Understanding
Part Fifteen - Samantha
By Cimerene
cimerene@gci.net

WARNING:  This story deals with the death of a character and has been declared a TISSUE ISSUE! 

Review section:  Kerry was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "John, what is it?" John tried to say something but couldn't. He waited a few more moments, trying to compose himself. 

"Samantha's been hit by a car. They're not sure if she is going to make it."

Millicent dreaded entering this room. Yet another of her grandchildren was ill. Sometimes when she looked back on her life, she thought that life was full of tragedy. This time she wasn't so sure her grand baby was going to make it. With children, she thought, you raise them and praise them, and worry continuously. She took a deep breath, steadied herself and entered Samantha's room.

Samantha Rene Carter was lying on her bed in the ICU unit. Wires and cords and other medical parephenial were protruding and seemed almost  an extension of her pale skin. She was moaning restlessly as a pretty brunette nurse checked the output on a machine. The nurse made notes on her chart. She acknowledged Millicent's arrival with a slight smile. She wished she could give the elderly lady some positive news, but she knew in her heart there wasn't going to be news of that nature. 

Millicent wasn't a very affectionate person: as a rule she kept people at arm's length. Her heart went out to Samantha. This poor child, she thought. She approached the bed and sat down on a chair that had been placed conveniently near by. Her eyes kept straying to the heart monitor, the consistent beeps someone how reassured her, just as they had done when she had come to see John.  She sighed, thinking of John and Kerry. What a way to end your honeymoon, she thought. Those poor children.

She was startled as Samantha's eyes opened suddenly. She gasped in pain. Fear entered Millicent's heart, as she watched her grand baby struggling for breath, struggling to deal with the ever-present pain that was invading her body. 

"Penny," her voice shook as the nickname came out unexpectedly. She remembered when John had first nicknamed her Penny.  It was the first time she had ever used her nickname, preferring her formal traditional name to a nonsensical one. Odd, she thought, that she of all people would take to calling Samantha by her nickname. She tried again "Samantha, go back to sleep.  You need to rest to heal." She watched, as Samantha grew more restless.

Every time Samantha had awakened, the same thoughts occurred to her. What was she going to do; her duties and her health were clashing with her. She tried again to get her thoughts across to the grandmother. 

Millicent watched as Samantha fought the pain and struggled to wake up fully. Every time the nurse had given her a pain reliever, Samantha had fought it. She watched painfully as yet again, Samantha struggled to relieve her mind of what was bothering her.

"Please," she said pitifully, her voice struggling to get her point across. "Please I need to see him." Won't you understand? Her pain filled eyes silently told her grandmother. Please!

The pretty brunette came back into the room. "She's resisting sleep again," she said matter of factly in her soft voice. She sighed. Whatever was troubling the pretty blonde wasn't letting her rest. 

"I'll speak to the doctor again, and see if he can give her anything more for her pain." She didn't say what she was thinking, that it wouldn't make any difference. She wasn't sure how or why the pretty blonde had held out for so long. To her way of thinking it was only a matter of time.

Millicent told Samantha, "I promised you, child, he'll get here in time." She hoped that this was one promise she wouldn't have to break.



The flight back to Chicago seemed to take forever. Kerry hated seeing John so choked up. He had been silent throughout the whole trip. Everything was on edge, she thought. From the hectic departure to the hasty way they exited the plane they had so eagerly entered so few days ago. Even the frantic race to the cab had its elements of hurried desperation and unease. 

They arrived at the hospital in full flurry. Kerry was so upset, her limp was more pronounced than normal. The clicking of her cane seemed more and more noticeable as they walked down the hallway. As they approached the ICU unit Kerry saw that Millicent was waiting outside. 

"How is she?" Kerry asked, her nerves stretched tightly. 

"Is she - ?" John said at the same time before choking up completely, unable to finish his sentence.  

