Lessons Learned
Part Nine
By Kristen
kdarganin@hotmail.com

Archive: Yes, just let me know.
Disclamier: I do now own the characters of ER I am just borrowing them for fun.

Note: This chapter would not have been possible without the help of Debbie who answered in my time of need with wonderful brilliance. Thank you so much Debbie! I am not a doctor, so the medical situations might not be totally accurate, but I do some research into the matter. This is fanfiction.

Warning: This contains some serious angst.

Category: Story/Angst (JC/PB/LK/RR)

Notes: Thank you Jackie for all of your wonderful advice and editing!

Comments: Of course! Kdarganin@hotmail.com

Peter strode into the ER, frantically searching for Mark Greene. When he spotted the attending, who was talking on the phone near the admit desk, he stalked over. Mark looked up at Peter's determined approach and put the phone down. He placed his hands up in the air, reminiscent of what Luka had done earlier.

"Whoa, Peter, you're going to have to calm down before you go barging in there." Mark looked at the other man pointedly. Noting his rapid breathing, Mark tried to reason with him. "Look, you have been through something very stressful and you have been on since early this morning. Take a moment to compose yourself, you just got out of the ICU and I know you. You're high strung from what happened in the ER earlier, we all are."

Mark noticed Luka walk up next to the surgeon, who was apparently ignoring his lecture. "I'm going in with you and Dr. Kovac because I want to know why three of my doctors and an elderly patient were caught in a fire." Mark used his authoritative tone and noticed Peter sighing with irritation.

"By the way, Mrs. Cobb wants to see Carter when we are done in there," Mark mentioned as an afterthought.

"Shouldn't she be admitted somewhere? The woman suffered a stroke," Peter asked exasperatedly.

"No, she didn't. I sent her up for a head CT and the results were negative. I sent Chuney up to Neurology to get nerve conductive tests and the results were indicative of Bell's Palsy," Mark informed the two doctors.

"Oh, man," Peter muttered, obviously disturbed by the news. The doctor rubbed his hands over his face and chuckled in an almost hysterical way.

"Are you all right, Peter?" Mark asked, concerned by the surgeon's odd reaction.

"I'm fine. Carter was right." Peter stared off into space and then startled everyone by slamming his hand into the desk. "Damn it!" he shouted.

The sudden outburst caused a wave of silence across the room, and quite a few stares. Randi stopped polishing her fingernails and Chuney looked over with a worried expression. Mark glanced around, his expression telling people to ignore the emotional display and get back to work. Peter remained hunched over the desk in a vain attempt to keep his feelings under control. He methodically stood up and put his hands on his hips.

"I'm fine. I want to talk to the tech now," Peter said in a smooth and calm voice.

Mark adjusted his glasses and indicated to the other doctors to follow him. The trio walked to a private room, which was flanked by two security cards. After inspecting their ID badges, the doctors were allowed in, where two police detectives were seated in chairs. Upon their arrival, both detectives got up, relieved that they might finally receive some answers.

The first man was short and overweight with a balding head of hair. He extended his hand to Mark. "Dr. Greene, glad you brought the other doctor so we can finally get started." The short detective turned his attention to Peter. "So, you're Dr. Benton, my name is Detective Walter Burns and this is my partner, Detective Jack Hammond.

Detective Hammond was middle aged with a buzz cut and a long nose. "How are you doing?" he asked Peter.

"Just fine," Peter answered gruffly. He turned to Taylor, who had been watching the exchange nervously. He was hooked up to an I.V. and was running his hands through his hair. Peter tried to slow his breathing and glared at the tech. Taylor was flat on his back and tried to squirm from Peter's intense gaze, but with a cast on his leg and several bandages from his burns he couldn't move around in the bed very much. `He wasn't even on an oxygen mask. Sometimeslife shined on the wrong people', Peter thought"I wanted to talk to you Doctor," Taylor said timidly.

Luka watched Peter, as he crossed his arms in front of him, simply staring at the tech, biting his lip in anger. Luka stayed close to Peter and he glanced up at Mark. The two exchanged a silent understanding that if the surgeon lost control, they would restrain him. Both doctors inched up a little closer as the tension in the room thickened. Luka wiped his brow, it seemed the temperature had risen very quickly from the high levels of emotion.

"Go ahead," Peter told the technician in a tone that was more like an order.

"Well...you see, that young doctor saved my life. He...he didn't have to help me, but he did," Taylor stammered, looking at his hands as he spoke.

"He tends to selfless when it comes to helping people," Peter told the tech bitterly.

The two detectives shifted their gaze to Peter in a silent communication; that he should let the patient continue without interruption. Peter shifted his weight from one foot to the other, but stopped when he recognized it as a sign of nervousness. It was also the same thing Carter did when he was impatient. Peter sighed inwardly at the thought that he had picked up one of Carter'shabits.

