TITLE: Vows and Promises
AUTHOR: Susan (lilichild@aol.com)
PART: 26/?
ARCHIVE: Sure, just tell me where
TIMELINE: Summer after season 6, post "May Day", pre "Homecoming"
SPOILERS: None
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, I don't have any money, draw your own
conclusions
NOTE: This part was orignally going to be part 21, and I kept delaying it and
delaying it.  So five chapters later, here it is.  This is to make up for the
incredibly short chapter 25 as well.  I had both chapters kind of half done and
I got inspired and finished both of them tonight.   Feedback is an essential
vitamin!  Send some my way

ATLANTA

"And I love you" She began sobbing hysterically.  Dramatic music began to play
in the background. 
He rolled his eyes and smirked. 
The scene changed then to a blind priest flinging holy water on a witch.  He
began to laugh hysterically. 
"Hey, it's not funny, Charity's stuck in hell" A voice piped up from behind
him
"Stuck in hell? How DID she get stuck in hell?" Carter asked trying to keep a
straight face. 
"Well, Kay sold her soul to Hecuba the witch and they threw Charity into hell
because she has the powers of goodness"
"Powers of goodness?!?" Carter sputtered.  "What the hell is this show
anyway?"
"You've never seen Passions, Dr. Carter?"  Spoke up another voice. 
It was then that Carter noticed that surrounding him were about ten people
heavily engrossed in Passions.  He shrugged and headed for a  vacant seat on
the sofa. 
"Phone for you, Dr. Carter" A nurse spoke up then. 
"Really?" Carter checked his watch, it was awfully early for one of his
co-workers to call him.  He limped his way to the desk.
"Hello" Carter said picking up the reciever
"Hello, John" a familiar voice greeted him. 
"Hey!" Carter couldn't contain his excitement.  It had been forever since
she'd called, been forever since they'd talked.  "Where are you anyway? At
work?"
"No, I took today off" She responded. 
"Kerry Weaver took a day off? Wow! So I guess hell really DID freeze over"
Carter joked thinking of how Charity must be freezing down in hell.  He
considered making a remark on that and then realized Kerry would probably have
no clue what he was talking about. 
"Very funny, Carter" Kerry retorted "So I guess you've regained your sense of
humor"
"Why? I've failed to amuse you the past few times you've called?"  He
remembered those times, Kerry barely spoke to him, then again, he was awfully
moody when she called anyway.
"You meant to be amusing?" Kerry asked recollecting Carter's crass remarks
about rehab.
"Got me.  Of course you didn't get the worst of me" Carter replied thinking of
some of his recent phone conversations.
"The worst of you?" Kerry repeated.  He wasn't on drugs again, was he?
"Oh, you didn't hear?" Carter responded a little surprised.  He had figured
that would have gone through the grapevine by now.
"Hear what?" Kerry asked clearly unsure of what Carter was talking about.
"Hear about how I reamed out Doug and Carol?" Carter replied nonchalantly
"No, I didn't hear" She was stunned at this news.  She didn't expect THAT.
Reaming out her, yes, Mark, yes, even Benton.   Reaming out anyone who had to
