TITLE: Ribbon of Glass

AUTHOR: Pebbles

FEEDBACK PLEASE! pebbles@ukgateway.net

RATING: PG-13

DISCLAIMER: See Part 1

ARCHIVE: Please check with me first.

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"Everything I possess
Given with tenderness
Wrapped in a ribbon of glass" - Annie Lennox (Cold)

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 Part 8

December 17^{th 10.30pm}

Abby and John had achieved the impossible. They had both managed to get a break from the ER at the same time - although they had to make do with a very brief snack in the hospital cafeteria. There was certainly no possibility of privacy there but that didn’t stop them holding hands across the table.

"Don’t look now - but I think we’re not the only couple who have escaped for little a tete a tete." John whispered - loud enough probably to be heard on the next table. Abby nonchalantly bent down as if to pick up her purse and then surreptitiously glanced behind her.

"Oh yeah! I wonder if anyone’s left in the ER!" She turned back to face John. "Tell me what they’re doing now." She hissed.

"Well he’s pulling out a chair for her. And now he’s gone off to get her something." He nodded approvingly. "Quite the gentleman."

"Ugh! He creeps me out." Abby pulled a face showing exactly how she felt.

"What d’you mean - I thought all the nurses swooned over him?"

"Well I guess I’m not your average nurse." John smiled at this.

"You certainly aren’t." He squeezed her hand affectionately. "OK - he’s coming back now and - yes he’s practically sitting on her lap - don’t think he could pull up that chair any closer!" Abby couldn’t stand this and had to try and get another look.

"Oh God - it’s disgusting!" Turning her back again. "What are we going to do?"

"What d’you mean - they make a great couple." Abby raised her eyebrows. John was genuinely confused. "He’s OK - really! Well I like him and he’s a very very talented young man."

"Yeah - Romano’s ‘Golden Boy’!" Her tone made it quite clear that this was no compliment. John was just going to respond to this when he froze. "She’s coming over!"

Abby turned around. "Hi Sophie! Kovac let you escape too?"

"Hi Abby - John. Yeah, mind you he probably wouldn’t have if he knew I was meeting Simon." She sat down next to Abby. "I don’t know why - but he really doesn’t seem to like him."

"Yeah - I noticed that too." Abby wondered if she should say more but then figured it was none of her business.

"So - what happened to Tweedale?" John asked.

"Oh - he got paged." She couldn’t help smiling and her eyes lit up as she spoke. "Guess what? He’s only gone and got tickets for the Charity Ball on Christmas Eve!"

"How’d he manage that?" Abby frowned. "I thought it was all sold out - Carter?" She glared at him and he just smirked, leaning back in his chair.

"I have no idea!"

"Liar!" Abby threw her bread roll at him but he caught it deftly and threatened to throw it back at her.

"Hey guys - lets not start a war!" Sophie grinned. "It’ll be really great to go with you guys." Then her face fell a little. "Oh - there is one problem. The ER party. Simon can’t make that."

"You’ll still come though, won’t you?" Abby was not at all sorry that the surgeon wouldn’t be joining them for that occasion at least. "You can come with me and Carter - can’t she?"

"Of course you can Sophie." John nodded. "Mind you - you could always ask Malucci. I hear he hasn’t got a date yet." Abby and Sophie groaned in unison at this. Then Abby had a flash of inspiration.

"You could ask Kovac." This was greeted by stunned silence before Sophie reacted.

"No I couldn’t! I - I - just couldn’t. I mean he’s an Attending!" She felt her face getting hot.

"Yes you could!" Abby was warming to her idea. "He’d know it wasn’t a ‘date’. He’s on his own - so are you. It just makes sense. Otherwise neither of you will come and that would be - well - just sad." She glared at Sophie under her brows until Sophie began to feel stupid.

"Well - I’ll think about it." She sighed, knowing she’d never be able to do it. "I’d better get back you know - I promised to be back by now."

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12.30am

Sophie had not been all that busy since her break but she still hadn’t found an opportunity to speak with Dr Kovac. Or rather - he hadn’t given her the chance. She had noticed that over the last few shifts they’d worked together he had become more and more withdrawn. Now she barely got more than two words out of him. He would just silently read over her charts and then hand them back with no more than the occasional suggestion for treatment. Even when she assisted him with a procedure he’d keep his remarks restricted entirely to the case. And yet, still she sometimes caught him staring at her when he thought she wasn’t looking.

She wasn’t entirely surprised about his change in attitude. On a couple of occasions he had caught her and Simon chatting in the hallway or leaving together for a break at Doc Magoos. It was obvious that the two men disliked each other - although she couldn’t understand why. She knew that Simon was her senior but he also worked in a different department so they weren’t really breaking any rules. It just didn’t make sense. Simon tried to make a joke of it but she felt uncomfortable when he tried to mimic the Croatian doctor’s accent.

Eventually Sophie found herself in the lounge at the same time as Kovac. As she had just made a fresh brew of coffee she offered to pour some for him.

"Thank you." He didn’t even raise his head from the paper he was reading. She filled a cup, adding one sugar but no milk. She set it down beside him.

