Vows and Promises
Part Seventeen
By Susan
lilichild@aol.com

ARCHIVE: Sure, just tell me where
TIMELINE: Well, this part takes place in the summer before season 7 and goes from there, the other parts will take place later, it’ll make more sense once you read the fic.
SPOILERS: I don’t read ‘em. You shouldn’t either J That said, anything that I didn’t beyond the latest aired episode is pure speculation.
DISCLAIMER: The story is mine, the characters aren’t. They belong to Warner Brothers, don’t waste your time suing, I have no money
NOTE: This is part one of a series and is my first fic, be kind J Comments welcome
PREVIOUSLY: Doug and Carol got engaged (yes, again), and decided upon a post Thanksgiving wedding at the house in Seattle. Doug called Mark to share the good news and asked him to be his best man. Mark accepted, Chuni, Haleh, and Conni overheard and put two and two together so to speak and asked if they were right in their assumption. Mark told them yes, and the three nearly knocked him over hugging.
NOTE: This is getting longer all the time, I DO have a plan for this fic, but I really want to set it up first. So forgive me, if the early parts seem slow. I promise and VOW <grin> I'm going somewhere with this. Thanks for all the feedback and encouragement, guys!
Sorry for the delay in this part. Last week has been insane for me...
NOTE: Thanks for all the feedback and encouragement so far. I love feedback, keep it coming. Sorry for the delay on this part but somehow I went from writing one really long fic, to the really long fic, a humor fic, a musical parody, and co-authoring the newsgroup parody. Add to that I'm in school full time, and you see the dilemma. I really didn't mean to leave you hanging so long. I'm AM evil, but not mean. I THINK there's a difference. :-)



It had been one hell of a summer. She sat in the dark interior of curtain 2. She didn't want to be seen, didn't want anyone to know how she was crying. She had considered hiding out in the ladies restroom. Yet, she figured she'd be discovered there. The last thing she needed was for one of the nurses to walk in and see her hysterical. She just needed a moment. A moment to herself, to feel what she was feeling, so she could reconstruct her barricades and hide her feelings from those around her once again.

She was trying to be quiet, thankful for the slowness of the ER at the moment. So she'd have this chance to get herself together. To pull herself together. She heard the door open but before she could react, light flooded the room and blinded her vision. She heard him before her eyes could focus.

"Kerry?" Mark asked in wonder. "Are you okay?" The concern in his voice was evident, and no wonder, she mused, she didn't let anyone see her vulnerable side anyway. She began frantically trying to wipe her eyes, to hide the evidence of her little episode. She didn't want to let Mark, know, to let anyone know.

"Fine, Mark, fine" Kerry said quickly. Please don't let him ask anymore, she thought, at least it wasn't Malucci. "Did you need something?" She hoped she could distract him, at least derail him by talking about something else, anything else. Anything but this, anything but the way she felt these days.

"Well, I thought there was a patient in this room" Mark began, he could clearly tell there was something wrong. He wanted to approach her, help her, but he wasn't sure how. Ah, hell, I'll just lay it all out, he figured. "But right now I'm worried about you"

"Me?" Kerry feigned innocence. Damn it, he would approach it, she was counting on him to be spineless. Mark was usually spineless, why did he have to pick now to stand up for something? "I'm fine Mark, perfectly fine." She lied hoping she was convincing or giving enough of a brush off for him to let it go.

"So was Carter" Mark said flatly, not buying Kerry's casual explainations. He knew her well enough from working with her all of these years to know when she was lying. Kerry couldn't be read like a book, but she didn't hide her emotions as much as she thought she did.

"Mark, I'm not on drugs" Kerry replied harshly, unsure of where Mark's reasoning was going on this. Why did he have to bring up Carter? That was a sore spot for her. She still blamed herself for not seeing it earlier. She felt she had no excuse, no reason not to see it, not to have helped him before it had gotten to this point.

"Yes, I know that." Mark replied, sorry to have brought up Carter. It was obvious that it still hurt her. He didn't want to hurt her, but yet he knew it would get her attention. "But I also had Carter tell me he was fine for months, and he was falling apart"

"You think I'm falling apart?" Kerry asked in disbelief. That was one accusation Kerry took offense to. Kerry Weaver simply did not fall apart, no matter what the circumstance, ever.

"Well, I haven't seen you smile or laugh in a long time" Mark began. He wanted to tell her that he saw how miserable she was, how bad she felt. He wanted to ask her why, to have her admit something, to feel better.

"Well, Mark, I'm sorry that traumas don't amuse me the way they do you" She snapped at him. She knew traumas weren't the problem. She also knew Mark was dating Elizabeth and they were very happy. Very happy indeed.

"That's not what I mean and you know it" Mark shot back "Talk to me Kerry" His voice was between a plead and a command. He wasn't going to back down on this one. That had been his mistake with Carter.

"There's patients to see" Kerry said changing the subject. She tried to head for the door, hoping he'd let her by. He dodged around and blocked her way.

"Damn it Kerry, I am not going to watch another one of my friends fall apart. I screwed up with Carter, I'm not making the same mistake with you" He was getting angry now.

"Your friend? I'm your friend? I'm nobody's friend Mark. I'm your boss and I say for you to get back to work" Kerry yelled. She'd had enough of this. Enough of this confrontation. Why wouldn't Mark mind his own business already?

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong" Mark shot back. He wasn't going to let this go, he knew Kerry needed help. She needed to talk to someone, anyone.

She turned her back from him then and took a few steps. She knew she would either pick up her crutch and whack him over the head with it, or she would start sobbing. Honestly, she preferred beating him with her crutch. She didn't want to let him see her vulnerable like this. She didn't want to let anyone see her vulnerable like this.

"Kerry" He began gently, walking over to her "Please talk to me" He gently put his hand on her shoulder.

"Not now, Mark. Please" Kerry shook off his hand. Kerry could only confide in a few people one of them was in rehab in Atlanta, another had a new life and hadn't spoken to her in months, and the remainder were dead. This was something she would have to do on her own. She appreciated the offer, yet she felt he was asking more out of a sense of responsibility then genuine care. How was she supposed to spill her soul to Mark Greene anyway? He was a colleague more than a friend. Sure they got along well, most of the time, but she never felt comfortable talking to him, to anyone really. She realized he was still looking at her, still trying to decipher her behavior and she felt he wouldn't let this go.

"Fine then, Kerry, I want to speak to you later." Mark responded. He had realized that now was not a good time. He often thought Kerry would make a great spy. Now she seemed to be in spy mood, and she would take her secrets to the grave if the need arose.

She sensed something in his voice, an authority she rarely heard from Mark Greene. It was a shock to her and she knew he wouldn't let this go. He was as haunted by what they had missed with Carter as she was. She sensed it in his voice. She would think later that it was kind of him, that she would do the same for him were the situation reversed. Yet, she was still in the moment and wanted to defend her emotions at all cost. She would roar at him if she thought it would work. She knew it wouldn't.

"Mark" Kerry protested weakly

"Kerry" Mark said simply "Find me later, or I'll find you" With that he left the room. She sank down weakly onto a chair. What the hell happened to me?, she wondered.

"Chief, there's a GSW coming in" Malucci said barging into the room "Hey are you okay, chief?" He asked concerned.

"God damn it, Malucci" She yelled in frustration "I'm fine now get your ass in gear"

"Sheesh, what'd I do?" Malucci asked scurrying out of the room

"Nothing" she answered silently. She left the room and headed for the ambulance bay.