There To Catch Him If He Falls
By Carrie Verkman
carebear1025@juno.com
Chapter Five



The next morning Anna returned to the hospital. She was not there to work, but to see how her recovering husband was doing. Kerry stayed the night with Anna, not only to give her a hand with the twins (it really was a two-person job), but also to comfort Anna if she needed it. Anna however gained some comfort from getting a good nights sleep and of course filling herself up with coffee.

Upon arriving at the hospital and the ICU where John was staying for now, Anna was delighted to see John walking. Not very easily, but he had the assistance of a walker and Peter who was close behind. Anna was delighted.
"That's it Carter. Just a couple more steps." Peter said.
"You sound like you're teaching me how to walk." John deadpanned dryly.
"At least you can feed yourself." Peter joked back, but there was no reply from John. Okay, Peter thought, just give him some time.

John walked a few more steps and then sat down in a wheelchair. He sighed heavily. Peter began to wheel him away when he saw Anna.
"You brought the kids!" John said excitedly.
"Yes, yes I did." Anna said. "They miss their daddy." Anna began to unbuckle them from the stroller. "Now remember what Mommy told you. Daddy has a very big boo-boo on his back so be gentle."

Anna lifted J.J. and Julia onto John's lap so he could hold them. "I missed you guys so much! You better not be giving Mommy any trouble."
"They're fine John." Anna said.
"Daddy got an owie?" Julia asked.
"Yes, Daddy has a big owie." John said.
"I kiss it." Julia said, giving him a small peck on the face.
John smiled. This was the happiest he had been all day. The walk with Peter was horrible as he struggled to make his feet move. But now, seeing his wife and kids, had brightened his mood.

Anna began to push John back into his room for some rest. "So I see you're walking?"
"Not very easily though. My legs feel so heavy. I-" John was cut off by Anna hitting the door with the chair.
"Oops, sorry. You think I'd be used to these things by now." Anna said.
"I've got it." John took the wheels of the chair and tried to fit in the door, but again hit the doorframe and his foot.
"Dammit!" John said.
Julia and J.J. started to cry because of all the noise.
"John, please, don't swear in front of the kids!" Anna scolded as she took the kids from him.
"Sorry." John mumbled. He began to crawl into bed.
"Let me help you." Anna offered.
"I can do it!" shouted John. Anna was surprised at his shouting. John never raised his voice. Not at the kids, and especially not at her.
"If I can walk on my own then I can get into my own bed." John muttered.
Anna swallowed. "Um, John, could you keep an eye on the kids? I'm going to run to the bathroom. I'll be back."
John nodded and watched her leave. Once she was out of sight from John's room, Anna's walk broke into a run as she headed towards the ladies' room. Anna closed herself in a stall and began to cry. Seeing John ill tempered, moody and in pain was unbearable for her. Noticing that no one else was in the bathroom, Anna let out her emotions, loud and clear.


As the weeks wore on, John began to recover from his physical injuries quickly. He was now using crutches to get around and the colostomy bag was removed. However, he was still on pain medication for his back. Anna continued to visit him, their kids along with her. She eventually started to work in the ER again, but still haunted by the fact that her own husband was injured there. Lucy was also laid to rest. John could not attend the funeral, but Anna did. She went to say good-bye, for her and John.

Anna had been preparing a welcome home party for John. He was going to be released soon and Anna wanted his family and co-workers to be there for him. Anna picked him up from the hospital alone.
"You didn't bring J.J. and Julia?" he asked as he got into a wheelchair.
"No. They're being taken care of." Anna said.
"I don't get why I have to be in a wheelchair. I can walk fine." John complained.
"It's hospital policy." Anna said.
"You said the same thing when we brought home J.J. and Julia. And I said it was hospital policy. Weird, I didn't think I'd be the one in a chair." John smiled and Anna laughed. She was happy that he hadn't lost his sense of humor.


When they got home the lights were dark in the house. Anna opened the door to the house and John hobbled in.
"Why is it so dark?" John asked.
"SURPRISE!" yelled the ER staff. They continued to shout. "Welcome home Carter!"

John blinked a few times. He saw the room decorated with party streamers and a banner that said "Welcome Home Carter!" It was definitely one big surprise.
"Wow." John said. "I can't believe this."
"We're just glad you're safe and healthy." Mark said.
"You've made an excellent recovery." Kerry said.

John was overwhelmed by the hospitality from his friends. Anna smiled at him. "I'm glad you're home honey."
"Speech! Speech!" shouted Dave.
John ran his fingers through his hair. "I never expected this. Um...I guess I want to say thanks for all you've done for me and for what you did for Lucy. The support you've been giving me and my wife has been greatly appreciated." John smiled nervously as all eyes were on him.

