I Dreamed A Dream
Part One
By Breigh
breighbers@juno.com

Ok, this series needs explanation, and here's one:
This series starts around 6 years after "The Storm". When Doug left Carol was pregnant, and she decided to not tell him about the baby. Instead of having twin girls, she had twin boys, Ben and Joel. (You might not like the idea now, but trust me, it grows on you as the series goes along. Also, this story is one of my first, and the next ones are a lot better developed, and they're better than this one, this is just the one that explains everything and gets you into the series.) One day Doug comes back to Chicago for a conference and finds Carol and he meets the two little boys that he never knew he had, and that's where it all starts! Feedback is always appreciated, send mail to: Breighbers@juno.com



When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
I was young and unafraid and dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night, with their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my-side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms that cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

I Dreamed a Dream ~ Les Miserables

Doug sank into his seat on the plane. He looked out the window and out across the dreary Seattle day, why he had agreed to take this conference was beyond him, well, not totally beyond him. He rubbed his face, he knew why he hadn't turned it down; he hadn't turned it down because of Carol. It had been almost 6 years, but he never stopped loving her. He'd dated other women, but it would only last for a week or two, no one could add up to her. But she was probably married, with a baby or two. She may not even live there. He thought, but the thought of her being with someone else made him feel sick, so he quickly erased it. He still didn't know why he left, and he didn't know how he could have said what he did. "There's nothing for me here…" Those words haunted him to this day, he loved her so much, why had he left, and even more important, why hadn't he came back when he realized it? Carol was the only one for him, but now he had a fear that he was too late, 6 years was a long time, and even more important, 6 years without contact, well almost. He tried to forget her a couple times, but he had no luck. It would work for about, 20 minutes, then he'd think about how he was trying to forget about her, and well, you get the picture. He did do one thing, every year on Carol's birthday he sent her a dozen red roses. He didn't know what she did with them, or if she even got them for that matter, but it made him happy just to think that maybe she had them sitting on the counter.



"Go Ben!" Carol shouted as she jumped up in the bleachers of the hockey rink. She bit her lip as her 5-year old son skated wildly towards the net. The rest of the parents also stood up on the team, the game was tied, and even know all the boys were only 5, they took the games so seriously. The clock ticked away as Ben skated faster and faster. Carol held her breath as the little boy shot the puck and then fell onto his knees. The clock went off as Carol watched as the puck slid past the goalie and into the back of the net. The light went off. Carol had a huge grin on her face as all the boys on the team skated over and jumped on Ben.

"That was great!" One of the moms said as she turned around and smiled to Carol. "I bet Ben could make a spot on the travel team." She said informatively.

"Travel team? Oh I don't know, Ben's only 5."

"Yeah, the teams for 8 and under's, it experimental, so they won't be going to far. But he's good, you should give him every opportunity."

"Yeah, well I don't know, his brother's just getting into the baseball thing." Carol said as she leaned down and picked up her coat.

"Oh, well Colin is trying out, I could take Ben for you, if you decide he can try it." The lady said with a smile.

"Ok, I'll think it over, thank you." Carol said with a smile before descending the bleachers and heading towards the door where the hockey team was coming off. "Ben!" Carol said running over to him.

"Mom!" He said jumping into her arms.

"Oh honey, that was so great!" Carol said congratulating the little boy. He just smiled through his helmet. "Come on bud, we have to get to Joel's baseball game." Carol said as she un-strapped his helmet and took it off his head. The little boy was definitely Doug's son; there was no question. He had wavy brown hair, which was cut a longer on top and then cut close around the bottom (Like Doug's in Season 1). When Carol looked into his eyes she saw Doug, and that's probably what helped her through the past couple years.

At first the prospect of being a single parent scared her, she and Doug had tried so hard to have a baby, but it didn't happen until after he left. But Carol realized that it must have been meant to be, so she had the babies. Now she couldn't think of how she would make it every day without them. At first she'd planned on telling Doug, she'd sit with the phone and contemplate whether or not to dial his number. Every time she'd put the phone back down, and she'd never called. As time went on it got harder, and she never told him about his son's, although she knew that he would want to know. Doug would have been a good father, but she thought it was too late now. Now the boys were 5, and Doug probably had a girlfriend or a wife even, and maybe he had a baby with her. But the thing that made Carol think other wise was the roses. Every birthday she'd had since he left for Seattle, there was a dozen red roses.



