There To Catch Him If He Falls
By Carrie Verkman
carebear1025@juno.com
Chapter Six


"Where were you last night?" Anna demanded. It had been three times now that John had gotten up in the night.
"I needed some air." John said. "It calms me down."
"Really?" asked Anna. "Then how come you come back inside smelling of cigarette smoke?"
"I told you, it's Mrs. Johnston." John lied. "You know that woman smokes a chimney every day!"
"Whatever." Anna said. "Are you ready to go to work?"
John nodded and picked up Julia. "Oh wait." he said, putting her down. "I forgot to take my pain meds."
"Hurry up!" Anna called as he went to the bathroom.

John entered the bathroom and shut the door. He quickly opened his pill bottle and swallowed two pills. He stared at the prescription label for a minute. John took another pill. Can't hurt, he thought.


Later that day at work John was sitting at the admit desk, with his head in his hand. His head was spinning and he felt dizzy.
"You awake Carter?" Mark asked.
"Yeah. Just not getting a lot of sleep." John said.
"Come here for a minute." Mark led John into an empty exam room. "Carter, I can write you a prescription for sleeping pills. Anna doesn't have to know about it."
"No thank you. I'm fine."
"No you're not. I suffered an attack myself and the only way to put it behind you is to talk to someone." Mark said.
John's mind flashed back to when he talked with his Gamma. She had said the same thing.
"Did you hear me?" Mark asked.
"What?"
"Go see Dr. DeRaad in pysch." Mark said. "It would make me feel better."
"Okay." John said. "I'll do it now since I don't have any patients."
"Great!" Mark left the exam room. When no one was looking, John slipped into the men's room and locked himself in a stall. He popped three pills in his mouth and sighed.


A week later...


"Dr. Greene, can I talk to you?" asked Dr. Chen.
"Sure." He opened the door to the lounge for her.
"It's about Dr. Carter." she said. "Something's wrong with him."
"He was attacked with a six inch butcher knife." Mark said. "Don't expect him to be normal just yet."
"But he's got terrible mood swings. Angry and frustrated one minute, happy and elated the next." Jing-Mei explained.
"Jing-Mei, he's going through a hard time now. He feels partly responsible for Lucy's death and we need to make him feel safe and comfortable in the ER. Don't assume you know what's going on with him." Mark left the lounge.
Jing-Mei was still confused. She walked out and saw John whistling as he walked.
"John? John!" Jing-Mei asked. "How are you?"
"Just great!" John continued to whistle and walk.
Jing-Mei shook her head and walked the other way.


"So how's John doing."? Mark asked Anna.
"Good. He's getting better each day." Anna said.
"That's good to hear. Any unusual problems?"
"Not really. He gets more upset with the kids than usual, but that will pass."
"Has he told you anything he's discussed with Dr. DeRaad?" Mark said.
"He's seeing Dr. DeRaad?" Anna asked with a puzzled look on her face.
"He hasn't told you?" Mark said.
"No. John told me he was seeing another psychiatrist outside the hospital." Anna explained. "Then what is he doing when he's supposedly talking to someone?"
"You're asking me?" Mark said.


"John? John, can you hear me?" said a voice.
For a brief moment, John's mind flashed back to when he was lying on the exam table after he was stabbed. He blinked and saw that it was Kerry hovering above him.
"Yeah. I'm fine." He said, having a difficult time getting up. "Not every day you kicked across an exam room."
"I've got this Carter. Go sit down." Kerry said.
"No, I want to finish this case." John said. "Abby, give him 50 cc's of Vicodin."
Kerry left and Abby did as she was told. Sooner than later, the man was stable and John stayed behind to clean up. When Abby had shut the trauma room doors, John stepped over to the sink and stuck the Vicodin needle in his wrist.
"Dr. Carter, did I leave the chart in here?" Abby said.
John jumped, jamming the needle deeper into his wrist. "What?"
"That man's chart-" Abby said. "Dr. Carter, are you okay?"
"Yeah, just cleaning up. I think the chart's on that tray over there." John said, withdrawing the needle.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes Abby, go!" John's voice rose slightly. John looked to see if she was gone. He held his head in his hands.
"She caught me." John said. He ran to the men's room, locked himself into a stall and broke into tears.



Abby sat at the table in the lounge. Her hands were folded and she sat up straight. She spoke with the utmost honesty in her voice as she told Mark and Kerry what she saw.
"I can't believe it." Kerry said quietly.
"No one can." Mark said. "You don't suspect Carter."
"How long do you think has been going on?" Kerry asked.
"Probably since February. I didn't catch it Kerry. He told me he was getting help, and that whole time he was using narcotics."
"I didn't realize it either." Abby said.
"No one did. And no one is responsible." Kerry said.
"What about Anna?" asked Mark.
"What about me?" Anna said as she entered the lounge.
Kerry looked at Abby and Mark. They returned her blank stare.
"What?" Anna said.
"Sit down." Kerry said.


