I Dreamed A Dream
Part Eleven - An Unshakable Look
By Breigh
breighbers@juno.com

Ok, this series needs explanation, and here's one:
This series starts around 6 years after "The Storm". When Doug left Carol was pregnant, and she decided to not tell him about the baby. Instead of having twin girls, she had twin boys, Ben and Joel. (You might not like the idea now, but trust me, it grows on you as the series goes along. Also, this story is one of my first, and the next ones are a lot better developed, and they're better than this one, this is just the one that explains everything and gets you into the series.) One day Doug comes back to Chicago for a conference and finds Carol and he meets the two little boys that he never knew he had, and that's where it all starts! Feedback is always appreciated, send mail to: Breighbers@juno.com

Doug finds yet another adition to his family.



It’s 3 weeks later. Carol is now 10 weeks; she’s doing better, although she’s still experiencing the morning sickness. They broke ground to start building the house 3 days ago, so it should be done around the same time the baby is born. Miraculously the boys haven’t spilled the news about the baby to anyone else. Carol and Doug decided to wait until she reaches 3 months, that way the odds of them telling everyone and then loosing the baby are slim. Carol has off today, so she’s taking Ben and Joel shopping for new school clothes. They start school in a week. Doug has work today. Also they started building the new pediatric ER a week ago, so Doug’s been pretty busy with that.



Doug sat in the lounge rubbing his hands through his hair. He had a whole stack of charts in front of him, and he also had a whole bunch on the floor. He had also been interviewing people for the positions that they needed in the peds ER. They had talked to Anspaugh and it was decided that Carol would be moving from head nurse in the ER to head nurse in the pediatric ER. The move was exciting for both of them. Carol looked  forward to it because ever since she had her own children shealways  loved to take care of children, and she felt that she was better at it because she had learned to be more patient with them from her experience with her own. She also felt that it was more rewarding. The smile on a child’s face hit her 100 times harder than one on an adult's face. And as for Doug, he was happy that he would be working so closely with her, although he was trying to convince her to maybe take only a few shifts, and do what she needed at home. In fact, he was happy to be working that closely with her again, but he wanted to make sure she would be able to do it. She had to work with the boys, but she didn’t have to work with this baby. She could stay home, but Carol insisted on working, although he thought he could still convince her.  Doug leaned forward and grabbed a chart. He sighed as he opened the manila cover. Just as he did so Jerry walked in. “Uh, Dr. Ross, Carol’s on the phone.”

“Ok Jerr, I’ll take it in here.” He said picking up the phone that sat diagonal across from him. Jerry nodded and then walked out. “Hello?” Doug answered.

“Hey.”

“Hey, is everything ok?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine. I was just wondering if you could bring home Ben and Joel’s charts. I need their shot records and everything for the school.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll bring them home with me tonight.”

“Ok, thanks honey.”

“Sure. Are you taking the boys to the mall?” He asked as he closed the chart.

“Trying to. Convincing two 5-year-old boys that shopping is fun isn’t an easy task.” She said with a sigh.

“Well, maybe now we’ll have a little girl to go shopping with you.” Doug said as he grinned to himself.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Well, I better get going baby, I’m swamped. I’ve got charts coming out of my ears, and I have interviews for the rest of the day.”

“Ugh, sounds fun.” She said with a laugh.

“Oh yeah, great fun. But listen, I don’t think I’m going to make it home for dinner, so don’t wait for me.”

“Alright,” Carol said with a sigh. Doug had been missing dinner a lot lately. She knew that it was going to be hard, but with this pregnancy she found herself many times collapsed on the couch by 7 o’clock, and Doug wouldn’t get home until nearly 9, and she had to try her best to stay awake to watch the twins. “I don’t really feel like cooking, so we’ll probably just eat out.”

“Do you not feel good? Cause if you want I can try to move the interviews up and bring these charts home to do.” He offered.

“No, I’m just tired. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ll call you if I want you to come home.”

“Alright honey.”

“Ok, bye then, and don’t forget the boys charts.”

“I won’t, I’ll go have Jerry pull them out for me now, and put them in my bag.”

“Good.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She said to end their conversation. Doug hung up the phone and immediately went out to Jerry.

