TITLE: Vows and Promises
PART: 24/?
AUTHOR: Susan
E-MAIL: lilichild@aol.com
ARCHIVE: Past editions can be found at my site
http://www.geocities.com/suechru/er/fics or the Lounge http://er.neoxer.com. 
Archiving is fine just let me know where and please archive in its entirety. 
DISCLAIMER: I have no money, I don't own anything, including the characters
NOTE: Thanks for all the feedback.  Now that my muse is back the chapters come
more quickly now.  I've decided to tie her to a chair to keep her from running
off again. <G>


CHICAGO

He'd hoped he'd done the right thing.  

Mark knew she needed help, that he didn't doubt.   Yet, he wondered if he'd
addressed this in the best way he could have.  After all threatening to carry
her up there was a little bit excessive.   It sure wasn't his style, not in the
least.   He guessed he was just a little touchy about Carter.   They all were.
 Having missed Carter's drug addiction for so long, and really it wasn't a fact
of MISSING it as for ignoring the warning signs, he wasn't about to let
anything happen under his watch again.   He had a hard time accepting that
there WAS anything wrong with Carter until Abby came to him that horrible day
with proof.  Carter had been under his supervision in some regard ever since
he'd been a med student.   He knew him, and with Doug living in Seattle now, he
was probably one of the colleagues he was closest with.  He was a good doctor,
he was a good person.  It was bad enough to have to be paged on that
Valentine's Day evening to find that he'd been stabbed. 
They'd had so many losses recently.  They lost Lucy through death.  They lost
Carter through drug addiction.   He didn't want to lose Kerry too.  Kerry,
probably the last person he expected to ever have a problem with something. 
She always seemed so... stable.  Then again, she was always incredibly private.
 After all these years, he didn't know much about her.  He knew she was single
in some regard, but she didn't know if she'd always been that way.   He didn't
even know why she had that damn limp.   He'd always wanted to know but felt it
was rude to ask.   Besides Kerry didn't seem to want him to know.  
Sure he'd heard rumors.  They circulated around County from time to time.
Theories on Kerry's past were as common as the pools the staff made on
pregnancies and sporting events.   He'd tried to not to be involved in that
kind of thing.   It seemed so cruel and even at her worst, even when she was
giving him a hard time, Kerry Weaver didn't deserve that.  She actually wasn't
a horrible person, he'd thought so when he first met her.  She seemed so
abrasive and overzealous.   It was through the years though that he'd seen
glimpses of the side she wouldn't - or couldn't - show very often.   There was
a very sweet nuturing side to Kerry.   He'd seen it with patients, he'd seen it
in private.   She just hid it a lot of the time. 
When most of the staff headed off to Doc Magoo's after a shift, Kerry was
still doing paperwork or she was heading home.   At first she alienated the
staff so much that they didn't WANT to invite her.  Now, though... now, it
didn't seem like she wanted to go.   He'd asked her a few times if she wanted
to join them.   She always politely refused.  Even Carter, whom Mark always
felt she had a soft spot for, had asked her several times and she'd refused.
She always seemed to be putting some kind of space between herself and those
around here.  It's like she's in a bubble, Mark mused, there's this vast amount
of space around her and no one can really get in.  
He looked up then from the desk to see Kerry heading off into the lounge.  He
figured she was probably leaving for the day.  He considered just letting her
go, then thought the better of it.   Curiousity at least lead him to go talk to
her.   He'd wanted to talk to her ever since she came back down from psych but
wasn't sure what to say.   Not that he knew what to say now, but he knew he had
to talk to her.   He had to say SOMETHING. 
He'd found her at her locker, taking off her lab coat and hanging it up in
neatly.    She didn't seem to notice him behind her. 
"Hi" Mark greeted her uncertainly.  Even though his greeting was soft it
startled her.  She was obviously distracted with something, but he couldn't
figure out what. 
She turned to face him and willed her breathing to return to a normal level. 
She'd definitely had a rough day.  Too many damn memories, Kerry mused.  Why
the hell did Mark have to keep catching her at vulnerable moments? It could be
worse, she admonished herself, he could have caught you crying in the bathroom.

He looked at her.  God, she looked like hell.  If it's possible she looked
even WORSE than she did when he caught her crying this morning.   He wanted to
help her, wanted to do something for her, but he didn't know what he could do.
He wished Carter was there.  That thought startled him, but it seemed that the
only person she MIGHT talk to would be Carter.  After all, they DID live
together for that period of time.  At least he'd have an idea of how to deal
with her, Mark thought grimly, I'm just shooting wildly hoping I hit something.
 
"Oh, Mark" Kerry replied "I didn't know you were there" Get your bearings,
Weaver, she commanded herself. 
"It seems to be a common thing today" He replied looking her over
suspiciously.  She really did look terrible.  "So.. uh, how did things go?"
"Hmm?" Kerry murmured distractedly while she searched through her purse. 
"Upstairs" Mark clarified "How did things go?" I went this far, I might as
well see it through, he thought to himself. 
"Oh" Kerry said as if she'd suddenly been shown how to work some complicated
piece of machinery. "Well, I guess, you know, it's only the first visit"
"You sound like Carter" Mark replied bluntly.  Do I have to listen to this
again, he wondered angerily.  It was bad enough when Carter tried the casual
"I'm fine" routine.  
"Well, thanks a lot, Mark" Kerry snapped back.  God, that's exactly what she
needed right now, to be accused of sounding like Carter.  Next he would
probably start asking if she had picked up any of his other habits.
"Kerry, I didn't mean it that way" Mark apologized hastily.  Great, make her
mad, that'll work wonders.
She sighed. "It's okay, Mark." She had fished her keys out of her purse at
that point and began to head to towards the door.  "I'll see you tomorrow
okay?"
"Wait!" Mark called after her.  Kerry turned around, puzzled and confused.
"Things have finally calmed down today, why don't we head across the street and
grab some dinner"
Kerry forced a smile "Thanks, but no thanks, Mark"
"Come on, I'll pay" Mark offered hoping that for once, just once, Kerry would
accept.
"No, I really have to get going." She said apologetically. "Thanks anyway,
I'll see to you tomorrow"
With that she left the lounge.  Mark stood there and wondered if there would
ever be a day Kerry would accept. 

~ Susan (lilichild@aol.com)
Proud to be Head of the International Society of Carterholics Anonymous
http://www.geocities.com/suechru/er/carterholic
"The answers we find are never what we had in mind so we make it up as we go
along" Nine Days  <HONK>