"Dr Kovac?" She finally caught his attention and he looked up at her - his eyes meeting hers as if for the first time. She had not noticed their colour before. Or rather she had thought they were kind of hazel or green. Now she realised that the outer iris was actually intensely blue like a stormy sky but with a golden centre like a sunburst - quite extraordinary.

"Sophie?" His deep raspy voice broke into her reverie. She felt the heat rise up her face from her neck right to her hairline.

"I - er - " Her fumbling attempt to bring up the subject of the staff party was thankfully interrupted by the desk clerk Frank.

"Dr Kovac!" The man looked really worried. "You’d better come quick - there’s a kid been brought in - he’s really sick."

Sophie ran after them, leaving the untouched coffee behind. There was quite a commotion at the desk. A stocky young man was holding his child in his arms, all wrapped up in bedding. His wife was hovering at his elbow, her face white with fear.

"Please bring him in here sir." Luka directed the man to lay the child down on the bed in the nearest exam room. He couldn’t be more than six years old - his face flushed with fever and a cloud of golden curls now plastered to his head with sweat. As Luka pulled up his ‘Dinosaur’ pyjama top to listen to his chest Sophie could clearly see a purple rash spreading upwards from his abdomen. Luka saw it too. Looking up at the parents he asked.

"How long has he had this rash?" They looked at each other before the man answered.

"I don’t know. We - we just thought he had the flu. He was sleeping and then my wife heard him." His voice broke showing his distress. "He was having a fit!"

"How long did the fit last?" Luka continued to examine the boy.

"I don’t know - maybe fifteen or twenty minutes. We’d been giving him Tylenol but we couldn’t get his fever down." By now tears were beginning to run down the man’s face. "He’s going to be alright doctor? Tell me he’s going to be alright!"

Luka hesitated a moment. "We will do everything we can." He then started to bark out instructions. "Abby - I want a CBC, Chem 7, electrolytes……." Turning now to Sophie. "I want to intubate him - go get a paediatric kit. Lydia - Lorazepam and Phenytoin IV push -we need to stop these seizures."

By the time Sophie returned with the necessary kit the child was already linked up to a mass of monitors and equipment and Luka was giving instructions for IV antibiotics. He took the intubation kit from Sophie and while he inserted the slender tube into the boy’s throat he told her what he wanted her to do next.

The parents listened in shock. This couldn’t be happening to their son. A lumbar puncture - even they knew what that meant.

"Is it Meningitis?" Luka immediately turned to look the man in the eyes. Moving closer he spoke softly, never dropping his gaze.

"It is a strong possibility. That is why I have started the antibiotics already. But we won’t know for sure until his tests are back." Only when the man nodded, indicating that he had absorbed this information did Luka transfer his attention to the Mother.

"If you would like to sit by his head, he will be able to see you if he wakes up." Somehow his soft but authoritative voice calmed her and she moved to the head of the bed where Abby set a chair for her.

"His name is Michael." She spoke at last, her face pale and drawn before turning her attention back to her little son.

"Sophie." She started at the sound of her name - her mind had been racing over all the information she had assimilated about this fearful disease. "I want you to hold Michael like this - OK?" She met Luka’s gaze across the bed. His expression was unreadable.

"Yes." She couldn’t bring herself to say anything more. A tightness in her throat threatened to choke her and she fought to keep her emotions in check. The parents were suffering enough without her making a scene.

It seemed to take forever as Luka drew off the fluid from the boy’s spine. At last he was finished. Handing the samples to Sophie he spoke urgently.

"Get these straight to the lab and wait for the results." Staring down at her his expression was intense. "I need them back as fast as possible." Not waiting a moment longer, Sophie headed for the stairs running up them two at a time.

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The wait for the lab results seemed interminable. Sophie paced the corridor feeling completely useless. Downstairs they were literally battling to save that poor child’s life whilst she was stuck up here - completely ineffectual. At last the paperwork was in her hand and she flew back down the stairs dodging her way in and out of the human traffic.

Entering the exam room at a run she almost knocked over Lydia, the nurse. Lurching to a halt she took in the scene. Dr Kovac had his stethoscope to the boy’s chest and was listening intently. The parents stood holding onto each other in a tight embrace. She could hear the constant drone from the cardiac monitor. No! No! It couldn’t be. Dr Kovac was looking at his watch.

"Time of death…" His voice seemed to echo around the room. Lydia switched off the monitor. Sophie reached up to cover her mouth and the test results fell clattering to the floor.

Luka looked up just in time to see Sophie’s back as she ran from the room. Looking back to the frail body lain out on the bed he fought back the lump in his own throat. He must say the necessary words. They would make no difference to the grief of the parents but he would say them anyway.

At least ten minutes passed before he was able to leave the stricken parents. They were blaming themselves of course - nothing he could say would take away their feeling of guilt. It’s the parent’s job after all - to take care of the children. Protect them from harm. But it couldn’t be done - Luka knew that. He couldn’t save his own children. He still felt the guilt for that like a knife in his gut.

