Homeless Once More, Part Seventeen
By Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com
A John Carter story, rated M17 for sexual content.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE HAS BEEN A RATINGS CHANGE FOR
THIS INSTALLMENT. THIS IS DUE TO SEXUAL CONTENT AND
MAY ALSO BE CONSIDERED VIOLENT DURING ONE SCENE.

"ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story
was written for the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and
may be downloaded for your own pleasure. However this
story may not be used, distributed or archived without the
permission of the author.

The last episode seen was "Sticks and Stones"

A big thank you to Melissa, my editor who tries her best to
keep me in line.



John abruptly awoke, immediately noticing that he was no longer in the ICU unit.
The room looked vaguely familiar and he figured out that it was a room on the
psychiatric floor, but not one of the rooms in the locked ward. His fear of
being locked away again was proving to be groundless. He felt a little bit of
relief at that, but then turned his head and saw that Anspaugh and McIntyre were
seated in the chairs near his bed. His throat got tight and he fought back tears
because he knew Anspaugh was there to tell him he was fired.

Much to John's surprise, Anspaugh smiled at him. "It's good to see you awake,
Dr. Carter. We have some good news for you."

"Good news? I'm not fired?" John couldn't hide his surprise and pleasure at
hearing that news.

"No, John. You have not been fired," Hugh reassured him.

John blinked back his tears, then rubbed his eyes. He stared at his hand as a
bigger feeling of relief swept over him. He had not lost his dream. And he was
no longer restrained.

His emotions were all in a whirl and it took him a few moments before he was
able to talk again. "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

Anspaugh smiled, "I know. But, you might want to save your thanks for later. You
haven't heard the stipulations for your continued employment here at County
General."

"They won't matter. I'll do whatever you want, so long as you don't take my job
away from me," John quickly assured him.

Anspaugh slowly nodded, very glad that he had gotten his way with the board of
directors. He didn't like thinking about what it would have been like to face
John Carter and tell him that he had been dismissed from his job.

"The first stipulation is that you will be suspended for four weeks, beginning
the day you are released from the hospital. This suspension will remain on
record in your file, together with a letter of discipline," Anspaugh said.

John frowned, "But, I probably won't be able to come back to work for four or
five weeks anyway."

Hugh grinned, "No one on the board seemed to notice that coincidence. As a
matter of fact, they never even asked about your recovery. It was enough for
them that you were still alive."

Anspaugh continued. "The second stipulation is the most important. You will
remain under psychiatric care for a full year. You are to see Dr. McIntyre, or
one of the other staff psychiatrists, on whatever schedule he deems necessary.
That could be daily, once a week, once every two weeks, or only once a month. If
you deliberately miss any scheduled session, you will be fired."

John nodded slowly, "I can handle that."

"Good. Of course, retaining your job is also dependent on what happens as a
result of the police investigation. If you end up in jail or prison, then the
board will be forced to reconsider their decision."

"So, then I really don't have my job?" John slowly asked.

"That's technically correct. But, your father assured me that your family is
working hard on your behalf," Hugh said. "There are a lot of influential people
in your corner right now, John. That counts for a lot."

"So this is one of those rare times when it might be good to be a member of the
Carter family." John mused. He knew his family had friends in high places, but
he didn't know if these friends would be willing to go out on a limb for him. He
supposed that he would soon be finding out just how far they would go in the
name of friendship.

By the end of the day, John had his answer. He was offered a chance to cut a
deal: plead guilty to possession of a stolen handgun and he would only face two
years of probation. There was no mention of the morphine or anything else. Just
as there was no mention of the incident in the newspapers either. The Carter
family had pulled as many strings as they could to keep things quiet and to keep
John out of jail. John told his lawyer to accept the deal and by the end of the
week, it was done.

John was also busy with his apologies, something that he told Hugh he felt he
owed to all his friends. He began with his family, then Kerry and his
co-workers. He ended with the security guards that had shot him. His genuine
lack of antagonism over the incident and his sincere apology for making them
shoot him in the first place, went a long way to make each man feel a little
less guilty.