The ER staff clapped and began to mingle at the party. John went around to each guest, personally thanking them. After this, he was quite tired and went to his room to lie down.

I can't believe this, John thought; here they are having a happy party of my wonderful recovery when a med student was killed because of me. Have they no respect? Anna had good intentions, but really, this wasn't necessary.

John's back began to throb with pain as he reached for his painkillers. He looked at the bottle and sighed. "Welcome home Carter." he said to himself as he popped some pills into his mouth.


The next morning John found Anna cleaning up the party decorations. Julia and J.J. were happily playing on the floor nearby.
"Hey sleepyhead!" Anna said cheerfully. "We missed you yesterday."
"Yeah, sorry. My back was really bothering me. I just needed to lie down." John said.
"Ready for your first day back?" Anna asked.
"It's now or never."
J.J. and Julia walked up to their Daddy with brightly colored pictures in their hands. "For you!" they said.
"The kids drew you some pictures yesterday." Anna explained.
John smiled and took the pictures from the twins. J.J.'s was a picture of his dad in racecar. It made John laugh. Julia's was also a picture of her dad, except he was covered in band-aids.
"Thank you J.J., and Julia. These make Daddy feel better." John said. "Now I'm going to get ready for work."


Anna had a later shift, so John left for work on his own. Outside the ER doors he hesitated. I can do this, John said.
Chuni and Haleh greeted him warmly. The other doctors smiled and welcomed him back to work. Kerry saw him and pulled him aside. "John, it's great to have you back. I just want you to know that if there's a patient or a trauma that you can't handle, then feel free to hand it off to someone else. I want you to take it easy."
"I will Kerry. Thanks." John made his way to the lounge. He tried to steady himself on his crutches while he opened his locker. This resulted in John dropping both of them. "Damn." he muttered, finally opening his locker. It seemed like already it was going to be a bad day. John saw his pale reflection in his locker mirror. Was he going to be able to make it though today?


"If I had known you were coming earlier, I would have saved you some dinner." Millicent Carter said as she stirred the soup.
"Soup's fine." John said. "Thank you for letting me come over Gamma."
"Of course John. You called Anna didn't you." she asked.
"Yes I did. She knows where I am." John replied. "Today was my first day back in the ER."
Millicent's eyes widened. "Really? So soon?"
"I needed to get back to work. I've got a family to support." John said as he took a bite of the soup.
"John, don't you think you need more time to rest?"
"Gamma, I'm fine." John said. "Well, not perfect. But I'm okay."
Millicent gave her grandson a demeaning look. John saw it in her eyes that she was worried about him.
"I wasn't sure if I could make it through the day." John confessed. "I kept having these flashbacks."
"John you need some help. And some sleep."
"I can't sleep. I've been having nightmares."
"Have you told Anna?" Millicent asked.
"I don't want to worry her. Or my kids." John said.
"You need to tell someone John." said Millicent. "This isn't good for you. Talk to someone about these nightmares and such."
"I will Gamma. I will." John said as he continued to eat.


"John, help me!" said a voice.
"I'm coming!" he shouted. The voice grew louder as he ran towards it.
"Please help me!" said the voice.
John ran as fast as he could. He ran into a trauma room and saw Lucy. She was on the floor bleeding. "Please save me!"
"I will Lucy." John said. At that moment, a painful force struck him to the ground. Paul Sobriki had struck him with the knife.
John fell to the ground as the image of Lucy began to fade.
"John, save me!"
"I can't! Lucy don't go."
"Please help me!" Lucy cried again.
"I'm trying! Don't go!" John cried.


"No! Lucy! Don't go! No!" John tossed and turned in his sleep as he cried out. "Don't go Lucy!"
Anna was awakened by John's cries. "John wake up! You're having a dream!"
John sat up in bed. He was panting. His face broke out into a cold sweat. Anna turned on a light and noticed his face was very pale.
"John, you had another nightmare." Anna said, touching his shoulders.
John sighed. "Lucy. Another dream about Lucy."
"I'm getting you something to help you sleep." Anna said, as she headed toward the bathroom.
"No Anna." John said as he put on his bathrobe. "I just need some fresh air."


John walked to the back porch. Although it was March by now, John didn't feel cold. The cool wind felt good against his hot face. John paced on the porch deck. He reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a cigarette. The flame from the lighter lit up John's face against the night sky. He inhaled the cigarette, and exhaled. It made him calmer. John sat down and smoked in silence.


End of Chapter Five