Daylight
Part Six
By Cimerene
cimerene@gci.net

Disclaimer:  This fanfic is PG! All characters belong to the creators of E.R; I have cheerfully borrowed them for a while, and will put them back when I'm done playing with them. 



"You're ex?" John asked her suddenly. The streaks of her tears were still apparent on her pretty face. Kerry glanced at his face trying to figure out what he was thinking. He was quiet but then he had been quiet all day. 'Especially during her temper tantrum of earlier,' she thought already regretting her ill manners of before.

"Yes."

"Did you two. I mean did you two ever." He let the unspoken question hang in the air. Kerry looked up at his face; this was exactly what she had been afraid of. The urge to keep her past private throughout her life was at war with John's need to know.   She thought of what she should tell him, and then wondered if it made a difference. He would need to know everything
anyway.

"Yes, we were married." She watched him assimilate the information she had just given him. 

John said nothing, sometimes he forgot when he was with Kerry, that she was older than he was. So much of the time they were on the same wavelength. 

"Do you still care for him." He couldn't say love. He certainly did not want to find out she still had feelings for him, for this Erik. This stranger that had invaded what was becoming so special between them.

Kerry started to reply, when John stopped her suddenly. "Honestly."

"You mean do I still love him? Or do I feel for him the same things I'm beginning to feel for you?" She stopped suddenly shy. "What I feel for you is so different, it's not even comparable." 

She looked off in the distance trying to sort out her thoughts before continuing. "What I feel for him? Well." she paused for a moment to try to convey what she was feeling to him. "I've hated him for so long. I sometimes wonder if it's Erik I hate, or myself."

"Why?" he asked her baldly.

"One day my life is seemingly normal. I walked fine, I could still run and jump." She was quiet for a moment reflecting "I've been so bitter that honestly….sometimes I don't ever remember not hating him..."

She paused quietly, watching his handsome eyes, watching her. She really didn't want to tell him these things, to know that so much bitterness and hate lived in her heart, but he asked and the one thing she wanted to be with him was honest. 'It's one thing to consciously know that he was drunk, and that if had been sober things would have been different, but, it's another thing to live with this constantly!" she said bitterly pointing to her crutch.

"You want to hear something funny. One of the reasons I was so angry today, had nothing to do with him." She laughed ironically. "I was angrier that Anspaugh decided that he couldn't trust me to be impartial enough to even make this decision! I mean, he tells me he trust's me with my departmental duties, but one of my main duties is to hire the right person for the department. I wasn't even given a choice." 

She looked upset and angry at the same time. "I can understand Robert, I mean he probably has no idea I was previously married to Erik. He's duplicitous on occasion and I understand that, so I can see why he would go along, but .." she sighed.

"Would you have been?" He asked her suddenly. "Would you have been impartial?"

"I don't know." She said sadly, "I just don't know!"

Monday

John walked into the E.R. that morning, looking like he hadn't slept in a days. He stayed up half the night trying not to worry and the other half trying not to think. He passed Abby standing by a patients door reviewing a chart, on his way to the lounge. She smiled at him briefly, thinking he must have had a hot date to look so tired this morning. The rumor mill had it that he was dating Dr. Weaver. She sighed, 'the cute ones are always dating someone else.' She deliberately returned her glance to the chart she was looking at.

John went straight to his locker, and was placing his briefcase inside it when he heard Kerry's distinctive walk enter the room. He looked up to see the same type of sleepless bloodshot eyes that he had seen in the mirror that morning. 

"You don't look like you've slept at all." He told her without thinking, 'smooth move sherlock' he told himself, when Kerry glared at him. "You don't look so hot yourself!" she shot back. 'Figures, he would notice how bad I look this morning!' she thought to herself.

"You want to tell me why we're snapping with each other?" he said with a tired half smile on his face for her. He watched her run her hand through her short red hair his hands itched to do the same thing. 

"Sheer and utter boredom?" Kerry told him mock seriously.

John smiled briefly at her. His smile always managed to send a jolt right through her. She could always tell what John felt by watching the expressions on his face. When he smiled at her, she almost forgot why she was upset. Almost!

He leaned against his locker, watching her for a moment. "You know, it's probably not going to be as bad as you think."

