Helping Hands - Part 3
By Lynne Facella
Mulderette@aol.com or Lynne1919@aol.com

SPOILERS: Be Still My Heart through May Day..
ARCHIVE: Sure, just ask so I know where it is going.

DISCLAIMER: All characters are the property of Warner Brother, NBC, etc. and no profit is being made from this.



"Thank you, Brian. Thank you so much." John shook Brian's hand outside the taxi cab waiting to take him to the airport.

"You're going to be fine, John," Brian said, smiling. "You take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will. Bye Brian." John got into the taxi and with a last wave at Brian settled back in the seat as he began his journey home. The ride to the airport went quickly and before he knew it, John was settled in a window seat on the flight back to Chicago. Luckily the plane was only half full and he had plenty of room to stretch his legs. He tried to doze off, but had no luck and he started to let his thoughts drift back to his rehab experience. He had learned a lot about himself in the past three months. He was starting to come to terms with his feelings of guilt regarding Lucy's death. A lot of other issues had also come up. He had never fully realized the extent of his anger toward his parents. They hadn't even shown up when he had been stabbed, nor had they showed up at the rehab center. At least gamma had. She was the one source of support that he had in the whole family. He was very appreciative that she had not lost faith in him. He was going to be seeing a counselor regularly when he returned home. He knew he still had a lot of things to resolve, but at least he was headed in the right direction.

Finally, the announcement came that they were approaching O'Hare International Airport. John nervously fastened his seatbelt and waited for the plane to land. After the landing, John walked out into the terminal. He didn't see Dr. Benton anywhere and decided to go to the conveyer belt to wait for his bag. Benton found him there a few minutes later.

"Carter!" he said, clasping the young man on the shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm late man, I couldn't find a parking space."

"That's okay, Dr. Benton," Carter said, smiling. "I haven't been here long."

"You look good man," Benton said, as he took in the appearance of the younger man. Ninety days had made a world of difference. The horrible gaunt look that Carter had on his face when Benton had dropped him off at rehab had disappeared. He looked fit and well rested.

"Thanks," Carter said. "I feel good."

They collected Carter's bag and headed off to Benton's car. They drove in companionable silence. Carter was merely content to look out the window. It was good to be home. About 20 minutes later they pulled up in front of Benton's apartment building.

"So what made you decide to move out of your sister's house?" Carter asked, as they walked up the steps. Peter had just recently moved.

"Well this place is closer to the hospital and I just felt it was time." Benton didn't feel the need to mention that it was a lot less awkward to have his own place with Cleo in the picture. Although he had stayed over at Cleo's house quite often, she had often made little remarks about him living with Jackie and he finally had decided to get his own place.

"This is really," Carter commented as they entered the apartment.

"Thanks," Benton led Carter through the hall. "This room over here will be yours. Anything at all that you need, just let me know."

Carter tossed his bag onto the bed and followed Benton back into the living room, seating himself on the sofa.

"You want something to drink?" Benton asked, making his way into the kitchen.

"Just some water would be fine."

Benton came back into the living room holding two glasses of ice water, one of which he passed to Carter. "You sure you don't want anything else?" he asked, dropping down into a chair.

Carter shook his head. "No thanks, I'm fine."

They sat in a bit of an awkward silence for a moment before Carter spoke again. "Dr. Benton..." he began hesitantly, "I just wanted to say that I really appreciate everything you've done for me."

"Carter," Benton replied, waving him off with his hand, "it's fine, you don't have to say anything."

"Yes I do," Carter replied insistently. "If you hadn't forced me to go to Atlanta three months ago, who knows what would have happened to me? I was so far gone...I didn't know it at the time, but looking back...I can't believe how bad things got. I just want to thank you."

"You're welcome, Carter," Benton replied.

Just then the telephone rang. "Hello?" Benton asked, picking it up.

"Oh hi Cleo," he nodded at Carter who indicated he was going to use the bathroom.

"Did you pick up Carter okay?" Cleo asked.

"Yeah, yeah. He's here with me fine. He looks good."

"That's great Peter," Cleo said, rolling her eyes. "So I was wondering, do you want to grab something to eat later?"

Benton glanced at the bathroom door which was closed and lowered his voice just to make sure Carter wouldn't overhear him. "Come on Cleo. It's his first night back. You don't want me to just leave him, do you?"

Cleo grimaced. "Of course not," she lied. "I wanted him to join us too."

"That's nice of you, Cleo...but I really think it would be better if it was just me and him tonight. I don't want to overwhelm him. You understand, don't you?"

Cleo fought against the anger she could feel building up inside. "Yes of course I understand, Peter. Some other time."

