Something On the Menu
By Kristen
JC/DM humor
No Spoilers
Comments: kdarganin@hotmail.com

Summary:
Just a funny piece I whipped up as I was trying to get back into the mood to
tackle my monster story. Hope you enjoy it.


If there were some kind of silence hanging in the room, then it would have
been something to get lost into. Tranquility would have eased a mind that
was burning right now with anger. He couldn't even strip apart the different
feelings tearing through him at the moment, he wasn't allowed to. The
drunken singing of a 500-pound clown was driving him bonkers. Carter sucked
in a long, deep, breath, and slowly drew his gaze to the person sitting next
him.

Dave saw the accusing stare that was causing the side of his face to feel
slightly warm and snapped, "It wasn't my fault, Carter."

John chewed on his bottom lip, debating over whether to kick Dave in the leg
or let the scary looking gang member on the other end of the cell know that
the other doctor had joked about his choice of tattoos.

'God, if it was merely am incident with alcohol,' Carter thought to himself
as he began to tap the back of his head against the brick wall behind him.

"Don't say a word," John growled when it appeared that Dave was about to
utter yet another apology for the umpteenth time.

"Come on man, it could have happened to anyone," Dave pleaded.

"Yeah, but it happened to us, Dave, us. In fact it happened to you! Since
when was I associated with you to begin with?" John asked shaking his head
in disbelief.

"When this blows over, I'll buy you lunch," Dave tried to reassure his
friend.

Carter turned around his expression betraying his frustration over the
night's comedy of errors. "That is how," Carter gestured wildly at the jail,
"we ended up here."

Dave slouched down as the realization washed over him, "Oh yeah."


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

5 hours before

Carter closed the door to the car with caution, as he looked hesitantly at
the entrance to the restaurant. The Asian statues were carved out of black
obsidian, and each of the woman's features were enhanced to the point that
one's imagination was not needed. "Why have we come here, Dave?" Carter
asked in a weird mix of amusement and weariness.

Dave slapped his hand on the other doctor's back with enthusiasm, "We're
celebrating your independence, my man! This should be a jubilant day, you're
finally moving out of the parental unit's fortress and getting your own
digs."

Carter rolled his eyes, "Moving out of my Gamma's house isn't anything
special. This makes like the third time that I've done this," Carter replied
dryly. It was a few time too many for his taste.

"Hey, third time is a charm. Time to get on with you happy bachelor life, "
Dave beamed as he dragged his friend up the stairs.

"So, my celebration entails you treating me to a sushi bar?" Carter
questioned as they entered the establishment in question.

"Hey, I was told by some of my best buds that this place had killer seafood
and that everything on the menu was some of the finest tasting sushi you'd
ever have," the younger man responded jubilantly.

"Since when did you have friends?" Carter asked.

Dave froze in mid step and swiveled his head to stare at John. The other
doctor faced the questioning look with all seriousness.

Dave burst out laughing, "You almost had me fooled, hoss. Now come on, I'm
starving."

Carter looked at his shoes, muttering under his breath, "Who said I was
joking."

Both men were seated at a booth that had strings of beads hanging down
around it. Each polished ordainment had a different character written on it.
Carter vaguely mused over the meaning of each symbol as he toyed with one of
the beads between his thumb and pointer finger, while Dave peered at the
menu and tossed it aside. His thoughts were interrupted by a woman's voice.

"Hello, welcome to the Palace, I'm Leann," an oriental woman announced
sweetly. She had dark brown eyes and olive skin. She smiled in an almost sly
way as she lightly strummed her painted fingernails on the table. She had on
a silk red shirt that had a long opening in the front. Dave let his eyes
wander to her red mini skirt with gold leaf dragons embroidered along the
lengths towards her long legs.

John suppressed a laugh as Dave stared bug eyed at the lovely lady. She
appeared to have the clearest, smoothest skin, but John shrugged those
thoughts away. Undoubtly Dave would begin to drool over himself and then
launch into some practiced diatribe that would entertain him for at least
five minutes. Carter rested his chin on his left hand and waited for the
'Love Doctor' to begin.

