Desperate Vigil, Part Six
By Cathy Roberts
huntersglenn@yahoo.com

A John Carter/Luka Kovac Story, a sequel to "Ghost Of Christmas
Present". Rated NC-17 Contains spoilers for Season Six. Last
episode seen was "Loose Ends". This chapter does include sex.

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written
for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be
downloaded for your own pleasure. However this story may not
be used, distributed or archived without the permission of the
author.

I wish to say a big "Thank you" to Melissa, who has, as usual,
provided me with invaluable help with this series with her
plot suggestions and editing skills.



As the week passed, John went to physical therapy each day, returning
home tired and in pain. Luka discreetly watched John, making sure
that he was taking his pain medication as prescribed because he was
worried that John would try to get through the day without it. Aside from
the days immediately after the stabbing, when John wouldn't let the PCA
out of his sight, he seemed to avoid taking anything for the pain and that
worried Luka. Everyone knew that a person who wasn't in pain would
heal faster than one who was. Luka also didn't want John to push
himself too much in his recovery efforts. He knew that John was working
hard during his therapy sessions, but so far the therapist didn't seem
concerned that John was overdoing it. Still, when Luka would come
home in the mornings, John would wake up looking as if he hadn't gotten
any restful sleep at all. There were times when Luka wished he was on the
day shift, so he could spend the entire night with John, see if he was having
nightmares or other problems that were keeping him awake. As far as
Luka knew, John wasn't seeing anyone to talk about the stabbing, but it
didn't concern him too much. John seemed to be handling it well, and if he
was having nightmares about it then that was only to be expected.

Ten days after John's release from the hospital, Luka woke up to an
empty apartment. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was past time for
John to be to physical therapy. Obviously John had gotten ready for it and
left without waking him. Luka wasn't sure if he should be happy or mad
about that. On one hand, it showed that John didn't want to disturb his rest.
On the other hand, Luka found himself wondering if John was trying to
avoid spending time alone with him.

Luka ate a quick breakfast, then decided to take out the trash. He was
waiting for the elevator to go back upstairs when he ran into one of the
elderly women who lived on their floor. She had obviously been to the
market because her pull along cart carried two bags.

"Good morning, Luka," she greeted him with a smile. "How are you doing
today?"

"I'm fine, Mrs. Kelly. How are you doing?"

"Very well. I was just on my way to the market. I had wanted to wait until
this evening, so I could walk with John, but I ran out of milk and my cats
are being incessantly loud about that."

"Why would John be walking to the market?"

"John goes out walking every evening. Don't worry, Luka, we've, that is,
myself and the other widows in the building, have worked out a schedule
to keep an eye on him. Poor thing. He tries so hard to get used to those
crutches. He won't be needing them forever, will he? I haven't dared to
ask him that."

"No.  He won't need them forever. So, he goes out of the building every
evening?"

"He told me that his physical therapist wants him to get plenty of exercise."

"I see."

"He didn't tell him that, did he?" she slowly asked.

Luka quickly smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm sure he did. John
wouldn't lie about something like that, Mrs. Kelly. He just forgot to tell
me about it, that's all."

When Luka got back to the apartment, he found himself slamming the
door. He was angry. He could admit that. John had no business going
out by himself every evening, even if he was in the company of one of the
elderly widows. As if any one of those frail women could help him if he
fell. Didn't John realize that he could damage his body if he pushed
himself too hard? Dammitt, he wanted John healed, the sooner the better.
A slow throb from his groin told him that his celibacy was one of the
reasons he wanted John healed quickly. There had been more than one
occasion during the last few days when John had offered to give him some
relief in the form of oral sex, but Luka had declined. He had seen how
much it pained John to bend over or even kneel. Just watching John dress
every day was rough on Luka. He hated seeing John in pain. No, his libido
could wait until John was better. And Luka would soon find himself liking
cold showers. With that in mind, he headed for the bathroom, wanting to
get himself under control before John returned home.

