Who Am I
Part Seven - Married to the Job
By Lisa Brown
ERDrLewis@aol.com

May 2011

"Thanks," I said, handing the cashier two dollars for my bagel. "Keep the change," I said walking out.

It was a Saturday morning and I was running a bit late. I was on in fifteen minutes and still had a seven minute walk to the hospital. I took a bite out of my bagel as I walked. It was quite warm out, up into the eighties. I hoped that when summer rolled around, it wouldn't get much hotter. I was about halfway to the hospital, when my cell phone rang.

"John Carter," I answered.

"Hey." It was Lucy. "Aren't you on?"

"In about ten minutes."

"Oh. Were we still planning to meet for dinner?" Lucy asked.

"If you can. I'm off at six." When I only heard silence on the other end I sighed. "I know, I know! This is the third time I've blow you off this week."

"I just kinda wanted to see you today, Luce."

"I'm so sorry, John. I really am."

"I didn't know you were on call this weekend."

"John, I'm really sorry. Maybe I can swing by the hospital for lunch or something."

"I hope. I thought I was the one who got the promotion!" I joked.

"John, you know I don't want to work ...."

"I know, Luce. Listen, I'm at the hospital and have to finish my bagel. I'll be here until six if you can stop by."

"Okay. Love you," Lucy said.

"Love you too, Luce," I said hanging up the phone in frustration.

As I turned the corner to the hospital, I saw a small dog digging through the trash on the ground. "Hey!" I said. The dog jumped at the sound of my voice. Seeing I had food, it trotted over. "I should have left you alone," I commented, breaking off a piece of my bagel for the mutt. "There," I said, throwing the piece a few feet away from him as I walked into the ER.

"Hey, Dr. Carter, what's up?" Laura asked as I signed in.

"Nothing much," I said, trying not to show my frustration for Lucy.

"Everything okay?" she asked as she looked up from the chart she was looking over.

I inwardly sighed. "Yeah, yeah, fine. I'm just going to put my stuff away and then I'll take a look at the board. Has it been busy?" I asked as I walked away.

"Don't know, I just got here," I heard Laura say. "But from the looks of the waiting room, it doesn't look too quiet ...."

It did quiet down around two o'clock, and I took the chance to give Lucy a call. She didn't show up for lunch, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I pulled over one of the phones at the desk and dialed her cell phone number. One ring ... two rings ... three rings ... her voice mail recording. I sighed for about the umpteenth time that day.

"Hey, pal, what's got you down?" Dan asked. Darn. I had hoped my annoyance wasn't obvious.

"Nothing," I quickly lied.

"Liar," Ben called out, overhearing the conversation. "Oh well, you can tell us after work when you come to get a beer with us. Jane and Amy went into the city to look at bridesmaid dresses or some woman wedding thing."

"I was going to do something with Lucy, I think..."

"No, you aren't. She called and said she still couldn't make it around one."

"Thanks for telling me," I said sarcastically.

"No problem, Chief. We're off at seven."

"I'm off at six."

"I'm sure you can find some paperwork to do until then. You bring home a big stack every night." Seeing my face, Dan added, "We're not going to let you get out of this one. Something's bugging you and you need to get out."

I sighed again, seeing how they had won. "Seven, then?"

"So, what's up?" Ben asked. We were sitting at the bar in a small Irish pub, which wasn't that busy for a Saturday. I assumed it was a place they frequented, since they knew everyone.

"It's Lucy," I said, omitting the sigh that would have normally followed.

"You guys get in a fight?" Dan asked.

"No, it's just she's broken three dates this week due to work. She's just not the kind of person who usually does that."

"Why? Is something going on at work?" asked Ben.

"You would think if something were, she would tell me. But, she really hasn't told me the reason. I asked once, but she kind of blew the question off. A few months ago, they started sending patients over to us at Roosevelt as well as JFK, so when someone's on call, there's more work, but she's not on call this weekend."

"You do think she's working, right?"

I looked at the two, flabbergasted at the thought. "What, Dan? Oh, yeah. Yes. Lucy would never do anything behind my back. And, I've been working more too, because of my job and all. My schedule's made it harder for us to get together. I've been thinking about going back to a regular attending."