"Yeah? I think it'll be worse." Kerry replied. She had been dreading today every since she had heard the awful news from Mark. 

No longer able to resist his impulses, John reached up to smooth her hair off of her forehead when he noticed she was using her new stethoscope. He touched it with his fingertips, "New?" He asked her teasingly.

"It was a gift! There are some people in this world who like me you know!" She told him, as she went to open the door.

John told her teasingly, but with a slight smile on his face. "I know!"



Dr. Robert Romano strutted into the E.R.; he introduced the dark haired Doctor as if he was the best thing since sliced bread.  He had just finished introducing him to Luka and was looking for his next victim, when he saw John and Kerry.

Kerry was having the hardest time concentrating on an xray, that she and John were perusing. 'Why does he wear that cologne' she kept thinking, every time she smelled it she kept remembering the night she had slept in his bed. She knew that the office gossips were already busy discussing their relationship, but it was all so new and sudden to her. She had the sudden urge to just drop the xray and kiss him. She was positive that, it was not a dignified chief sort of thing to do.

Kerry looked up long enough to register Romano was there with her ex. 'Great,' she thought ironically. She went back to examining the xray she held with shaky hands. 'He hasn't changed any, still as handsome as ever.' He also looked a little surprised to see her there. She took a tighter grip on her crutch for support.

John held up the other side of the xray, and was pointing something out to her when he heard footsteps; he glanced over at Dr. Romano and Kerry's ex, then back to the xray they were looking at. 'So he's the one,' he thought to himself. He looked over to Kerry to see how she was taking it.

Kerry was surprised, except for this odd feeling of resentment, he could have a been a stranger. She glanced briefly over at John to see how he was handling the situation. Their eyes met for one brief moment, before she turned her gaze back to Romano and Erik again.

"Kerry," Robert oozed insincerity as he and Erik walked up to her. "Have you been introduced to Dr. Stafford yet?" he indicated Erik briefly. Kerry turned and faced Erik, it had been years since she had spoken to him deliberately. 'I really didn't want to start now' she thought. As Kerry turned to face him, she felt John's hand on the small of her back. His way of reassuring her that he was there.

"Actually, I've already met my ex-husband Robert, but thank you so much for introducing us again though." She deliberately ignored Romano's quick intake of breath and the look of resignation and sadness that Erik gave her. 

"John meet Erik Stafford." She flashed a warm smiled at John, then pointedly turned back to her ex. "Mr. Stafford, meet Dr. John Carter, Chief Resident here at County." She paused for a few moments unsure what to say, she watched, as after a few awkward moment's both John and Erik mumbled polite hello's to each other.

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a patient to attend to." She resolutely turned back to the xray she was still holding.

"John, I believe the break is right along here.' She pointed to a spot on the xray. "I think we owe it to our patient to let her know the news." She took a firm grip on her crutch, deliberately ignored Erik, half nodded to Romano, then opened her patient's room, and practically pushed John inside.

Romano looked disgruntled, as if he felt as if something was going on around him, and he was the last to know. Erik had changed his expression so that very little was given away. Only someone who truly knew him would have recognized the look of pain in his eyes.

Robert noticed Dave along the hallway; he motioned that they continue their trek across the E.R. "Have you met Dr. Malucci yet?" he found himself asking Erik.

Patients room.

Karen Montgomery was lying on the bed, she was tired, confused and not a day under 85. Her husband had gone outside to call relatives and alert them of her condition. She smiled a fragile smile at Kerry and John when they entered the room. "Well, how am I doing?" she asked in a crackley voice. "Am I going to live out the week?"

"We hope so Mrs. Montgomery, I need to listen to your chest for a moment." Kerry told her then took out her new stethoscope and listened carefully to her breathing. "Can you take a deep breath for me?" she asked her patient. John watched patiently, not sure why he was in the room with her it was obvious he wasn't needed here. He grabbed her chart, and familiarized himself with it, more to keep busy than anything else.

Kerry looked at her patient and told her, "You're breathing sounds better. One more treatment and we should be able to let you go home. You might want to arrange to have your nebulizer placed in your room, so you won't have to navigate the stairs in the dark next time." She indicated the arm in the sling. "You've managed to break your left arm, Mrs. Montgomery, we're going to have to get it set before you go. I'll have a nurse come in and give you something for the pain."