As John let himself into the apartment he was feeling optimistic about his
recovery for the first time since he had been stabbed. This had been his
last day of weekly therapy. He would still be going to the hospital for physical
therapy, but only twice a week. And that was due to the extra work he had
been putting in on the crutches. It had been painful to force himself to walk
the block every evening, but he had managed it and now he was reaping the
rewards. He slumped out of his coat and managed to hang it up, noting with
pride that it didn't take as long to do today. And that it wasn't as painful, either.
Of course some of that had to do with the fact that he had taken something
for his pain before he left his PT session, but he hadn't taken as much as
prescribed and he knew that he was getting better.

John cocked his head to the side as he thought he heard water running.
Was it from their bathroom or from the apartment above them? He listened
for a moment, then decided it was their bathroom. Which meant that Luka
was awake. He grinned then and headed into the bedroom. He sat on the
bed and stripped as fast as he could, which wasn't as fast as he would have
liked. Once in the bathroom, he leaned his crutches against the sink and
took small steps to reach the tub. He needed to grab the towel bar for
support as he stepped into the tub behind Luka, but he managed it without
falling.

"Damn, the water's cold," John laughed as Luka turned and grabbed him
by the shoulders.

"You shouldn't be in here," Luka said, his voice husky as the sight of John
naked in front of him undid all that the cold water had accomplished.

"You're in here, Luka, so where else should I be?" John leaned forward
and kissed Luka, resting his hands on Luka's hips. "So, is the water cold
because you've been in here too long or because of other reasons?"

"Other reasons. God, John, if you keep touching me like that, I'll explode." 
Luka closed his eyes and willed his erection to subside, but John was
now caressing him and it was a losing battle. Then John's hands were back
on his hips, and Luka felt he could win the battle with his desire. Luka
gasped as he felt himself engulfed in a very familiar warmth and he opened
his eyes to see that John had sat down on the bench kept in there for his
showers. Luka touched John's hair,

"You don't have to do this," he said, his voice thick with a desire that
proved his words to be lies.

John's answer was to slide his mouth down Luka's length until he had all
of Luka. "I won't last long," Luka thought. He had been celibate for too
long, taken too many cold showers, to be able to last under John's assault.
With a strangled cry he came, having to hold onto the handrail in order to
remain upright. But, as his pleasure subsided, he had enough sense to help
John get to his feet, and to cut off the water before they both froze.

John leaned into Luka's embrace, resting his head on Luka's shoulder
and trying his best to take his weight off his left leg. He knew he had been
foolish to get into the tub alone like that, but it was obvious Luka needed
release. Needed him. And since he was feeling almost human for the first
time in days, John knew he could handle pleasing Luka.

As Luka held John near, he realized two things. First, John had not used
a condom. Damn. Well, there was no going back now to change that, but
in the future he would have to make sure that John didn't take another
stupid chance like that. The second thing Luka noticed is that they were
both shivering. He pushed open the shower curtain, grabbed an oversized
bath towel and wrapped John in it. "We can't risk you catching a cold,"
he said.

John ran his hands up and down Luka's arms. "You've got goose bumps,
you should dry off and get dressed now."

"In a minute." Luka helped John get out of the tub, then walked with him
into the bedroom. "Sit down on the bed and I'll get some clothes for you."

"I can wear what I had on before." John reached for his underwear,
thinking that it was convenient that he had tossed his clothing onto
the bed when he stripped. "Couldn't have planned it better," he thought,
as he found himself being gently pushed onto his back. Luka had climbed
onto the bed and was on all fours above his body. John grinned up at
Luka, laughing as droplets of water dripped from his lover onto him.
Ignoring John's laughter, Luka bent his head for a long kiss, one that left
them both breathless. As he pulled away, Luka looked down into John's
eyes, gratified to see that John wasn't laughing anymore. Instead his eyes
were dark with desire. Desire for him, and only him.