"What? Why? You're a great chief," Ben said.

"I don't know. I'm not making much more money than I did before and I'm seeing less patients. I was going to talk to Lucy about it tonight, but ...." I trailed off. I sipped the last few drops of my beer. "Well, guys, thanks. I better be going though, I'm on again at four tomorrow morning. I have to go back by the hospital, too, I forgot some paperwork."

"Okay, see you tomorrow then," Ben said.

"Hope everything with Lucy works out," Dan said.

"Me too," I said, leaving a five dollar bill on the counter and waving good-bye.

The walk back to the hospital wasn't very long. It was pretty much on the way back home, anyway.

"Dr. Carter, I didn't know you were on," Susan said when I walked in.

"Just forgot some work here. Everything okay here?"

"Yup, it's been a slow night," she responded as I walked into the lounge to get my stuff.

I got the paperwork and quickly left. I'm there enough as it is. As I walked out of the ER, I saw the small stray dog I had seen that morning. "Sorry, buddy, I don't have any food today," I said, walking by him. The dog started to follow me. "I'm not going to get any, either," I called out to him. The dog still proceeded to follow me home. When I got to the building, the dog was still by my side. "Sorry, but you're not coming up with me." I didn't even know if pets were allowed in the building. So, I went upstairs and left the dog outside. When I got to my apartment, I called Lucy's and got the answering machine. Again. So, I decided to call Kerry.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hi, John. Shouldn't you be out with Lucy?" Kerry asked.

"I should," I replied.

"Oh, did she have to work again? I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"Do you want to talk to Sophie really quick? Michael's about to put her to bed."

"Okay."

"Hi, John!"

"Hey, Sophie. I hear you have a birthday coming up."

"Yeah! I'm having a big party next weekend!"

"Oh, really? That sounds like fun."

"Can you come, John?"

"I have to work."

"Oh. I thought you would be able to come."

"I'm sorry, Sophie. I promise to call and wish you a happy birthday."

"I'm going to be FIVE!"

"I know. You better get to bed."

"Okay. Night night, John."

"Night night, Soph. Put your mom back on."

I heard some muffled noise going on in the background before Kerry picked up again.

"Sorry about that."

"That's okay. Did I tell you I'm thinking about stepping down as chief?"

"Really? Not seeing enough patients?"

"Yeah. I know I've only been there a month, but I'll offer to stay in the position until they find someone new."

"Have you told Lucy yet?"

"I've been trying to all week. I don't want to do it without telling her."

"You're a good man, John."

"Thanks. I'm probably just overreacting, anyway."

"Hold on one sec," I heard Kerry say. I heard her say something to Michael in the background. "Sorry about that."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm holding up your Saturday night with Michael."

"It's okay, John. Neither of us have to work tomorrow."

"No, I better let you go. Listen, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay. I hope you get a hold of Lucy."

Me too. I'll try right now. Bye, Kerry," I said before clicking the phone down in its holder.

I sat for a minute in silence before dialing Lucy's number again. The answering machine, again. I sighed and grabbed my paperwork.

I didn't get a hold of Lucy at all that night, so I was in a bad mood when I went to work on Sunday. I walked down the steps of the apartment building to find the dog still sitting where I had left him the night before. "What are you doing still here?" I said indignantly, trying unsuccessfully to take my anger out on the poor dog. But, the dog, oblivious to my anger, just trotted beside me back to work. I was in a bad mood all day, since Lucy didn't call. I felt bad for all of my colleagues. I almost made poor Laura cry over something stupid, like how long the test results on a patient were taking. I apologized later, but I still felt bad. The dog decided to follow me home again. I knew that he probably had fleas or something awful, so I went to a nearby pet store, bought some dog shampoo that was supposed to get rid of fleas and brought the dog inside. I gave him a bath in the sink and then he looked halfway decent. I was off the next day, so I decided I would let the dog sleep out on the balcony and take him to the vet in the morning. He wasn't small enough to slip through the railings. It was about seven o'clock when I realized that I didn't have food for either of us. So, I went and got some food, leaving the dog out on the balcony. When I got back, I called Lucy again, with no luck and fed myself and the dog dinner. The poor thing was starving. I decided to turn in early, for lack of anything else to do. Hopefully, I'd hear from Lucy tomorrow.