Taylor closed his eyes and rubbed them. When he spoke again the words came out in one long burst of sobbing regret. "The hospital was closing down and I couldn't find a job. I was desperate, since I was new and all. I'm three months behind in all my bills and my wife, Jenna, is pregnant. I really needed the money!" Taylor explained in near hysterics.

The three doctors listened carefully, still unsure of what to expect. The two detectives took notes quietly.

"Then Dr. Logan offered me a large amount of money if I did...did this thing for him," Taylor continued.

"Dr. Logan?!" Peter bellowed as he grabbed the railing of the hospital bed. Mark and Luka moved forward, but Peter didn't make any attempt to grab the tech.

"You mean Dr. Logan had something to do with this?" Lukaquestioned with outrage.

"Who is Dr. Logan?" Detective Burns asked, scribbling in his notebook.

"He's the Chief of Staff as Grady Memorial," Luka answered abruptly.

Taylor watched Peter carefully, aware of how volatile the man was. He licked his lips before continuing. "He, uh, wanted me to start a fire. He told me no one was going to get hurt!" Taylor pleaded with the group to understand.

"How did he want you to do this, Mr. Evans?" Detective Burns asked.

"He told me that on the fifth floor there was a supply closet, and it had a lot of Benzene containers. He wanted me to place the containers in an area that would catch the most stuff on fire as possible and still seem like an accident," The tech said as he played with the sheets on the bed.

"Benzene?" Detective Hammond questioned.

"Benzene is the chemical that is used in hospitals to get E.K.G. pads of cardio leads off a person. In small quantities, it is a simple solvent that we keep in small tubes. They are stored in large gallon containers in most cases," Mark explained.

"Okay, go on Mr. Evans," Detective Burns prodded.

"So, I placed them on the shelf. I mean, that closet was a disaster area, lots of boxes and flammable stuff. I loosened an electrical outlet so it would seem like a short circuit might have started the fire, and I even got a bunch of dust rags ready." Taylor continued to tell his story.

"The problem was waiting for everyone to go on lunch, no one was supposed to be on the floor. I waited in one of the imaging rooms for the longest time. The next thing I know I hear this explosion." Taylor looked at Dr. Benton. "I swear I didn't start that fire, that kid must have accidentally knocked something over." Taylor seemed to beseech understanding from Peter.

"That was Dr. Carter, not some kid! He's worked very hard to earn that title," Peter growled. His grip on the railing turned his knuckles white as he channeled his rage onto part of the bed.

"He...he collapsed into the hallway. I...I helped him out of there, he couldn't walk." Taylor tried to reason with the group of doctors. "I, I helped." Taylor started to sob. "He was the one to remain calm and shook me out of my shock. He made me breathe through my shirt because the hallway was full of benzene fumes. When we ran towards the fire to get out, the ceiling caved in and the air conditioning unit landed on me. He...he took his shirt off so I could breathe through it and he...he was left unprotected. He pushed the unit off me and got us out of there!" Taylor was shaking. "No one was supposed to be there, I swear! Then Dr. Logan turned on the air conditioning like he said he would," Taylor explained between sobs.

"What was the point of that, Mr. Evans?" Detective Burns asked.

"If there is air circulating through the vents, it will draw out the fire and help it spread. By waiting until about the time the fire started, it was a guarantee that it would burn through the infrastructure," Luka explained.

The detectives looked at him with interest, and Mark gave him a questioning look. "I was involved with some fires back home," Luka simply stated, and gazed at the floor.

"So, where is this Dr. Logan?" Detective Hammond asked the group.

"I'll go and find him for you," Peter growled and stormed out of the room.

Mark and Luka followed the enraged doctor out into the hall. Peter was pacing up and down, barely avoiding people as they walked by. Mark walked up to Peter as Luka returned to the exam room to speak with the police.

Mark cautiously placed his hand on Peter's shoulder. "Peter, why don't you go home and get some sleep?"

Peter stared at Mark as if he had suddenly grown a second head.

"I'll look after Carter personally," Mark added, knowing the surgeon wouldn't leave the hospital when Carter was still in intensive care.

"I'm staying, and when I find that son of a-"

Mark cut Peter off. "No, I'm ordering you to go home. I'm the attending here and I don't think you are emotionally fit to be at work right now." Mark spoke calmly and with authority.

"If you want to pull that attending crap with me to stop me from working, fine, but you can't prevent me from doing anything when I'm off duty," Peter retorted.

"Peter, you-" Mark's rebuttal was interrupted by the beeping of a pager.

Peter looked down and grabbed his pager from his belt. If it was possible, his frown deepened.

"It's the ICU," Peter said, hurriedly leaving Mark behind as he sprinted towards the elevator doors, which slid close in his face. Peter slammed his palm against the metal and raced to the stairway.