Entering the lounge, Luka was surprised to find it empty. He was worried - he’d expected to find Sophie there. He had noticed her hands trembling as she held the boy for the lumbar puncture - her eyes empty - almost black against the whiteness of her face. He had deliberately sent her off with the samples to try and protect her. He’d known from the outset it was hopeless - even though he’d still given it everything he had. Where had she gone? He retraced his footsteps hoping to meet her in the hallway.

A muffled sound from a supply closet on his left caught his attention. Opening the door slowly he could see nothing at first as the light was off. But as his eyes became accustomed to the darkness he could make out a figure hunched over a pile of boxes down the far end.

"Sophie?" His whisper broke the silence. The figure moved but did not answer him. He moved closer - squeezing between the closely packed shelves. He could make her out better now. Her back was turned to him and he could see her shoulders were shaking although she made no noise. He hesitated. Perhaps he should go and find Abby. But his heart was breaking to see her like this.

"Sophie." He touched her shoulder lightly. It was as if he had slapped her. All at once she turned around - her arms flailing at him.

"Nooooo!" She cried out - her voice cracked and pitiful. "Nooooo! Nooooo!" All the time her hands beat frantically against his chest. For a while he just stood there allowing her to take it out on him. He was afraid to touch her - not sure what would happen if he dared. But then just as suddenly as it started the energy seemed to drain right out of her and her hands fell to her sides, her head lolled slightly and her knees buckled.

Luka was forced to act then and he reached out and caught her in his arms. Lifting her gently he pulled her against his chest. She made no resistance but lay against him limply. Then, as he began to wonder if she might have fainted, her whole body began to tremble again. He tightened his grip around her waist, cradling her head with his free hand.

Words would not come to his lips but his body moulded against hers in the darkness, rocking her slightly - his fingers stroking the nape of her neck. After a while the shaking subsided and he could feel her drawing longer, although still ragged breaths. The heat from her body was now burning right through him making his own breathing irregular. He felt sorry but also relieved when she eventually started to push out of his arms.

"I - I’m sorry." Her voice was still broken. She tried to wipe her face furtively with the back of her hand. Luka found himself reaching in his pocket and pulling out a large white handkerchief. Taking it from him, Sophie held it to her face, wishing that the ground would swallow her up. Luka stepped back a little - disconcerted by the whole situation. He cleared his throat, uncertain of his own voice.

"It’s OK. It - it was a terrible thing." He gestured with his hands, as he often did when he couldn’t find the words to express himself. "Do you - er - would you like to go home now?" He waited for her to reply, feeling that she could probably hear his heart beating - it was crashing so hard against his chest.

"No. Thank you - no. I - I think I’ll just go and wash my face. Um - have some coffee. I’ll be alright now." She was beginning to feel really strange being so close to him in the near darkness. It wasn’t just embarrassment. The feeling didn’t go even when he backed away and left her to compose herself. She waited a couple of minutes before venturing out and then he was nowhere to be seen.

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6.30am

The shift was nearing to a close. The last couple of hours had been quiet giving time for the staff to catch up on paperwork. The whole atmosphere had been sombre - the death of the little boy affecting everyone. Abby found Sophie in the lounge, pretending to read a journal.

"Hey!" She sat down next to Sophie.

"Hey - yourself." Sophie managed to pull a small smile. Abby watched her, she could see that the young student was still shaken.

"You asked Kovac to the party yet?" She hoped this might cheer up her friend but Sophie’s face fell again.

"God no! I - I can’t!" She had actually forgotten all about the party but after the episode in the supply closet she couldn’t bear facing Dr Kovac again much less ask him out on a date! But Abby, who had no idea, was not going to take no for an answer.

"Look either you ask him now or I’m going to go out there and ask him for you - and I can tell you now - you don’t want me to do that!" She grinned at Sophie’s worried look. "Go on! I’ll give you five minutes."

Sophie dreaded to think what Abby would say and the fear of that finally made her get to her feet. Looking back at Abby who gave her a cheery thumbs-up sign she forced herself to open the door. Maybe he wouldn’t be there or was already handing over to Dr Greene.

But he was, just leaning on the admit desk, staring into space. Even worse - there was no one else in sight. She crept down the hallway, her rubber soles making no sound at all so that when she finally came alongside him and cleared her throat he almost jumped out of his skin.

"Christ Sophie! Don’t do that!" But he smiled and the tension Sophie had been feeling disappeared.

"Sorry! Er - Dr Kovac - I was wondering - I mean - there’s this staff party on Wednesday." She glanced up at him to try and gage his reaction but could not read it at all. There seemed to be a half smile playing about his lips. "Well - I was just wondering if you might like to go with - er - me and Abby and Carter." She hurriedly blurted out their names to try and make it seem less like she was coming on to him.

"A party - huh?" He tilted his head slightly as if weighing it up.

"It wouldn’t be a ‘date’. Um - you know - just I haven’t got anyone to go with and - um." Oh shit this was not coming out right. Sophie bit her bottom lip. "What do you think?"

Luka straightened up a little and his face stiffened. "OK." Then he sorted of nodded his head, turned and walked away.

Sophie felt about three inches tall.

End of part 8

Pebbles@ukgateway.net