Thanks to Sam Green for being my Beta Reader for this fic. Thanks also to
Monica and Sarah for their suggestions re the title.
Kerry smiles wryly. "I can only imagine what I looked like...screaming at this man...beating him with my crutch. Then I heard Dave...calling me." Her smile changes to a more wistful one. "He didn't say 'Chief' or 'Dr Weaver'...he just said 'Kerry?' in a small voice. I looked over at him...he was just standing there. And...and I didn't think anything was wrong...and I was wondering why he was just standing there...not doing anything to help...and then I saw the blood. It didn't seem like much...just a trickle...you could hardly see it against his jeans...at least from the front...the point of entry. And as I watched, Dave just sort of 'folded up' and slid to the ground...and I could see the blood pooling around him."
Kerry takes a deep breath before continuing, "That's when I screamed for help. A part of me was wondering why nobody had come to check out the shot...but only a few seconds had passed...even though it felt like forever."
"So one minute I'm standing there trying to move forward and help the Chief...but my legs won't work. It's like one of those bad dreams where you're trying to run...but you can't. So I look down...and there's a hole - just a small one - in my jeans...right about here." Dave points to a spot on his left leg, midway down the front of his thigh.
"And I'm thinking, 'no way man'...I can't have been shot...I would have felt something...and then I notice the blood...and you know all those cartoons where the cat gets his tail chopped off or set on fire and he doesn't realize it until he sees it? Well it was sort of like that...I mean the pain didn't really hit me until I saw the blood.
Next thing I know, I'm sitting on the ground, looking at the blood pouring out...and I know I should be doing something...I know I should be applying pressure...trying to stop the bleeding...but all I can do is look at it...watch as my life drains away...and then I see a pair of hands...and they're on my leg and applying pressure in the right place...and I look up...and it's Kerry...and she looks at me...and I just know that I'm gonna be all right...I know that the Chief won't let me die."
"Dave was just sitting there, staring at his leg. I did my best to try and control the bleeding, but all I had were my hands. I was yelling at him, telling him to stay with me...not to let go...and he was looking at me with a sort of a dazed expression. I guess he was in shock...after all, it's not every day that some lunatic tries to kill you..."
Kerry shakes her head, "Finally, after what seemed like hours, I heard people coming to help...I said to Dave...I told him he was going to be all right...that I wouldn't let him die...and all I could think...all I could think about was last year...walking into the room and seeing Carter...and Lucy." She looks away for a few seconds before turning back to the camera.
"I suppose I should explain...Lucy and Carter...were a med student and a resident in my ER. A year earlier, they'd been attacked by a patient...stabbed. Carter survived, Lucy didn't. I could hardly believe that it had happened again...and on Valentine's Day again." She sighs. "Weird huh?"
"Anyway," she says, visibly composing herself. "The next few minutes I was running on autopilot, ordering people to help me get Dave onto a backboard and into Trauma one. Cleo...Dr Finch - one of the residents - I told her to take care of the other man...I told her to put him in four point restraints if he had to, but I didn't want him getting loose. She...she said, that she couldn't do that because I'd broken his arm. So I said to put him in three point restraints." Kerry laughs as she says, "I know it sounds funny now, but at the time I was serious. And the look on Cleo's face..." She sighs at the memory.
"But no one was smiling then...except Dave. I had my hand on his thigh, you know, to try and staunch the blood and I looked at his face and he was smirking slightly and looking at where my hands were, and I didn't know why he was smiling..."
"It's crazy, I know," Dave says with a grin, "But I could see Kerry's hands on me, and it suddenly occurred to me, that she was almost touching my...you know..." He indicates his crotch. "And it just seemed so funny at the time."
"Don't really remember much of the next few minutes," says Dave with a wry smile. "I remember cursing at Malik as he was lifting me onto the backboard...and I remember hearing Kerry yell at someone...but it all sort of went a bit blurry and the next thing I remember clearly is staring at the ceiling of Trauma one...and I hear Kerry saying to cut it off...and I'm like, they gotta be kidding...it was only a flesh wound. So I try to sit up and tell them no way are they gonna amputate." He smiles ruefully. "Course they were talking about my jeans...Kerry had told Lydia to cut them off me...and I'm relaxing a bit until I see Lydia brandishing these scissors...and man they look massive...and I'm freaking out cause they look so big...and I'm thinking what if her hand slips when she gets...you know...up near the important bits."