“Hey Jerry, can you pull Ben and Joel’s chats for me?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Thanks.”

“Yep, oh, and uh there’s a 14 year old cancer patient in exam 5.”

“Alright, I’ve got it.” Doug said walking over to get the child’s chart and then headed down to exam 5. Doug read over the chart before he walked into the room. The boy’s name was Justin Stevens. 'Stevens' Doug thought, that name lingered in his mind. He knew it from somewhere, he knew it from someone. Doug continued reading and found that the boy had leukemia, and he was under going chemotherapy. He sighed as he pushed open the door to the exam room. Cases like this always bothered him. Out of everything, he rendered children with cancer the worst off. Most of the kids he saw were the best kids he’d ever met, they had so much spirit and hope, but at the same time he would look at them and know that most of them wouldn’t be there a year from now. He couldn’t imagine how the parents felt, how they stayed optimistic. He didn’t know if he could handle one of his boys being diagnosed with cancer, he couldn’t sit there and watch them go through everything, knowing that there was a good chance it would all be for nothing, because the disease took more than it left. Doug looked over and saw the boy sitting down on the exam table. His hair was cut very close to his head, and it was the same color as Doug’s. He was pale and weak, and his eyes looked large. But in his eyes Doug saw hope, along with something else, he wasn’t really sure of what it was, or how to describe it for that matter, but he did know that he had felt that feeling before, and that was when he looked in Ben and Joel’s eyes. Doug shrugged off what he felt and smiled over at the boy, and a man who was with him.

“Um, hi. I’m Dr. Ross.” Doug introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Adam. I’m Justin’s uncle.” The man said sticking out his hand.

“Uncle…uh, are his mother or father around?” Doug asked looking over at Justin.

“His mother is up in Caspera (I have no clue if this is actually a town in Illinois or not, but for purposes of this story, it is. It’s around 4 hours away from Chicago). They're in the middle of moving up here, and while she’s going back and forth getting things settled, he’s staying with me.” Adam clarified.

“Ok, no problem.” Doug said, he just assumed that there was no father. That’s usually how it was, if no one said anything about a father, he was usually never there. And one thing that had increased over the years was the amount of kids who had no father’s in the picture. The thought of this being true of his sons for a while upset him, but now that he was back he knew that that wouldn’t be a problem. Sometimes he wished that he could just have all the father’s who’d abandoned, of left their kids just go spend a day with them, cause he knew that that would make the father’s change their mind. Just one day showed how truly valuable you children were, and he felt sorry for those kids who went through life never knowing their mother or father. But as Doug thought about this, he thought of how he wasn’t the one to say anything about father’s leaving, or not taking part in their child’s life-he was one of them. He still had no contact with his first son. In a way he was scared to try, he was afraid of being rejected, his son was about 14 now, the same age as the cancer patient, and he knew that at 14 it would be hard for him to just jump in there and say “Hi, I’m daddy.” Besides, he probably had a stepfather, or at least someone he considered a father. “Well Justin, what’s wrong bud?” Doug asked.

“I’m always tired cause of chemotherapy, but yesterday and today I’ve been a lot more tired. I can barely get out of bed.” He said somewhat ashamed.

“How long have you been going through chemo?” Doug asked flipping through Justin’s chart.

“About a month. But they’re not sure if I’m going to be staying on it. It doesn’t seem to be doing any good. I mean they haven’t seen a difference.” Justin said shrugging. Doug could tell he was disgusted, and he totally understood, 14 year-old boys should be out scooping out the girls at the mall, or playing ball at the park, not undergoing chemotherapy and spending most of his time in a hospital.

“That’s why him and his mom are moving down here. They said you have good oncologists here.” Adam explained.

“Yep, some of the best.” Doug said nodding. “Hey Justin, have you had a bone marrow transplant at all? I mean have they ever tried that?” Doug asked. Doug saw as a defeated look came over Justin’s face, and he saw the pain in Adam’s.

“No one matched.”

“No one? Not even from your family? Or a donor across the country?”

“Nope, my mom tried, and it didn’t match, so did my aunt and Uncle Adam. And my grandparents.”