Hugh was also pleasantly shocked as John gradually began to open up to him
during their daily sessions. John told him how it had shaken him to have Chase
ask him about Anna Del Amico on Christmas Day. He told Hugh all about Anna, how
they had become friends but then his feelings of friendship became feelings of
love. Feelings that he thought she might have shared if she had only tried. It
didn't help matters any when her old boyfriend appeared, wanting her back. In
the end, she had left Chicago with Max Rosher, choosing him over John. Chase and
Anna had hit it off from the first time they met and Anna had been an invaluable
help when Chase was going through heroin withdrawal. She had been a great
friend, bailing him out of jail when no one else seemed interested in actually
doing so. Having to continually explain to Chase that Anna had left was hard.
Doubly hard because Chase was able to remember how much John had loved Anna.
Maybe still loved her. He didn't know.

John also told Hugh how it seemed as if he was always the one who ended up being
dumped and left behind. Except for Roxanne, who had only dated him because his
father paid her, so she didn't really count.

One day, after John had talked at great length about his abiding guilt regarding
the death of Dennis Gant, Hugh suggested that John find a way to resolve these
issues.

"You mean that I should look for closure, right?"

"Well, that's the technical term for it. I think it would do you some good to
talk to Anna. Tell her how you felt about her. See how you feel about her now.
Go to Atlanta and visit with Dennis Gant's parents. Visit his grave. I know that
you can't get to Pakistan to see Abby Keaton, but you can find out where Harper
Tracy is working and visit her."

"I can't afford to fly all over the country," John frowned. He liked what Hugh
was suggesting, but he didn't see any way to make it happen.

"I understand that Maggie Doyle was also suspended. I believe that hers was for
five weeks though. The two of you are friends, right? She has nothing to do for
the next four weeks and neither do you. Ask her to drive you. Since she's a
doctor, she can make sure you stay healthy and you need time to recover your
strength before returning to work. I think it would do you a lot of good to get
away from Chicago and close the doors on your past relationships."

"I can't go. I have a probation officer to deal with, plus I can't miss any of
our sessions, remember?"

"I remember that I'm the one who decides when you see me. If I want to see you
in a month, then that will be okay. You can call and check in with me every day
if you feel you need to talk. And, I've already met your probation officer. He
seems to be on your side as well, John. I don't think you'll have any problem
getting his permission to go."

"I don't know."

"It can't hurt to ask her if she'll go with you. It might help her deal with the
guilt she's been feeling over your suicide attempt," Hugh said. He knew that
would get John to agree.

John nodded. "Okay. I'll ask her."



And so it was that two days after he was released from the hospital, John and
Maggie drove away from Chicago. Anna was in Philadelphia, Harper was now in the
Air Force and stationed in the Washington, DC area and the Gant's lived in
Atlanta. It would be a nice and easy trip except for the fact that John was
insistent upon seeing Harper first and Anna last. He felt that he should keep
everything in the order in which he had been affected. He had even written a
long letter to Abby and mailed it, hoping that it wouldn't freak her out too
much.

Maggie readily agreed to his itinerary, mainly because he had quickly conceded
to her rules for their trip. Whenever possible, they were to have hotel rooms
with connecting doors. Doors that would be kept open at all times. If they
couldn't have connecting doors, then he would have to give her his room key. She
was also in charge of his pain medication.

On the day they left, Roland handed over a lot of cash to Maggie and a credit
card to John. He didn't want them getting stranded anywhere. Luckily, Maggie's
BMW was in excellent condition and Maggie had a Triple A membership just in case
there should be a problem with the vehicle. Robert Carter had tried to give John
a new car for the trip, but John had been firm in turning him down. While he
appreciated the thought, he was determined not to be any further indebted to his
family. They had already done so much for him.

Aside from having to check in with his probation officer once a week while gone,
John also promised to call his parents daily, keeping them updated on their
travel progress. Not that either one of them was in a hurry. Despite the fact
that John could sleep in the car, they both knew that he would get better rest
in a bed, so they planned on stopping whenever Maggie decided he was too tired
to remain in the car. John's enthusiasm for going away was the only thing that
kept his family and friends from worrying unduly about him. They were glad to
finally see him feel that way again.

Kerry fought back the urge to ask John to call her every day. Instead she told
him to call if he needed anything. He had smiled at her and told her to take
care of herself while he was gone. She had given him a quick hug and kiss, then
stood on her steps and watched them drive away.

"He'll be okay," Jenny said from the top step. Roland, Jenny and Barbara had
come to see John and Maggie off. As before, John had insisted on returning to
Kerry's place - his home - once he was released from the hospital.