"I don't think this is going to get me dressed," John finally said.

"No. Not yet anyway. You need to be properly dried off first."

Luka opened the bath towel, then began to dry John's body with his
towel, paying careful attention to John's arousal. That was something
he had missed. No matter how entwined they became while sleeping,
Luka had noticed that the physical contact would make him hard, but
not John. As a doctor, he knew that there wasn't anything to be worried
about. John had been through major surgery and was still recovering
from that. His entire body would need time to heal. But, Luka did have
to admit that his ego had been a little upset about the lack of reaction
in John.

Satisfied that he had the front of John's body dry, Luka closed the bath
towel. Even though John was wearing a belt that held his colostomy
pouch, Luka knew that John felt self-conscious about the bag. By
covering the upper part of John's body, Luka could still reach the rest
of John. He slowly dried off John's feet and legs, working his way up
John's thighs and to his groin. Luka could feel the goosebumps on his
skin, but he knew that it wasn't just his wet body giving him chills. It was
the nearness of John.

John closed his eyes and softly moaned as he felt Luka's mouth undo
what the towel had done. Not that he minded this kind of wetness on
his body. Nope, not one bit. He noticed when Luka stopped what he
was doing, but he didn't open his eyes. He knew that Luka was
heading for the nightstand to get a condom. Something he should have
thought about earlier. Not that it really mattered for him right now. He
had been given so much blood during surgery that he would be a health
risk in his own right for months to come. Sure, the blood banks all
claimed they tested the blood, but how sure could you be that the blood
was safe? But, Luka needed to be protected. In fact, if Luka would have
attempted to go further without a condom, John would have stopped him.
He couldn't bear the thought of Luka being harmed because of him. It was
something he didn't want to think about, and yet, he found himself thinking
about it often. Lucy had been hurt because of his negligence. So had Audia
and Dennis. And Chase. So many people. And now he faced every day
knowing that Luka could be hurt just because he loved him. John didn't
realize that he was shaking his head until Luka said something.

"You don't want this?" Luka's voice was sad and when John opened his
eyes he saw Luka standing beside the bed, a condom ready and a confused
look on his face.

"Why would you ask that?"

"You were shaking your head no. I thought that maybe you had changed
your mind."

"Never. I want you, Luka. Nothing has changed that and nothing ever
will. I promise." John reached over and gently ran his hand up Luka's bare
thigh, barely touching the skin. He smiled as that provoked a response in
Luka. It had been a long time for the two of them, and John knew he only
had himself to blame for that. If he had been more observant of Sobriki, a
better doctor that day, then nothing bad would have happened to him.
Or to Lucy. She would be alive and he would be able to make love with
Luka the way they used to. The way they wanted to.

Luka knelt on the floor and leaned to kiss John. "I love you so much.
I don't ever want to lose you."

"I love you," John whispered.

Luka's heart sang as he finally heard those words. He had known how
John felt, but it still felt good to hear the words. But, his heart sank as John
continued.

"I'm sorry that I've put you through so much, Luka. I never wanted to
make life hard for you. I only wanted to make you happy."

"You do make me happy, John. Don't ever doubt that." He kissed
John again, and this time John kissed him back, even going so far as to
wrapping his arms around Luka's neck and holding him close.

"Why don't you get on the bed with me and turn around? Then we can
satisfy each other," John suggested with a grin.

Luka shook his head. "No. This time is for you, and only you." Then
he kissed his way down John's neck and chest, lingering over his
sensitive nipples before moving lower to run his tongue up John's thigh.