As Doug's plane circled Chicago O'Hare he took a deep breath. This is where it had all began, stepping off the plane he didn't know what to expect. He didn't know if things were the same or different. The plane landed and Doug got off, immediately he knew his answer, nothing had changed. It felt like timed stood still. He knew what he had to do; he had to find Carol.



Carol walked into County General followed by her two sons. They were each playing a game boy, and paying no attention to their surroundings. Carol walked into the lounge, and the boys followed. Carter was in there sitting on the couch. Carter had a connection with the boys; it wasn't like a father, but more like a big brother.

"Hey guys!" Carter said leaning forward. He was eating McDonalds and he set his hamburger on the table.

"Hey Carter." Joel said as he turned off his game boy. Joel looked like Ben, the same hair, same eyes, but both boys were so different.

"Hi Carter." Ben said as he too turned off his game boy. "Guess what?" Ben said as he ran over to Carol's locker and put his game boy in it.

"What?" Carter asked as Joel went over and sat next to Carter on the couch. Carter picked up his fries and offered them to Joel, who reached in and pulled some out, then he stuffed them into his mouth. Carol smiled at them as she put on her scrub top.

"I scored the winning goal in our game!" Ben said excitedly.

"All right!" Carter said smiling. "Good job bud!"

"Thank you." Ben said proudly as he went over to the couch.

"Want some fries?" Carter asked as he held the fries out to Ben.

"Sure." Ben said reaching in and grabbing a handful of fries.

"Carter, do you have to go back to work?" Joel asked.

"No, not yet."

"Can we play basketball?"

"Guys, Carter doesn't want to play basketball." Carol said, trying not to have them bother Carter.

"No Carol, it's fine." Carter said getting up. "Let's go guys."

"Yeah!" Both boys shouted and they ran out of the lounge. Carter followed. He loved spending time with the boys, and he knew they loved spending time with him. Carol just smiled, if Doug wasn't there at least the boys had a guy to look up to. Carol flopped down on the couch and smiled.



Carter lifted Joel up on his shoulders and helped him shoot the ball into the net just as Doug came into his view. Carter froze, and he looked down at Ben, and then up at Joel. Doug was back, what was Carol going to do? What was going to happen with the boys?

"Doug?" Carter questioned to make sure that he was right about it being Doug.

"Hey Carter!" Doug said as he walked over to Doug. Carter took Joel off his shoulders and set him down.

"Doug…how…how have you been?" Carter asked as he shook his hand.

"I've been alright." Doug said as Ben and Joel caught his eye. He couldn't help but thinking of how much they looked like him, but he shook his head, and quickly got that thought out of his mind. "And you, you have sons?" Doug asked pointing to the boys.

"He's not our dad." Ben said stepping forward.

"Yeah, there not mine." Carter said, as Doug looked at him puzzled. "There a friends son's." He said clarifying it, he was afraid to tell him that they were Carol's, that was her job.

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"Um, Carter, does Carol still work here?" Doug asked hoping that his answer would be yes.

"Yeah, yeah, she's in the lounge."



Carol was sitting in the lounge reading a magazine; her shift didn't start for 10 minutes. Doug stood outside of the lounge door and took a deep breath. He heard the murmur coming from the nurses' desk, but he didn't care, all he cared about was the person who was on the other side of the door. He pushed the door open and walked inside, there he saw her, as beautiful as the day he left. He just stood there in awe as Carol looked over at him. She froze, and her body went numb, there he was, Doug was there. Her mind went blank for a little while, and then she panicked, the boys, what was she going to do about the boys?

"What are you doing here Doug?" Carol questioned after a long silence. Doug just looked at her, he longed to run to her and hold her, and take her into his arms.

"I…um have a conference, and I wanted to see you, I know it's been 6 years but…" He felt as a lump came up in his throat as he looked at her. "But I've missed you, and I wanted to see you." He said not knowing how she would react to this. She said nothing, but got up and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around him, and he was breathless. He wrapped his arms around her, and ran his fingers through her hair, then his hands up and down her back.

"I just wanted to hug you." Carol said moving away.

"I wanted to hug you too." Doug paused; he wanted to know what was going on with her. "So, um, how have you been? Are you married?"

"I've been alright." Carol said with a nod.

"Mom!" Joel yelled as he ran into the lounge followed by Ben and Carter. Carter felt awkward as he walked in.

"Um, yes honey?" Carol asked as she bent down to him.

"Carter got off, and he's taking us to his house." Joel began.

"Yeah, and we're going to order pizza and watch the Blackhawks game." Ben finished.

