Kerry sighs as she continues. "The rest of my shift...I don't know how I got through it without killing any of my patients. If we hadn't been so short staffed..." Her voice trails off, as she appears lost in thought. Finally she continues, "We were already short staffed before the shooting. Carter...well, Carter hadn't wanted to work that day...I couldn't really blame him...Dr Greene had called in sick...a bad reaction to his previous days treatment and Dr Chen was still on maternity leave. I did my best to keep my mind on the job...but it wasn't easy when my thoughts were a few floors above the ER."
"I don't remember anything about the operation," says Dave. "Well that's hardly surprising," he grins. "Last thing I remember is Dr Romano coming into pre-op. He comes over to me and says 'Malatucci, right?'. And I'm saying no...it's Malucci...and he smirks and says, 'just checking'. Then he tells me the anesthetist is nearly ready for me...and he says 'you might feel a little prick' and I'm trying to say something like 'I bet you say that to all the girls' but my tongue feels like it's filled with lead and all I can do is close my eyes."
Dave shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "I was allowed see my charts afterwards," he says. "Or rather, I annoyed the nurses in ICU until they showed it to me. It...it wasn't easy reading. Apparently I'd needed four units of blood before they'd even started cutting...and...and I'd crashed midway through the op." He looks away from the camera and we can see that he is visibly shaken by his tale.
"It...it was touch and go for a while," he says when he finally looks back at the camera. "I...I nearly didn't make it." He swallows hard. "Sort of freaky knowing that you were technically dead...even just for a few seconds..."
"When the word came down that Dave was out of surgery," Kerry says, "I headed straight upstairs."
"My shift was nearly over," she says in an apparent effort at justification, whether to herself or to the camera, it is unclear. "And the ER wasn't that busy...so I told Luka to take over while I checked on Dave. I told myself it was my duty as his boss to see for myself how he was doing...but I knew even then that it was more than that."
She sighs as she continues. "He was in the ICU by the time I got upstairs. Wired up to all the usual machines...and looking so pale...so fragile...he didn't look like my 'Dr Dave' anymore.
Dr Romano told me that although he had come through the operation successfully, there was still a risk of infection, so he wasn't totally out of the woods. I hardly heard him as he explained about the possibility that Dave would never regain the full use of his leg...all I could see was the slight rise and fall of Dave's chest...the only sign that he was still alive...
I could see the surprise on Robert's face when I told him that I'd be staying with Dave...at least until he woke up. He looked as if he was about to make some unpleasant comment about it...but for some reason he refrained. Not that it would have made any difference...I was staying there...for however long it took for Dave to wake up."
Kerry smiles wryly, "Hospital chairs aren't the most comfortable pieces of furniture, but it's surprising how many people can sleep in them...of course the fact that I was drained...both physically and emotionally helped a bit. I don't know how long I slept...but I was woken by the sound of Dave's heart monitor bleeping the sound of a flatline...and I tell you, my heart nearly stopped as well."
"Like I said, I don't remember the OR, or being in recovery...the next clear thing I remember is waking up in the ICU. I remember staring at the ceiling and wondering why I was there...and I saw the heart monitor leads on my chest...and for some reason, I decided that they were tickling me...and I didn't want them...so I pulled at them until they came off. Of course that's when all hell broke loose cause everyone thought that I'd crashed again." He smiles wryly. "Don't think they were too impressed when they discovered it was just me screwing with the leads. I thought it was funny...that is until I saw the expression on Kerry's face." His face falls slightly.
"She...she had tears in her eyes," he says softly. "Kerry Weaver, the Chief of Emergency Medicine...reputed to be as tough as old boots and as hard as nails...was crying...crying over me."
"The crash team was at Dave's bedside before I realized what was going on," says Kerry. "I couldn't move...all I could do was watch as they crowded round the bed...and they weren't doing anything...and I wanted to scream at them to do something...to charge the paddles and shock him...to save him...
