Flashback
Part Six
By Pebbles
Pebbles@ukgateway.net

Rated NC-17 for language and sexual content. 

“Luka?” I realise that I have spoken out loud. 

“Yes, that’s my name.” 

It can’t be! No, it’s not possible. Not here in Chicago. It can’t be. 

An insistent beeping sound cuts through the air. Dr Kovac – Luka – shifts his weight on the bed. The beeping stops. He sighs. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been paged by the ER. I’ve got to go.” He gets up from the bed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, OK?” And he’s gone.  

I lie alone with my thoughts. I have to know. Can it be my Luka? Surely not - but my heart longs for it to be so.

I lie back in the warm bath and my thoughts turn immediately to Luka. I have hardly seen him for the last couple of days as I have spent almost every waking hour at Elaine’s bedside. She has been so brave. Her face is so full of metal wires and pins that she jokes that she will go rusty in the winter. She examines her face in the mirror and declares that she was never the beauty of the family and at least she is much more ‘interesting’ like this. The only thing that seems to upset her is that she has had to give up feeding Sophie because of all the drugs in her system. 

The hardest thing for me has been to phone home and break the news to Dad. How do you tell your Father that his eldest daughter has been nearly blown to Kingdom Come by a land mine? That she was in a minefield because you had dragged her off across a war zone to satisfy your own vanity? It doesn’t matter how much he tells me that I’m not to blame – I have to live with the guilt. 

Arrangements are being made to fly Elaine home. Though it will be quite a few more days before she is well enough to travel – even with a nurse in attendance. I have promised Dad that I will come home too. It’s the least that I can do but I am still reluctant. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I let down Luka or my family. I wish the warm water could wash away these troubles. 

It has been worth forking out to stay in a hotel – just for this bath if nothing else. I have not spent much time here other than to sleep. It’s so convenient - just across the street from the hospital – I can even see Elaine’s window from mine. Luka is just next door – just the other side of this wall. I try not to think about that too much. Just lie back and let the water relax me. I have found it hard to sleep knowing Luka is just the other side of this wall. 

Suddenly an ear piercing whistle rents the air followed by an explosion that I can actually feel reverberate in my bones. I watch with appalled fascination as the water in the bath ripples with the shock. Another screeching whistle and this time I brace myself for the explosion. It seems even nearer. And then the lights go out and I am plunged into darkness. For a few brief moments I sit there in the water, my hands over my ears before the adrenaline kicks in and I am climbing out of the bath. 

I grope about in the dark until I find a robe. Slipping it on I head for the door. My room is bathed in an eerie light from the street. Rushing to the window I see fires burning in the distance, thankfully none nearby. Another screech sends me rushing away from the window and out onto the landing. I run straight into Luka who is headed my way, temporarily winding him.

He pushes me back into my room and down onto the floor. Before I know it, he has shoved me under the bed and crawled in after. He pulls me into his arms, crushing me against his body. His arms wrap around my head. He holds me so tight I can hear nothing except the blood pounding in my ears.

I don’t know how long we have huddled here but Luka is holding me so tight I can’t draw a proper breath. I’m beginning to feel more panicked that I am going to suffocate than get blown to bits by a bomb. I struggle to loosen his grip but if anything he holds me tighter. 

“Let me go Luka!” My voice is completely muffled by his chest and he shows no sign of hearing me. Eventually in desperation I kick at his shins – hurting my bare toes in the process. He loosens his hold on me and at last I am able to wriggle out of his arms. I lie still beside him gulping deep gasps of air before crawling out from under the bed. 

The silence is deafening. Outside the window there is no sound of traffic, no sirens blaring. The fires burn against the night sky – their orange glow strangely beautiful. At this distance it is hard to appreciate what havoc has been wrought.  

An unnatural noise assails my ears, a kind of moaning sound. I turn and see that Luka has come out from under the bed and is hunched on the floor, leaning against the bed. The moaning turns to a louder sobbing which racks his entire body. It is an ugly and piteous sound. I walk to his side and sit down beside him. Cautiously I put my arm around his shoulders, which shake with each cry. 

“At Vukovar. ..artillery… …shell… …destroyed… …our home!” He gasps out between his sobs. “I….lost…..my……family… …my ….children!. ..” 

I throw myself across his heaving chest, hugging his head against my neck. I feel him shudder with each wracking sob. I hold him tight as he has held me. Tears wash down my face as his pain invades my heart. We rock together to the rhythm of his grief. 

Hours pass. My leg goes numb from the awkward position I find myself in. Luka’s sobs diminish. His breaths come short and ragged.

At last I release my embrace. I sit back on my heels and study his face. His eyes are closed and he looks utterly exhausted. He needs to sleep for a week at least. I am sure that this is the first time he has spoken aloud of his loss. Maybe now he can begin to heal inside. I wish so much that I could help him.  

Without thinking I lean forward and touch his lips lightly with my own. They feel warm and firm. I brush against them feeling their every contour with my sensitive lower lip. He must be asleep for he does not react to my touch. His cheek feels rough against my own – it’s a long time since he shaved this morning. I know I should pull away but my mouth craves one last kiss. As I touch him again his lips move under mine - parting slightly. 