"Alright." Carol said standing up.

"Yeah, they can just come to my house." Carter said assuring Carol that it was ok.

"Ok, thanks Carter, I'll call you later."

"Sure." Carter said nodding as Ben and Joel started out the door.

"Ben, Joel, be good!" Carol yelled to them.

"We will Ma!" They both yelled as they left. Carol looked over at Doug.

"They're your sons?" Doug asked looking back at her.

"Yes, they are."

"How old are they?"

"Um, they're 5." Carol said lowering her head. Doug thought for a second, if they were 5, then that meant that he was gone for like, a week, she slept with someone, and then she got pregnant.

"5? So what, I was gone for like a week and you were already over me?" Doug asked as his voice grew louder.

"It's not what you think." Carol said trying to hush him.

"Carol, I'm still not over you after 6 years, and it took you what 6 minutes? How…how could you?"

"I didn't!" She said as tears sprung to her eyes.

"Then what did you do?" Doug asked hastily.

"Doug, not here."

"Carol, I want to know." Doug said calming down a little.

"Doug, not here, please." Carol begged as tears streamed down her face.

"Fine, then where?" Doug asked.

"What are you doing tonight?" Carol asked, she didn't know how she was going to tell him, but she knew she had to, for him and their sons.

"Nothing."

"Ok then, can you come by my place?"

"Sure."



Doug knocked on Carol's door that night with a dozen roses in hand. He didn't know what she was going to tell him, but he did know one thing, holding her brought back feelings that he thought he'd never have again. Carol made her way to the door; she took a deep breath before she opened it. Doug smiled at her, and then handed her the roses.

"Doug, they're beautiful." Carol said stepping aside and letting Doug come in. He looked around and saw some cars on the floor, and a hockey bag with a hockey stick placed on top of it, next to a baseball bag. Carol saw Doug looking at them. "Ben plays hockey, and Joel plays baseball."

"Athletes, huh?"

"Yes." She said smiling. Carol walked into the living room and set the roses down on the table. Doug looked around; things looked basically the same, except now there were pictures of the boys all over the house. "Doug, I think we need to talk." Carol said as she sat down on the couch.

"I need to talk to you too." Doug said as he sat next to her.

"You go first." Carol said, she didn't know if he was still going to be around when she finished telling him about the boys.

"Well, alright…" Doug began. He cleared his throat and looked at her gently. "Carol, I love you. I don't know why I went to Seattle, and I don't know why I lost touch with you. You are the only woman I've ever loved, and the only woman who's ever loved me. I think about you all the time, I can't look at another woman. I know that's we're meant to be together, I know it, and I know that you've probably moved on, and that I've used up all my chances, but I just want you to know. I just want you
to know how much I care about you, and how much I think about you." He said lowering his head.

"I love you too Doug." Carol said in a whisper that was almost unheard by her, but Doug heard it, and he looked over at her with a smile. "But Doug, there's something so much more important than that." Doug nodded, and Carol continued. "Doug, when you left I was scared, and alone, and I though you didn't want me because you left while we were trying to have a baby and beginning to start a family." Doug began to talk, to tell her that he was sorry, but Carol hushed him. "I know that that's not why you left. Doug, when you left me I was pregnant. I didn't know it, but I was. I tried to call you, and tell you, but I could never bring myself to it. Doug, Joel and Ben are your sons. You're their father." She said before putting her head in her hands and crying. Doug was speechless. Out of all the things he'd expected from this trip, this was definitely not one of them. He had two sons, and again he'd missed out on their life. He was the man who he never wanted to be the man who he cursed, and promised himself never to be like, but there he was, he was his father.

"I…I don't know what to say."

"Doug, I didn't want you coming back for the babies, because I knew that that's what you would have done. I didn't want to be a couple who was together for the kids. If I wasn't enough to keep you here, then a baby shouldn't have been either." Carol said through her tears.

"Well, I think that that should have been my decision."

"I know, and I totally understand if you want to leave."

"I'm not going to leave, Carol those little boys are what we wanted, those little boys are what I've dreamed about over and over. I just would have liked to be there. I would have liked to be a father to them."

"I know, and I would have liked you to too."

"Well, what now? I mean can I be their father now?" Doug asked looking over at Carol. She didn't know what to say she felt so guilty, she'd kept him from his little boys, and she'd kept their little boys from him.

"I'd like you to try." Carol said looking over at him.

"I'd like to try too." Doug said, as there was a knock at the door. Carol got up and walked over to the door. She opened it and Ben and Joel ran in.

