Understanding
Part Eleven - Proposal
By Cimerene
cimerene@gci.net

**********A few weeks later **********

Kerry was making a salad while John was cutting French bread for dinner. “What are you doing?” Madison said while bouncing into the room. 

“Cooking! Did you want to help?” Kerry asked Madison.

“I wanna cut the bread?” Madison replied.

John laughed quietly as Kerry replied, “That’s John’s job honey. If we take it away from him then he gets lazy. You wouldn’t want Uncle John to be lazy would you?” 

John waited till he knew Kerry was watching him before he very carefully stuck his tongue out at her. She wrinkled her nose at him, the teeniest of smiles on her face.   It was so nice seeing him in a good mood.

Samantha yelled from the Kerry’s study where she was laboriously typing away at the computer. “Madison, don’t bother them.” 

She looked at her resume again and frowned. It didn’t look any better than it had before maybe it was the font she was using? Kerry yelled back. “She’s fine.”

Madison yelled to her mother, “MOMMIE, John stuck his tongue out at Kerry.”

Samantha was still glaring at the computer. Now all the letters seemed to be in some weird Japanese type of font. This was not helping! She absently mindedly answered, “That’s nice dear.”

Both Madison and Kerry giggled. Kerry moved some various cooking implements off the counter. Clearing a small amount of space then told Madison. “Grab the stepstool, and bring it over here.” She then proceeded to wash out some lettuce under the faucet.

Madison raced over to where the stepstool was and dragged it over to Kerry. “Is this where you want it?”

Madison all but put the stepstool on Kerry’s foot. “Well not exactly there,” Kerry replied before taking the stepstool and manhandled it where she wanted it. 

“Ok, now what do I do?” Madison said watching Kerry intently. John smiled from the other side. He was admiring the glints in Kerry’s red hair. Sometimes her mere presence distracted him he thought. It also was nice having Madison around. He thought that Kerry seemed to enjoy it also. She really kept them hopping. Kerry placed the head of lettuce by her. “Take this and tear it into little pieces. About this size.” She proceeded to show Madison how to tear the lettuce. “When you’re done let me know.” 

Madison looked at her lettuce. “OK!” she said exuberantly as she nodded her head at the same time. She eagerly tore the lettuce into strips. Every once in a while she would look at Kerry and ask her. “Is this to big? Is this to small?” Kerry smiled at her, she hadn’t realized how much fun it was to have her around. She concentrated on cutting up the rest of the salad. John watched them and smiled at their concentration. 

Silence reined supreme in the kitchen for a few more minutes. 

Kerry broke the silence. “Were you able to get that blood typing data for me?” She asked John.

John smiled deviously, obviously trying to avoid the question. “I thought we agreed. No business at the dinner table.”

Kerry looked at him for a moment just as deviously, “But sweetheart. This ISN’T the dinner table.” 

John laughed. “You know the other evening when I worked that damn. Uh. Horrible double shift. I distinctly remember eating dinner at the counter because you and Madison had some type of art project all over the table. So we might just say that this counter IS my dinner table!” 

Kerry just smiled slightly and shook her head. Madison smiled at her Uncle John. “Uncle John, does this mean that I can eat dinner at the counter to?” she grinned mischievously. 

Kerry watched John for a few moments. “Yes, Uncle John. We are both anxiously WAITING for your answer!” 

John just smiled. He had a feeling that living in a household with only women was going to get a trifle trying at times. Bending to impulse he leaned over the counter and kissed Kerry. Her smile lit up her face. She so loved being kissed by John.

“MOMMY!” Madison yell was louder than normal. “They’re kissing again!” Her childish voice held a fair amount of outrage in it. Samantha laughed and continued on with her resume. Sometimes she thought the grownups around here act more like children than the children do.

**********Several days later******** 

Samantha was drained. She had been up since 6:00 getting Madison ready for daycare and making sure she was presentable.  She had hit the streets early. Convinced like she was everyday that this would be the day she would find something. She had already had two job offers; she had seriously considered the one at supermarket down the street. But the hours they had available would have left her with virtually no time for Madison. Not to mention the fact that she wouldn’t have had daycare for Madison at night. The other one sounded like fun. It was a smaller retail store, but they could only afford a part time helper and she needed full time, she was seriously considering working there until she could find a full-time position.