Startled, I pull back. His eyes are open and he is looking right at me - his eyes dark and fathomless.  I cannot tell what he is thinking but I notice that my robe has fallen open and his gaze has dropped to take in the sight of my bare breasts. I realise that I have stopped breathing. I know I have lost my reason. I lean in to kiss him again and this time I tease his lips with my tongue until he lets me enter and I tentatively explore his mouth. 

He tastes wonderful. I become bolder, reaching to caress every corner of his mouth with my tongue, then suck and nibble on his lower lip. At first he is passive – allowing me to kiss him but making no response of his own. Then his mouth begins to answer mine – languidly at first but then with increasing hunger.  

My mind is swimming as his kiss deepens and I am lost on a wave of emotion. Parting to catch our breath I lose myself in the dark pools of his eyes. I take his hand and place it on my breast. I can feel my heart beating in my throat as he lowers his head to kiss the hollow at the base of my neck. His fingers move lightly on my breast to tease the nipple and a low moan escapes my throat. 

With sudden fervour Luka claims my mouth again. His kiss is hard and insistent now, drawing the very life out of me. I respond passionately whilst his hands roam frenziedly over my breasts and arms and back until my robe falls to the floor. He briefly drinks in the sight of my naked body before pulling me to my feet. My leg, numb from kneeling so long, almost gives under me but he deftly scoops me up and lays me down on the bed in one fluid movement. 

I look up as he towers over me, throwing off his clothes hastily. In moments he is naked too, his body lean and hard. A little voice in my head warns me that I have awoken a sleeping tiger here and I am powerless to stop him now. I silence it with my own desire. I need this man. I want him to possess me, consume me, burn me up. 

Our coupling is frantic. His mouth closes over my hardened nipple – eliciting more moans of ecstasy from my mouth. His teeth bruise me as he clamps down first on one breast then the other. His hands roughly spread my thighs apart and he penetrates me with one powerful thrust. A cry escapes my lips – pain and pleasure intermingled. But Luka does not pause as he plunges into me again and again. I lift my buttocks off the bed and wrap my legs around his neck – urging him to take me harder and deeper until my head is being battered against the headboard. 

A guttural sound erupts from his mouth as he reaches his climax at last and collapses down on top of me. I lie underneath; the weight of him crushing me into the mattress until he finally rolls to the side. I hold my breath, waiting for him to get up and walk away from me but to my relief he pulls the covers over our bodies and reaches out to pull me into his embrace. I fall asleep in his arms, listening to the beat of his heart. 

I awake to a gentle caress. Luka is pressed up close behind me, his hands stoking my belly. I smell his masculine scent as his mouth tickles the nape of my neck. Turning in his arms I gaze into his eyes. He showers kisses on my chin, my forehead, my nose and eyelids. My heart does a somersault inside my ribcage.  

“Forgive me, Sarah.” He murmurs between each kiss. “Forgive me.”  

I answer him by kissing him back. We make love slowly and tenderly. He explores every contour and crevice of my body with his lips and tongue. I blossom under his touch until my entire body is aching with pleasure. I come with unexpected intensity and cry out his name. He laughs and says he is glad I have stopped calling him ‘Dugi’ and I silence him with another kiss. 

Later we take a bath together. I massage his back with the sponge, ignoring the vivid scars, which pucker the skin. One day he will tell me about those – when he is ready. He promises to go to Italy with Zarko and I tell him I will come back and find him as soon as Elaine is settled at home. We can travel for a while – explore Venice and Florence. Maybe even Naples and Sicily. Here in the warmth of the bath we create our own little world – safe from the pressures of the world outside. It cannot last.  

I am returning to the hotel after lunch, having sat with Elaine whilst she sucked her liquid diet up through a straw. The concierge calls me over and tells me that there are two men waiting for me in the bar. The hotel is almost deserted so it doesn’t take me long to find them.

“Bob!” My voice betrays more shock than pleasure in seeing him. I briefly acknowledge the other grey-suited man who is a stranger to me before Bob grabs me and hugs me tight. 

“Sarah! Oh, my darling!” He spins me around until I feel giddy. “I bet you’re pleased to see me!” He grins, his blue eyes twinkling with pleasure.  

My heart sinks as he tells me he has made arrangements for us all to fly home together – tonight. The other man is from the American embassy. Bob’s family has pulled strings and a military plane has been put at our disposal complete with medical personnel. They are over at the hospital even as we speak making everything ready.  

I run upstairs to do my packing but really I am searching for Luka. He is not there – gone off with Zarko no doubt. I throw my stuff into a kit bag and then sit down to try and write a letter. I struggle to find the words. How can I justify running out on him? I decide to tell him the truth: that I love him and that I will come back. I will find him in Italy. Finally I add my phone number and sign it with all my love. Bob carries my bag downstairs and I ask the concierge to give Luka my note. 

As we fly north I feel a coldness seeping into my soul.

End of part 6

Pebbles@ukgateway.net