Dave flashed his best smile, admiring the way the hostess longingly looked
him over. Flashes of some passionate interlude sped through his mind and
Dave leaned in as the hostess spoke.

"Was there something I could bring you while you look at the menu?" Leann
asked her voice silky smooth.

"Well, I think we'll have two drafts," Dave replied never taking his eyes
off the woman.

"Ah, no thanks, I'll have a coke," Carter replied.

"Oh come on John, take a load off, you're off tomorrow," Dave complained.

Carter sighed, not wanting to bring up any old issues, "I'll have a coke,
and Dave, I think I can order my own food, too," Carter testily replied.

Seeing the slight hurt flash across Dave's expression, Carter mentally
kicked himself. Malucci wasn't a bad guy, hell he was one of the few people
at work who still goofed around him like normal. Not wanting to say anything
else he would regret, Carter grabbed a glass of water from the table and
began to drink.

"So, one draft and a coke. Do you need time to look over the menu,
gentlemen?"

"What I want isn't on the menu," Dave replied.

Carter nearly choked and spewed water all over himself as he knocked over
the glass onto his lap with his hand.

Dave nearly jumped out of his seat trying to avoid the mist, "Carter!!...My
man, what's up with the shower?"

Carter used his sleeve to wipe away droplets from his chin as he tried to
control his laughter. He was embarrassed, his face was probably the shade of
their lovely waitress's shirt. Carter tried to wipe away the remains of the
spilt liquid, but his shirt was the main source that was soaking up the
water.

"Great," he muttered.

"Take it easy man, just take it off, I'm sure Leann won't mind." Dave lured.

The hostess glanced over at the other doctor giving him a reassuring nod
that she didn't mind at all. Carter avoided eye contact with the lovely
woman and fidgeted with his napkin in a vain attempt to get dry.

"Carter's a sexy man, he's just modest," Dave jested.

"Malucci!!" Carter, yelled.

"What?" Dave chuckled at the bewildered doctor. He set aside his flirting
for a moment, concentrating on the situation at hand. The hostess was very
attractive, and his friend really needed to loosen up. Maybe if he worked
things right, then Carter might come back to work with a big smile on his
face.

Leann giggled and Dave took it upon himself to work his magic for someone
else for a change.

"You shy?" Leann asked.

Carter really wished he could sink into a hole about now; he was now the
center of attention. "No, I have matters unlike some people."

Carter caught his friend shaking his head, "Can we just order what we came
for?"

Leann smiled and seemed to relax as she leaned down closer to hear her
guests' requests.

"Well, I can't decide. What do you think, Carter?" Dave asked peering at the
other man.

Carter was busy still trying to get comfortable in wet clothes, so he left
it to his 'buddy' to decide. "I just want to get this over with."

"What do you think Leann?" Dave asked trying to keep Carter's sour mood from
ruining the mood.

"Whatever you boys want. Its up to you," she replied rubbing her hand up and
down Dave's muscular arm.

The hair on Dave's arm tingled and his breathing reacted to the touch. He
calmed his beating heart, trying to tell parts of his body that Carter
deserved this more then he did.

"Well I like it all," he replied his voice lower.

Carter quit dabbing with his napkin as his ears perked up on 'that tone'. He
smiled despite his irritated mood. Dave was such a player.

"What about your friend?" she asked matching his sultry voice. "Does he want
some too?"

"Ah...I'll have whatever Doctor Dave orders," Carter replied bemused. He
didn't know what kind of sushi to order. It wasn't a favorite at the estate
and he had only eaten it once before. California rolls and rainbow rolls,
meant nothing to him.

Dave had to take his attention off the curves of his hostess's body and
concentrate on the menu. He had already discarded it, so he didn't want to
look foolish by reopening it.

"What about a special?" He asked trying to jog his memory.