She was grateful it wasn’t her day to help at the day care. The community-supported daycare she took Madison expected all the parents to put time in to the daycare. Helping with the children offset their payments. Samantha had already done her day care service for the week and had figured she could concentrate fully on job searching for the next few days.

Her discouragement showed on her face. She also had a stress migraine. It was hard enough being out of work. Samantha didn’t mind living with Kerry and John, but she had to admit that sometimes she felt in the way. They were so obviously into each other. That sometimes she felt like she was intruding.

Guilt was also bothering Samantha. She had dipped into her practically nonexistent savings so much, that now there was virtually nothing left of it. For the last week she hadn’t even been able to afford to chip in on the grocery bill. Her pride was starting to hurt her more and more. So far everyone got along pretty well. But she just knew something was bound to come up sooner or later. The stress of not having a job and living with others was starting to show.

Samantha’s first thought upon entering the house was how much she just wanted to lie down. But Madison, ever bubbly beside her, was chattering about how hungry she was. The thought of food was nauseating. 

Her face was drained and white. Her movements were mechanical and showed her distress more than words could ever have done. She entered the kitchen mechanically and rooted around in the freezer till she came upon some hamburger. Cottage pie and a salad she thought. It was a “no-brainer” meal for them, she had made it so often for Madison sometimes she felt like she could cook that meal in her sleep. At least it will allow me to lie down while its cooking in the oven she thought. 
 
Preparations didn’t take as long as she thought they would. She placed dinner in the oven, set the oven timer and was pleased to find leftover salad in the fridge from the night before. She gratefully lay down on the couch. “Maddy, hon. I’m going to lie down for a bit.  I have a bit of a headache. Why don’t you get your Barbie’s and play in the livingroom while I take a lie on the couch.”

Madison knew when her mommy had a headache. It wasn’t the first one she had seen her with. She got out her dolls and miscellaneous stuff that went with them. Today she thought. Today she would play that her Barbie’s were going on a train. She had been on a train once and it was fun. 

What could be the train? Ah, the box that John’s new shoes had come in, that would make a great train. He wouldn’t mind too much if she used his shoes too, she could pretend that his shoes were the houses that the train drove past. She placed a Barbie in one of John’s shoes, after all someone needed to live in a house. Maybe her Suzie Barbie could wave at the train as it passed. 

The house had been silent for a while when Madison heard the door open and shut and ran over to be hugged by her Uncle John. “Uncle John, we have to be quiet. Mommy has a headache.” Madison whispered. John looked concerned over in the corner where Samantha’s pale face could be seen. She had placed a dark dishrag over her eyes. 

He went over and sat down beside her. “You ok?” He asked a look of concern on his face.

Samantha looked at him with a mixture of sleep and pain etched on her head. “I’m fine, just a headache.” 

“Mommy can I watch a movie?” Madison asked.

Samantha winced at the sound of her voice. “Which one?” she asked her.

Madison thought carefully for a few minutes. “Toy story.  Please” she begged. “I’ll keep the sound down and everything!”

Samantha smiled at her and said. “Ok, but only if I get a hug and only if you watch it in the bedroom.” 

Maddy bounced over to her and gave her a large hug. “You’re the best mommy in the whole world.”

Samantha grinned wryly.  “That’s what you always say, usually when you want something.” Madison just smiled and raced towards the bedroom. You could hear her telling her kitten Summer that they were going to watch a movie and if Summer couldn’t be quiet then she would have to leave the room. 

John watched their little by-play smiling inwardly. Samantha was a good mother, very caring he thought. The kind of mother Kerry would have been. The thought came inadvertently thought. 

“You get these often?” John asked the doctor in him coming out full force.

“It’s just a stress migraine, don’t worry I’ve had them before. It will pass. They always do.” 

“Are you sure?” John asked her more concerned about her than he wanted to admit.

“Don’t doctor me John. Samantha replied. “The doc’s always tell me I’ll be fine.” Samantha said quietly. She knew he was worried about her. But she had been cursed with migraines since she was 15. Nothing new about them, just the same old horrible pain.

“Did you take anything for it?” John asked.