do with his intervention and "jailing" but Doug and Carol?
"Thought you all discussed me in the weekly junkie meetings" Carter said
sarcastically.  She was taking that bit of news awfully calmly, he thought. 
"Carter" Kerry said wearily.  God, this wasn't why she called him.  He was
always so quick to attack her these days.  He was always so quick to attack
anyone, at least that's what Mark had told her. 
"You know, he's a junkie, he's a wreck, that poor bastard" Carter mocking what
he thought was going on in Chicago. 
"Carter, I didn't call to fight with you" Kerry said quietly.  This was so
hard, why did he have to make it worse. 
"Why DID you call then?" Carter asked puzzled.   Kerry was acting a bit.. odd.
  He couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.
"Because you're my friend John and I miss you" She said softly.
He remained silent for a moment.  Kerry waited unsure of his response.   He
could so easily respond that she was lying, or full of it. 
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let's talk" Carter apologized
"Don't you only have ten minutes?" She asked relieved that he didn't start
screaming at her. 
"Nah, they raised me to 20 for being a good sober boy" Carter quipped.
Kerry laughed then.  It felt so good to talk to him.  It reminded him of when
he used to live in her basement.  The late night talks, the chats over
breakfast.   She regretted ever throwing him out.
"So how are you, Kerry.  How's Chicago?" Carter asked settling into a nearby
chair. 
"I'm fine, Chicago's fine" Kerry lied, hoping for a subject change. 
"You're also full of shit" Carter retorted.
"What?" Kerry asked, pretending not to know what he meant.   God, why the hell
did he have this power to see through her.
"I can tell when you lie.  You're so damn obvious.  What's wrong?" Carter
inquired. 
"Carter, I'm fine" She insisted, hoping he'd drop the subject.
"Come on, Kerry. You know you want to talk to me about it.  You wouldn't have
called me otherwise" Carter reasoned.
"I want to talk about YOU, John" Kerry explained patiently.
"And I want to talk about you, so we'll compromise" Carter said grinning to
himself. He knew he had her. 
"You go first" Kerry said
"Okay, my parents sent me another flower bouquet.  Like I want flowers!"
"So what did you do?" Kerry responded with surprise.  His parents STILL
haven't seen him since before the stabbing.  She really wanted to whack them
with her crutch. 
"I threw it against the wall" Carter shrugged.
"Carter" Kerry protested.  She certainly didn't want to encourage him to do
that, though she couldn't blame him. 
"Hey, I refrained myself.  I almost put them back into a box and mailed it
back to those bastards"
"Carter" Kerry said warningly. 
"Hey you asked.  Now tell me about you" Carter quickly changed the subject.
"Fine, Mark caught me crying in Curtain 2" Kerry blurted out.  Damn it, I
shouldn't have said that, she reprimanded herself.
"What? Why?" Carter was astounded.  Kerry crying? At work of all places? What
the hell was going on with her?
"I think he thought there was a patient in the room" Kerry explained, hoping
to dodge the subject.
"No, WHY were you crying in Curtain 2" Carter asked hoping for clarification.