Mark was left agape in the hallway, torn between following Peter to the ICU to find out what was going on, or grabbing Luka for an update on Dr. Logan and Dr. Romano's whereabouts.

"Oh boy," Mark said under his breath, as he turned back to retrieve Luka and see if they could locate Logan before Peter Benton got his hands him. Not that Mark didn't want the bastard to pay for endangering his employees and putting Carter in the hospital, but he didn't want the displeasure of bailing out one of County'semployees from jail for assault.

Peter bounded into the ICU almost out of breath, and nearly collided with Mary, who was waiting for him outside of Carter's room with an anxious look on her face. Peter peered into the room and noticed two people trying frantically working on Carter. Mary followed Peter in as he made his way to Carter's bed.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Peter bellowed at the doctor who was unsuccessfully trying to intubate Carter.

Carter was weakly trying to restrain the hands of the female doctor, who was attempting to place the intubation tube back down his throat amidst the shrilling of alarm bells. "Move aside!" Peter yelled at the resident as he pulled the intubation kit from her hands. Peter gave her a fiery stare that quenched her bewildered look of shock.

Peter looked down at his patient, whose face was flushed red straining to take in air. Carter held out his hands, indicating to Peter that he wanted to give him a second as he struggled to breathe freely without the aid of the ventilator. Peter's eyes darted to monitor that was beeping at a faster rate then the doctor would have liked. When Peter turned back, Carter's eyes begged him to givehim a chance to breathe without the vent.

"What are this man's vitals?" Peter barked to the nurse on the other side of Carter's bed.

She wiped a strand of red hair out her face. "Pulse is 125, BP 105/80 and I don't have a pulse ox," The nurse rattled off quickly.

"Carter, let me intubate you, your lungs are took weak for this." Peter's voice was edged with a pleading tone that he didn't like to hear. "Who the hell extubated this man?" Peter hollered atthe staff assembled, but all that he heard was silence.

Carter placed his hands over his chest in a futile effort to alleviate some of the pain. His chest was sore and tight from what felt like a crushing pressure pinning him down. Ever so slowly, he took a shallow breath, followed by another one. He was breathing on his own but felt extremely dizzy and lightheaded. He closed his eyes, focusing on every in and exhale that he shakily took.

Tired of watching Carter fight for every breath, Peter turned to Dr. Brooks. "Put him on 8 liters by mask," Peter tersely ordered the resident.

Kate scrambled for the mask, and put it over Carter's nose and mouth and turned the oxygen up. Carter took in the air and his face seemed to regain a more normal color. Peter scrutinized Carter with his gaze, making sure that that the man was able to breathe with the mask and that he wouldn't have to switch to a non-breather.

Peter turned to Kate, his face twisted by the thunderous rage that was cascading through him. "Where the hell is the pulse ox clip? Did you bother checking it when you tried to cut this man's oxygen?" Peter asked furiously.

"He didn't have one on when I came in to check on him Dr.Benton," Kate replied, defensive under Peter's verbal assault.

Carter shakily removed his mask and spoke in a hoarse voice. "It...it came off...when...I shifted," Carter rasped in between breaths.

Peter fixed the man in the bed with a disapproving look. "Why didn't you leave it on, Carter, what the hell were you thinking?" Peter asked harshly.

Carter shrunk down into the bed further and he removed his mask to speak again. "I'm sorry...I was too...busy thinking about...what Logan said," he wheezed.

Peter's eyes widened and he clutched the railing of the bed fiercely. "Dr. Logan came in here?" Peter was outraged.

Carter simply nodded, too tired to mess with the mask. Peter didn't bother to look up at the other two people in the room when he spoke. "You two get out of here. As for you Dr. Brooks, I want you to wait for me outside to discuss the irresponsible actions that almost sent my patient into respiratory arrest," Peter said through clenched teeth.

"But, Dr. Benton...."

"I'll speak to you in a while, now get the hell out!" Peter shouted.

The surgeon wearily sat in a chair next to Carter, and put his hands to his face when he heard the other staff members leave. Peter didn't hear Carter move, which disturbed him, but he finally had a good look at his friend. The man looked completely defeated, his somber demeanor frightened Peter. Carter was staring at the ceiling, his eyes void of emotion as if he succumbed to some battle waged in his mind.

Carter turned his head to face Peter, his eyes joyless and impassive. There was a depth of sadness; all the exuberance that Peter remembered absent. "Listen, I now this is going to come as a shock to you, but it is better for you to deal with what I know then to beat yourself up over something that you had no control over."

Peter was not sure what Dr. Logan had discussed with the younger man, but from Carter's disposition, he knew the man had either filled him with lies or tried to mess with Carter's head. There was no way Peter was going to sit back and watch Carter drown in a pool of self-blame.

