The Hand of Fate
Part One
By Lisa Brown
ERDrLewis@aol.com
John Carter turned his head and looked out the window from his hospital room. It looked like a bright and cheerful day outside, although it was February. It should be snowy and bleak, Carter thought. He frowned and turned away from the window.
He was dreadfully thirsty, but it hurt to make any movement, even if it was just to reach for the cup three feet from him. He glanced at the TV mounted on the wall. It was some talk show, but it was muted so he didn't know what was going on. The people were all laughing anyway. Carter didn't think he should be happy on this day.
"Dr. Carter?" Deborah, the nurse said as she poked her head in the door. "Dr. Weaver is here to see you, okay? I'm going to send her in." It had been nice for Deborah to tell him before someone came in. It gave him enough time to pretend to fall asleep if he didn't want to talk. It was like she knew what he was going through. She didn't though.
Kerry walked in too fast for him to "slip into sleep." She was wearing a nice black suit. "Hi. How are you?" she asked.
"How was it?" Carter asked, avoiding the question.
Kerry sat down in the chair by his bed and sighed. "It was nice. Lucy would have liked it. It was a pretty day ..." she said, at a loss for words. "Her mother sends her condolences and hopes you get better soon. She said she would come by to tell you herself, but she couldn't bear it."
"I understand." Carter had only met Lucy's mom twice, but she was a lovely woman who loved her daughter very much. He felt bad for her.
"Deborah said they sent someone from psych down here but you were asleep."
He really was asleep. Deborah wouldn't warn him if doctors were coming in. He just shrugged his shoulders as an answer to Kerry. "They'll come back eventually. I don't want to talk to them, anyway."
Kerry sighed again. "John, you know they won't discharge you until you do."
Again, Carter shrugged. "Don't have anywhere to go."
"What are you talking about, Carter?" Kerry asked, puzzled. "Wouldn't you rather be in bed at your grandparents' place than here?"
"My grandparents'?" Now Carter looked puzzled.
"Haven't you been staying them since you moved out of my place? That's the new address you gave me."
Carter, caught in his lie, looked away. "Oh yeah."
"Okay, Carter, where have you *really* been staying?"
"Lucy's."
"What? Were you two ..."
Carter quickly turned to look back at Kerry. He winced in pain from moving too quickly. "No. Just friends. But I didn't know where to go after your place. I was just staying with her until I could find another place but ...." Carter looked down at his hands. He would *not* cry in front of Kerry. "I can't go back there, Kerry, I can't."
"So, go to your grandparents'. They'd love to have you."
"Oh, sure. The ones who sent the flowers, but never came?"
"They were here earlier in the week ..."
"Yeah, when I was in surgery. Some family of mine."
"Carter ..." Kerry said. In reality, she couldn't believe *no one* from his family had come. They had all called and sent flowers but that was all.
"I'm fighting with them anyway."
"Why?" Kerry asked inquisitively.
"Same old. Money, jobs, et cetera. I was fighting with them on that day. I was in a bad mood because of it. God, Kerry, I was mean to her. I didn't mean to be. I ..."
Kerry looked up and saw the pain in his eyes. "Carter, it wasn't your fault."
"I didn't pay enough attention to her patient. I should have got psych myself. I should have gone earlier."
"Carter, you can play 'what if?' forever. It won't change."
"I guess the hand of fate liked me more than Lucy. Why?"
"Listen, Carter, I don't have the answer to that. But, I have to get down there. Mark's been on forever and needs a break. I think you should really talk to someone from psych. Also, you can always stay with me when you get out until you get back on your feet. Try and get some rest, okay?"
Carter just nodded and rolled over. He tried to get some sleep, he really did. But whenever he shut his eyes, the image of Lucy, lying there on the floor, bed in-between them, stuck in his head.
Shortly after Kerry left, Deborah stuck her head in the room again. "There's some guy named Bernard to see you. Let him in?"
Carter thought of any Bernards he knew. He couldn't think of any. "Sure, send him in." It couldn't be that bad.
The man walked in. It was Lucy's Bernard. He had moved to Boston to finish up med school, Carter couldn't remember why. Lucy had gone out to see him in early December, if he remembered correctly.
"Uh ... hi, Dr. Carter, I hate to come here unannounced."
"Hi, Bernard. So are you here for ..."
"Yeah," he said shortly. "I, uh, have something Lucy wanted you to have."
He handed Carter an envelope. Carter looked at the young man questioningly.
"Well, when Lucy came out to see me, one night we both had a bit to drink, and ... and anyway, we both wrote these letters filled with stuff we would never had the courage to say sober. She wrote something about you, but I never found out what it was. The next day, I teased her about it and said I would give you the letter. She made me promise not to, but she said if anything happened to her, to give you the letter. You don't have to read it now or anything ... she just wanted you to have it."
Carter looked down at the envelope. "Thanks, Bernard."
Bernard looked away from Carter. "Yeah, well ... just doing my job. I better go, I just wanted to make sure you got it. I hope, I hope everything turns out okay for you."
"Thanks, Bernard. You too."
After he had left, Carter looked at the envelope for a long time. He didn't know if he should read it or not. Finally, guessing he could handle the contents, he carefully opened it. A letter, as Bernard had said, was inside. It was written in Lucy's girlie, swirly, neat cursive she used in letters to her mother, not the chicken scratch she used on the charts here.
"Carter,
I just wanted to let you know you've been a wonderful inspiration to me. Not only an inspiration as a doctor, but a wonderful teacher and friend. You gave me the best advice any doctor has ever given me -- "sometimes you have walk away knowing you fought the good fight." You've been the greatest friend to me, especially these last few months. Sure, we fight like heck, but life isn't fun without controversy. Don't let this all go to your head, now! You've never let me down, Carter. I just wanted to thank you for that.
Lucy"
He certainly let her down now. He vowed to himself never to let anyone down like that again. Ever.
The End
