by Céindreadh
ceindreadh@eircom.net
Notes - since this is a 'fun-fic' I've ignored a lot of Season 7, but there are some spoilers.
Kerry wrapped her arms around Luka and did her best to stick her tongue down his throat. They stayed like that for a full five minutes before Kerry pulled away and turned to Kim. "You see? I'm not gay."
Kim sighed as she looked at Kerry, "I believe you Kerry," she said. "You don't have to prove it to me...it's okay." She smiled at her.
"Uh-uh, you don't believe me...I can tell," said Kerry as she pushed Luka out the door of exam one. "NEXT," she yelled.
Carter came in. "Um, Dr. Weaver wha..." was all he managed to say before Kerry jumped him.
Outside exam one Dave was pacing nervously. He looked up as Luka came staggering out. "Geez man...what sort of 'performance evaluation' did she give you?"
"No," said Cleo firmly. "And don't ask me again."
"Aw come-on Cleo baby," said Peter in his most beseeching tone. "Just for me...just once..."
"No no and no," said Cleo. "If you want to make out with someone in an operating gown then ask Romano, cause I'm not doing it." Slamming the charts down, she walked away.
"He already turned me down," muttered Peter under his breath. Hearing footsteps approach, he turned around and his eyes lit up. "Carter my man...how've you been?"
Dave is busy suturing a head laceration in curtain three. "You know cutting your face up isn't really a good idea - apart from all the risks of infection and crap like that - no matter how neatly I do this, there's still gonna be a scar." He ties off the final suture and looks approvingly at his work before continuing. "And the chicks don't dig scars. Am I right Dr. Corday?" he calls over to the next bed where Elizabeth has been called in for a surgical consult.
"Er, um, that is...sometimes..." Elizabeth stammers as she looks up from her patient.
"Go ahead Elizabeth," says Mark, with his arms folded. "Tell the man..."
In exam one, Kim was looking at her watch. "Kerry, you're going to get blisters," she warned.
Kerry had moved on from doctors to nurses. Yosh had already run screaming from the room but Malik seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.
"Um," said Elizabeth looking from Mark to Dave to the patient, all of whom were waiting expectantly. "Um, can I plead the fifth?" she asked helplessly.
"Nu-uh," said Mark, "You're not American."
"Surely the fact that I'm almost married to one and about to give birth to another counts for something?" pleaded Elizabeth. Mark shook his head.
"Oh crap," said Elizabeth. Thinking quickly she said, "Er, I'm going to be sick...I'll tell you later..." and ran out of the room.
"I am going to kill Dr. Malucci," said Luka as he bent over the basin in the men's room while scrubbing frantically at his face.
"What did he do this time?" asked Carter as he brushed his teeth.
Luka lifted his head and Carter nearly choked on his toothbrush.
"Because he told me that it was an old St. Patrick's day tradition for a man to paint his face green to declare his love for a woman. But when Abby saw me like this, she just laughed."
Carter shook his head. "Typical Malucci...he always gets things mixed up," he said, shaking his head. "It's not your face that should be green...it's your hair."
Luka looked suspiciously at Carter. "You are sure about that?"
Carter put on his best 'would I lie to you?' expression.
"Thank you Carter," said Luka as he removed the last of the green face-paint. "I owe you one." Drying himself off, he left the room.
Carter turned around and gave a thumb's up sign to Dave who had just emerged from a toilet cubicle.
Kerry wiped away the last of her smeared lipstick and said to Kim, "See? See? I told you I was straight."
Kim nodded, "Yes you did, Kerry," she said smiling. "And I told you that you didn't have to prove anything to me."
Kerry shook her head. "I can see you're not convinced." Turning to the door, she yelled, "NEXT."
Frank the desk clerk stuck his head round the door. "They told me there was some sort of performance evaluation going on here?" he said eagerly.
Kerry turned to Kim, "Okay, I admit it...I'm gay..."
Luka stormed into the Lounge. "I am going to kill Carter <and> Malucci," he yelled.
Jing-Mei looked up from the couch. "Whoa!" she exclaimed upon seeing the now green haired attending. "What happened?"
"First Malucci tells me to paint my face green for St. Patrick's Day...then Carter tells me to dye my hair green...they said it was traditional for a man in love."
Jing-Mei shook her head and sighed.
"I can't believe that you trusted those two clowns," she said. "You should have asked me...I'd have told you it was a waste of time."
"Yeah?"
"Sure...nobody paints their faces or dyes their hair...it's all body art...you're supposed to get a Celtic design painted on your um..." Jing-Mei looked around and quickly whispered something in Luka's ear. Even through the tinge of green that was still on his face she could see him blush.
"Dr. Chen," gasped Luka. "You...you cannot be serious?"
"Hey...I've got a photographic memory...I don't get things mixed up..."
Looking slightly dazed, Luka left the room.
Jing-Mei waited until she was sure he was gone and then said, "Okay guys, you can come out now."
Dave and Carter scrambled out from underneath the table. "Man, I can't believe he fell for that one," laughed Carter. "Abby is going to go nuts when she sees a design painted on his ass."
"His ass?" yelped Jing-Mei. "That's not where Dave said to tell him to put it"
Dave just grinned smugly.
The End