We hear a partially suppressed snort of laughter from behind the camera. Dave sticks his tongue out at the sound before continuing.
"And I'm trying to tell them not to cut my jeans off and Kerry's telling me to 'lie down and shut up dammit'. And I'm starting to realize how serious things are getting...I can see Chuny bringing in a whole armful of units of blood...and I realize it's gonna be A positive...my type...and I close my eyes thinking that things can't get much worse...and then I realize they can...cause I hear Kerry saying to put in a foley."
Kerry speaks as if reciting from a textbook; "A foley catheter is standard procedure when dealing with a trauma patient...especially one that is most likely going to require surgery. I knew this...I knew it had to be done...but it didn't make it any easier to order it..."
"It wasn't the first time I've heard a man scream as a foley was inserted...and it wasn't the last...but somehow...somehow it was the worst. I don't know if was because up to that point...up till then, Dave had been holding up pretty well. I mean, I knew he was in pain...he had to be with the amount of damage that the bullet had done...but up till then he had been managing to control it...when the foley went in...I couldn't look at him...I saw him writhing in pain...and of course the movement didn't help his leg...and I screamed at Chuny to find out what the hell was keeping the surgeons...and when I looked at Dave again...he was looking up at me...and I could see the pain in his eyes... ...and I couldn't look at him...because I knew that I was responsible for some of it...and I felt his hand in mine...and when I looked at him he said... 'You okay Chief?'...and I couldn't believe it. Here he was, in agony from a serious injury...and he's asking me if I'm okay..." We can see Kerry's eyes filling with tears. Looking away she gestures at the camera. "Shut...shut that thing off...please..."
The screen fades to black.
Dave is looking serious for a change as he speaks to the camera. "I sort of lost it when the foley went in," he says. "I mean, I know the bullet wound was hurting...but I'd sort of managed to distance myself from it...told myself it wasn't really happening...and it was working...but then, the pain of the catheter." He shudders visibly. "That sort of brought it all home. I knew that I wouldn't be getting one of those if it wasn't serious...I...I'm not ashamed to admit that I screamed...and then I couldn't control the pain...and I was losing it totally...and then I saw Kerry standing there...and she looked so...so upset...but yet she was holding herself together...and I knew I had to be strong...for her sake..."
Time has obviously passed since Kerry's last clip as she is wearing a different top and is a lot more composed.
"Where were we?" she asks, looking off camera. We hear the sound of a voice, but can't make out what it's saying. "Oh right," says Kerry, "The trauma room."
Facing the camera, she says, "We'd managed to get Dave stabilized...he was barely conscious, but his vital signs were good. I thought that we'd done it...that maybe, just maybe things were going to be all right."
"I watched as he was pushed into the elevator. I watched, as the doors closed behind him and all I could think was that I might never see him again. I...I knew that he stood a good chance of coming through this...after all, if you're going to get shot, what better place than in an ER...in front of the Chief of Emergency Medicine..." There is a trace of bitterness in her voice, but it's gone when she speaks again.
"I just felt so responsible...after all, if I hadn't jumped in like that without thinking of the consequences...I should have called security...that's what we pay them for...but no, I just had to play the hero...but Dave was the one who paid the price.
I kept thinking that maybe if I hadn't hit him just then...he wouldn't have pulled the trigger...and Dave wouldn't be facing emergency surgery."
We hear Dave's voice saying, "Kerry, if you hadn't been there, I would've been a GSW to the chest at close range. You know the survival rates for that are a hell of a lot worse than for what happened to me." We can tell by the sound of his voice that this is a conversation they've had before.
Kerry sighs and says, "I know that now...but back then...back then, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly...especially after Romano couldn't give me any guarantee that you'd keep your leg...or even if you'd survive the operation."
There is silence from both of them, as the screen fades to black.
To be continued
part 3 will be posted next Wednesday....hopefully <g>
--
céindreadh
"i have never understood why it is necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care, or why it should be necessary to prove it at all"
Kerr Avon