The elderly lady smiled at her. "Just call me Karen, that's what the young folks all do these days. I told you I broke it, it felt just like the break I had back in 53, course then, I just had it slung up. Had kids to take care of you know." She smiled at Kerry. 'Such a nice lady, bit limpy, but then everyone has something' she thought. She noticed John watching Kerry with an abstracted look on his face.

"Is that you're young man?" she asked Kerry, who looked slightly embarrassed, nodding unconsciously at the question, not quite knowing what to say. John watched them both amusedly. Mrs. Montgomery continued. "It's to bad, I was so hoping I could introduce you to my son." 

Later that day

Kerry walked out of trauma 2, she was tired and thoughtful, and this day was going exactly as she expected. Erik's good looks had drawn everyone from Randy to Yosh drooling over him. She sighed, to herself thinking 'it's worse then when I hired Luka.'  Her thoughts flitted from John to Erik to the patient she had just left, then back to John again. She wondered if he was handling her ex being here better than she did.  

She sighed as she dropped off a chart, watching every available female in the room (and some that weren't) drool over Erik, was starting to get on her nerves. Before she could stop, she heard herself telling Randi. "Randi, you might want to try wearing a longer skirt, or next time you could just stay at home, and wear that one there!" 

Upset that she was taking it out on Randi, she put away the chart she was holding, only to grab another. She hated chart reviews, but constant cross checking was the only way she had of making sure the department was run as efficiently as possible. 

She looked up as Abby walked by, as usual Abby had the same sad expression on her face. She wondered if Abby ever remembered to smile. Then promptly canceled the thought as Erik walked up to the other side of the receptionist area, and Abby suddenly smiled a breathtaking smile at him. She watched absently mindedly as Erik unconsciously flirted with Abby. She thought briefly of warning Abby, but what was the point, she knew from experience that warnings usually didn't work the way they were intended to.

She looked back down at her chart, still trying to concentrate on the work she was doing. He was so different from John' she thought to herself. As she did she remembered how handsome John had looked the other evening, the evening he had given her, her new stethoscope. 'He was so good looking' she thought, unaware of the half smile had crept onto her face. She started worrying that her temper tantrum of the other day was going to cause John to back away from her. They had tentative plans for tonight, she was hoping he wasn't going to cancel when she felt herself being tapped on her shoulder.

"Kerry." Erik's deep voice held her attention. She kept her eyes on her chart, not being in the mood for interruptions. 

She looked up, immediately she remembered the sound of metal hitting metal. The memory of waking up hazily, hearing some vague doctor's voice saying that she would probably loose her leg. She remembered screaming at Erik, "you told me, you'd only had one!" Long evenings of waiting for him to come home, too finally fall asleep still wondering where he had been. She stared at him with years of undiminished loathing. "What do you want?"

Erik sighed she still hated him. After all these years, he was still hoping for civil. He knew his actions in the past had ruined any chance of any type of reconciliation between them. But that didn't help him from still hoping she could at least be civil.

Kerry glared daggers at him. "Well?"

"I was told you would know where I could find the release forms at.." His voice trailed away as she pointed towards a small file area near the board. An area that he had obviously overlooked.  "There." She completely ignored him, turning her attention back to her review.

"Kerry." Erik said quietly.

"WHAT?" She practically shrieked at him. She was tired of the interruptions, and she was tired of him! 

Erik watched her with a sad expression on his handsome face. "I… Do you, uh have a moment?" Erik asked her suddenly.

Kerry narrowed her eyes, and glared unrepentedly at him. "Unless it's County General business related, then no, I DON'T have a moment!" She told him sarcastically.

She ignored the gasp her words caused both Randi and Abby. She knew they had no clue what had gone on with her and Erik in the past and she had no intentions of them knowing what was going on now. . She ignored the way Erik was looking at her. She glanced at the board erased a name, then grabbed her cane, and limped heavily away to check on a patients status. Erik was watching her as she left, his eyes lingering on her crutch. The same expression of sadness still in apparent in his eyes.

