When You Need Someone To Talk To
Part 20
By Cari
cxcarleo@naz.edu

20 parts to the series-WOW!

This piece starts on Tuesday evening, just an hour or so after the last one ended

Thanks go to Rachel and Lori for allowing me to bounce ideas off them and to the members of ERFFCC for helping with the editing. Please e-mail me with any feedback that you may have.

Songs used in this piece: "You've Got a Friend" by James Taylor

As always, I do not own any of the characters except for Alicia Lewiston and make no money from their use.

Elizabeth and Mark are lying in bed. It is only around 8:30, but Elizabeth has not slept well the past few nights and has had rough days. She and Mark are lying on their sides, facing each other and Elizabeth asks, "Do you know what it's like to have a sister who hates you and resents your very existence?"

Mark sees the tears forming again in her eyes, and pulls her close. "I can't say that I know what you're going through, because I have no idea how this must feel. But I want you to know that I am here for you through this. If you need to talk, or if you want your space to deal with it. Just tell me and I will do what you need."

Elizabeth put her head on Mark's shoulder and said, "What I really need now is a hug. I thought I had left that part of my life behind me when I left England and now it scares me that it has come back again. I just need to know I'm safe."

"You are safe," Mark said, pulling Elizabeth close to him and rubbing her back. "I am very sorry that I made you discuss this painful part of your past. I should have accepted that you didn't want to talk about it and left it at that. I hate that I caused you so much pain."

Elizabeth pulled her head from his shoulder long enough to look into his eyes and say, "You didn't make me talk about it. I needed to deal with it at some point, especially if there is the chance that she will be working here at County. Do you want to know why our relationship is so strained?"

"Only if you feel comfortable discussing it. I don't want to pressure you."

"It's ok," Elizabeth said, pulling back slightly so she was a little more comfortable, but remained in Mark's arms. "It is a long story, but here goes. Alicia is much older than I. I was born when she was almost 13 years old, so that did not provide us with many opportunities to grow close as children. She graduated university when I was 9 and made the decision to study medicine. Unfortunately, she was never one to study hard and did not do as well as she might have liked on the entrance exams. The schools of her choice rejected her, but after retaking the exam she scored well enough to get into a decent program. Once she focused, she did quite well and went on to have a successful career as a Pediatrician in and around London. I heard news about her while I was in boarding school and the like, but we didn't stay in close touch. I also made the decision to go into medicine, and did quite well on my exams and was accepted to a good school. She resented me for that, and the strain grew. One of the last times we saw each other was when I was on holiday during my final year as a medical student. She refused to accept that I had succeeded on my own and insinuated that I had slept with my professors to do as well as I did."

Choking up, Elizabeth continued, "That hurt me immensely, and I really wanted nothing to do with her after that."

Mark gently rubbed her back and said, "That is completely understandable. It must have been quite a shock to see her listed as a candidate."

"It was. I was so shocked; I almost started to shake. I honestly don't know what I'd do if she got the position."

"You could probably talk to Doug, or I would if you weren't comfortable. He wouldn't interview her if you didn't want him to."

"As much as I like that idea, I wouldn't want to do that. It's not fair. I guess I will cross the bridge of her being here when I come to it."

"I think that's all you can do. Maybe she won't even get the job, so let's not worry too much if we don't have to. OK?"

"OK. Thanks for being here for me and understanding why I didn't want to talk about it. I was in such a bad mood yesterday from work that I would have blown my top at you and I didn't want that to happen. That's why I left and opted not to come home."

"I understand that. We both needed time to cool off. I'm glad you were able to go to Doug and Carol's and get some rest."

"I didn't get much rest. I was too scared and worried that you were going to hate me for doing what I did."

"I'm sorry you felt that way. I never would have hated you. I didn't understand it at first, but once I thought about it, I did. Why don't you try to get some sleep now?"

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course," Mark said, putting his arms around Elizabeth.

It was the next morning around 10:15 and Doug and Carol were in the exam room. Carol was sitting on the exam table with a gown on and a blanket wrapped around her legs because the room was cold. Doug was sitting in a chair next to the table and he held Carol's hand.