Millicent looked at both of them. Sometimes, she thought, the fates certainly forget to play fair. She indicated that they should move down the hallway a bit towards a small lounge area, out of the way of the incoming traffic of nurses and doctors. 

"Gamma, what happened? She was fine when we left, what did the doctors tell you?" John looked at her seriously, concern and worry vying for control in his face.  

"John, Dr. Richard's, the doctor in control of her case, said she had internal injuries." Her voice was stern and short, as if she was afraid to show too much emotion. "Her liver and lungs were both damaged. The impact of the crash has broken both her legs, and she has a crushed pelvis."

Millicent's face held concern and worry, and a tinge of irritation. She knew that John wanted facts. But medical facts were things that she barely understood. Kerry was frustrated listening to Millicent's explanation, as a doctor, she knew the preciseness of data. But she also understood that the ordinary person would not know the precise medical details that she and John both craved to hear. 

"John, I'll go talk to Dr. Richard's and find out if he has any more current news." She didn't mention that he should stay there in case he was needed, but she may as well have since both Millicent and John both completely understood what she meant. She also didn't mention to Millicent their need to find out more accurate and precise information. 

As Kerry turned to leave she stopped suddenly, her heart contracting in fear. "Millicent where's Madison? Was she hurt also?" Concern for the  little girl who had touched her heart so much rising to the top, Kerry was almost afraid to find out the answer.  Millicent understood correctly. Kerry had worried about her on the plane, but had said nothing for fear of stressing John out more than he already was.

"Helen, has her." She said mentioning her maid. "She's at the house. Last time I checked they were making cookies." With that Millicent almost smiled. Then caught herself. Poor thing, she said to herself (inwardly), let her have what joy she can, while she can.

Kerry remembered Helen, Millicent's cook, a kindly lady she thought. The perfect person to help Madison right now. 

The night had seemed endless for both John and Kerry. Samantha wasn't responding to treatment, her medical condition was such that they both knew she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.

All night long they had waited outside, their visits were cut short by staff entering her room. Both watched like a hawk anything done for Samantha. 

Kerry had sent John's grandmother home shortly after they had arrived. It seemed almost unnecessary for her to wear herself down like she was obviously doing. She had protested at first, but then John had informed her that Samantha would have wanted her to be home with Maddy. She knew it was a token reason, but both she and John knew it was one she wouldn't be able to refuse.

Kerry leaned back in her uncomfortable hospital chair. She knew her leg would be bothering her before tomorrow. Hard to believe, she thought, that just a few short days ago she had been lounging near a waterfall, and now...  She sighed. The future, which had looked so promising for her and John, now started to look quite bleak instead. 

Samantha had grown into her heart as the best friend she had had since Alisa had died. It's not fair! She thought painfully. Pain was sometimes unending, she reflected.

John sat in the chair next to Kerry's. His thoughts were just as grim as hers were. His cousin was supposed to be there for him.  Maybe if they hadn't left, and had just stayed home, his mind insisted. He knew it was nonsense to feel this way. The last thing he had ever thought was that he would have to be there for her. He felt as if he had failed her. People die every day, he thought. He remembered countless patients, who had died while he had tried to save them. Look at Lucy, he thought. Pain hit him, as he instantly regretted his uncharitable thoughts. He felt as though his thoughts were racing around in circles like thoroughbreds at a racetrack. 

He knew Samantha had little chance at recovering. The hardest part about being a doctor, he reflected, was that when it was someone you loved dying, you felt completely inadequate to help. Once again he felt like he had failed someone he loved. 

John entered Samantha's room softly. She lay quietly. John actually had to look twice at her chest, eventually placing a finger on her wrist to reassure himself that she her heart was still beating.

"John?" Samantha murmured painfully, the sound of her voice ripped a hole in his heart. 

"Hey, sweetie, you're supposed to be resting," John told her quietly. 

"Is he here?" John looked worried for a second; he wasn't sure what to respond. 

"Honey, not yet, soon."

Samantha started to get agitated, "Please," she said pitifully. "Please get him here!"