"I don't believe you." Anna said.
"It's true. Abby and Dr. Chen have seen it."
"I'm with him all the time! I live with him! He's taking pain meds for his back and he would know better not to abuse them!" Anna stood up and turned to leave. Mark held her back.
"Your husband is using narcotics." Mark said. "I know it sounds bad, but we have a way for him to get help."
"My husband isn't using narcotics." Anna said. "I've seen the effects of drug use, in my ex-boyfriend and John's own cousin."
"You haven't looked hard enough."
Anna knew she was defeated. She was rarely at home when John was and he was gone talking to a psychiatrist, or so she thought.
"I forgot one of the most important things." Anna said.
"What's that?" Mark asked.
"Most drug users do it alone." Anna began to cry. "I didn't see this coming."
"No one did." Mark said.


Drs. Greene, Chen, Anspaugh and Benton were waiting anxiously for Dr. Weaver to return with John to the exam room. Anna was there too. She was leaning her body against a counter next to Peter. All the doctors were in disbelief over John's condition, but Anna and Peter were the most skeptical. Anna was nervously biting her lips.
"They want to send him to Atlanta." Anna said to Peter quietly.
"I know. You just don't suspect Carter." Peter whispered back.
"What am I going to do while he's gone?" Anna said. "I can't handle the twins on my own. I depend on John a lot."
"We'll figure something out." Peter said.
At that moment, John walked in with Kerry. He looked around the room to each doctor and to his wife Anna. Her head was down as of she was ashamed to be related to John.
"What is this?" John said.
"We have reason to believe that you are using narcotics Dr. Carter." Dr. Anspaugh spoke quietly and calmly.
"I already told you!" John said, trying not to raise his voice. "I am on prescription medication for my back. Is that so bad? Anna, you see me take them."
Anna shook her head no. "I never see you take them."
"This is unbelievable!" John said.
"Dr. Carter, it would be wise for you to be quiet and listen." Dr. Anspaugh said.
John crossed his arms. "I'm listening."
Mark spoke up. "There is a drug treatment program in Atlanta for doctors struggling with addictions. My van is parked outside. There's a plane ticket inside."
"I don't have an addiction!" John said. He looked at Anna once again who was avoiding eye contact with him.
"Abby and Dr. Chen have made us aware of the problem. Abby saw you with the needle." Kerry said.
"What needle?" John said.
"Show us your wrists." Kerry said.
"I won't."
"Show us your wrists!"
John ripped off his lab coat and his stethoscope went flying making Anna jump. He furiously rolled up his sleeves and took off his watch.
"You looking for needle marks?" John said.
Kerry rolled her eyes.
"John, today you nearly killed a patient when you gave them a medicine that they were allergic to." Dr. Chen said gently. "Your judgment was clouded."
"Oh really? Let's talk about mistakes then. Do the words guide wire ring a bell?"
Jing-Mei ran a hand through her hair. John looked over to Anna, now nearly hiding in the corner.
"Anna, are you going to let them stand here and accuse me of this?" John asked.
"You need help John." Anna said.
"You're going to let them send me to Atlanta leaving you and the kids all by yourselves?"
"I'll be fine." Anna said.
"This is outrageous!" John said. "Y-you know what? I don't need this! I quit!"
John picked up his lab coat and stethoscope and threw it in the garbage. He stormed out. Peter followed him.
"I'll talk to him for you Anna." Peter said.
Anna nodded. "I have to go home. I can't deal with this anymore."


Peter followed John into the lounge. "Carter, you're not serious, are you man?"
"Yes I am." John said. "They weren't the ones who killed Lucy or almost died." John walked out putting his coat on.
"Carter you're getting in that van." Peter said.
John ignored him, as he tried to hail a cab. "Leave me alone."
"Get in the van!" Peter demanded. He touched John's shoulder.
John pushed him away. "Don't touch me!"
"Think of Anna and your kids!"
"Oh according to her, they'll be fine!"
"Get in the van Carter! Do you want to end up like your cousin? Some babbling gork in a nursing home?"
John turned to Peter and threw a punch at him with all his strength. Peter took the punch. John rubbed his hand.
"Carter man, if you want to fight that's fine, but either way you're getting your ass in that van."

John looked at Peter like a hurt child. Peter looked at his former student and finally saw all the pain and suffering in John's eyes. John's lip trembled. A tear rolled from his eye. John let out a sob and broke down. Peter wrapped John in his arms and held him as he cried.
"It's okay man. It's going to be okay." Peter said, gently running his fingers through John's hair.


End of Chapter Six