"Definitely," Benton said smiling. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Goodbye Peter." Cleo hung up the phone and glanced around the ER desk. It was unusually quiet today. Peter had mentioned a few days ago that Romano still remained in the dark as to Carter's stay in the rehab clinic. She decided it was time that he wised up. She went over to the computer, typed a few choice words and hit print. She then folded up the note, placed it into an envelope and put it in Romano's box. 'Mission accomplished,' she smiled in smug satisfaction and went off to see a little boy with an earache.



That night Carter had a hard time sleeping. He tossed and turned, finally giving up and padding out to the living room to watch the television. He turned the volume on low and started flicking through various infomercials.

"Carter?" He jumped slightly as he heard Dr. Benton's voice.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Benton said as he sat down across from Carter. "Can't you sleep?"

"No..." Carter shook his head, giving Benton an apologetic glance. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Come on man," Benton said with a grin. "You know better than anyone that I don't require much sleep."

Carter nodded, smiling, remembering back to his days as a medical student when he had been run ragged and Benton had seemed to have an endless supply of energy on very little sleep.

"Worried about tomorrow?"

"Yeah...," Carter sighed. "The last time I saw Dr. Greene and Dr. Weaver...and everyone else, was just so awful. I know I have to face it, but I just keep remembering Dr. Weaver telling me to take off my watch so she could see my wrist." Curtain Three held nothing but horrible memories for Carter. First the stabbing, then the intervention. He would be happy if he never had to go in that room again.

"Carter...," Benton began. "You know how much everybody cares for you. You just have to try to move past this. Everyone wants to help you."

"I know they care," Carter replied solemnly. "But it's still a pretty scary feeling."

"I know," Benton reached over and patted Carter's knee, "but trust me, it will be okay. You really should try to get some sleep."

"All right," Carter turned off the t.v., got up and headed back towards his room. "Thanks Dr. Benton. Good night."

"Good night Carter."



Carter finally did manage to get a few hours sleep and woke up early the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking.

He sleepily padded out into the kitchen and saw Benton standing by the stove making pancakes. "Morning Carter," I was just about to come and wake you."

"Hi," Carter said. "Um you really didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"It's no trouble Carter...I'm pretty hungry anyway. It will do us both good to have a hearty breakfast."

Carter was sure that the pancakes would sink like lead in his stomach, but since Benton had obviously gone to a lot of trouble, he decided to make an attempt to eat. "Can I do anything to help?"

"You can grab some plates over there and put them on the table," Benton said, indicating one of the cabinets.

Carter set the table and the two sat down to eat. "These are actually good," Carter commented as he ate a forkful of pancake.

"You sound surprised," Benton said in amusement. "Didn't you think I could cook?"

"I guess I never really thought about it," Carter grinned, "but actually no, I didn't think you could cook. I certainly can't."

"So what time is your meeting with Weaver and Greene?" Benton asked.

"9 o'clock." Carter nervously glanced at the clock. He still had plenty of time to get ready. "Are you working today?"

"Nope, I'm off. After your meeting I can take you to pick up your jeep and any things you might need from your grandparents' house.

"Okay, thanks. That would be good. Then I need to look into NA meetings. I need to get started right away."

"That's good, Carter," Benton smiled faintly, pleased at Carter's motivation to try to help himself. He seemed to be doing all the right things.

Carter cleared the table, brought the dishes to the sink and began washing them.

"Carter, you don't have to do that."

"It's the least that I can do."

"All right. I'm going to go take a shower. Then you can get ready and we'll get out of here."

"Sounds good."

An hour and a half later Benton was parking his car in the hospital garage. "You okay?" he asked Carter who had his eyes closed and appeared to be doing some kind of breathing exercises.

"I'm fine," Carter replied, managing a smile. "Just practicing some relaxation techniques I learned at rehab. They can be pretty helpful."

"Ready?"

Carter nodded and the two started walking towards the ER. He hesitated for just an instant when they reached the entrance, but then set his shoulders determinedly and walked in. He glanced around and saw that everything looked the same, not that he had expected it to change, but it was comforting nevertheless. Deb was the first person to spot him. "John!" she called, trotting over to him and giving him a hug. "It's so good to have you back."

Carter was somewhat taken aback by Deb's greeting. He bit his lip as he remembered how cruel he had been towards her at the intervention. "Deb...I..."

"It's okay, John," she whispered. "I'm just happy that you're back."

He smiled back at her, immediately feeling better. "Thanks Deb."

Just then Mark Greene walked over. "Hey Carter," he said, grasping his hand in a firm handshake. "It's good to see you back. You look good."

"Thanks, Dr. Greene. It's good to be back."

"Excuse me," Benton said. "I'm going to go say hi to Cleo. Just come and find me when you're ready to leave, okay?"