"Go to sleep, honey," John replied.

Both John and Kerry looked up at the sound of footsteps in the hallway. They were seated in the same uncomfortable chairs they had been using all night. Kerry stiffly made a grab for her cane, her limp more pronounced than John had seen in a long time. Kerry decided that walking would do no good. She entered Samantha's room to check on her again.  

John looked up as the footsteps came nearer. A tall man, with a shock of dark hair with a very serious demeanor approached them, carrying a leather carrying case similar to the one that John usually carried to and from work. John suspected that he must have some sort of palm laptop in there, from the bulges he saw. John watched at him more closely, he knew he had seen him before.

John observed him for a moment before asking him. 

"Jeff, what are you doing here?" 

Kerry watched Samantha as she nervously twitched in her bed. She was already taking maximum doses of her pain medications, and it still appeared to have no effect on her.

"Samantha, sweetheart. Tell me what's wrong." Kerry asked her. Samantha just stared at her, the pain making her slightly delusional and withdrawn. She tried so hard to speak to Kerry.

"Kerry," she uttered Kerry's name in anguished, pain filled voice. 

"Kerry it hurts."

"I know." Kerry replied.  Her heart went out to Samantha. Oh how she wished she could take the pain away from her, even for a moment. Silent tears ran down Kerry's face.

"Kerry, I don't want to die." Samantha uttered painfully. "I can't go yet."

Kerry felt like her heart would break. What could she possibly tell her?  "I know sweetie, you need to rest now," she told her. Please rest, her eyes said to her.

"Kerry, please!" Samantha pleadingly told her. Please find him, her eyes said.  I can't hold out much longer.

Kerry looked up as a tall stranger entered the room, closely followed by John. 

"You're here!" Samantha cried. A look of relief entered her face, swiftly followed by pain.

Kerry quietly drew John outside the room. Whoever that was, and whatever Samantha had waited so long needed to be told in private. John pulled her into his arms; all day long he had felt so empty inside. 

Facing the death of a member of your own family does that to you, he thought. They both waited calmly outside her door.

"Kerry?" John asked her quietly.

She looked up into his eyes, searching them to try and figure out what he was thinking.  

"Thank you!" he said with his heart in his eyes. 

"For?"

"Just being here," John replied.

Kerry smiled at him, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. 

The tall stranger left Samantha's room; he nodded towards both John and Kerry. "She wants to see you both," he said in his quiet way. He strode towards the elevator, calmly pressed the button and was out of sight before they could question him further.

As one, they moved towards Samantha's room. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully for the first time in ages. A slight smile graced her beautiful face. 

FLASHBACKS

JOHN..

"Trust me, John, they'll never know if we open just one. Watch, just a really small hole. Like this, then you can see what's in there," the childish voice pealed out.

The smell of pine needles permeated everything around him.

"Uh oh," the childish voice pealed again. "John, you tore the whole thing. We're going to get in trouble now!" Irritation, then worry.

"Don't cry John, I can fix it! I found some tape!" Concern, then proud laughter at her ability to fix life's little problems.

KERRY..

"No way! How can you possibly say that?" Laughter, and a funny lopsided smile.

"Ok, well, if we have Tom Cruise walk you down the aisle. You might forget to marry John."

"Of course in case you do remember to marry my cousin, I'd just have to console Tom at his sense of loss wouldn't I?" Her wonderful smile again!  That delightful sense of humor.

DAVE..

"C'mon, you chicken!" Laughter seemed to float out upon the breeze. The voice came again.

"You're the one who made the bet, so just get on them skates, boy, and let's see some roller blading action, like we've never seen before!" 

Such a soft voice, such a wonderful sense of humor.

"Are you ok?" Such concern in her voice. She had the voice of an angel.

"Wimp, even Madison could have skated better than that." 
 

Such a wonderful sense of humor.

End of Part Fifteen

If you have comments or suggestions, email me at cimerene@gci.net