The Man Who Held Her Heart
By: Cathy Roberts
glroberts@bigfoot.com
A John Carter/Anna Del Amico story rated PG.



Peter Benton settled into the chair by the bed and watched the
unconscious figure who lay there. The steady beeping of the heart
monitor reassured him somewhat, but he knew he wouldn't feel any
optimism at all until the young man opened his eyes. Please open your
eyes, he said under his breath. You have to live. You have to be all
right. Peter's mind kept calling up memories of their time together.
Four short years in which they had worked side by side. Four years in
which they should have come to know each other much better than they
did. Four short years which should have ended with John Carter as a
surgeon, and not in Emergency Medicine. Peter knew it was his fault
that Carter had switched residencies. He had been too wrapped up in his
own guilt over the death of Dennis Gant to pay much attention to Carter
and what he was going through. Then had come his surgery; Carter had
done a fine job on the appendectomy, he barely had a scar. Carter had
always been an artist when it came to stitches. Then Carla had given
birth to Reese early, and he had to focus on all of that. He deserted
his student, and his student had left him behind. Peter easily
remembered how he had hounded Carter during his first ER/Surgical
rotation. A surgeon didn't get caught up in his patient's life and
problems. A surgeon saw the immediate problem, solved it, and then
moved on. Carter tenaciously hung on, taking all the bull-shit Peter
had shoved at him. It didn't take Peter long though, to see that he was
mistaken about Carter. Carter was an excellent doctor and was coming
along nicely as a surgeon. Emergency Medicine had a wonderful asset now
that they had Carter down there. Peter hoped Weaver was smart enough to
see that. He knew for sure that Mark Greene appreciated Carter. Greene
had always been there to encourage Carter, to give him the little pats
on the back that all humans needed from time to time. Greene was there
to be the teacher that Peter should have been. The teacher that Peter
never was. Gant was dead because of that lack, and Carter had run to
another specialty. All because Peter Benton couldn't find it within
himself to praise others, or encourage them. Sure, he had it rough in
medical school, always having to prove himself to be good enough. Hell,
he was still having to do that with Romano, but there had been people
along the way who encouraged him - Hicks and Morgernstern had always
been there for him. Even Vucelich had told him he was a good surgeon.
So had Abby Keaton, even though she didn't think he had what it took to
be a good pediatric surgeon. A good surgeon, most definitely, just not
a good pediatric surgeon. His own mother had called it a "gift of
healing from God" and had urged him not to waste his talent. Well, he
was praying right now that his talent had been good enough to save John
Carter's life. The surgery had been long and full of tension. This
wasn't some stranger on the table before him, this was his former
student. The man who had told him how grateful he had been to learn
from him. The man that Peter Benton still couldn't bring himself to
refer to as "Doctor Carter", just "Carter". Peter smiled as he
remembered how "Dr. Carter" had taken control of the situation when the
ER had the chemical contamination and Weaver was out of it. He had
taught Carter to remain calm in a crisis. Damn but he had been proud of
him, and how he handled things and thought fast on his feet. He had
never told him that though, and he was sure that Weaver hadn't spared
any praise for him either. Then, there was the calm way Carter had
handled the woman Peter had hit with Corday's car. Carter, no, Dr.
Carter had missed nothing. He had remained calm and detached while
Peter over-reacted to the entire incident. Peter looked up as a shadow
fell across the bed .

Elizabeth Corday smiled down at him, "Has he come out from the
anesthesia?"

Peter shook his head, "Not yet."

"He will, Peter."

"He has to." Peter rubbed a hand over his tired eyes.

"You should go get some rest. You and Dr. Anspaugh spent a lot of time
in surgery with him."

Peter shook his head. "I'm fine. I'll rest once he wakes up."

"Dr. Anspaugh is telling everyone what a wonderful job you did in
surgery."

"He did wonderfully himself."

Anspaugh had been as tense as Peter, before they began he had told Peter
that there was no way they could let this young man die. Too many young
people have died, he said. Peter knew he was thinking of his own son,
who had been buried not that long ago. Anspaugh continued to tell him
what a good doctor Carter was turning out to be, and how much he was
needed in the ER. When they had lost him on the table, both men had
worked frantically to get a heart rhythm. Thankfully, they got one in
good time, and were able to finish the rest of the surgery without
further incident.

"Romano will be thrilled to hear what you've done in his absence.",
Elizabeth remarked, not even bothering to keep the scorn and sarcasm out
of her voice.

"I don't have the energy to worry about Romano right now, Elizabeth."

"Peter? I think he's coming around."

