I Dreamed A Dream
Part Twentytwo - Erasing the Past and Writing the Future
By Breigh
breighbers@juno.com

Summary: After taking the boys to Seattle for the the weekend Doug finds himself away from Carol when she needs him most.

Hey! This story takes place 2 weeks later (December 5th). Carol is now 6 and a half months pregnant, but appears to be full term. Elizabeth is 4 1/2, and her stomach is slowly starting to get larger. Justin is still in the BMT isolation, but he's doing ok, so they're hoping he gets out by the end of the week. Doug's been seeing him as much as they let him. Carol and the boys are both doing well. Doug and Carol announced to everyone that they had gotten married the day after they did, and they told the boys, who thought it was great. Well, I guess that's it!

Doug sat in the backyard of his Seattle home watching Ben and Joel as they had a snowball fight with the snow that had just fallen the night before. He had brought the boys out yesterday. Carol thought that it would be a good idea for him to have a weekend alone with the boys before the girls are born, and Justin is still in the hospital, so it was a perfect time. They still hadn't sold the house out there, and so Doug decided that this would be the perfect place to go. At first he was hesitant, not wanting to leave Carol, but after she assured him that she would be fine, he and the boys got on a plane to Seattle.

"Hey guys, what do you say we head inside and make some hot chocolate…it's freezing out here." Doug called.

"Do we gotta?" Joel asked.

"Yeah, I think we should. You two can come back out here tomorrow morning." Doug answered.

"Fine." Joel said as he threw one last snowball at Ben and then ran up to the house followed by Ben.


"You ok?" Mark asked as he walked into the lounge. Carol was sitting on the couch with her feet propped up on a chair.

"My ankles are so swollen I can barely get my shoes on, my back is killing me, and I'm already growing out of my maternity clothes at six and a half months." She moaned as she leaned her head back.

"That good, huh?" He asked with a laugh. Carol just shot him a quick smile.

"The pleasure of having twins." Carol said shaking her head back and forth.

"When do Doug and the boys get back?"

"Um, Monday." Carol said as she reached over and grabbed her soda from the nearby table. "They needed to go away, just the three of them. Everything has been really hectic since the babies, and Justin and everything. They needed a break."

"You're that much of a handful?" He joked. Once again Carol shot him a smile.

"How's Elizabeth doing? I haven't seen her in a few days. She's been working nights, right?"

"She's doing good. She hasn't come across the swollen ankles and backaches yet." Mark told her. "We're still in that state where every movement is like the best thing in the world." He finished with a smile.

"Yeah, well enjoy it while it lasts, cause in a couple months she'll be in that place where she wants the baby out, and once the baby is out you guys will be in that place where you get an hour of sleep. And that's only fun for the first two nights. Then the actual exhaustion sets in, and everyone's miserable." Carol said with a smirk.

"Yeah, and it'll be twice as bad for you." Mark said as Carol got up off the couch. As soon as she stood up she grabbed her stomach and then fell back down on the couch. She lowered her head and shook it back and forth. It was obvious that she was in a great deal of pain. "Carol, are you ok?"



"Alright, so do you want chicken noodle soup, or chicken and stars soup?" Doug asked the boys as he held up the two cans of soup.

"Chicken noodle." Ben answered.

"Chicken and Stars." Joel said as the same time.

"Alright, then I guess I'll make a bowl of each." Doug shrugged as he took out the bowls he bought earlier. The house was empty, and they were sleeping on sleeping bags in Doug's old room. It was a man's weekend, and they were loving every minute of it.

"Hey Dad, are we going to come back here with mom when Hailie and Tess are born?" Ben asked.

"Maybe…why, do you think they'd like it out here?" Doug asked as he poured each of the cans of soup into a bowl and then put them in the microwave.

"I bet they would. It's cool here." Joel added. "But we should get some furniture, cause I don't think that they'd want to sleep on the floor."

"Yeah, I bet you're right." Doug said with a smile. "Hey guys, what do you think about the babies coming in a few months?" He asked. They had talked about Carol having the girls, but the boys never really asked a lot of questions. They were just satisfied with what Carol told them. But he had a feeling that they did have a lot of questions, and were afraid of making Carol upset, so they didn't ask them. But now Carol wasn't there, so he was going to try to get them to talk about it.

"What'da ya mean?" Ben asked as he readjusted himself so that he was kneeling on the chair.

"Well, it's going to be a really big change. I mean Mommy and I are going to be spending a lot of time with them."

"So you won't spend any time with us?" Ben questioned as the microwave beeped, and Doug removed the boys' bowls of soup before carrying them over and setting the designated soup in front of each of the twins.

"No, we'll spend time with you. But it's not going to be as much. The girls are going to need a lot of attention." Doug explained.

"Why?" Joel asked before sipping a spoonful of his soup while Doug sat down at the table across from them.