“What about your father? A lot of times the father has a good chance, and so do the paternal grandparents.” Doug said looking back and forth between Justin and Adam. As Doug said this, he realized what he had said, and that he had already figured that Justin had no father.

“Uh, I don’t know my father, or his parents.”

“Oh…oh.” Doug said avoiding the look that Justin’s eyes held. “Well Justin, I’m going to call down an oncologist, and I think that you should call your mom and see if she can come down here. If they need to admit you, we’ll need her consent.”

“You think I’ll need to get admitted?” Justin asked with a twinge.

“Well, we’ll have to see. You may have been on chemo too long, and they may need to start taking you off, or it could be something else.”

“Like what?” Adam questioned. Doug hesitated.

“Well, like the cancer has spread.” Doug hated being the bearer of bad news, he saw as Justin’s head just fell. Adam moved over and rubbed his hand up and down Justin’s back.

“Um, can I talk to you for a second outside?” Adam asked Doug.

“Yeah, sure.” Doug said as he headed out of the exam room. Adam followed him, and they began to talk out in the hallway.

“How good of a chance is it that his father would match him?” Adam asked.

“Well, it’s a pretty good chance, and it would at least be worth a try. Do you know where his father is?”

“Justin’s mother kept Justin from his father, they didn’t get along to well, and Justin was unexpected. The guy apparently sent like a letter or something, and she never answered it, so the guy never bothered. I can’t say I blame him, I mean he did somewhat try.” Adam said shrugging. “Anyway, it’s been close to 15 and a half years, but the last she knew, the guy was living in this area. I’m sure that if we tried, we could find him. The only thing is, does he want to be found?” Adam proposed.

“It’s worth a try.” Doug said inhaling. “The guy wouldn’t have to see, or even meet Justin, he’d just have to donate the bone marrow, and if he matches, we can get it from him.” Doug paused for a second. “You can talk it over with his mother, then let me know. I could help my running his name through the hospital computers, and I could see if he’s ever been in the ER, or hospital for anything.”

“Thank you.” Adam said with a nod.

“Have you called his mother yet?”

“Um, no. I have to do that. Can I use a phone?” He asked looking around.

“Sure, you can go right over there to the nurses’ desk, they’ll put you through to her number, and I’ll call down the oncologist.” Doug said as Adam nodded thanks and then headed over to the nurses’ desk to make the call, and Doug decided that he’d go up himself to pediatric oncology to find a doctor himself. He looked at his watch as he waited for an elevator; he had an interview for a pediatrician in about 15 minutes, but for some reason he felt compelled to see this case through. He felt like he had some connection with the boy, and he wanted to make sure that everything was ok- the doctor would have to wait.



“I want these!” Ben said holding up a pair of Nike’s. Carol had finally managed to get the boys out of the house by bribing them. She promised that she would buy them a new Nintendo game if they just co-operated with her. Joel was over looking at sneakers for himself, and Carol walked over to Ben to look at the shoes his was holding. Carol took them from him and glanced at the price.

“You would.” She said handing them back to him. “You have your father’s taste.” She said rubbing her hands through his hair.

“What’s that mean?” He asked still holding the shoe.

“It means you like expensive things-you like things that cost a lot.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah oh.” Carol said laughing. “But if those are the ones you want, then I think you should see if they have them in your size. I have to go see what Joel’s looking at.” She said as a salesman came over.

“Can I help you with anything?” He asked.

“Um, yes could you please measure his feet, and then check and see if they have those shoes in his size?” She asked pointing to Ben, and the shoe he held in his hand.”

“Sure thing.” The man said with a smile. Ben sat down on a chair and the man went and got the foot measurer as Carol walked over to check on Joel. As she did so she heard her name being called. It was faint at first, but then it grew louder.

“Carol? Carol Hathaway?” Carol didn’t see the person, but she knew who it was. His thick accent rang through her ears. She tried to ignore it, and she took the shoe that Joel was holding.

“This is a nice one, go over and ask the man to measure your feet and then check and see if they have the shoe in your size.” She said handing the shoe back to him.

“Ok.” Joel said as he walked over and sat down next to Ben. Carol turned around slowly, and there was the person who had been calling her name, and it was exactly who she thought it was-it was Luka Kovac. Carol hadn’t seen Luka in almost 2 years. After they broke up Luka moved upstate. They decided not to keep in touch, and they had kept their word, they hadn’t talked since the day he left.