Peter stood and looked down at Carter. His eyelids were fluttering and
his fingers were twitching, "Come on, Carter, look at me. Open up your
eyes and look at me."

Peter waited anxiously as Carter's eyes slowly opened, then tried to
focus on him. "Elizabeth, help me out here with this tube." Together,
they removed the tube from Carter's throat.

"Better?" Peter asked him.

"Yes." Carter's voice was soft and raspy. Elizabeth put a straw to his
mouth and allowed him to take one sip of water. "How?" he croaked.
"You're fine, Carter," Benton reassured him. "I'll give you more details
on your surgery later, but you're going to be fine." Elizabeth smiled
reassuringly and stepped back, giving the two men some privacy.

Carter slowly shook his head, "Not me." He paused, "Little girl. How
is the....little girl?"

"She's fine. There's not a bruise or a scratch on her."

Carter smiled and nodded. "Good." Then he gave up trying to stay awake.

Peter looked around for Elizabeth and saw her talking to one of the
nurses. They would now be moving Carter to ICU, allowing Peter to get
some rest, but not until he had gone downstairs to make his report to
the ER staff. Peter headed for the Recovery Room door and Elizabeth
intercepted him. "Worried about the child, was he?"

"Yeah. But, that's what I would expect from John Carter. I'm going
downstairs to let everyone know how the surgery went, then I'll crash."

"I'll stay with him until he's settled in the ICU."

Peter nodded, "Thank you. Did they ever get in touch with his family?"

"No. Carol Hathaway told me that she thought his grandparents had
either gone out of town or out of the country."

Peter sighed, "I see. Well, I'll see you later, Elizabeth."

"Take care, Peter." She watched him leave, then went to check on John
Carter again.

Anna Del Amico was pacing nervously, not paying attention to anyone or
anything in the ER except the clock. It had been nearly an hour since
the call had come down to tell them that John was out of surgery. Dr.
Anspaugh had come down and told them that the surgery had gone well and
that John should be all right. He told them that Peter Benton was with
John in Recovery. So, why hadn't Benton called them or come down yet?
John had to be awake by now. He just had to be. Everything had been so
confused for her these past few months. She had rebuffed John's
romantic advances, opting instead for friendship. She had told herself
then that she was only being fair to John, since she wasn't quite over
Max yet. Then Max had shown up and Anna had come to realize that she
was well over him. John Carter was the man who held her heart, but
before she could tell him that, he had found out from Max that she had
also been a drug addict. This morning, he had angrily confronted her,
demanding to know the truth about her addiction. Hell, she had never
expected Max to show up in Chicago and she certainly couldn't understand
why he would tell John about her addiction! Max had assumed John
already knew, since Anna had told him about Chase. She had tried to
explain to John that she had almost told him the truth when they were
helping Chase go through withdrawal, but she chickened out of it because
she didn't want him to think badly of her. The look on his face when
she told him that was so sad and hurt.

"I could never think badly of you, Anna. I thought you knew that. I
just don't understand how you could lie to me after the way you reacted
when you found out my family was rich."

"You're right," she had responded. "I'm sorry, John, I really am."

"I..I can't talk about this right now, Anna. I told Chase I'd be by
today and I don't want to be late. I took the El in and I have to go
home to get my car," he rambled.

"We'll talk later, right?" she pleaded, searching his face for a sign
of understanding or even anger, but instead finding nothing but coldness
in those deep brown eyes.

"Right." John had then turned from her and they both saw Max in
the doorway of the lounge. John pushed silently past Max. Max had
taken one look at Anna's tear stained face and his own face hardened in
anger. He had turned and gone after John. She still didn't know what
they had argued about on the El platform, all she knew was that John had
become a hero and nearly died in the process. Why hadn't he driven to
work yesterday? Anna jumped as she felt a hand grasp her upper arm.

"Carol!"

"Anna, are you okay?"

Anna shook her head, "I wish Benton would call."

"Why don't you go on upstairs?"

"I don't know if John would want me there, Carol."

"Of course he wants you there! Carter loves you, Anna!"

Anna shook her head, "That might have been true before this morning, but
things happened that might have changed all that."

"Anna, do you love John Carter?"

"Yes," Anna whispered, then more loudly, "Yes, I do love him."

"Then go to him."

"I just can't leave the ER. I'm still on duty."

"Mark will understand, Anna."

"Weaver won't."

"You might just be surprised at what I will understand," Kerry said as
she approached the two women. "Dr. Del Amico, your attention is not on
your work. It hasn't been since they brought Carter in here. Go on up
and check on him We would all like a full report."

"I don't know."

