Title: Every Once In A While
Part: 5/?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Weaver, Randi, Doyle, Legaspi, Ensemble
Beta Reader: Scotty Welles
Spoilers: Yes, for all of season seven.
<><><><><><><>
Three Days Later
<><><><><><><>
The insistent ringing of the phone sounded jarring in the hotel room.
Getting up from the desk, she ignored her crutch and hobbled the few
steps to the bed. Sinking tiredly onto it, she picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Kerry," said the cultured British voice. "I hope I haven't
caught you at an awkward moment...?"
She groaned inwardly at the poorly faked cheerfulness in the voice on
the other end of the line. Elizabeth was the last person she wanted to
talk to right now. The surgeon had been exceedingly cold towards her
for the last few months, not even bothering to try and pretend to be
social. She could understand the surgeon being protective of her
fiancee, but this was passing ridiculous.
She'd only gotten back to her hotel room and begun looking over the
forms Jamie had printed, formalizing her proposed job description and
responsibilities, and she was finally feeling at least somewhat decent,
and already life was trying to destroy her mood. "Of course not," she
replied civilly.
"It's about my wedding..."
Kerry stilled herself against the pain as she heard the hostility
tinting her voice. She wasn't the most brilliant woman when it came to
reading a person, but even she could figure out where this was heading.
"...it seems that there was a mix up with the arrangements. We've got
106 RSVP's and there's only room for 75..."
She could feel the awkward resentment hanging between them and decided
to end this quickly. To the woman she had once considered a respected
colleague, she replied, "I'm sorry, I thought I'd told you. I have a
conference in Las Vegas that week so I won't be able to make it."
Silence reigned on the other end, and she could imagine the look of
calm irritation on Corday's face. The surgeon was probably wondering
whether to be grateful or angry at her giving her an out.
"Well...I hope you have an enjoyable trip."
She closed her eyes, pretending that she hadn't heard the way Elizabeth
had struggled with the word 'enjoyable'. "Elizabeth...I just want you
to know how happy I am for you and Mark."
"Of course. I...uh...well, goodbye." Click.
"'Bye..." She whispered into the dial tone. Why did it hurt so much,
this complete alienation by Mark and Elizabeth, two people she thought
very highly of? There was a time when she wouldn't have allowed it to
hurt at all.
For the first ten years of her life she lived on the streets, learning
how to survive from day to day. No real education, no parents, no
friends. There was no one there to teach her the fine points of
socializing and etiquette, but then again there was no place for it on
the streets.
It wasn't until sometime close to her eleventh birthday that she was
finally caught by the cops and put into foster care. Almost
immediately the Weavers had taken her in, first as a foster child and
later as their adopted daughter.
It was purely through luck that she'd managed to get caught up with her
education so quickly, even going as far as to surpassing the standard
level for her age group. Unfortunately, where she'd excelled
academically, she'd failed socially. Unable to learn the basics of
such simple things as being friendly.
It was a failing that had followed her constantly through school and
into medicine. At Sinai she'd found herself hopelessly isolated, but
years on the street had toughened her skin. She simply ignored
everyone and went on with her day to day tasks.
At County she'd found the same thing she'd found every place else,
except their was one difference. Respect. They were a family, all of
them, even Romano. They all had their place, they all respected each
other, and that respect was what held them together. No matter what
happened, despite their personal struggles, despite their personal
clashes.
Now, that had changed. The little respect that she had earned from
Mark and Elizabeth was lost with their resentment. They didn't even
bother to see how she'd battled against Romano when he'd wanted her to
fire him after his surgery. They didn't even bother to acknowledge her
concern for him. He didn't even want to admit that if he'd just taken
the time off she'd offered him, if he'd just listened to her instead of
walking away, all of this could have been avoided.
Then there was Elizabeth, how many times had she approached her about
her fiancee? How many times had she tried to talk to her about his
recovery, and about her concerns? Each time to only have her feign
ignorance. Each time to get a rushed answer as she tried to avoid the
truth.
She cared for them both, respected and valued them, and genuinely
wished them happiness. Why did they have to reject her at ever turn?
It hurt, dammit. It just hurt...
"Hey, you okay?" She glanced up at Jaime as she walked out of the
bathroom, wrapped in a plush hotel robe, towel cocooning her hair, and
joined Kerry on the bed. The blonde had decided to join her in her
hotel room, claiming a fondness for room service.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Kerry assured her, nodding toward the papers on the
desk. "I'm just thinking that job is starting to sound better all the
time..."
Jamie smiled, wrapping arms around the redhead. "I knew you'd approve
of the salary. Not to mention, the, ah, fringe benefits."
Kerry leaned into her old friend's embrace, but her heart wasn't in it.
<><><><><><><>
"So you just left her there?" Maggie put her BMW in gear and pulled
out of the airport parking lot.
"She hit me," Randi sulked. "You can pay me all you want, but I don't
take that shit from anybody."
Maggie narrowed her eyes at her friend. "What did you do?"
"I packed my stuff, went to the airport, and called you."
"No, I mean what did you do to make her hit you?"
Randi's voice went up, defensively. "Hey, what makes you think I did
anything?"
Maggie rolled her eyes as Randi shifted with a scowl. "Randi, I asked
you to keep an eye on Weaver so she didn't do anything rash. You call
me up, asking for plane fare home, I'm gonna take that as a sign that
something went wrong."
"I'll pay you back, okay? Just get off my case!"
"Forget the money. Operative's travel expenses are paid by the
employer. But what happened with Weaver?"
Randi crossed her arms and looked out the window. "Screw her. She's a
big girl, she can do whatever she wants."
Maggie blew out an angry breath. "Randi...!"