“I usually just sleep them off. I don’t like the after effects of some of the medications, besides I try not to take anything when Madison is still up and awake.” Samantha replied. He sat beside her for a few moments quietly watching her deal with her pain.

“Can I ask you a question?” he started hesitantly. 

Samantha said, “Depends on what the question is.” She knew what he was going to ask, and she wondered why it took him so long to ask it. 

“What happened to your trust fund? I mean I assumed you had one, I did, and so did Chase and Barbara.” Samantha was quiet for a few moments she sat up stiffly, and started rubbing her tense shoulders. “Here let me.” John said as he started massaging her shoulders. “Well?” he asked her again.

Samantha just sighed airing out old family garbage wasn’t the nicest thing in the world to do. “How much do you remember of my mother?” she said quietly.

John was quiet for a moment trying to remember what his aunt Evelyn was like. “Not much. She seemed so moody to me. But I was a little kid; I think that the last time I saw her. I was about 8 and Her and Gamma got into that huge fight. I remember Gamma was furious, and you and I hid underneath the Xmas tree.”

“Yah and you dared me to open my presents, and boy did I catch hell for that.” Samantha chuckled weakly.

John laughed slightly. “I remember that now.” 

Samantha was quiet remembering other occasions. She and John had been closer at one time, when their family’s were closer. But life had changed them both. “Mom was always a little strange. I mean when I was younger I thought she was a bit off her rocker.”  

John laughed slightly; “Penny-wise we all think our mothers are crazy when we are young.”

Samantha smiled bitterly. “Yes, usually we do, but unfortunately some of us have more reason than others.” Her mouth twisted into a bitter line. “Wonderful Aunt Evelyn, mommy dearest.” John watched her face for a while she looked so bitter, so sad. He waited patiently. He knew she wasn’t done talking and that she needed to have some time to regroup her thoughts.

Samantha began, “My mother was, hell is, a consummate liar. She had the worst tendency to twist the truth. I remember once when I was 12 we got the cutest puppy. He was a registered Lab. You know how important that was to her. You know the status part. But I loved him, he was so funny. He disappeared one day, over a month after we had got him. Mummie,” she said in the most distasteful voice John had ever heard from him. “Said that he had been hit by a car and died, years later I found out that she had taken him to the pound because he wasn’t house broken yet. He wasn’t even 4 months old.” She looked sad for a moment. “I know you don’t want to hear about her. Let’s just say, that after years of emotional abuse the kicker was when I told her I was pregnant. I had just turned 18 and was just barely out of high school. When I told her, she was so angry. I believe the words, Whore and prostitute came out of her mouth.” Samantha no longer looked bitter, instead she had a profound look of sadness and of weariness. “I swore to myself that night that she would never hurt my child the way she always hurt me.” She was quiet for a few more moments. “You don’t always know what’s going on with every member of your family.  Most of the time people assume that because you call yourself family you know where everyone lives and what everyone is doing.” She smiled for a moment. “When Uncle Jeff died, I was so upset. I mean here I am, a member our family, and you know how I heard about it? Barbara emailed me. She said it’s so nice to see the whole family together.” She was quiet for a long time.  “I’ve lived alone for so long. It’s just been Maddy and I for the longest time.” 

John listened to her. Tonight he was hearing things he’d rather not here, but things Samantha evidently need to get off of her chest. “I had wondered why you never mentioned her. I also remember Gamma saying once that Aunt Evelyn always got a very odd expression on her face when your name was mentioned.” He said quietly.

Samantha looked at him for a moment. “Odd expression huh, you’d think that her daughter and her granddaughter could elicit more of a response than that. I haven’t seen her sense she told me to “get the hell out of her life.” I wasn’t even sure if she still knew if I was alive or not.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” John asked her quietly. Samantha laughed bitterly. “John I see you maybe twice a year. Your have the worst time picking up a pen and paper, much less the phone. The only person I’ve kept in touch with is Gamma and Barb. And even they don’t call much. You want to know the real reason I don’t use my trust fund?”
She sat up straight. “I don’t use my trustfound because Mummie dearest had already embezzled from it. You were lucky. A trust fund can be set up in so many ways.” She paused a wave of pain hitting her. John knew she still had more to say, he waited her out.
“Mummie” she said derisively, “I made sure mine was set up so that if she needed to get her sticky little hands into it she could, and there wasn’t legally a dammed thing I could do about it. I figure by today’s estimate I’m worth about a dollar ninety-five.  And that’s with tax.” Samantha’s sense of humor seemed to be turning darker and darker by the moment.