Kerry remained silent
"Tell me" Carter demanded.
She began sobbing
"Oh, Kerry" He said sympathetically, wishing he was there.  Talking on the
phone does NOT equal being there in person.  
"I'm so sorry" She managed to squeak out.
"Sorry, what for?" Carter asked confused "It's okay if you cry, Kerry"
"I should have seen it earlier.  I should have helped you.  I let you down,
John" She explained through her sobs. 
"Kerry" Carter interjected. 
"I knew there was something wrong, but I wouldn't admit it.  I could have
helped you." She continued.
"Kerry, it's not your fault" Carter responded. 
"I ruined your career, I ruined your life" She
"Kerry, I did this to myself.  It's not your fault" It's my fault, he thought
darkly.  I killed Lucy. 
"I shouldn't be doing this" She said suddenly.
"Doing what?" Carter was confused again.   She wasn't making much sense today.

"I shouldn't be upsetting you while you're in rehab" Kerry replied
"Kerry, it's not your fault" Carter assured her. 
"I'm sorry, John" Kerry responded.
"Kerry" Carter objected
"I'm so sorry" She said and hung up. 
"Kerry!" Carter shouted into the phone as the line went dead.  "Damn it!" 
He looked at the nurse next to him.  "Quick, I need you to dial a number for
me"
"Um.." She began
"NOW, it's important" Carter rattled off Kerry's number and waited to be
connected.  "Pick up, pick up, pick up" he murmured as the phone started
ringing.   The answering machine picked up.  "Damn it!" Carter yelled.
"Kerry, it's me, pick up the phone." Carter said into the reciever "Kerry, I
know you're there.  Pick up.  Kerry, please, pick up the damn phone!  I know
you're home now PICK UP THE GOD DAMN PHONE!" The machine beeped again and he
heard a dial tone.   He swore under his breath. 
He didn't know what to do.   She wasn't acting normal.  She seemed off and she
just scared the shit out of him.  What the hell do I do now, he wondered.    He
knew that going to Chicago to try to knock some sense into her was out of the
question.  He was here and he'd have to BE here for another three weeks.  He
had no way to reach her if she wouldn't take any calls.  He stalked back to his
room, limping slightly.   His back was hurting again, just ducky.  He paced
back and forth trying to figure out what to do.   Kerry was scaring him. 
Regardless of any hard feelings he might have ever had about the way she asked
him to leave, and he certainly didn't LIKE that, he still felt close to her in
some way.   He'd caught what he believed were glimpses of the side of Kerry
Weaver that the public didn't get to see.  He probably knew more about her than
anyone at County. 
He remembered the night she told him that she was adopted.   It was the first
time she'd ever said anything about her past.   There were plenty of personal
things in the house that he longed to ask about, a framed picture of her with a
tall handsome man, some pictures of Kerry in what looked like tribal villages,
assorted certificates, odd pieces from all over the world.   He longed to ask
her the stories behind each of them, to discover what she was beneath the
administrative lab coat she wore, but he felt it was rude to ask. 
So he never did.  He never asked why she was still single after all these
years and why she never really seemed to date.   He never asked why she seemed
to have no family nearby.   He never asked why she looked sad everytime she
looked at that picture of her and the mysterious man.    He never even asked
why she limped.   He figured in time, she would tell him.   Until then, it
wasn't his place to inquire.
When she finally told him that she was adopted, it was as if she was trusting
him in a way she hadn't trusted anyone else before.  He felt cherished.  He
felt special.  He felt that she really cared for him and about him.   That he
wasn't just the colleague who lived in her basement, that he was something
more.  That he was a friend. 
And then... and then she told him to leave within a week.  Told him to get out
of her basement, out of her home, and essentially out of her life.   It hurt
him tremendously.  The gift she gave him was snatched back and all he was left
with was discarded wrappings.   He left because he was told to, because he
really had no other choice.  He didn't want to see her at work.  Didn't want to
have to be reminded that he wasn't welcome in her world.   So he kept his
distance.   Then he got stabbed...
He shook his head, this wasn't getting him anywhere.   Carter looked at the
assortment of cards that adorned his room.   Ironic really, almost as many as
when he was in the hospital after the attack.  All of cards from the same
people, all offering support.   One from Mark and Elizabeth, they usually
signed their cards together anymore, wishing him well.   One from Deb, he still
couldn't get used to calling her Jing-Mei, that had a poem inside it.   One
from Dr. Anspaugh, telling him that he was missed.   One with a half naked
woman in a bikini on it from Dave, god, what a perv, Carter chuckled.   One
from Peter... that one had made him cry.   The message inside was simple but
heartfelt, "you can do this Carter".  One from Abby, full of some kind of
platitudes, what was WITH that anyway?   Finally, one from Kerry.  The card was
simply signed "Best Wishes - Kerry Weaver".  So unlike the card she'd sent
along with a large flower bouquet when he was post op at County.  That one had
come with a card with a long personal note attached. 
It was like he felt her slipping away from him.   Lucy slipped away from him.
Sure, therapists and doctors could say that the stabbing wasn't his fault.   He
knew better, he knew that he could have watched her better.   He could have
prevented this.   He deserved to be stabbed.   Lucy didn't and she didn't
deserve to die.   He shouldn't have been the one spared.   He sighed.    Now
Kerry was slipping away from him.   He couldn't let that happen.   Not again,
not ever again. 
So what the hell are you going to do about it, he asked himself.   Her words
kept ringing in his head.  "Mark caught me crying in curtain two".   Mark caught
her crying.   Mark knew something was up.  He had to talk to Mark, and he had
to do it now.   He ran, or as close as he could come to running, to the desk.  

"I need you to call this number" He said breathlessly.   He gave Mark's number
out and waited to be connected. 

~ Susan (lilichild@aol.com)
Proud to be Head of the International Society of Carterholics Anonymous
http://www.geocities.com/suechru/er/carterholic
"The answers we find are never what we had in mind so we make it up as we go
along" Nine Days  <HONK>