Unrequited
By Cimerene
cimerene@gci.net
Chaos had reigned supreme the day she discovered she loved him. It wasn't a day for
surprises, she mused afterwards. All hell had broken loose in her E.R., the last thing on
her mind, when she left for the day, was him.
He had a way of getting under her skin.
Never before had she ever been so attracted to someone for so long. Especially, as that
particular someone, had the ability to not only get under her skin, but irritate the
living daylights out of her. They mixed like oil and water.
He had a way of goading her every move. She had long since realized that their
relationship was stuck back in the 3rd grade. Every attempt on her part to change or to
improve it, met with the same resistance it always received. Eventually, she realized that
their relationship would never change. She would forever be a bitch to him and he would
forever irritate the living daylights out of her. This was to become her truth, her bible,
her constant in life.
He made her life hell, mimicking and mocking her. The cane incident being only one of
many. While It hadn't been the worst moments of her life, it did however manage to get
itself into the top 10. He had a way of getting under her skin. Of irritating her more
than she would have thought possible. She had even developed a mantra for her morning
drive. "We will act like adults today, even if it kills us." Little good it did
her, when the fights merely escalated until the verbal blows began to look eminent.
She never could figure out what it was that she had done to irritated him so much.
Thinking back to their time together in medical school, there must have been something.
She'd even jokingly thought once that it must be based on a past life experience that had
forever shaped their destiny's. But then if she believed that theory then for every action
their must be a reaction and the only reaction she ever got around him, was the
overwhelming desire to smack him up side the head.
Many times in the past she had longingly thought, if he would only leave. This thought
became a current theme in her life. If he would just go. Go far away, as fast as possible.
Then one day, after all hell had broken loose, he did just that.
In an odd way, she knew she should be relieved. This bane of her existence, this constant
source of irritation in her life was gone.
But then she started missing him.
She missed his verbal repartee's, the way he seemed to take delight in surprising her with
his witty comments. She even knew she missed that irritating smirk of his, especially when
he got his way.
The day that she got suspended, was ironically, the day she discovered she loved him. Her
actions had so neatly paralleled his, that she was left confused and irritated with
herself afterwards. The very things she had chastised and berated him for, were in effect
the very action that she herself had taken.
She fantasized about him.
It wasn't something she was proud of, but she did. She thought of him in sexual ways and
in non sexual ways.
In her dreams, he was always the flawless lover. Never someone to belittle her or play
practical jokes on her. In her dreams, he was the epitome of the perfect soul mate.
She knew he loved another.
Hell, she often thought that his love for Carol, was the absolute center of his existence.
But his and Carol's perfect love, did nothing from stopping her from thinking about him.
From wondering how his lips would feel pressed against hers. It did not stop her from
fantasizing how his hands would roam over her body. In her dreams, he always kissed her
scars away and in her dreams, he always told her how beautiful she was, and meant it!
And in her dreams, she always believed him.
Rationally, she knew they were as mismatched as couple could possibly be. But in her
heart, late at night, when no one was around to notice or to even care, she dreamed about
him. Everyday she would tell herself that today was the day she would get over her
fascination for him. She would stop dwelling on his every word and deed.
She knew that her fascination with him was only her lonely and depressed state of mind
crying out for a love that God had denied her. She rationalized that she instinctively
latched on to any man she could find, but in the end all the rationalizations in the world
made no real difference.
Because she knew she loved him.
--
My Life is an open book, but finding the right page to turn to could be a bit difficult~
Atkins June 13, 99 176/151/125
http://www.geocities.com/cimerene/
ICQ: 38982539 Quack, Quack!
