Emergency Room
Part One
By Gary Schneeberger
TheSchnays@cs.com

LEGAL STUFF: All the E.R. characters described in here are the property of other people. No need to sue anybody, then, right?



"Oh, yes, there's one more thing ..."

Robert Romano loved doing that. Giving everyone around the table just enough time to begin to lift their butts out of their
chairs before making them all sit back down just by mentioning that -- oh, yeah -- there was one more thing that had slipped
his mind. It hadn't slipped his mind, of course. It was just a game he played when he wanted to remember the stroke he had as
chief of staff , when he wanted to remind them that even though they hated his guts, staff meetings didn't end until he said
they did.

And this one, this one was far from over.

"Kerry, Mark, this is mostly of concern to you, but Lizzie, you'll be in on it, too."

The faces that belonged to the names he called out quickly donned the pained expression involuntarily donned by every face
that belonged to any name he ever called out.  Romano loved the feeling of causing that expression, too.

"It seems all the fine work you and yours have done down in the E.R. over the last several months has attracted the attention of
somebody besides Chicago's finest malpractice lawyers and headline-writers at the Sun-Times," he said, impressing even
himself with his sarcasm. "In the grand tradition of David Koresh, the Menendez brothers and Jon-Benet Ramsey, you're going
to be a movie of the week."

The pained expressions were gone, confused ones taking their place. That was the reaction he was after -- and he'd decided
hours ago that when he got it, he'd let them stew in it for a few seconds. So he just sat in his chair at the head of the table, smiling as smugly as he knew how, and waited for one of them to ask the question.

"What do you mean, Robert?"

It was Lizzie. Damn. He'd guessed Kerry.

"I mean that NBC has decided to do a movie about some of the more -- what's the word I'm looking for? -- *interesting* things that happen around the E.R. here at County General. Some of the writers and a few of the actors are coming out here ..."

He paused to check his watch, hoping his timing and delivery would be as perfect now as it had been when he practiced it
earlier in the morning.

" ... in about an hour  to meet with you as part of their research process."

Kerry was the first to bristle. He hadn't been that far off, after all.

"Why weren't we consulted on this, Robert?"

"That's a good question, Kerry. Let me see if I have a good answer for you. Oh, that's right, because I'm the chief of staff
and I get to make decisions like this without calling everyone together to the treehouse for a vote."

This was turning out better than even he could have hoped for.

"Wait a minute. They're doing a movie about the E.R.? Our E.R.? Are we all characters in it or something?"

Good, now Greene was taking the bait.

"Yes, indeed, you are, Dr. Greene. Me, too. We’ll all be immortalized in ...”

He checked the preliminary script on the table in front of him, the one he’d been mailed weeks earlier.

“... ‘Emergency Room.’ Catchy title, don’t you think?”

"Don't they need our consent to do that?"

"Well, it's not like they're going to have a character named Mark Greene or anything. I mean, what kind of bland TV name
would that be? It's one of those 'based on a true story' things. The names have been changed to protect the incompetent."

"True story? What story?"

"I'm glad you asked, Lizzie.  Seems the writers have concocted this unbelievable scenario about a hot female surgeon who helps the police solve a string of rapes and murders by threatening to withhold treatment from the critically injured suspect. I think she has an English accent, even. Where *does* Hollywood come up with wild ideas like that?"

The look on her face was priceless, but Romano still may have paid five figures for the privilege of putting it there.

"They can't do that, Robert. Rollins' claim against Elizabeth got thrown out of court."

How sweet. Lizzie's boyfriend was defending her honor.

"Oh, of course they can. The minute the story made the papers it became public domain -- and so did Lizzie. Same thing with
Benton and Kovac and that bit of derring-do at the junior high school. And ..."

It was the one aspect of this he hadn't been looking forward to.

" ... the attack on Miss Knight and Dr. Carter. Like it or not, we've been making news around here -- and if you don't like it
you should blame yourselves because you're the ones who’ve been making the news. If you hadn’t thought *getting published* meant showing up on the front page, and not in the AMA Journal, none of this would be happening.”

"Even if they have the legal right to make the movie, that doesn't mean we have to cooperate with them. This kind of publicity can't be good for the hospital."

"No, you're right, Kerry, it can't be. But the money they're paying us to consult on the project will be really good to pay
off the lawyers who got us off the hook with Mr. Rollins and who are still trying to get us off the hook with the school shooter
Dr. Kovac let die. Besides, the board insisted on final script approval, so we should be able to keep all of your most notorious derelictions of duty away from all those unsuspecting Nielsen families."

“So, what do they want with us? Today, I mean.”

Kerry again.

“The actors want to meet with you, find out what makes you tick. Study all those little idiosyncrasies that make you the special
people you are -- like your limp, Kerry.”

Did he really get paid for having this much fun?

“And the writers need to polish up the script. Fine-tune some of the medical scenes by observing you in action. So try not to
kill any patients while they’re taking notes, OK?”

“We’re all in this?”

Elizabeth was having a hard time swallowing the concept.

“Yes, ma’am. Except Dr. Carter, of course. He’s been -- what do they call it? -- written out of the story. I like that. Written
out of the story. Maybe I’ll use that instead of “you’re fired” when he gets back from Atlanta.”

Mark’s butt was out of his chair.

"Well, I'm not doing it."

"You might want to read your contract before you go making hasty decision like that, Dr. Greene. Since the board has signed off on this, it makes it official hospital business. You aren't being asked to do this, you're being told to do it."

Romano thought, just briefly, about letting the opportunity pass. But it was too good to miss.

"And we all know," he said, swinging his best know-it-all gaze in Kerry's direction, "how serious the ramifications can be
around here when you defy a direct order."

"I'm still not doing it, Robert."

"Oh, buck up, Mark. The biggest name they got is the guy who's playing you."

Mark paused at the door, hoping he wouldn't ask the question but knowing he probably would.

"Who?"

Romano checked the papers in front of him again, not because he didn't remember the name, but because he wanted Greene to think he didn't.

"Anthony Edwards."

Mark paused again, still hoping we wouldn't ask the question and still knowing he probably would.

"The guy from 'Revenge of the Nerds?' "

"I know, typecasting is hell, isn't it? And it can't say much for the quality of the production when that's the biggest star
they can land. But he is playing you, after all."

Elizabeth and Kerry stood to follow Mark out, their rising signaling to the other department heads seated around the table
that the meeting was adjourned -- even if Romano hadn't said so. The preceding 10 minutes had been too much of a kick for
him, though, to call them on the insubordination.

Kerry, despite her hobbling, and because Mark and Elizabeth had fallen a few paces back to have a private conversation, was the first to arrive at the admitting desk.

“Randi, are you still playing around on the Internet?”

“Uh ... no ... Dr. Weaver, I’m just --”

“Yeah, whatever, Randi. Just tell your chat-room friends you’ll be back in a few minutes and find me some information about an NBC movie of the week called ‘Emergency Room.’ ”

The sound of Randi’s flying fingers was all the answer Kerry needed.

She’d know soon enough.

To be continued.....