"I know that he'll be fine. They both need this trip. Maggie has been feeling so
guilty about the fact that he used her gun and that she forgot he still had the
morphine. I'm sure that helping him like this will be beneficial for her."

"And it will be good for John, too. I'm just happy to see a smile on his face,"
Roland said. "A real smile."

Kerry smiled, "Yeah. It does look good on him, doesn't it? Would you all like
some coffee? Or maybe a fruit smoothee?"

They went back into the house to have some breakfast.



At the hospital, Lucy Knight was working with Mark. She had heard about John and
Maggie's plans to travel around the East Coast for the next couple of weeks.
While she was glad that John was going to be all right, she was finding herself
sad that he was going with Maggie Doyle. It had been obvious to her long ago
that Maggie had feelings for John and this trip would be the perfect time for
those feelings to make themselves known. With a sigh, Lucy resigned herself to
the fact that John Carter would never be hers. She would just have to make do
with being his student.



It took John and Maggie two days to drive from Chicago to D.C. Harper was
stationed at the Malcolm Grow Medical Center, located at Andrews Air Force Base.
The Base was located just outside of Washington, D.C., in Maryland and was also
the home of "Air Force One" the official presidential plane. They figured they
could manage a few days of sightseeing while in the area, although Maggie
cautioned him against trying to do too much too soon. They found a hotel not far
from the Base and John was able to locate a telephone number for Harper. She was
pleased to hear from him and agreed to come out to the hotel to meet with him.

Maggie retreated to her room well before the time that Harper was due to arrive.
She didn't want John to have to explain her presence to the other woman, knowing
that Harper would most likely think something was going on. Then she or John
would have to tell Harper that she was a lesbian and, despite the fact that her
sexuality wasn't something she kept hidden, Maggie wasn't up to going through
all of that tonight. Besides, talking to his old girlfriend was most likely
going to be difficult enough for John without worrying about having her around.
Maggie even went out to dinner and a movie, hoping that would give John an
additional sense of privacy. As if that wasn't enough, she had even closed and
locked the connecting door.

After getting showered and changed the next morning, Maggie knocked on the
connecting door, wanting to see if John was ready to go to breakfast. There was
no answer, so she knocked a little harder, then called out his name. Still no
answer. She frowned, then went to the dresser to get the key for his room. She
made sure that her door locked behind her, then tried the door to his room,
hoping that the chain wasn't secured. It wasn't, and she felt a lot of relief at
that.

"John? Are you okay?" Maggie walked over to the bed. John was laying on his
side, facing the window and either sound asleep or ignoring her. She knew he
hadn't taken any pain medication last night, so she knew he had not tried to
overdose on that. She had been hoping that Harper would have ended up spending
the night with John. But, he was definitely alone in the bed and no one was in
the bathroom.

"Please go away, Maggie." John's voice was muffled by the bedcovers.

"Are you here alone?" she asked, knowing the answer, but looking for some
explanation for his low mood.

"Yeah, I'm here alone. I'm always alone, Maggie."

"You know that's not true." Maggie sat down on the near side of the bed. "What
happened with Harper?"

"Nothing, so she left."

"You did talk to her, right?"

"That was about all I could do. I wasn't able to do anything else with her."

As she began to understand his meaning, Maggie frowned. Men put such importance
on the actual act of having intercourse. Well, she wasn't going to let him
wallow in his self-pity. That might lead to getting him more depressed and she
was already on guard where he was concerned. Another suicide attempt was not
something she was prepared to deal with, especially one that might succeed. She
reached out and pulled him over, settling his head in her lap. She began to
gently stroke his hair.

"I guess it's difficult for me to understand because a man's body is so
different from a woman's."

"It wasn't just that I lost it, Maggie. I couldn't get it up again. I didn't
have any further desire for Harper. Or for any other woman." John kept his eyes
focused on the opposite wall, feeling slightly uncomfortable about discussing
his dysfunction with Maggie. It didn't make any difference that she was open
about being a lesbian - she was still a woman, and he was still totally naked
under the covers.

"Well, if you're beginning to have doubts about your own sexuality again, we can
put an end to those right now. It shouldn't be that difficult to find a gay bar.
We can go to one and you can let some hot stud pick you up and take you home. It
won't take long for you to discover that you're as heterosexual as I know you to
be," she smiled down at him as he frowned up at her.

"I don't think so, thank you."

"Okay, then I can play shrink and we can try to discover why you lost your
hard-on in the first place."

"Erection."