Of course he didn't need saving...it...it took a few seconds for them to realize that he had just pulled off the leads...that he wasn't dying...they weren't too happy," she says wryly. "Anyway, they packed away the crash cart and replaced the leads...and then they left us alone...and I said the first thing that came into my head."
"She said to me," says Dave with a half smile on his face, "She said 'Don't you ever scare me like that again, Dave'. I must have been still pretty out of it...cause it took me a few seconds to realize that she'd called me 'Dave' instead of 'Malucci'. Think that was the first time I'd ever heard her do that...but it wasn't the last." He smiles affectionately at the camera...or perhaps the person behind it. "Anyway, she was standing there, all upset...and I suddenly remembered what had happened...and I looked at my leg...and I was half expecting just to see an empty space...and Kerry saw me looking and she said...she said I was going to be fine...that she was going to take care of me...and...and I know I sound like a wuss...but it just all sort of hit me...how near a miss I'd had...and I just started crying..." Dave looks away embarrassed.
"He was looking at his leg like he hadn't expected to see it there," says Kerry. "And then he looked at me...like a frightened child...I told him everything was going to be all right.
Poor Dave...he'd been through such a lot...I guess it all caught up with him...and he broke down in my arms. I held him...and I let him cry until he'd exhausted his tears...and then I held him until he fell asleep. I made him comfortable...and then, just before I left...I kissed him on the forehead...I don't know why...but it just seemed right at the time...and his eyes flickered open...and he said...he said..."
"I said, 'I love you' to her," says Dave. "I...I don't know why I picked that particular time to say it...I mean it wasn't as if it was something I'd just realized...I knew from the first day I'd met Kerry that she was something special...maybe a part of me figured that I could always blame it on the drugs and the anesthetic...you know, if she was offended or shocked or anything...but she wasn't."
"I just smiled at him," says Kerry, smiling now as well. "And I brushed back the hair from his face...and I said something like, 'I know'...and then I kissed him again...but on the lips this time...and it just felt so natural...so right...like something I should have done a long time ago."
"When she kissed me the second time," says Dave, a half smile on his face as he remembers. "I could hardly believe it...for a minute I was sure I was dreaming...but then I knew that it wasn't a dream. And I reached up and pushed the hair back out of her face...and I smiled at her...and she was smiling at me...and I just knew that she was the one...the one I'd been looking for all my life."
Kerry smiles, "I suppose that technically it wasn't 'love at first sight'...after all, we'd known each other for over a year...but somehow...somehow it was as if the prospect of losing him had made Dave had made me see him for the first time."
"So that's it," she says to the camera. "The story of our first kiss."
"But not the last," says Dave as he enters the picture. We can see that he's favoring his left leg as he limps over to Kerry. Putting his arms around her, he kisses her again. "Definitely not the last," he repeats, before flashing a cheeky grin at the screen. He points a remote control at it and the screen goes blank.
We see a hand pressing the eject button on a video player and Dave - looking several years older than he did on the screen - takes the tape out. On it is written 'February, 14th 2001 - the first kiss'. He replaces it on a shelf, which is filled with other tapes with varying dates, and titles, which include, 'The Proposal', 'The Wedding', and 'The Birth 1 & 2', before returning to sit beside Kerry on a couch.
"You realize," he says, as she snuggles up to him. "You realize that the date should actually be February 15th. I mean it was well after midnight when I came to." He grins an evil grin as Kerry swats him gently.
"I'm just wondering if our children will ever want to watch them," says Kerry thoughtfully.
Dave appears to consider this for a moment, "Nah," he says, grinning. "They'll probably think the idea of their parents being romantic is way too gross...but I'm glad we did it."
"So am I," says Kerry, sighing as she relaxes in Dave's arms. "So am I."
The End
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céindreadh
"i have never understood why it is necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care, or why it should be necessary to prove it at all"
Kerr Avon
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