"Consider it an order, Dr. Del Amico. There is a patient in Recovery
who needs to be checked on by you. Take care of it!" Anna managed a
half smile and a thank you before she hurried to the elevators.

"That was nice of you, Dr. Weaver."

"Believe it or not, Carol, I am a nice person. I'm as worried as the
rest of you about Carter and his condition."

"I'm sorry if we often misjudge you."

"I'm used to it." Something outside the door caught Weaver's attention.
"I think more reporters have arrived. Randi, if these are reporters,
tell them to go straight to Dr. Anspaugh's office for an official
statement. We don't have time to deal with them."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Carol, I need you to help me with a patient in Exam Two."

"I'm right behind you." The two women made their escape before the
reporters entered the building.

Max Rosher paced the floor of Anspaugh's office. He should have gone
back to his hotel hours ago, but for some reason, he didn't want to
leave until he knew for sure that Carter was going to live and be all
right. The events of the morning still had him shaken in more ways than
one. The minute he had seen Anna's face, he knew that Carter had hurt
her badly. The man might have denied being jealous about Anna, but Max
was sure of one thing, Anna had feelings for John Carter. He had gotten
so angry with the intern that he left the building and followed him to
the El platform. They had argued about Anna: about her lying to John
regarding her own addiction, about John having feelings for Anna and
being jealous of Max. Carter had just gotten through telling him how he
was no good for Anna, despite what Carter felt for her, and before Max
could answer, a woman's scream caught their attention. Her young
daughter was down on the track. Carter never hesitated. He threw down
his backpack and sprinted to the edge of the platform, then jumped down
to get the little girl before she injured herself. Max had followed and
waited for Carter to pass the girl up to him. A collective gasp from
the crowd told him that something bad was happening and he looked down
the line to see the train headed their way. He shouted at Carter to
hurry and Carter rushed the girl, grabbing her securely and hurrying
back to where the platform began. Max closed his eyes as he remembered
the look in Carter's eyes as he realized that he and the train would
reach the same point at the same time. He yelled at Max to catch the
little girl, then threw her up in the air. Max grabbed the near
hysterical child and then watched helplessly as the train rammed into
Carter, tossing his body into the air. He landed with a sickening thud
and Max passed the little girl into the eager and shaking hands of her
anxious mother. Screaming for someone to call for help, he jumped down
to the track and to Carter's body. Thankfully, the train had been going
slow, and Carter wasn't dead. But his body didn't look good either. His
left arm was twisted under his body and definitely broken. Max
carefully checked him over, silently assessing the injuries. He found
broken bones in his left leg and thigh, and a lot of blood on his left
side. Carter also had a nasty cut and contusion on his head. Max had
been shocked to discover that Carter wasn't unconscious. Carter had
looked him straight in the eyes, told him to never let Anna down again,
and passed out. After the verbal attacks they had traded moments
earlier, Max was surprised to hear those words from Carter, and he
realized then that Carter thought he was going to die. Well, he was
damned if he would allow that to happen! He applied pressure where he
could to stem the bleeding and he helped the paramedics when they
arrived. Their exam showed Carter to be in even worse shape than his
brief exam had revealed. From his left hip to the middle of his left
rib-cage, Carter's body was torn open. They had treated him for shock
and rolled the gurney to the ER, where Carter's friends and colleagues
were anxiously awaiting him. Anspaugh himself was in the ER to attend
to the young man. They worked on him feverishly, then passed him off to
the surgical team. After what Max had witnessed on the El platform, he
could easily understand why they would care so much about Carter.

The door opened and Anspaugh stepped in, firmly shutting the door behind
him. "I thought you had left already."

Max shook his head. "I wanted to wait until Dr. Carter was out of
recovery."

"Dr. Rosher, when I last saw him, his vital signs were good."

"I'm sure they were, sir, but I just want to see him for myself, then
I'll leave."

"There were some more reporters outside. They wanted to talk to the
heroes of the day, but I told them you had left already."

Max snorted, "There were no heroes out there today, sir! There was only
one hero, and he's in recovery right now."

"You also saved that child, Dr. Rosher, don't be so hard on yourself."

Anspaugh eased himself into his chair.

"I'm only being honest, Dr. Anspaugh. When the mother screamed, John
Carter never hesitated. He did what he had to do. All I did was watch
and hold out my arms to catch the child."

Anspaugh pursed his lips and blew out some air, not sure where to take
this conversation. He decided to change the subject. "So, have you
considered our offer? We would be delighted if you remained here at
County to be our Pedes Attending in the ER."