“Carol.” He said smiling and wrapping his arms around her.

"Oh my gosh, Luka, what are you doing here?" She asked stepping back.

"I uh, I decided that I like it better here, and so I called Mercy, and I have an interview there tomorrow." He paused and smiled. "So how have you been?" He asked.

"I've been great." She said smiling as she glanced over his shoulder at the twins. The man was gone, so he must have been getting their shoes.

"You look great." He said looking her over.

"Well, thank you." She said placing her hand on her stomach. She saw as the sales man came out holding two boxes of shoes. "Um, I have to go check on the boys." She said stepping away from him. Luka followed her.

"Oh my gosh! Look how big they've gotten!" He said with a chuckle as the boys looked up at him.

"Boys, you remember Luka, don't you?" Carol asked. Both boys looked up at Luka.

"Kind of." Ben said as he looked down at as the guy slipped on his shoe.

"A little." Joel said shrugging.

The oncologist was in with Justin, and Doug was waiting for Adam to get off the phone. Adam hung up the phone, then walked over to Doug.

"Here's all his information, and his father's name. She wants to wait and see if he's going to need a transplant, and if he is, then you can try to find him. She's getting the red eye and should be here in about 2 hours." He said handing Doug a piece of paper. "She'll talk to you then."

"Alright, well the oncologist is in with him now, I'll try to find his father, but from now on his care will be taken care of by them." Doug said folding the piece of paper and putting it in his pocket. "Um, I'm going to be in interviews for the rest of the day, but when I get a chance later I'll come up and see him, and talk with his mother."

"Ok, thank you."

"No problem." Doug said nodding.

"Well, I better get…" He said pointing to the exam room.

"Yeah, yeah." Doug said as the two went their separate ways. Doug headed off to the lounge where the doctor he was interviewing was waiting. And there was still something about the look in Justin's eyes that he couldn't shake.

Luka, Carol and the boys all went out to lunch after the shoe store. They went to Chuck E. Cheese, it's a pizza place, and it's got a place for the kids to play. So, Ben and Joel were playing, and Carol and Luka were talking.

"So then your back with Dave?" Luka asked. Carol took a bite of her salad.

"Doug." She corrected him.

"Oh."

"Yeah." She said turning to check on the boys.

"And they know he's their father?" Luka asked.

"Yep."

"And they like him?"

"They love him." Carol said turning back with a smile.

"Huh. Well, how about you, you're happy with him?" As soon as she heard this remark she knew what Luka was trying to do.

"Yes, I'm happier than I've been in a while, and we're expecting another baby actually."

"Wow, well congratulations." Luka said smiling.

"Thank you." She said looking down at her watch. "Oh, Luka I've got to go, I need to get going with them." She said sliding out of the booth.

"Oh, well alright." He said somewhat disappointed.

"Um, if you're going to be around you can give me a call, and maybe we can do something some time. I really missed your friendship." She said so that she wouldn't be sending him mixed signals.

"Oh, yeah. I'd like that."

"Great." Carol said as she opened her purse to get out money to pay for lunch.

"No, I've got this."

"Luka, no…"

"Yes, I've got it." He insisted.

"Fine, but next time it's on me." Carol said with a smile.

"Fine." Luka agreed.

"Ben, Joel, come on!" Carol called. Both boys cam running towards her.

"Ah Ma, do we gotta go?" Ben asked.

"Yes, we gotta." She said putting one hand on each of the boys' back. "Say goodbye and thank you to Luka." Carol told them.

"Bye and Thank you Luka." Both boys said at the same time. Luka laughed.

"Bye boys." He said before Carol and the twins left.

It's 4 hours later. Doug's shift just ended, and he was heading up to see Justin and his mother before he started on his paper work. He still hadn't looked at the paper from Adam, but as he walked out of the lounge he pulled it out of his pocket. He walked over and pressed the up button on the elevator and as he waited he unfolded the paper. Doug's eyes scanned across it until he came to Justin's father's name. As he read it the hustle and bustle of the ER was no more, and he felt as his heart stopped beating. The name on the paper was his-Douglas Ross…