John walked past the reception area to drop off his last chart for the night when he noticed a crowd of people hanging around.  He said nothing, but found himself listening unconsciously as he finished reviewing his chart.

Randi's voice was the first voice he heard. "Asked me to "help him" out. I'll help him out anyway he wants. Did you see his but? Oh My! "

Abby could be clearly overheard. "I wonder if he's single? He's so good looking!"

"Like I need more competition around here," Mark teasingly told Elizabeth. Her crisp clear accent came across the room. "C'mon, I didn't say you weren't cute Mark, I'm was just saying that he's cute!" he could hear her laughter float across the room.

John tried blanking everyone out to finish looking at the chart at hand. He wished he had gotten more sleep the night before, the words were starting to blur in front of him. He jumped when a hand suddenly slapped him on the back. "Dr. Carter, I presume."  

John turned around to see Dr. Stafford standing there. He looked at him politely, curious as to why he was being singled out of all the other doctors in the room.
 
"Dr. Stafford." John replied curious as to what the man wanted.  

"Rumor has it, that you're dating my Kerry."  Erik told him suddenly, 'Damn that didn't come out right' he thought. He watched as John's eyes narrowed suddenly.   The silence between the two men went on, for quite a while.  Erik scrambled, trying desperately to undo the damage done by the words he had inadvertently spoken out loud. He realized that he had no clue how to talk himself out of this. 

"Are you sure she's yours?" John stated in a quiet, but firm tone of voice. Then deliberately ignored him he looked back down at the chart he had been reviewing. He initialed it briefly then placed it in a stack of similar file folders.

John glanced over at Dr. Chen, "I'm off for the night, I've cleared everything so far, but you might want to check a little closer on the asthmatic in curtain 2, her lungs sounded a bit more congested than I liked. I wasn't able to convince her however of the need for x-ray's but mabey you could..." His voice trailed off as Dr. Chen nodded her head towards him. He looked politely back at the other doctor in the room; his voice was slightly chilly as he addressed the other doctor. "Goodnight Dr. Stafford."

He then left the receptionist area, and continued on his way. Kerry passed him in the hallway on his route to his locker. She was carrying a bundle of paperwork and looked tired. John stopped her in the hallway. "Hi" he asked her his concern evident in his eyes, for the moment forgetting his own irritation. Kerry smiled at him, thinking he looked upset about something. "Hi yourself, I was just getting ready to leave. I did want to see you about something before you leave though." 

John smiled at her. For her, he had all the time in the world. He followed Kerry to the suture room. Watching curiously as she glanced inside quickly. "This room will do." She told him as she entered the room. She proceeded to drop her armload of paperwork on a nearby bed. She then wrapped her arms around John's neck. "There's something I've wanted to do all day, and I just haven't had a free moment to do it." She smiled up at him, he was a little surprised, but smiled back, "And that would be?" 

Kerry stared intensely into his eyes for several moments then kissed him. When they parted they both had the same look of happiness, longing and mutual desire.   

"I was wondering." Kerry said as she touched his face with gentle fingertips "Since I practically ruined our last date. If you'd like to do something tonight instead?" she asked him. John refused to answer her. Instead he kissed her deeply, holding her
tightly throughout their kiss. Like a drowning man who had finally found his life jacket.   He could feel the warmth of her skin through her lab coat. He reached up to put his fingers through her hair; it felt so soft and silky.

Kerry let her hands roam lightly on his chest. 'He feels so good,' she thought to herself. He heard her soft moan as he kissed her, so he instinctively intensified their kiss. His hands roaming slightly on her back. That's when he heard the deliberate clearing of someone's throat. 

He pulled away slightly to see that Mark had entered the room. Startled Kerry tried to back away, but John kept her tightly where she was, in his arms, where he had no intentions of letting her go.

"For a couple who's not dating, you two sure act like you are." he said quietly, with a slight smile on his face.

John looked over Kerry's head to Mark, and told him. "Appearances are great aren't they!"

He looked at Kerry and told her. "C'mon let's go, we have movie to watch!" He called over his shoulder to Mark. 

"Goodnight Mark!" Still holding Kerry's hand, they walked out the door, together.



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