"Excuse me?"

"A psychiatrist would never call it a hard-on. It's an erection." John corrected
her, a slight smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Seeing his small smile made Maggie feel a little better about his state of mind.
"Well, if I have to use all of those kind of fancy words, then I guess I had
better stick to a career in trauma and avoid the psychiatric field, huh?"

"That might not be a bad idea."

"Well, then, do you have any idea why you were unable to maintain your erection?
Did Harper do or say anything to cause that?"

"I know exactly why I lost it, Maggie. There's no need to talk about it."

"I don't agree. Maybe I can help you find away to avoid having the same thing
happen next time. Like when you see Anna."

"Nice try. I have no intention of even attempting to have sex with Anna. This is
supposed to be a trip to seek closure, not an attempt to screw my way cross
country."

"Are you telling me that the entire reason I volunteered to drive you around was
bogus?"

"Sorry, there aren't going to be any opportunities for you to live vicariously
through me."

"Damn!"

The both laughed, then Maggie became serious. "Maybe talking about it; you know,
getting it out into the open, well, it might help make the problem go away."

John thought about that for a few moments, then he nodded, "Okay. I'll try. But,
you have to swear to me that this won't go any further."

"It will stay within these four walls, John. I promise you that."

John looked away from her again, trying to figure out if there was an easy way
to tell his story. There wasn't, but he began anyway.

"Litvak was interrupted before he could...enter me. But, you already knew that.
That was the second time he was ready. I was stunned after he hit my head on the
floor. I think I even blacked out for a while. All I remember is him bashing my
head on the floor and the look on his face while he was doing it. The next think
I remember is gagging because he...he was in my mouth. He was holding my head up
and then he came. I don't even know if he knew I was conscious again." John
paused for a moment, not wanting to remember any of what had happened. But the
memories just wouldn't leave him alone any more. "As soon as he came, he pulled
out and let my head drop back to the floor. I kept my eyes closed then, hoping
he would just go away. I felt him get off of me and I thought that he was
leaving, but then I felt him messing with me. Taking me in his mouth and putting
something, his finger, I guess,...." John had to stop talking for a moment. He
didn't like remembering this, but Maggie was right - it was something that
needed to be said. "I started screaming for him to stop and I tried to sit up,
to get away. He laughed at me and pushed me back to the floor, telling me that
he could tell I liked what he was doing. I know all the medical reasons that
explain how it was that I was hard and why I - my body betrayed me, Maggie."
John bit back a sob, then struggled to get his emotions back under control,
grateful that Maggie wasn't asking any questions or making any comments, yet at
the same time, worried because she wasn't saying anything.

"After that, he lifted my legs and was going to..." This time he was unable to
keep his tears under control.

"Oh, John. I am so sorry. I'm sorry that bastard did that to you and I'm sorry I
can't take my gun and blow his balls off." Maggie gently wiped the tears from
his cheeks. "You haven't told anyone else about this, have you?"

"It's not the type of thing I want to share."

"Dr. McIntyre is there to help you, John. He can't do that if he doesn't know
all the facts. This has been eating you up inside, hasn't it?"

John's voice was shaky, "Oh, yeah."

"None of it was your fault, John. You have to believe that."

"I keep thinking that I said or did something that made him think I wanted him
that way. But, I can't see where I did that."

"You didn't. I should have been more supportive of your fears and accusations
when you first told me that you thought he was coming on to you."

"Maggie, the assault wasn't your fault, either."

"The only person to blame is dead and out of our reach."

"Thank God for little favors. But, I really did want to kill him, Maggie. If he
would have been alive and come into work that morning, I would have killed him."

"I know and I don't think anyone would blame you for that."

"I do. I'm a doctor and I swore an oath to heal and help people, not kill them."

"Well, Litvak swore that same oath, didn't he? And he still hurt you. Let's get
back to the subject of your problem with Harper. From what you've told me about
the assault, I would hazard a guess that you were fine with Harper until she
went down on you."

John felt himself redden, not sure why he would feel embarassment about having
oral sex with Harper, but not over telling Maggie about Dan Litak. "Yes. Well, I
had lost my erection, and when nothing she did seemed to have any success in
bringing it back, she decided to try oral sex. That's when I literally threw her
out of the bed, screaming at her. I really lost it and I'm sure she thinks I'm
some kind of a raving lunatic. Even if she hadn't left immediately, I don't
think I could have explained things to her. So, I know I can't enjoy having oral
sex anymore and I'm scared I'll never be able to have intercourse with a woman
again. So, I suppose I'll just be celibate for the rest of my life."