Once again, John moaned as his head dropped to the covers and he
closed his eyes. While he always liked to watch what he was doing to
Luka, when the tables were turned, he much preferred the experience
with his eyes closed. Blocking out all visual distractions made him
concentrate on what Luka was doing to him and that heightened the
sensations that Luka evoked from his body. Right now, John could
feel the underlying tenderness in Luka's actions. The way he softly
stroked his thighs as his mouth descended on his erection. The murmurs
of love as Luka kissed his way up and down the shaft of John's penis.
All of that was so much better when John couldn't see Luka doing those
things. John supposed that there might be people who would say he was
trying to pretend that it wasn't a man but a woman doing those things to
him. They would be wrong. How could the rough stubble of Luka's
beard belong to a woman? Or the fingers and hands callused from
years of harsh washings and sailing?  No, it wasn't a soft face and they
definitely weren't soft hands. They were Luka's hands and face, and
ever since the first time John had felt them touch his skin, he had
known that he didn't want anyone else but Luka.

John's soft sighs of pleasure served to inflame Luka's desire. He
enjoyed giving pleasure to John, and being able to tell that John
was indeed feeling pleasure cheered Luka's heart. It also made
him slow down. He didn't want things to end too quickly. During
the weeks they had spent together Luka had learned the things to
do to make John cry out with pleasure. And the places on John's
body that were the most sensitive to his touch. Luka knew he
would never get enough of John. As much as he had loved Marija,
he now found himself loving John even more. That was an
unexpected gain from this relationship. Oh, he knew that he would
fall in love with John from the moment that John had accepted his
advances. But, Luka had not counted on loving John this much.
On needing him more than life itself. It was scary to have such strong
feelings about someone else, but it was also exhilarating.

Luka slid his mouth up the shaft of John's penis until it was no longer
in his mouth. Then he softly began to blow on the wet organ, making
John shiver from delight. From the way John was moaning and moving,
Luka knew that it would be a good idea to put the condom on him.
He didn't want to get caught up in John and forget about it. He quickly
unrolled the protection onto John, then resumed his explorations of
John's erection, keeping his hands busy with other parts of John as he
did so. After that, John didn't last long. When he came, he called out
Luka's name, his hands grasping the covers with all his might.

It had been as long for John as it had been for Luka since they last
had sex, and John's climax was intense and long. He was still
stunned by its intensity as Luka quickly cleaned him with the towel
and then dressed him in boxer shorts and sweatpants. When Luka
sat down on the bed beside him, John looked up, a smile on his face.

"That was great.  Thank you."

"You're most welcome, but I should be thanking you. Shall we get
under the covers?"

John nodded. "We should. Or else you need to get dressed. You'll
catch a cold if you sit out here naked."

"Where I'm from, it's much colder. I'm used to it, remember?"

"I remember, but you've lived here long enough for your body to get
used to our weather. Can you help me up?"

"Sure." Luka helped John get to his feet, then he tucked him into bed
the proper way. "I'll be right back." Luka disappeared into the bathroom
and returned with John's crutches, which he placed against the wall
between the bed and the nightstand. Then Luka walked to his side of
the bed and got under the covers, snuggling up next to John.

"Today was my last daily appointment for therapy. I won't go back again
until next week," John said as he rolled over to face Luka. "I'm getting
better."

"I know. You've worked hard to get this far, John. Maybe too hard."
Luka tried to keep his tone light, but when he saw John frown, he knew
that he had not been successful.

"Why do you say that?"

"I ran into Mrs. Kelly earlier. She wanted me to let you know that she
wouldn't be walking to the market with you tonight. She then told me
all about your little strolls every evening. John, you know that those
old ladies aren't physically able to help you if you should fall."

"I don't fall, Luka. I take very careful steps and I rest a lot. They never
said I couldn't go for walks. As a matter of fact, I was encouraged to
walk around at home."

"They meant "in" the home, John. Not outside in the cold. What if you
slipped on ice? You really don't want to be back in the hospital...what
are you doing?"

"You're still hard," John said as he grasped Luka's penis.

"We're having a serious discussion here," Luka said.

"Keep talking. I'm listening." John began to stroke Luka.