I took the dog to the vet in the morning. They asked for her name, but I said she didn't have one. The receptionist said she looked like a "Zadie." Therefore, the dog was named. Nothing was wrong with her, they gave him a flea bath, gave her a rabies shot, got me a tag for her, and gave me some flea pills. By the time I got back home, it was two o'clock. I had a message on my machine. I pressed play.

"Hi, John."

Lucy!

"Sorry I didn't get in touch with you yesterday. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight. Call me here at the office and let me know. Bye."

See? Everything was fine and I was getting all fussed about nothing. I picked up the phone and dialed Lucy's office.

"Doctor's office."

"Hey, Joan. Is Lucy there?"

"Yep, hold on one second, Dr. Carter."

"Hey!" "Hey, Luce. I've missed you."

"Arrgh, me too! I finally have a night off. Is it okay if I come by after work?"

"Please do. We'll order in or something. I'm not on until nine tomorrow. Guess what?"

"What?"

"I got a dog."

"Wow, I really haven't seen you in a while! Is he cute?"

"Yes, she is. She kept following me to and from work, so I let her stay."

"If I follow you around long enough, do I get to stay too?" Lucy joked.

"You don't have to follow me around to stay."

"Stop it, I'll never want to go back to work! I'll be by around six, okay?"

"See you then. Love you."

"Love you too, John. Bye."

I was getting all possessive and jealous over nothing. I decided to watch some TV before Lucy came over. I turned on the television and Zadie jumped up in my lap as I sat on the couch.

"You just got here, and already you're running the place?" I asked, laughing. "I think Lucy will like you," I said.

I must have drifted off to sleep sometime, because before I knew it, it was six o'clock and I was wiping the sleep from my eyes. I got up and opened the door to let Lucy in.

She practically threw herself at me when she came in, giving me a giant hug. "I haven't seen you in so long!" she exclaimed.

"Well, you're here now," I said, giving her a light kiss. A loud bark made us both turn.

"Is this the dog?"

"No, that's dinner, the dog's in the other room," I joked.

Lucy playfully punched my arm. "That's not funny! Hi there, puppy. What's her name again?"

"Zadie."

"Zadie? Where did you get that?"

"The receptionist at the vet named her. She said it suits her."

Lucy laughed. "So, what do you want for dinner?"

"You," I responded, nibbling at her neck.

"Mmmh. As enticing as that sounds, it'll have to wait. I didn't eat lunch and I'm starving."

"Okay. How about Chinese? We haven't had that in a while."

"Yum. Okay, I'll call," Lucy said, grabbing the menu from a stack near the phone. When we were eating dinner, I decided to ask Lucy what was going on at work. I didn't want to ask her outright, though. That would sound like I didn't trust her.

"Luce?"

"Yeah?" she said, before taking a bite of her spring roll.

"You would tell me if anything was going on at work, right?"

She shot her eyes down to her plate and said, "Carter, where is this coming from?"

"Nowhere," I quickly said.

After a while, I asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just don't want to talk about work, okay? I had a bad day."

"Okay, just checking. Did I tell you I'm thinking of resigning as chief?" I asked, changing the subject.

"No. Why?" Lucy asked, looking back up again.

"I'm not seeing as many patients as I like to. I just thought I'd tell you before I did it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Calm down, Lucy. I just thought I'd tell you before I did it. You don't have to get so defensive."

She looked over at me. "I'm sorry. I've just had a really bad day and ...."

I could see she was near tears. "Hey, it's okay," I said getting up. I started to massage her shoulders, adding, "You sure are tense."

"Yeah. Mmmh, that feels good, John."

"You know, if you ever need anyone to talk to ...."

Lucy smiled. "I know, John." I lifted her hair to kiss the back of her neck.

"We'll finish dinner, and then I'll help you forget all about your day."

"You're such a sweetheart."

I know something's up with Lucy's job, but I decided not to worry about it now. That was for another time, another place.