"I think that's going a bit too far with things, don't you?"

"Maggie, I didn't get any sleep last night because I kept thinking about it.
About all of it. I know I'm not gay or bisexual, despite what happened. I also
know that I have little to no sexual interest in women. That definitely died
last night."

"You can't determine something that important by one encounter," she pointed
out.

"I didn't. Were you aware that we can get dirty movies on the TV? I watched
some. Things like that tend to excite me, at least they used to. But, not last
night. And they weren't bad movies, either."

"I know. After I got back, I watched some of them, too. The one that was on
Channel 28 had this really gorgeous chick in it."

"She didn't do a thing for me, and I generally like blondes. I tried my best,
but neither the movies nor my hand made anything happen."

"That's because you were trying to fantasize about a fantasy. You should have
been thinking about the last woman who had you aroused. Not Harper though. The
last woman before her. That would be Roxanne, right?"

John shook his head, "No. It would not be her." He could remember all too
vividly the night he had to undress Kerry and get her into her pajamas. He could
still see how her breasts looked - her skin so pale and her nipples a dark pink,
pointing out at him from her full breasts. Breasts that would have fit so
perfectly into his hands. He remembered how difficult it had been to keep his
hands and mouth away from her. He also remembered how hard it had made him, and
the memories were making him hard now. John closed his eyes, imagining that
Kerry was there to wrap her hand around him, stroking him in the warmth under
the covers, murmuring sweet nothings to him as his desire increased. He could
feel her fling back the covers and the air of the room felt cool against his hot
skin - even though he was way past the point of feeling anything except for the
desire he had for Kerry.

Her hand was insistent and when she bent over and licked his ear, he couldn't
hold back his moan of delight. Her assault on his senses was relentless and he
came violently, calling out her name as his semen spilled over her hand.

John opened his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. "Oh, God," he panted.

Maggie laughed as she used the sheet to clean the both of them. "Men are so
messy," she complained. Then she grinned, "So, is it Kerry as in Kerry Weaver?"

"Oh, God," he groaned. John didn't want to even think about that. He didn't want
to acknowledge the fact that his first, and so far, only orgasm since before
Halloween had come at the hand of a friend, a lesbian friend at that, while he
had been fantasizing about the woman who was his boss, his landlady, and his
friend.

Maggie pulled the covers back up over his body, then got up and put a pillow
under his head. "I don't think you'll have to be celibate, John."

"Maggie, I....." John knew he was blushing again. "Thank you."

"Hey, it was no big deal. Just don't get any ideas that I might help you see if
you can still perform during intercourse. If I ever have to do that again with a
man, I at least want him to be thinking about me. Now, get some sleep. We're not
on a tight schedule, so we can check out tomorrow."

Maggie went back to her room, leaving the connecting doors slightly ajar. She
briefly considered calling Harper Tracy at the hospital where she was working,
but then she decided against that. It would be much better to speak with her in
person. She knew she could find someway to convince her to see John again
without revealing all that John had told her. Even if nothing of a sexual nature
happened, he still needed to talk things over with her. Maggie settled back on
the bed with a book, waiting until she knew John was sound asleep before she
left for the Base.



Maggie approached the admit desk of the Emergency Room. "Excuse me, can you tell
me where I can find Lieutenant Tracy?" Maggie asked the clerk.

"Is this a medical emergency?" the clerk asked.

"No. But, it does concern a patient. You can let her know that Dr. Margaret
Doyle is here to consult with her about John Carter."

The clerk thought that over for a second, then nodded and disappeared down the
hallway.

"I guess you'll be right back," Maggie sighed. She leaned back against the desk,
resting her elbows behind her as she surveyed the scene before her. The place
was busy, but she didn't see a single trauma case. Not too surprising, she
thought, since this hospital is on a military base. She noticed a pretty blonde
in scrubs walking her way and figured it had to be Harper Tracy.

"Are you Dr. Doyle?" the woman asked.

"That's right. You must be Harper Tracy. Is there someplace where we can talk?"

"Sure. The lounge should be empty."

Maggie followed Harper into the lounge. It didn't look all that different than
the lounge back at County General.

"Would you like some coffee?" Harper asked as she poured a cup for herself.