A moment or two Dr. Jurney came in and said, "Hello you two. Carol, how are you feeling?"

"OK, I guess. The soreness is pretty much gone and the side effects from the chemo passed on Saturday."

"I'm glad to hear that. Were you able to get the migraine under control?"

"Yes. The increased dosage of Compazine was just what I needed and the IV fluids helped."

"I'm glad. First thing, I want the nurse to draw some blood so we can get your white cell count, among others, before you leave."

She closed her eyes as they awaited the nurse's arrival. Doug held one hand and rubbed her back with the other. "Try to relax," he said softly.

The nurse came in and asked, "You don't like needles?"

"I'm a nurse so they don't usually bother me. I think it's just seeing my own blood that scares me."

"That's more common than you think. I'll do it as quickly and gently as I can."

"Thank you."

About 15 minutes later, Dr. Jurney came back in and said, "If you can lay back on the table, I just want to check the incision and see how you're healing."

Carol did as he asked and Dr. Jurney gently removed the bandages. After poking the area gently he said, "The stitches are ready to come out, you are healing very nicely" Carol flinched as he removed the stitches, because there was still bruising around the incision.

Removing the stitches took about 15 minutes, as he did it slowly, to be gentle. When he was done he said, "You can get dressed now. I'll be back in just a few moments with the results of the blood test."

As Doug helped Carol to get dressed he said, "You are so brave. I'm very proud of you."

Carol thought to herself, "If I was only half as brave as he thought I was." Out loud, she said, "Thanks. I couldn't have gotten through this without you."

About 5 minutes later, Dr. Jurney came in and said, "While your white counts are a little lower than I had hoped, I think you'll still be ready for the chemo next week. What day is best for you?"

Doug said, "I am off on Thursday if that's ok?"

"That's fine. I'll see you around 11AM?"

"OK," Carol said.

"I'll make a note on your chart so that they know to send you home with saline and an IV kit in case you need it this time."

"OK, thank you."

James Taylor-"You've got a Friend." plays as Carol and Elizabeth walk through the mall and head into a restaurant.

When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them. You just call out my name
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that, Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.

Camera zooms in on scene as Elizabeth is finishing a burger and Carol a sandwich.

Elizabeth said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole story about who Alicia was on Monday night, it was just..."

"It's OK," Carol said reassuringly. "You needed time to deal with it yourself. I understand, and Doug will too."

"I hope so, and if he hasn't interviewed her yet, maybe I can meet up with them when he does."

"I can ask him when it is scheduled for and let you know. I think you're really courageous to want to see her again after all this time."

"I don't think courageous is the word-petrified is more like it."

"That's understandable. You don't know what to expect, but it's great that you want to make the first move. I'm proud of you, I don't know if I'd have the courage to do the same."

"Thanks. What I'm really concerned about is the effect of all the stress of the past week or so on the baby."

"I'm sure the baby is fine, but if you're concerned you can ask your doctor to do an ultrasound. When is your next appointment?"

"Not for three weeks, but Colleen, my friend who delivered Emma is my doctor, so I can ask her to squeeze me in."

"That's a good idea--to reassure yourself."

By this point they had left the restaurant and were walking in the direction of the mall exit near which Elizabeth's car was parked because Carol was tiring.

"How are you doing?" Elizabeth asked Carol

"I'm OK, I guess," Carol said, somewhat evasively.

Elizabeth shifted her shopping bags to her left hand and put her right arm around Carol's waist. "That doesn't sound OK," Elizabeth said softly.

Carol pulled away slightly and said sharply, "I'm fine."

Elizabeth however could see through that response. She could see the tears forming in the corners of Carol's eyes. They were approaching a bench and Elizabeth said, "Why don't we sit down for a few minutes?"
Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Carol said, "Please, no. Can we just go home?"

"Of course," Elizabeth said gently.

As they walked through the parking lot, Carol said, "I'm sorry."

"It's OK. You're under a lot of stress. I didn't mean to push you."

"I'm just so scared," Carol said, buckling her seat belt and allowing a tear to escape down her cheek.