Luka squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best to ignore what John was
doing to him. "I can't concentrate on talking while you're doing that,"
Luka said, opening his eyes only to see that John was looking straight at
him, his brown eyes unblinking, but Luka was sure they held a smile.

"Do you want me to stop?" John continued to caress Luka as he waited
to hear what Luka wanted.

Luka cleared his throat. What John was doing felt nice. Really nice.
But, he also wanted to have a serious conversation with John. Make
him realize that he shouldn't be jeopardizing his health. "No. But, I think
you should. This is important, John...John?" Luka rolled onto his
back, giving up the fight as John disappeared under the covers and Luka
once more felt his mouth upon him. There would be time to talk with
John later, he decided.



Later turned out to be late afternoon because the two of them fell asleep.
Luka was worn out from the combination of working all night and finally
finding a much needed sexual release. John was tired from physical
therapy and his painkiller finally kicked in, making him drowsy. The end
result was that as they curled in each other's arms, they both drifted off.

Luka was the first to awaken, noticing that it was getting dark in their
bedroom. He would soon have to get ready for work. He still liked the
idea of being home during the day with John, but he also wished he
could stay all night with him as well. Maybe he could ask Kerry for a
night off soon? He certainly deserved it. Heck, they all did. Everyone
was working extra shifts to make up the slack at work.

John stirred beside him and Luka found himself reluctant to awaken him.
But, he wanted to get this talk over and done with. Reaching out, he
gently touched John on the shoulder, totally unprepared when John
jumped and twisted his body in his attempt to turn over in bed. John
cried out in pain then and Luka sat up, gathering John into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Are you all right?"

John nodded, even though his face was contorted with pain. "Give
me a minute."

"Try to relax," Luka said. It took a few minutes, but he finally felt
John's body begin to relax. "Better?"

John nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about that. What time is it?"

"Four. I need to get ready for work."

"How about if I fix us some dinner while you get dressed?"

"Are you sure you're up for that?"

"We still have leftovers in the fridge, right? I can handle heating
those in the microwave."

"Sounds good to me." Luka kissed John, then got out of bed.
"Do you need the bathroom before I get in there?"

"Um, yeah. I do. I won't be long." John got out on his side of the
bed, grabbing his crutches. While John was gone, Luka gathered
up his clothes for the night. He would talk to John after his shower,
since he didn't think he would last long trying to talk to John while
naked. He grinned as he remembered what happened earlier.
There was something to be said for people who knew the meaning
of the word distraction. Especially that kind of distraction.

"All yours," John said as he hobbled past.

"Thanks." Luka headed into the bathroom while John headed into
the kitchen. Ten minutes later, they were sitting down to eat. John
had pulled on a sweatshirt and socks while Luka had been
showering, and Luka was completely dressed.

"John, getting back to our earlier conversation. I don't want you
doing things that will jeopardize your health."

"I'm not doing that, Luka. I know my limitations. I never pushed
myself too hard, and I won't start now. Like I said, I walked slowly,
took small steps and plenty of breaks. I know what I'm doing."

They stared at each other, John thinking that Luka was making too much
of his "strolls" and Luka thinking that John wasn't taking his own
health seriously.

Luka finally nodded. "Fine. I just don't want to hear about you
going further than the market. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Daddy." John snapped.

"That was uncalled for," Luka replied.

"If you're acting like you're my father, then I think it's very called
for. Just who do you think you are to tell me that you had better
not hear about me going anywhere? You don't run my life, Luka
Kovac."

"I wasn't trying to run your life. Don't you understand that I want
you well? If you push yourself too hard, then the only thing you'll
accomplish is another week or so in the hospital."

"And you'll have to go without sex again, right? I've offered to give
you blow jobs before. It's not my fault that you kept turning me
down."

Luka shook his head, not sure why John was overreacting. He had
never, in the weeks they had been together, heard John call it a
blowjob. Not even as a joke.