"No thanks. I've had plenty already today." Maggie sat down at the table.

Harper poured milk into her coffee, then also sat down at the table. "The clerk
said that you wanted to consult with me about John Carter."

"That's right. I didn't think I'd get to see if you I told the clerk that I
wanted to talk to you about your old boyfriend.""

Harper smirked, "You'd be right about that. So, is John all right?"

"He didn't get any sleep last night, so he's sleeping now. As you might have
noticed last night, he was recently shot and is still recovering from his
injuries."

"I noticed. He refused to talk about what had happened though. Look Dr. Doyle, I
don't really see where we have anything to discuss. John was very---strong, in
letting me know how he feels about me. I don't think I need to discuss it again
with his current girlfriend."

"I'm not his girlfriend. I'm just a friend, which seems to be more than you ever
were. He told me about what happened last night and I wanted to see if you would
come by the hotel again today to talk with him about it."

"I don't think so. Did he tell you that he threw me out of the bed? Literally. I
have bruises on my arms from where he grabbed me. I'm willing to overlook that
right now though, because at one time I did care very much for John. However,
I'm not stupid enough to put myself in that position again."

"I'm not asking you to screw him, Lieutenant. I'm just asking you to talk to
him. That's all he really wanted to do last night anyway, was talk to you about
the relationship you shared."

"We did talk. He told me that he had really cared about me and was upset when I
broke things off with him. If he had not have been acting like a competitive
ass, then I never would have broke up with him."

Maggie rolled her eyes, "Oh, please spare me that line. Every medical student
and intern is competitive to some degree or another. We wouldn't get anywhere if
we all just rolled over and played dead. I'll bet you clawed your way through
more than one procedure. Oh, yes, I forgot that you had a job waiting for you
when you got out of medical school. The rest of us in the real world don't have
the luxury of that knowledge. We have to be the best in order to get to work
where we want."

"That didn't excuse the way he treated Dale."

"As in Dale Edson? I'd say that anything John did short of burying Dale wasn't
nearly what Dale Edson deserves. The man is a worm."

"He was my boyfriend back in college." Harper snapped.

"At least your taste in men got better as you got older, girl. The day you
dumped John Carter was the day you threw decency right out the window. I don't
know of very many men who are kinder and more compassionate than John. He's very
upset that he hurt you last night - he never intended to do that. He's been
through Hell the past few months. Stuff that I can't tell you about because I
promised him that I would never repeat what he told me. He might just open up
and tell you about some of it though, if you'll just give him the chance to
apologize to you." Maggie stood, "Maybe you should think about the relationship
you had with John. I'm sure that if you remember it correctly, you'll see that
John deserves the chance to make last night up to you. Thanks for taking the
time to talk."

Maggie left, wondering why John kept gravitating toward blondes who seemed more
interested in everything besides him. Then she grinned, remembering that there
was at least one redhead that had his interest right now. She wondered if Kerry
Weaver was having dreams and fantasies about John. If so, then she didn't see
any reason why the two of them couldn't make their fantasies into realities.
Well, one thing was certain, she had several more weeks to spend with John and
she was sure that by the time they returned to Chicago, she would know exactly
how he felt about Kerry.



Back in Chicago, a very tired Kerry was letting herself into her house after
working the night shift. Although John had only been gone a few days, she could
feel the absence of his presence every time she opened the door. She dreaded
returning home to an empty house and was beginning to miss him. She reached her
hand up and touched her earring, one of the emerald and gold ones that he had
given her for Christmas. Just touching something that he had chosen for her made
her feel a little better,as did the postcards he was sending her from the road.
The first one had come from a truck stop in Ohio, then yesterday she had
received one from Maryland. He was barely beginning his trip, but, she wished he
was home already. He had called her yesterday before she left for work - she had
been happy to hear his voice and now she found herself wondering why it had
meant so much to her. She climbed the stairs to her room and kicked off her
shoes, then lay down on the bed. She reached out and gathered a T-shirt to her
face, breathing deeply. It was one of the shirts that John slept in and he had
not packed it. The night he left, Kerry had gone down to the basement, telling
herself that she just wanted to make sure that he didn't leave anything on. She
had seen the shirt where he had left it casually tossed upon the bed. She had
picked it up and immediately noticed that it held his scent. The shirt had
returned upstairs with her and it brought her some comfort to be able to hold it
and smell him. She closed her eyes and recalled his face - his sweet smile,
those deep chocolate eyes that twinkled when he smiled. There was nothing better
than the look on John's face than when he really smiled. A smile on her own
face, Kerry fell asleep, John's shirt still clutched in her hands.