"I thought you got good news at the doctor's today?" Elizabeth asked, taking Carol's hand as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"I don't know anymore. The white blood count isn't as high as Dr. Jurney had hoped. And now he's just hoping that next week will be the last chemo. Nothing is certain anymore. The nurse side of me knows that we don't always tell patients everything, but the patient side of me..."

Tears were flowing freely down Carol's cheeks. As Elizabeth kept an eye on the road, she rubbed Carol's back and said, "If you want to know any more, ask Dr. Jurney specific questions that he can't avoid giving you an answer to. I can promise you that Don and I told Doug everything about what we found when we finished. I would never hide anything from you."

"I know that, and I didn't mean to imply that I thought you would. I just think Dr. Jurney may not be telling us everything about the treatment, and I hate that."

"I don't blame you," Elizabeth said. "What does Doug say about all of this?"

"I don't know," Carol choked out through the sobs.

"He hasn't told you?"

"I haven't talked to him about it."

"Does he know how scared you are?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't tell him. He's been so strong for me. Not letting me see how it effects him. I can't..."

They pulled up to Doug, Carol, and Susan's house. Carol noticed Doug's car out front. She hadn't expected him to be home and said, sobbing, "I can't let him see me like this."

Elizabeth's front seat was a bench style seat, so after parking, she undid her and Carol's seat belts and pulled Carol into her arms. "We can stay here until you're ready, but I think you should talk to him," Elizabeth said softly while continuing to rub Carol's back.

"I want to, but I don't want to worry him. He's been so good to me. I don't want him to think that he has to baby me." After a minute or two, Carol said, "I'm sorry. This was supposed to be a fun outing."

"It's OK," Elizabeth said. "You needed to talk and I am here for you. And I did have fun at the mall. Have you thought about getting a second opinion?"

"Yes. But in the mean time, I'm worried that I'll get worse if this isn't the best course of treatment," Carol said, starting to cry harder.

Elizabeth decided the best course of action was to just hold Carol to reassure her that she was there for her because she really didn't have any answers to Carol's concerns.

A few minutes later, Elizabeth heard the car door open. She looked over Carol's shoulder to see Doug sitting on the edge of the seat. "Is she OK?" he whispered.

Elizabeth nodded and then said softly to Carol, "Doug is here. Do you want to go inside?"

"Yes."

"OK, I'll get your bags and bring them in for you in just a minute."

"Thank you," Carol said as she slid across the seat toward Doug who gently took her into his arms and carried her into the house.

On their way in they passed Rosemarie who asked, "Is she OK?"

"Yes. Can you do me a small favor?"

"Of course, what do you need?"

"A wet washcloth-with cool water."

Doug brought Carol into their bedroom and he asked, "Do you want to sit in the chair or lay down."

"Lay down."

Doug gently laid her on the bed as Rosemarie brought in the washcloth and a small bowl of water. "In case you need to rewet it," she said by way of explanation.

"Thank you."

Rosemarie was leaving the room as Elizabeth came in with Carol's bags. She set them down in the corner of the room and said to Doug, "Call me later?"

"OK, thanks for taking care of her."

"No problem."

Doug could tell that Carol didn't want to be alone, yet she needed her space. For this reason, he lay next to her on the bed and simply wiped her face with the cool, wet washcloth in an attempt to relax her.

After a few minutes, Carol reached for Doug's hand and said softly, "Thank you."

"No problem. I know that makes you feel better sometimes."

"It does, but not just that. For not pushing me to talk."

"I know you'll talk to me when you're ready, and I respect that." Carol moved a little closer to Doug, who asked, "Do you still want the washcloth?"

"I think I'm OK for now, but thanks. I didn't expect you to be home yet."

"My schedule got a little crazy. It turned out Mark was on from yesterday at six AM until today at three PM and then he was going to have to come back at six PM so I told him that if I could come home for a bit I would take his evening shift. So I'm now working 6 this evening until 2 AM. Then I have to go back tomorrow at 9 AM for a series of interviews with the potential candidates for the ER Chief position."