"John, I wasn't thinking about the sex. Yes, I'll admit that I want
things to be the way they were before. I want to make love to you
like we used to. I want you to take me, too. But, I can wait for
that. What I don't want is for you to make yourself ill by pushing
yourself too hard."

"I've got news for you, Luka. Things will never be the way they
were before...that night. Never." John threw his napkin down on
the table, then used his crutches to pull himself to his feet.

"John, you didn't finish your dinner," Luka began.

"Don't start with me again, Luka. I'll eat again when I get hungry.
You need to leave now or you'll be late for work." John went into
the living room and sat down on the couch.

"I'll clear the table first."

"I can do that. You need to leave."

"I can take a few minutes to get the dishes into the kitchen..."

"Dammitt, Luka! I am not an invalid. I said I could handle that
and I will," John yelled at him.

Luka slammed down his plate, his patience finally pushed past its
limit. "Fine. Do it all yourself, John. Why don't you clean the whole
apartment while you're at it? The floor needs to be vacuumed and
the tables dusted. Maybe you can even do the laundry while I'm
gone? Hmm? After all, you're Superman, right? You can do anything
you want."

"You want the laundry done? The floor vacuumed? Hell, Luka, I'll even
mop the kitchen floor while I'm at it. And clean the rest of the place.
Will that make you happy?"

"You're the one who keeps saying that you can do anything, not me.
So do it all, John. Do it all and then have enough strength left over
to call for an ambulance, because by the time you're done with all
of that, you'll need one. I'll see you in the morning." Luka slammed
out of the apartment, still angry.

By the time he reached the El platform, his anger was beginning to
subside. Maybe he was reacting too strongly to John taking those
walks. After all, John did pace himself, and there were people
watching over him while he was out. Luka knew that having limited
mobility was difficult for John. It would be difficult for anyone. Was
he really acting like a father by being concerned about John? Luka
wasn't sure. He thought he was merely looking out for his best friend
and man he loved. Was that a crime?  In John's eyes, the answer
was apparently yes.

By the time Luka reached the hospital, he was upset with himself
over yelling at John. He prided himself on keeping his temper in
check, and he had lost it. And in front of John of all people.
Someone who certainly didn't deserve to be yelled at. As he changed
into his lab coat, Luka's eyes kept straying to the phone. He firmly
shut his locker, then called home.

"Please answer," Luka said under his breath as he heard the ringing
from the other end.

"Hello?"

"John, I'm sorry."

"Me, too. I didn't mean to yell at you, Luka."

"And I didn't mean to yell at you. I was overreacting to your walks.
Maybe it was because I had to find out about them from Mrs. Kelly
and not from you."

"Sorry about that. Luka, you don't need to keep worrying about me.
I'm getting better every day."

"I know. I can see it. John, I love you."

"And I love you. Have a good shift, Luka."

"Thanks. You have a good night. I'll see you in the morning."

"Right."

John hung up and turned the vacuum back on. He had managed to
clean a small section of the floor and figured that at the rate he was
going, he would have the carpet finished in an hour or so. Then he
could clean up the kitchen and the bathroom. Maybe even dust.
Then he would head downstairs to the laundry room. Luka didn't
think he could do all of that, but he would show him that he could. 
Yeah, he'd show him all right. He'd show Luka that he was right,
because if he really did all of that, then he would end up back in
the hospital. Disgusted with himself over being such a big ass,
John turned the vacuum off and went to sit down. He was so
tired of being unable to do the things he used to do with ease.
Like walking without the aid of crutches or feeling pain with every
step he took. Things like being able to sleep through the night. If it
wasn't for the painkillers he took right before going to bed, then he
wouldn't get any sleep at all. The only time sleep came easily to him
was when Luka was there. Thank God for the meds, John thought
as his hand strayed to his chest and he touched the cross through
the fabric of his shirt. Thank God for Luka.


End of Part Six