When Maggie returned to the hotel, she discovered that John was awake and in the
shower. She had stopped by a fast food place for lunch, getting the healthiest
selections she could find. She had a salad and baked potato for herself and two
chicken salads and a baked potato for John. Hopefully, it would be enough for
him. She had been pleased that his appetite had steadily increased since they
left Chicago. She didn't know if that was due to the mere fact that they were
away from the town or if it was just a sign that he was finally healing
physically and emotionally. She hoped it was the latter.

Maggie set the food out on the table, then waited for him to join her. She
didn't have to wait long. When he came into her room, he was dressed in casual
slacks and shirt and she wondered if he even knew what a pair of jeans was.

John noticed her small smile. "What's so funny? These match, don't they?" He
asked, indicating his shirt and pants.

"They match. I was just thinking that I've never seen you in jeans. Do you even
own a pair?"

"Once. They burned along with everything else in my apartment. What's so funny
about slacks?"

"Nothing. I just can't imagine being able to relax in slacks, that's all."

"Well, it's never been a problem for me. Is this my potato?"

"Is that the one with sour cream? Yeah, it's yours. Mine just has the veggies on
it."

They began to eat and Maggie commented, "I think that you're one of those people
who would feel comfortable no matter what you were wearing."

He shook his head, "Not true. I don't feel comfortable in hospital gowns. Too
drafty."

She grinned, "How about a tuxedo?"

"I have no problem with dress clothes. What about you? What do you feel
comfortable wearing?"

Maggie looked down, taking in her T-shirt and jeans. "This."

"And it looks so good on you, too." He grinned.

"Thank you. So, did you get enough sleep?"

"I guess. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I finally gave up trying and
took a shower."

"Are you in any pain?" Maggie thought she had seen a flicker of pain cross his
face earlier, but she wasn't sure. John seemed to be reluctant to take his pain
medication, but he didn't seem to want to talk about the reason why.

"A little. Nothing I can't handle."

"If it was bad enough to wake you up, then I think it's something you need a
pill for," she said as she reached for her purse.

"I never said it woke me up."

"But, it did, didn't it?" She handed a pill to him. "Go on and take it. I should
have given it to you before I let you fall asleep this morning."

John popped the pill into his mouth, swallowing it down with his juice. Life on
the road with Maggie was too healthy - way too healthy. He wanted a soda.
Something with a lots of caffeine in it. At least she was willing to bring him
meat, although he would much rather have preferred a cheeseburger over a chicken
salad. Still, it was better than nothing.

"So, where did you run off to this morning?" He asked. He had felt strangely
alone when he had awakened and discovered that she wasn't in her room.

"I went to see Harper Tracy."

John leaned back in his chair, an agonized look on his face. "Please tell me
that you're joking."

"I'm not. I didn't tell her anything, John, so you can relax about that. I was
just there to try to convince her into giving you another chance to talk with
her."

"And?"

"I don't know if she'll call you or not." Maggie looked at him carefully,
looking for any sign that he might be disappointed about that. He appeared to be
relieved.

"Maybe she won't call. We can't sit around here waiting for her, that's for
sure. We had planned to go into D.C. today, remember?"

"The day is half over, John."

"So? They don't close everything down at dusk."

"Maybe not, but I was hoping that she would call you."

"Maggie, I appreciate the effort you went to. I really do. But, last night, I
said everything that I wanted to say to Harper. It was our talk that led to the
other stuff. There's nothing more to say to her. If she happens to call while
we're here, then great. But, if she doesn't, then it won't matter to me.
Honest." He did look as if he meant what he was saying.

Maggie finally nodded, "Okay. Let's finish lunch and then we'll go see the
sights."

They ate, then went into town. They did a little bit of walking and a lot of
sitting because John couldn't walk or stand for long periods of time. Still,
they managed to see the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial and the
Washington Monument. John was pushing for going to the Smithsonian Museum, but
Maggie had to say no to that idea. He was looking pale and she wanted to get him
back to the hotel. The night passed without a word from Harper Tracy and when
John and Maggie resumed their trip the next morning, he didn't seem upset about
it at all. He had successfully closed the door on Harper Tracy.