John just smiled sadly at her. “Nonsense you’re worth at least a 100.00 to Maddy. Me, however,” he said mischievously.  “I’m gonna have to raise it a bit to say, maybe 101.00 because I can smell dinner from here, course if dinner is really good, then I’ll raise it to one 102.00.”

Samantha smiled at him, a sad smile it was true, but a real one nonetheless. She laughed slightly, wincing at the pain. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re sense of humor is totally sick and demented?” She tried to smile at him.

John just pushed her gently back on the couch, and readjusted her washcloth. “Yup, you did, pretty much every chance you got since I was 16.” 

Madison took that moment to bounce out of the bedroom. John asked her “What’s up, I thought you were watching your movie?” 

Madison laughed at him. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

John laughed at her. “And that question would be?” 

“Where’s Kerry?”

John smiled at her. She sure took to Kerry well he thought. “Kerry’s at work. She won’t be home for a while yet. She said she had to get some paperwork done.” He looked around for a few moments. “Madison honey.” John began quietly “Are those my new shoes?” 

Kerry and John were sitting outside on the back porch. They had unconsciously drifted outside for a little personal quiet time.  Kerry was so tired. She knew she probably should have left work earlier but she was behind in her paperwork already. It was nice she thought just being able to sit outside with John. At work they kept their relationship strictly business like. Neither one of them wanted to flaunt their happiness in the faces of their employees and fellow friends. Most people knew of their relationship, but by now it was old news to them. She leaned against John. He always felt so strong, so assured. She breathed in his masculine scent. Damn he smells so good his cologne was heavenly.  

“Hey you know what?” John said. He sounded surprised. 

Kerry asked. “What?” he had piqued her curiosity?

“I don’t think I’ve had a nightmare in almost two weeks now. Is that a progress or what?”

Kerry laughed slightly. “I’ve noticed I seem to be sleeping better for some reason.” John laughed and put his arm around her shoulders. “Is it getting better?” Kerry said quietly.

John was silent for a few moments; he really didn’t have to figure out what she was talking about. So often they had surprised each other by thinking in the same thought patterns. “Well some days it’s better. The other day though was hard. Mostly because I had that Jane Doe who was obviously needed a psyche council. I kept thinking that Lucy would have handled her perfectly.” He sat quietly sorting out his thoughts.

“Are the sessions with your counselor helping any?” she said quietly. 

“I think so.” He said quietly. “Let’s change the subject. This one’s way to depressing especially on a night like this.” She leaned back against him. She felt so good, he thought. Whenever his day became harder than he expected he knew he could depend on her being there for him when he got home. 

John obviously had some deep thoughts on his mind tonight, Kerry thought. For once all she could think of was how much she loved not thinking. She especially loved not thinking while being with John. It was soon becoming one of her favorite types of mental exercise. In fact she thought not thinking……

John chose that moment to interrupt her thoughts. “It’s nice out tonight isn’t it?” The night air was warm, and the stars were in full bloom in the sky.

“Yes it’s a beautiful night.” Kerry said. Staring at the stars, she started to contemplate just how many there were out there. In fact she’d bet that there were ……

John interrupted her again. “Kerry, I was wondering?” He grew silent again.

“Well?” Kerry said a bit snappishly. If he interrupts my train of thought again. I’m going to deck him. John was silent for another long moment. 

Finally he said his mood turning serious. “You know I love you don’t you.”

Kerry smiled. “That’s not what you were thinking yesterday at work when I lit into you over the your elderly heart attack patient!” She smiled gently at him. He was quiet for a moment trying to figure out how to say what he had in mind. “But I know that’s not what you were going to ask me.” Kerry said quietly, obviously he wasn’t in the mood to be distracted from whatever it was he was thinking. She watched his handsome face wondering what was going through his head. 

John quietly took her hand and said. “I just wondered if you wanted to marry me?”

End of Part Eleven

If you have comments or suggestions, email me at cimerene@gci.net