Peter took a deep breath before continuing. For a second, he felt utter guilt over the action. The simple action of breathing in deeply to relax one's self was a natural way of overcoming conflict. Carter couldn't do that at all. No soothing, cleansing breaths to focus on, just ragged breathing while oxygen was forced upon him. Peter looked at the tube that was connected to the now unused vent. Peter contemplated the horror that Carter felt at the thought that the machine was responsible for a life sustaining function. No wonder Carter refused to be intubated again, despite his medical condition.

"Carter, the technician that you saved informed us that Dr. Logan wanted the hospital to burn down. He intended to pay the tech money, and that is the reason the fire started," Peter spoke keeping his voice even.

Carter stared at him as he took in the information. He seemed confused and shook is head in a negative manner.

"Hold on a second, let me finish. I don't know what happened up there, but Mr. Evans insisted that the supply closet was set up to catch on fire using Benzene and other chemicals as the fuel. He even sabotaged the electrical outlet to start the charge. He was waiting for everyone to leave; he thought you started it prematurely by accident," Peter relayed to Carter.

The doctor shifted his weight in the chair. "The fire would have started even if you weren't there. It was pure chance that youwere on that floor, and when we find Logan he'll be brought up on charges," Peters said, He was bitterly unable to keep his feelings tucked out of the last sentence.

Peter watched Carter absorb what he had said and his eyes clouded over with anger. His breathing labored as he tried unsuccessfully to breathe deeper from the intense emotion. Peter placed his hand on Carter's shoulder and forced the other man to look at him.

"Calm down Carter, your pulse ox is only 91 and I'm still tempted to put you back on the vent. I know you're angry, but you need to relax and let us handle the situation." Peter squeezed Carter' hand even tighter. "I won't let the man get away with this," Peter said with conviction.

Despite all of Carter's anger, he gave the doctor a brief smile from under the oxygen mask. He slide the mask away, "Be careful...Dr. Benton, people might think you...care." Carter tried to chuckle and ended up coughing.

"Yeah, well I'll deny it," Peter retorted with a smallsmile. The surgeon looked at Carter, but the moment's camaraderie ended andthe doctor noticed Carter's furrowed face.

Carter met Peter's concerned eyes; he pulled the mask away once again. "That...man tried to blame me." Carter took anothershuddering breath. "Do I look that...gullible?" Carter asked.

Peter didn't answer, but he didn't want Carter to misinterpret his silence. "I'm not even going to try to reason out why that man did what he did, Carter. He will not come near you again, the next time I lay my eyes on Dr. Logan he'll be handcuffed," Peter vowed.

Carter lay still, breathing slowly, and removed his mask. "If Iever see him..." Carter trailed off, his eyes blazing with anger. Therate of the pulse monitors began to increase again.

"Stop taking your mask off, or I will tube you again," Peter admonished. Carter grunted and Peter gazed at him intently. "Whydid you allow that doctor to extubate you when you knew your lungs couldn't handle it?" Peter questioned quietly.

Carter shrugged. Peter shook his head. "You never doubtedyourself before, Carter, don't start making it a habit." Peter rosefrom his chair, but paused a moment.

"You were right about Mrs. Cobb, she didn't suffer a stroke,she does have Bell's Palsy." Peter watched a sense of relief andexoneration wash over Carter's face. He smiled at Peter and the doctor lefthim alone.

Peter closed the door behind him and stalked over to where Kate stood impatiently. "Dr. Brooks, do you mind telling me why the hell you extubated my patient?" Peter asked furiously.

The woman in front of him stared back as if he was an alien, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I did exactly what you ordered me to!" she snapped back and handed him the orders.

Peter snatched the offered chart and flipped through, staring at it in disbelief. "I never authorized this!" he snarled."Where did you get this?" Peter asked.

Kate looked at him confusedly; "It was left for the ICU nurse.That is Mr. Carter's chart, and that is your signature." Shepointed to Peter's handwriting.

Peter shook his head defiantly. "Yeah, this isn't my order tohave him extubated. I want you to gather all of Dr. Carter's chartsand bring them to me. Then I want you to call security and have guards posted in front of this room right now!" Peter ordered.

Peter stopped in his tracks and turned to Kate once again. "Dr. Carter is to get his Intal nebulizer and check his Cefteim and Vancomycin levels. Those are my orders for now."

Dr. Brooks nodded and scrambled away to do what she had been told. Peter took the orders and put them in his pocket. He waited a few minutes for security to arrive and walked up to them when they did.

"Do not let anyone into that room except for me, Dr. Brooks, orMary the ICU nurse. I think the Grady Chief of Staff tried to hurt my patient. You have any questions you page me." Peter finishedgiving his instructions and went back down the stairs.