Max nodded. "I've given it a lot of thought. Quite a lot of thought."
He stood. "If you'll excuse me, I want to go see how Dr. Carter's
doing."

Max left, and Anspaugh leaned back in his chair, tired to the bone. Too
tired to even think. He called his secretary and directed her to take
messages, then lowered his head to his desk for a quick nap.

Anna slowly pushed open the door to the Recovery Room, then quickly
scanned the beds, looking for John.

A British voice grabbed her attention. "Anna? You just missed John."

Anna saw that Elizabeth was over at the nurses station and she joined
her there, "Missed him? He's all right, isn't he?"

"Didn't you talk to Peter? He left here a few minutes ago to let
everyone in the ER know how John was doing."

Anna shook her head, "I never saw him. We must have just missed each
other. Where is he now?"

"Still in the ER I imagine."

"Not Peter. John."

Elizabeth felt her face flush with embarrassment as she realized that
Anna didn't care where Peter Benton was at this moment. "Sorry 'bout
that. John's been taken to ICU. I'm on my way down there now. Care to
join me? Or, do I even need to ask that question?"

Anna wearily smiled, "You really don't need to ask. I have to see him,
Elizabeth."

"Let's go then."

They left recovery and headed for ICU, "So, what were the extent of his
injuries?", Anna asked.

"Well, he lost his left kidney, but even though the right kidney
suffered damage, they were able to save it. They had to remove his
spleen, and he had a lot of internal bleeding. His left arm is broken
in two places, his left leg was broken just above the ankle, and then
midway between the ankle and the knee. The left thigh was broken. I'm
amazed that his left hip wasn't broken, but he lucked out there. He has
a hairline fracture of the skull and numerous fractured ribs. I'm
afraid he's got a long recovery ahead of him."

"As long as he's alive, that's all that matters to me."

"Oh, really?" Elizabeth teased.

"Yes, really! Are his grandparents here?"

"No. Apparently they're out of town or something to that effect. No
one knows how to get in touch with them, or his parents."

"I might know how to find them." Anna remembered that John was going to
see Chase, certainly the Kenner Institute would have a phone number for
John's grandparents. Anna told that to Elizabeth.

"I'll call over there and see what I can find out."

"I just realized that Chase must be worried out of his mind about John.
He has no idea what's happened. John was on his way to see him this
morning when..." Anna's voice choked off as she saw John through the
window. His skin was as white as the thin sheets that barely covered
him. As a doctor, she had seen plenty of IV's and tubes, but it shocked
her to see John hooked up to so many. It also shocked her to see Max
standing at John's bedside! This was partially his fault! Why was he
in there? He had no right to bother John! She angrily tapped on the
glass, gesturing at Max to come outside. As Max exited the area,
Elizabeth went in, even though she was concerned over how angry and
upset Anna appeared.

"What in the Hell do you think you're doing in there with him?" Anna
demanded.

"I wanted to see for myself that he was doing okay. The same as you,
apparently."

"I don't want to see you anywhere near him again, Max, do you understand
that? You and I are the reasons he's in there right now!"

"No, Anna. The reason he's in there right now is that he's a caring and
brave human being. He didn't have to jump down on that track to save
that little girl. Hell, if the child would have gone down a few more
feet, she would have fallen into safety netting and the paramedics and
firefighters could have rescued her."

"Provided the El driver saw her."

"Enough people on the platform knew she was there. The driver would not
have hit her. Anna, John did what he had to do. He had a split-second
to make a decision and in that time he decided to save the child. Do
you know what his last words to me were?"

"Go to Hell?" she ventured, still angry.

Max smiled, "No. He told me to never let you down, Anna. Well, I won't
let you down."

Anna was so flabbergasted by his audacity that she was speechless. That
didn't stop Max though.

"I've decided to leave Chicago, Anna." He reached over and gently
pushed her chin up, closing her mouth, then softly kissing her cheek. "I
can see that you love him, and he certainly loves you. When he felt he
was dying, he was noble enough to give his blessing to his romantic
rival. Kinda corny, isn't it? But, then again, sometimes, Carter is
just that kind of guy. He belongs to another age, Anna. He's a true
hero and gentleman, who is somewhat out of place in this modern world.
Be patient with him as he deals with your past. Be honest with him in
everything from now on, including how you feel about him. Now, more
than ever, he needs to know that you love him. And above all else,
Anna, never let him down."

"I won't."

"Good-bye, Anna Del Amico. I have always loved you and I still will."

With a brief kiss on her lips, Max let her go. Max looked into the ICU,

"Anna, go to him."

Anna walked through the ICU doors and to John's side, never looking
back.