"Don't 'Randi' me, Maggie! You ever think maybe you should have just
left her alone to begin with? I mean, she hired you to clear Legaspi,
not spy on her!"
"You didn't seem to have any problems tailing her when I asked you!"
"'Cause I was doing you a favor, you ungrateful bitch! I won't make
that mistake again!" She turned away in her seat, pointedly ignoring
the woman in the driver's seat.
Maggie gripped the wheel, her knuckles whitening, but kept her temper.
"All right," she said at last. "I'm sorry. I put you in a tough
position, but it's because I was worried about her."
Randi snorted softly.
"I've known people like her, who had trouble coming out," Maggie went
on steadily. "Particularly at an older age, like Weaver. Some of 'em
couldn't face it, a few even killed themselves."
Randi turned and looked at Maggie, scorn and anger yielding to concern.
She recalled how low Weaver's spirits had been in the days following
her breakup with Dr. Legaspi.
"I didn't want that to happen to her. And I couldn't help her and
Legaspi at the same time. I needed help from someone I could trust,
but it couldn't be a stranger. It had to be someone Kerry knew, too.
So I thought of you."
The young desk clerk felt even lower now. "Look, it's not my fault,"
she said. "The whole trip she'd been ignoring me and treating me like
some hitchhiker. Next thing I know she's all over this woman and..."
"What woman?"
Randi's eyes widened with a strangled choke, realizing she'd just
betrayed Weaver's confidences. The Chief was going to kill her. She'd
make a lousy secret agent, she decided. Finding her voice again, she
said, "Oh, she met this old friend at the hospital where she's
applying, and they're making goo-goo eyes at each other."
"You mean like...?"
"Yeah. I don't think you have to worry about her coming out..."
Maggie sighed. "Yeah, but...what am I gonna tell Kim?"
<><><><><><><>
"I think you should talk to her."
Kerry pushed her plate away, gazing at the cool blonde through half
lidded eyes. "I will."
"When?"
"When I go back." Kerry sighed softly. "You know that I won't be able
to leave until my contract runs out next month."
"I know. When are you going back?"
Kerry reached for her hand, for once not bothered by being out in
public. The restaurant was quiet, the dinner crowd already come and
gone. "Tomorrow... I have to get back before Mark totally undoes my
ER."
The problem was it wouldn't be her ER much longer. She would no longer
be there to keep Malucci in line, or pretend like she didn't know about
his little crush. She wouldn't have to tell Frank not to run checks on
their patients, or keep Jerry out of trouble. She would no longer have
to worry about Carter, making sure the young man she'd always seen as
her surrogate brother was making it through each day.
And Kim...
"Kerry?"
She looked across the small table at Jamie, knowing her entire train of
thoughts was visible on her face. Jamie could always read her like a
book.
"You still love her, don't you?" Jamie said softly. "I understand
that, but I hope you'll forgive me feeling jealous."
"How...how did you know?"
"You mean besides the fact that you called me by her name when we made
love?"
A hand flew to Kerry's mouth. "Oh God, Jamie, I didn't mean..."
Jamie smiled sadly. "I know, honey. It doesn't go away all at once."
She turned her hand over, thumb caressing Kerry's palm. "The only
thing is, you need to be the one who makes the choice to move past it
and go forward. I love you, but I can't make that choice for you."
She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but every time she tried
to say what she needed to it reappeared. "I'm...sorry."
<><><><><><><>
Kim knew before Maggie said a word. She listened silently, thanked her
for the news, even offered the young doctor a cup of coffee, but really
she couldn't wait until she was alone with the remains of her heart,
shattered into a thousand pieces.
The idea that her lover...ex-lover was now in the arms of another woman
had embedded itself into her soul, twisting in her gut. Bleeding the
already raw wounds until she could only cry out for mercy.
There was no one but herself to blame for losing Kerry to someone else.
She'd broken it off herself, she'd told Kerry to go back to her life.
She'd cried herself to sleep that night with the understanding that she
would never feel that soft, rose-scented skin against hers again. At
least her mind understood that, but her heart didn't.
On another level, she'd always believed that this was simply a trial.
A test of their love, their determination to be together. Even now she
still had a feeling of hope that everything would work out. That no
matter how long it took, no matter what they went through, separate or
together, they would one day be together. Forever.
She tightened her fists as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
So what if there was another woman? Maybe it was what was necessary
for them to be together in the end, and the end was all that mattered.
The end was theirs, was hers, and she would be damned if she would give
that up.
<><><><><><><>
Kerry sat on the cold bed, staring at the black screen of the
television. Jamie was working, putting in the long, odd hours that
Kerry was accustomed to herself. It was just as well, in its way. As
wonderful as their time together had been, Kerry needed the time to
herself.
She couldn't believe she had done that, but she had. She'd made her
choice, and now there was no turning back. Jaime was supportive, as
always, but then again why wouldn't she be?
Now, she had to face that decision. She'd done too much damage to her
relationship with Kim to ever hope to repair it, but she could at least
try. She owed her that much, if not more. She wouldn't let herself
even hope that they could remain on speaking terms, much less anything
else, but she still needed to do this.
All her adult life she'd pushed everyone around her away, scared of
what might happen if she let them in. Ellis, Doug, James, and now Kim.
It was a survival skill that she'd depended on greatly most of her
life. Now she was caught halfway between the child she used to be and
the adult that her parents had tried so hard to help her become.
She felt trapped, and she had no idea how to get herself out.
" I signed the release waiver,
so feel free to put things in my slot anytime."
- Charles Angels.
Odo: Madam Ambassodor, I'm not like you.
Every sixteen hours I revert to a liqiud.
Lwaxana Troi: I can swim.
- DS9: The Forsaken.
Aeris Jade Orion
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