"Do you have a preference?"

Dave rubbed his chin, "Nah, let's make it easy. Since its my treat, why not
just a little bit from the whole menu."

"That's expensive, are you sure?" Leann asked.

"Well I'll be a rich enough doctor soon..."

"You, hope," Carter, muttered.

Dave rolled his eyes. "You pick something out my dear, we trust you," Dave
winked at her.

Carter groaned out loud, this was just bad. Didn't Dave know that he sounded
like one of those guys you saw on TV with the horrible pick uplines?

"All right gentlemen, something for each of you, I'll be right back." Leann
gave Dave's arm a squeeze and turned to retrieve their order.

"We'll be waiting, " Dave called back.

"God, Malucci, aren't you the suave one!" Carter said his voice tinged with
sarcasm.

"Hey, you'll be thanking me for paving the way for her company later on
tonight," Dave defended.

"I came here for lunch, not for love." Now that the waitress was out of
sight, Carter was going to take off his dress shirt and try to shake it dry
for a second.

"In a little while, you'll be thanking me for this night." Dave said matter
of factly.

Before Carter could shoot a comeback he heard what sounded like was a herd
of cattle heading their way.

"Hope this isn't her boyfriend...

"Both of you freeze!" Three voices shouted in unison.

Carter's eyes went wide as several uniformed police officers and two men
dressed in suits approached the table. There were walkie talkies buzzing
about and a mixture of voices.

A tall balding man in his forties was reading from a card, "You have the
right to remain silent. You have..."

"Wait a damn minute, what's this about? What's going on?" Dave asked as a
set of metal handcuffs was slapped around his writs.

"You are being read you Miranda rights for two counts of solicitation." One
of the uniformed officers responded.

"What? ...I mean what the hell?" Dave stared at Carter in shock as he
watched the other doctor being detained.

Carter's lips were drawn tight into a straight line. If he opened his mouth
the wave of obscenities would have been countless.

"I don't understand...we were just ordering..." Dave's expression turned
from seriousness to humor to horror. "No, no, no we were just ordering
sushi. It's not want you think."

Dave glanced at Carter whose hands were now handcuffed behind his back.
"Shut up, Dave."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb
who's..."

"Shut up, Bozo, or I'll shove one of those red boots up your ass!" Tattooed,
mean guy number two screamed.

Carter blew his breath up in the air over his face so it would remove the
strand of hair that was bothering him and too lazy at the moment to swat at.
He continued to ignore Dave too frustrated at his night. He only heard bits
in pieces between the bellowing clown and the drunken tirades of the masses
of the jail cell.

"I can't believe that they thought we were trying to buy sex from her. I
mean look at me...I mean at us. It's just a big misunderstanding..."

"John Truman Carter?" A voice interrupted Dave's continuous excuses.

"That's me." Carter wearily stood up and walked over to the jail door.

"Your lawyer has talked to the judge and cleared up the misunderstanding." A
man in a designer suit explained things to Carter and Dave was ecstatic that
this night was finally coming to an end.

"Thank you, James." Carter said kindly as an officer came to unlock the
door.

Dave got up and bowed his head towards his former cellmates. "It was nice
spending time with each of you, but now we must get going." As he followed
Carter, the door was slammed in his face.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Dave asked bewildered.

Carter turned around looking at the other doctor through the metal bars.
"James arranged for my release Dave, I think you're going to be here till
tomorrow."

"No, wait!" Dave yelled banging on the bars, "This isn't funny, Carter!"

Carter stopped in his tracks and turned around with a smile on his face.
Relief washed over him, leaving him behind was all a joke.

"Actually Dave, it really is funny." Carter shook his head and chuckled.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Love Doctor is at your service," he announced to
their captive audience. He continued on just as the drunken clown began
singing another round of Mary Had a Little Lamb.


The end.


I am working on new chapters of "Rats In a Maze", thanks for all the e-mails
about that story. It will be a few weeks, but I'll repost it soon.