happened to Dr. Weaver..."

Luka nodded, releasing Carter's wrist. "Okay, I can understand that. Just next time, look before you leap, all right?"

"Sure, I'm really sorry." Mortified more for his unprovoked attack than his nakedness, Carter wrapped the sodden towel around himself. "Were you looking for me?"

"We've got MVA's in route. A man wearing a hospital gown ran out into the interstate. I've sent Lucy upstairs and with Kerry... I've paged Mark."

"Okay, I'll, uh, I'll be there in a minute," Carter said, nodding mutely.

"Don't be too long, they'll be here shortly."

"Yeah, just give me a minute, okay?" Carter could feel himself starting to shake as the adrenaline rush subsided.

Kovac met his gaze, then left the locker room. Carter could see how much effort it was taking for the older man to keep going.

Carter sat on the bench next to his scrubs, trying to pull himself together. There was no excuse for losing it like that, he told himself. Even if you are worried sick about Kerry. What would she think of you for that? And people need your help.

He reached for his scrubs, uncaring that he wasn't dry yet.



Aeris Jade Orion
AIM: Aeris Jade
ICQ: 51496263
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Web Site: www.geocities.com/aeris3996

" This act hasn't been seen in 20 years, and if i'm any judge of talent it will never be seen again."
- Theres no business, like show business