"Are you on all weekend?" Carol asked with a hint of worry in her voice

"Nope, I'm on Friday night and Sunday night, but other than that, I'm home. Is there something you need?"

"I wanted to talk to you about getting a second opinion. I've felt it for a while, but especially after today I'm not confident with the way Dr. Jurney is treating me. And..." Carol teared up again. "I'm just so scared."

She moved closer to Doug who gently wrapped his arms around her and said, "I'll make some phone calls this afternoon and this evening at work and see if I can get an appointment. I met a stellar pediatric oncologist this morning, and I'll call his office to see who he recommends. Does that sound OK?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to explode like this, I'm just afraid of what could be happening if this isn't the best course of treatment."

Doug smoothed her hair from her eyes and said, "I should have thought about a second opinion earlier. Although I don't think the course of treatment will effect your prognosis in anyway because they are almost positive they got the entire tumor, it's never a bad idea to get another opinion. Is that all you're concerned about?"

"No." Carol was quiet for a few seconds before saying, "Never mind, it's stupid."

"If it's bothering you, it's not stupid," Doug said, taking one of Carol's hands in his and cupping her chin with the other. He saw her wipe a tear from her eye and then he took her other hand with his. "Let the tears go baby, it's OK."

Carol moved into Doug's arms where she always felt the safest. With a tear or two rolling down her cheeks she said softly, "I'm afraid that if my white count is too low I will get very sick after chemo."

"That occurred to me as well. I looked at your counts and while they're borderline, I think they'll be back up by Thursday. Regardless of what happens with the doctor, I'll make sure your counts get checked before you have chemo."

"Thanks. What time is it?"

"4:30"

"Do you mind if I take a nap? I feel bad since you're only home for a little while, but..."

"It's OK, you need your rest. I can make some calls now. I will call you from work to let you know if I was able to get an appointment."

"Thanks," Carol said, leaning up to kiss Doug.

He pulled the sheets up around her and from the rocking chair he took the stuffed bunny that Suzy had given Carol when she first got sick. He lay it next to her, gave her a kiss, and quietly pulled the door shut.

He went into the kitchen and Rosemarie asked, "Is she OK?"

"Yes. She's taking a nap now. I have a few calls to make and then I have to go into work. Would you be willing to check on her from time to time?"

"Of course."

"She should be fine, but if she needs anything, just call and I'll come home."

"OK, I will."

A few minutes later, Doug is in the den placing a phone call. When the other party picks up, the screen splits and we see that he has called Elizabeth.

"Hi"

"Hi, how is everything?"

"OK. She just settled down for a nap about 10 minutes ago."

"That's good to hear, did you two get a chance to talk?"

"Yes, thanks for encouraging her to come to me. I'm going to call about a second opinion, but first I wanted to call you. Carol said you needed to talk to me?"

"Yes, I had a question about when you're interviewing one of the candidates, Alicia Lewiston?"

"She's scheduled for 11 AM tomorrow. Is she the one you know?"

"Yes, she is my older sister," Elizabeth said quickly.

"Oh wow," Doug said, shocked. "I never knew you had a sister."

"We're not close, but I wanted to see her if possible."

"We're meeting at the admit desk at 11 AM."

"OK, thanks."

"I hate to cut this short, but I have a few calls to make before I go into work. See you tomorrow?"

"Great. I'm off tonight, so tell Carol that if she needs anything to just call and I can come over."

"I will. I really appreciate your help."

Carol woke up around 6:30 and went into the kitchen. Rosemarie was cleaning up dinner while Suzy was eating ice cream. Emma was asleep in her carrier seat on the table.

"Thanks for getting her ready for bed. I didn't think I'd sleep this long."

"You're welcome."

"Hi Aunt Carol. I hoped you'd wake up before I had to go to bed."

"I'm glad I woke up on time. How was your day?" Carol asked, sitting next to Suzy.

"Good, I had fun and mommy called."

"That must have been nice. When does she come home?"

"Not until Monday, that's a long time."

"It's not too bad. We can mark off the days on the calendar, OK?"