"Well, because they're babies, and babies can't do things for themselves. Your mom and I are going to have to do everything for them."

"Will they cry a lot?" Joel inquired.

"Probably a lot in the beginning…but as they get older it'll stop."

"Well what if they cry too much and then I can't sleep?" Ben asked.

"Ben, you've slept through the fire alarm…I don't think that your sister's crying is going to wake you up." Doug said with a smile.

"Oh." Ben said as he looked down at his soup as the phone rang.

"I got it! I got it!" Joel yelled as he ran over to the phone and grabbed it. "Hello? Oh…hey Mark…yeah, he's right here." Joel said as he carried the phone over to Doug. As soon as Doug heard Mark, he immediately thought that something had happened with Carol.

"Hey Mark." Doug greeted him.

"Doug, I took Carol up to OB about 20 minutes ago." Mark started.

"What? Why? Is she ok? Are the girls ok?" Doug asked as he started to panic.

"She started labor."

"She what!?" Doug yelled as he got up quickly and went into the living room. "Did her water break? Oh God, this is way too early." He said shaking his head and running his fingers through her hair.

"Her water hasn't broken yet, and she's only dilated to one. They're trying to stop them, and so far it's working. But Carol's pretty shaken up, and she wants you here."

"I promised her that I'd be there. If they're born without me I don't know what I'll do." Doug said shaking his head.

"Well, listen, pack up the boys, and catch the next plane out. I'll stay with her until then." Mark told him.

"I will…tell her that I love her, and that it's going to be ok." Doug paused for a minute. "I promised that she wouldn't have to do it alone this time." Doug said quietly.

"Just hurry and get out here incase they can't stop the labor."

"We'll be on the next plane." Doug finished before hanging up the phone and exhaling. He just shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts. His first thoughts were Carol having to go through labor alone again, and his second thoughts were of his daughters. It was way too soon for them to be born, and the fact that they were twins would make their full term birth weight lower…but twins this premature had a low survival rate. It was too soon.

"Is mom and Hailie and Tess gonna be ok?" Joel asked as the three sat in the airport, waiting for their flight. There were no more seats in coach left, so Doug had to pay the high cost of first class in order to get to Chicago as soon as possible. But that seemed like nothing compared to what was facing Carol and the babies.

"I hope so bud." Doug said looking down at his son.

"I hope they're alright." Joel said as he looked straight ahead.

"Come on Carol, breath…it's almost over." Mark encouraged Carol as he monitored her contractions.

"Mark, they're not letting up." Carol said as the contraction subsided and she fell back on the bed.

"They will…just give it some time." Mark said as he tried to convince her, but he could tell that it wasn't working. Carol was scared, and the fact that Doug wasn't there made it even worse.

"What if they don't?" She asked turning to him.

"They will. You haven't dilated any more, and your water hasn't broken."

"Is Doug on his way?" Carol asked as she turned and looked out the window.

"He called me about 20 minutes ago, and the boys and him were just about to get on the plane." Carol nodded slightly, and continued looking out the window. Mark pulled up a chair and sat down next to Carol. There was a silence in the air for about 6 minutes, before Carol started having another contraction.

"Oh my god." She said as she leaned foreword and grabbed her stomach.

"Alright, just breathe through it, it's going to be ok." Mark said rubbing her arm. After the contraction subsided Mark noticed a single tear coming down Carol's face.

"I'm really scared Mark." Carol said as she placed her hand on her stomach. "I want Doug to get here. I can't do this without him again."

(I just wanted to say that I know there aren't any three-seaters in first class…but in my imaginary plane there is…so just accept it! J)

Joel had been asleep as soon as the plane took off. He had managed in some way to lay in the fetal position in his seat, and his head was propped up against the side of the plane. Ben had just fallen asleep with his head in Doug's lap. Gently Doug stroked Ben's hair, trying to sort out his thoughts, and trying not to loose it on the plane, when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

"Doug?" He heard a woman ask. He turned to his right, and there across the isle sat Kathy O'Brien. He had worked with her since he moved out to Seattle up until a year ago when she moved into her own practice, and at one time they dated. She was one person he had avoided saying bye to when he, Carol and the boys came out to Seattle a few months back. And right now, she was the last person he wanted to see sitting next to him.

"Kathy, hi." He said quietly as he cleared his throat.

"I thought that was you, but I wasn't sure when I saw the boys." She said as she pointed to Ben and Joel. "Who are they?"

"They're my sons." Doug said with a wary smile.

"Sons? You never told me you had any children." Kathy said with a seductive smile.

"Yep, they're six, and I also have a 14 year old son, and two daughters on the way." He stated as he moved his hand so that Kathy could see the wedding band, which sat upon his finger.

"Wow, congratulations." She said as she saw the ring. "I'm guessing they're why you went back to Chicago." She said blankly.

"Them…and their mother." Doug replied with a twinge of annoyance.

