Spectroscope
Part Two - Green Thumb
By Scott J. Welles
scottjwelles@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER, for those who've never read one before: All "ER" characters and institutions are the property of Warner Bros., ConstantC Productions and Amblin Television, and ain't nobody making a profit on this piece. There. Was it good for you?

("Spectroscope" inspired by a suggestion from Becca Renton.)

"Good morning, Jerry. Any messages?"

"Morning, Dr. Weaver. No, not so far."

"How's the chart organization coming?"

"Well, it's almost done...I was about to go to lunch, but I can finish it up afterwards, if that's all right."

"I'd prefer it before lunch, but I, ah, I can imagine how hungry you must get, sitting behind that desk all day."

"First thing after lunch, I promise."

"Okay, first thing."

"Thanks, Dr. Weaver, I appreciate it."

"Oh, Jerry, before you go...?"

"Uh...yes?"

"I hear that the 'Phantom Florist' has struck again. What's the word on that?"

"Oh, uh, I don't really know. I wasn't paying much attention..."

"I believe that makes two weeks he or she has been at large, now. Is that right?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right, I guess..."

"Funny thing, isn't it? Some person or persons unknown leaving flowers and ferns in the lounge, always when no one's looking, and then vanishing once more into anonymity? It's got kind of a romantic feel to it, the ER's own little mystery man. Or woman."

"I'm surprised to hear you say that, Dr. Weaver, I thought you'd disapprove of people sneaking around like that."

"Well, I admit it's not what I'd normally call professional behavior for the working environment, but the Phantom isn't breaking any rules. Just being very secretive, is all. Besides, you've got to admit, Jerry, all that greenery kind of brightens things up in the lounge, doesn't it?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess..."

"What's the matter, Jerry? You don't like plants?"

"They're okay, it's just not my thing. Kinda girly, y'know?"

"Oh, I see. Not really a 'guy' kind of thing, I suppose."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I like plants as much as the next guy..."

"Mm-hmm?"

"And you're right, it does add something to the place..."

"Yes, I've begun to find it quite soothing in the lounge these last couple of weeks."

"Well, good, that's probably what the Phantom had in mind. I mean, that's what I'd guess."

"You're probably right. But don't you ever wonder who it is that's taking such good care of all those plants?"

"Uh...no, not really..."

"Not even a little bit curious to know who it is?"

"Dr. Weaver, I just said I'm not."

"I see. So you're not running a betting pool on the Phantom's identity, then?"

"Dr. Weaver, you know I would never condone gambling on hospital premises-"

"Save it, Jerry."

"Okay, yeah, I've been asked to take some odds on a few names...but I didn't, this time."

"Really? Well, this must be a first. Jerry Markovic not interested in a betting pool, for once."

"Look, if it was something else, like the Super Bowl or something, maybe, but the name of the person who waters the plants? That's just too..."

"Girly?"

"Well, not real exciting, anyway."

"I see... Whose names were being suggested, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Well, the leading odds are on Carol. After we found that novel she wrote, people are wondering what else she might be up to in her spare time. Though we don't know when she'd have any."

"Interesting...who else?"

"Uh, let me see...a couple people thought it was Lydia, someone mentioned Yosh...I think someone even bet on you being the Phantom."

"ME? Well, if they think I've got nothing better to do with my time, then maybe it's time to set the record straight, don't you think? Maybe we should take steps to uncover this person's identity and expose them once and for all, what do you say to that?"

"Come on, you're never gonna find out who the Phantom really is. He or she's like Zorro, or Robin Hood, or Batman, you know? Too smart to get caught, too quick to be seen..."

"Sounds to me like you kind of admire whoever it is a little, Jerry."

"Huh? Oh, well, you've gotta admit that they're pretty cool about it. Even if all they're doing is taking care of some dumb houseplants."

"I see..."

"Uh...Dr. Weaver, is there a good reason you're smiling at me like that?"

"Something wrong with my smile, Jerry?"

"No! No, of course not, but it's not something I see very often, you know?"

"So you think that the identity of the 'Phantom Florist' will remain a mystery forever, do you?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, it's gotta be someone who knows the routine around here, who's kind of got their finger on the pulse of the place, so they'd know when to go in without drawing attention..."

"Right."

"Someone who nobody would think of as the gardening type...are you sure it's not you?"

"Pretty sure. And you really think I couldn't find out who it is?"

"Well, you could look for them, sure, but it's gonna get around that you're looking, and then whoever it is will just lay low for awhile, until you get tired of looking, or get too busy, or something."

"I suppose you have a point."

"Okay, you're still smiling at me. You're really starting to creep me out, Dr. Weaver..."

"Ever hear of the 'nanny-cam', Jerry?"

"Oh, you mean those things that you hide in your house when...oh, wait, you're not thinking of putting one of those in the lounge, are you?"

"The thought had crossed my mind..."

"Dr. Weaver, I can't believe you'd-I mean, I'm shocked that you would-isn't that illegal?"

"No, not at all."

"Well, unethical, then? I mean, isn't that a gross violation of privacy?"

"What are you getting so upset about, Jerry? We're all recorded on the security cameras every day."

"That's different! Those tapes are sealed, so nobody even looks at them unless there's a crime committed or something..."

"True. Still, there's nothing in the hospital regulations against storing video equipment in a locker. Did you know a nanny-cam could be installed in a locker, Jerry?"

"Dr. Weaver, aren't you ashamed of yourself? Thinking about spying on your co-workers like that?"

"I suppose you're right, Jerry. I'll take the cam out this afternoon."

"That's good. Believe me, you'll feel much...uh, d-did you say ta-take it out?"

"Mm-hmm."

"You-you mean...you've already put it in?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh no...was it running last night? When the Phantom, uh, struck?"

"Mmmm-hmmmmm..."

"Um, you haven't...watched the tape yet, have you...?"

"You mean this one, right here? What do you think, Jerry?"

"I, uh...ahem...Dr. Weaver, I really wish you'd erase that tape. Come on, you said yourself it's neat having a mystery, and I'm n-the Phantom's not really breaking any rules...couldn't we just leave it at that?"

"I don't know, Jerry...there's a lot of people curious about the Phantom. I'm sure they're all dying to know..."

"Please? If everyone found out, I'd be-I mean, the Phantom, whoever it is, would be really embarrassed by the whole thing."

"You think so?"

"Come on, Dr. Weaver...haven't you ever had a secret gift that you were proud of, but it would ruin your reputation if everyone knew about it?"

"Hhhhhhhhhh...Jerry, you're taking all the fun out of this."

"So...you're not going to show that tape to everyone?"

"Ohhh...here, take it! Erase it or do whatever you want with it."

"Thanks, Dr. Weaver, you won't regret this. And I'm sure the Phantom'll really appreciate it."

"Well, I guess we'll never know. Anyway, I've got work to do, and I believe you were going to lunch?"

"Uhh...actually, I really should finish up that chart organization first."

"That's a good idea, Jerry."