"That sounds good. Is she having fun at her meeting?"

"Probably, but she misses you."

"I miss her too. Will you read to me tonight?"

"Sure, let me just put Emma in her bed."

Rosemarie asked, "Do you want me to make you dinner while you're reading?"

"Sure, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

Around 9:30, Carol was in bed when she heard a soft knock at the door. "Come in," she said.

It was Rosemarie and she said, "Doug is on the phone."

"Thanks." Carol picked it up and said "Hi."

"Hey, were you asleep?"

"No, I was reading. I turned off the ringer in here earlier and forgot to put it back on. How is work?"

"Busy, so I can't talk long. I wanted to let you know I got an appointment for 10 AM on Saturday with Alexandra Reilly. She's new at County, but well regarded in the field."

"I recognize the name from some research I did. Thanks for taking care of this."

"You're welcome. I have to run. Love you."

"Love you too."

The next morning around 11:10, Elizabeth is walking to the ER when she spots Doug and Dr. Lewiston. She gets cold feet all of a sudden and is unsure as to what to do. Luckily, Doug saves her and calls, "Elizabeth, I want you to meet Dr. Alicia Lewiston. She's a candidate for Chief of ER Medicine."

"We've met," Alicia said coolly.

"Hello, Alicia. How are you? I didn't know you were thinking of relocating to Chicago," Elizabeth said, trying to sound friendly.

"Well I thought it would be a nice new challenge but if you've gotten a job here, how tough could it be?"

Elizabeth tried to hide her hurt and asked, "How are things with you and your family?"

"We are all fine. I hear you got married. Was that another of your spur of the moment things?"

That stung, as Elizabeth disliked being reminded of her past. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go check on a patient in the ER. It was nice to see you Alicia. Good luck with everything. Doug, I'll catch you later."

About 10 minutes later, Luka approached the desk and asked, "Mark, can I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Luka started to walk away a little ways. Once they were a few feet from the desk, Luka said quietly, "Sorry. I just know how bad the gossip is here. I just wondered if Elizabeth is OK?"

"I appreciate your discretion. I haven't seen her much since we came on. Did it seem that she wasn't OK?"

"I just came from the lounge and she's in there crying pretty hard."

Mark got a worried look on his face and said, "Excuse me, I need to go check on her."

"Of course. I hope she is OK. Let me know if you need anything."

Mark walked into the lounge where he saw Elizabeth curled up on the couch and sobbing. He quickly walked to her side, put his arms around her and asked, "What's the matter?"

Elizabeth was crying so hard, but she choked out, "My sister hates me. You would think once we grew up that things would be different, but nothing has changed."

Mark didn't know what to say so he rubbed her back, "I didn't know you were going to see her today."

"Doug was the only one who knew. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't know how it would go."

"I'm so sorry that it didn't go well," Mark said, continuing to rub her back.

Elizabeth put her head against Mark's chest and said softly, "I was stupid to even try to meet her."

"No you weren't. If you hadn't tried, you would have wondered what if all along."

"What if would have been better than this feeling," Elizabeth said, starting to cry again.

"I'm sorry," Mark said, rubbing her back. "I know you probably don't want to get into the details here, but we'll talk after work, OK?"

"That sounds good. What time are you off?"

"Seven, you?"

"The same. I'm glad, I don't want to be alone."

Just then the door opened and Carter came in, "Mark and Elizabeth, we need you. Five majors coming in." Realizing that he had interrupted, and seeing Elizabeth's tear stained face he said, "I'm sorry. Did you want me to page someone else?"

"No, that's OK. We'll be right there." Elizabeth said.

Carter left and Mark said, "Did you want a drink before you went back to work?

"No thanks. I'm going to quickly wash my face though. I'm sure the story of what happened will spread if it hasn't already but I'd rather not confirm it by looking like I've been crying my eyes out."

"OK. Just come find me during the day if you need me."

"Thanks, I will." Elizabeth said, reluctantly leaving Mark's arms. "Thanks for making sure that I was OK."

"You're welcome."

As Elizabeth headed to the bathroom, her pager went off...