"Then why were you out in Seattle again?"

"I kept the house, and my wife thought it would be a good idea for me to go away with the boys for the weekend before they're sisters are born."

"Well then why are you coming home, the weekend isn't over yet." She said with yet another smile. She wasn't about to give up, but Doug didn't feel like answering any more of her questions. He felt that it was really none of her business. He thought of his life in Seattle as insignificant and he wanted desperately to erase it, and to start a new beginning. That is also part of the reason he didn't want to return to Seattle yet again, he wanted to start a new life and leave that behind him, he wanted to write a new future, one that included Carol and their four children, and also including Justin.

"Personal reasons." He stated, and decided just to leave it at that.

"Oh…care to elaborate?" She asked, pressing for more details.

"Not really." Doug said as he turned away from Kathy and looked down at his sons. There was an awkward silence between them, and as much as he wanted to, Doug knew that he couldn't just end the conversation there. "So um…why are you going to Chicago?" He asked as he continued to stroke Ben's hair.

"I came out for an interview. My practice isn't working out how I thought it would, and I heard of some opening here. I remember how you used to rant and rave about how great it was, so I thought I'd come and see what it was all about."

"Well, good luck." Doug said, and with that they're conversation ended for the rest of the plane ride to Chicago.

Doug walked quickly into the ER a few hours later. It was now late, and he carried two sleeping six-year-olds. He walked up to the desk where he found Jerry, Carter, Malik and Chuny talking.

"I have to go up and see Carol. I called her mom, and she's on her way over to get the boys. If I lay them down in the lounge can you keep an eye on them?" He asked.

"Yeah, that'd be fine." Carter said with a nod.

"Here, we'll take them, you go up to Carol." Malik said as he and Carter walked over and took each of the boys from him.

"Thanks." Doug said with said quickly before running over to the stairs. He decided on not waiting for the elevator, and he had so much bottled up inside, that running the nine flights of stairs to OB seemed like nothing. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs he ran to the nurse, who was sitting behind the information desk. He was praying that he wouldn't see Carol being pushed in, or out of an O.R. he prayed that he didn't miss anything, and that everything was ok.

"Can I help you?" The red head behind the desk asked.

"Um yeah…my wife is up here…Carol Ross." He told her just as he heard Mark call his name. "Never mind." He said quickly as he ran down the hall to Mark. He stopped abruptly in front of him. "How is she? How are the babies? Could they stop it? God, she didn't have them, did she?" Doug rambled.

"She's doing fine, and so are the girls. The contractions slowed down about an hour ago, and for the past 20 minutes she hasn't had anymore." Mark paused for a few minutes, as Doug looked up and thanked God. "You guys are lucky. They were really strong in the beginning, and I started thinking they were going to have to deliver." Mark told him.

"Thank you Mark." Doug said with a smile.

"Sure….listen, I'm going to go home and see how Elizabeth's doing. I think you guys need some time alone."

"Yeah…tell Elizabeth I said hi."

"I will. And you tell Carol that I'll see her later." Mark said before walking off. Doug breathed a huge sigh of relief before turning and slowly heading into Carol's room. Carol was lying in the bed, and she looked totally exhausted. Her hair was all frizzy from sweating, and Doug could tell that she had been through hell.

"Hey Beautiful." Doug said gently.

"Doug." Carol said in a hoarse voice as a smile crept across her face. Doug walked over next to her, and sat down in the chair next to her bed.

"How ya feeling?" He asked as he took her hand in one of his hands, and with the other he sweetly caressed her face.

"Exhausted." Carol said as she leaned her head back so it was resting on the bed. "And relieved."

"Me too." Doug paused and then brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I was afraid I wouldn't be there for you again. And for the girls." Carol nodded.

"They put me on bed rest." Carol said as she turned and looked out the window. "They're afraid I could start labor again."

"That's probably what's best." Doug agreed.

"Yeah, but highly unlikely." Carol said with a smirk. "What will we do about the boys? I can't be on bed rest with two six-year-old boys running around."

"We'll figure something out…we always do." Doug said with a smile as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm. Carol nodded with a smile as a tear streamed down her cheek. Quickly she wiped it ok. "What's wrong?" He asked gently.

"Nothing." Carol said shaking her head. "Everything's fine now."

"Then why are you crying?" Doug questioned as he reached up and gently wiped away her tears.

"I was just scared earlier." Carol said looking over at him. "All I could think about was that you were going to miss it again."

"Hey, I said that I was going to be there for you…and them, and I will be. I promise." Doug saw the hurt in Carol's eyes as she smiled. "This isn't like last time baby, I'm going to be there through everything. I'm going to be right here to hold your hand through everything." Doug said squeezing her hand. "I love you Carol." He said with a smile as he leaned over and kissed her stomach gently. Carol reached over and rubbed her hands through his hair.

"I love you too Doug."