"Hey mom!" Joel said running in.

"Hey Ma!" Ben said as he followed Ben. They ran over to the living room, they didn't even pay attention to Doug and they sat down on the floor and turned on the TV.

"Thank you so much Carter." Carol said thanking him.

"No problem, we had fun." Carter said nodding.

"Well, thank you again."

"Sure Carol." Carter said as he turned and walked away. Doug sat on the couch marveling over his little boys that sat in front of him, they were so close; yet he couldn't have them. Carol saw how he looked at the, and she walked over to the couch and sat down.

"So, did you guys say hello to my friend?" Carol asked the boys. They both turned around.

"Hi." They both said before turning around and watching the TV again.

"Guys, come here, I want you to meet him." Carol said as the boys stood up and walked over to Carol. "Ben, Joel, this is a very good friend of mine, Doug Ross." Carol said putting a hand on each of the boy's shoulders. "Doug, this is Ben, and this is Joel." Carol said introducing the boys. Doug felt a lump come up in his throat. He'd missed out on so much in his life, and he regretted it all, but this may have been the thing that he regretted most. Doug swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

"Um…it's nice to meet you." Doug said as he stuck out his hands and shook each of the boy's hands.

"Nice to meet you too." Both of the boys said at the same time.

"Ok, well you guys need to get to bed." Carol said getting up.

"Um…I better go." Doug said uncomfortably.

"You don't have to, I'll just get them into bed, and I'll be back down." Carol said, she wanted him to stay.

"Ok, I'll just wait down here." Doug said nodding.



Carol got both of the boys into bed. She was now in Ben's room.

"Mom?" Ben asked as Carol picked up some of the clothes that Ben had thrown on the floor.

"Huh?" Carol asked as she walked over and sat on the end of his bed.

"Me and Joel were talking."

"And?" Carol asked with a smile.

"We know what we want for our birthday."

"Ben, your birthday isn't for a couple months."

"Yeah, but what we want may take a while."

"Ok then, what is it that you want?"

"Well, we want a little brother or sister, and a dad." Ben said looking up at her with sparkling eyes. Carol didn't know what to do; she didn't know what to say. Ben and Joel had asked about their father a couple times, but Carol could always divert them, but now that their father was sitting downstairs she knew that it wouldn't be that easy to keep his identity a secret for too long.

"Well, we'll have to see." Carol said as she leaned down and kissed Ben on the head. "Good night buddy, I love you."

"Love you too mom." Ben said as he snuggled under the covers. Carol smiled as she got off the bed and headed downstairs to Doug.



"I was just looking through this album." Doug said as he saw Carol come downstairs. Carol smiled at the interest he was showing towards the boys.

"That's ok." Carol said with a smile. Doug nodded.

"I'm going to be a father to them, I know that after 5 years it's going to be hard, but I'm going to be there for them."

"Good, I'm happy." Carol said with a smile as she walked back over to the couch.

"And what about us?"

"Doug, you've been gone for 6 years, you can't think that I'm going to jump into your arms."

"I wasn't expecting you to." Doug said cocking his head and smirking. "I think maybe we should take things one step at a time, my sons first, and then we'll see what we can work out."

"I think that's a great idea." Carol said with a smile.

"So, what are you guys doing tomorrow? I have a conference until 12, but then I'd like to do something with you guys."

"Well, I have work at 2, but Ben and Joel are free." Carol said as Doug nodded.

"Do you think they'd be interested in spending the day with me?"

"I bet they would."

"Ok, then where should I take them?"

"Um, there's this place, The ESPN Zone, do they have one of them in Seattle?"

"If they do, I've never been there."

"Anyway, it's a big interactive arcade, they have all kinds of stuff, and the boys love it there. I'll take them there if they do well in school, or sometimes I surprise them and take them there for dinner. I think that they would love a guy to take them there."

"Alright, then that's where we'll go. I'll pick them up around 1, and we'll spend the day together." Doug paused. "I'm going to spend the day with my sons." He said unbelieving that those words had came out of his own mouth, but they had.

"Yeah, but I'd like it if you didn't tell them that you're their father right away." Carol said. She tried to put it as easy as possible, without hurting him.

"Yeah…yeah, I guess that's a good idea." Doug said nodding in agreement.

"Doug, I just want the boys to get to know you before we jump into this. They want a father, so I think that they will take a liking to you, and they're great kids."

"No, Carol, I totally understand." Doug said with a smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."