"Thanks Dr. Benton," Carter replied.

Benton walked off and Carter turned to Mark with an apprehensive look on his face. "Please tell me we're not meeting in curtain 3," he said with a weak smile.

"No we're not. Um, actually we're meeting in Romano's office."

"Romano?" Carter said, feeling his heart sink. "I thought he didn't know about this."

Mark put his arm around Carter's shoulder and guided him towards the elevator. "We don't really know how he found out about this Carter," he said, speaking softly. "He lit into Kerry yesterday, saying that he should have been brought into this. Don't worry about it though. Kerry and I both support you."

They took the elevator upstairs to the surgical floor. Elizabeth was at the front desk, dressed in surgical scrubs. She had obviously just finished up in surgery. "Hi you," she said, smiling at Mark as he kissed her cheek. "Carter, I'm so glad to see you back. You look wonderful."

"Thanks, Dr. Corday." He shifted nervously from foot to foot as Mark and Elizabeth chatted for a few minutes. He really just wanted to get this over with.

"Sorry, Carter," Mark said finally. "Come on, we'd better get going. I'll see you later, Elizabeth."

"Bye. Good luck Carter," she said smiling warmly at him.

They walked down the hall to Romano's office and knocked on the door. "Enter." Romano's voice came from inside the office.

Carter opened the door and found Romano sitting behind his desk with Kerry seated in a chair off to the side.

"Welcome back, Dr. Carter," Romano said. "Please take a seat gentlemen."

"It's good to see you John," Kerry said, giving him a brief smile of encouragement.

"Thanks," John sat down in front of Romano's desk and Mark took a seat beside him.

"Well Dr. Carter," Romano began. "It seems that I'm at a distinct disadvantage here as until yesterday I didn't have the slightest idea what was going on with you."

"Robert," Kerry interrupted. "I already told you that John had nothing to do…"

"Yes, yes, Kerry, I know. He had nothing to do with it. I'm aware that this was your little plan. I'm not blaming Dr. Carter."

"So Dr. Carter…do you feel that you are ready to go back to work?"

"Yes, Dr. Romano, I do. I definitely feel that I'm ready."

"Good, good. You know Dr. Carter, contrary to the opinion of others…" he paused giving a lingering look first to Kerry and then to Mark, "I'm not a complete ogre. Although I in no way condone your behavior, I realize that there have been extenuating circumstances which led you to begin abusing drugs. So you are going to be allowed to return to your job and I am going to support the conditions which Kerry and Mark have come up with."

"I appreciate that Dr. Romano." John patiently waited to hear the conditions.

"First of all John," Kerry said, "You are going to be undergoing regular drug testing. These tests will be random, at our discretion as we see fit."

John nodded his head. "That's fine."

"Secondly, until further notice, all of your patients are to be signed off by an attending who will write out any necessary prescriptions and review your charts before your patients are discharged."

"Okay," John knew it would be no picnic to be watched under a microscope, but he knew he was going to have to live with these rules until the time came when he proved he could be trusted.

"Lastly…you will not be a candidate for Chief Resident. I know you were hoping to be a considered, but in view of what has happened, it's impossible. On the upside though, even though you missed a considerable amount of time this year between the attack and rehab, we've decided not to make you repeat the year. You will go onto your next year of residency. You've already had to repeat a year and we all decided that it would be unfair to make you repeat another."

"Thank you," John said, relieved. He had known Chief Resident was out of the question, but he had wondered if they were going to make him repeat the year. He was relieved to know that didn't have to.

"So Dr. Carter," Romano broke back into the conversation. "Do you agree with these conditions?"

"Yes, Dr. Romano. I agree."

"Well then, we're done," Romano stood up. "I have a surgery scheduled. I trust you'll keep your nose clean, Carter and stay out of trouble. I'll leave you two to figure our Carter's schedule. Bye all."

"Thank you, Dr. Romano," Carter said as Romano flew out the door.

"So John," Kerry said, allowing herself to relax after Romano left the room. "How are you? You're looking very well."

"I'm fine Dr. Weaver," John said solemnly. "I want to apologize, to both of you, for my actions…and I want to thank you for what you did. I didn't appreciate it at the time…but I do now."

"We just want you to be okay, Carter," Mark said, "and if you need help, if you're having any problems adjusting, we need for you to let us know."

"Thank you…I will."

"John…are you going to be seeing someone?" Kerry asked softly.

John nodded. "Yes, I'm not sure who yet. The counseling actually helped quite a bit in rehab. I do want to continue it. I…I realize I have a lot of issues that still need to be addressed. I'm also going to be attending NA meetings."

"And how's your back?" Mark asked.

"It's better…actually a lot better. They had a really good physical therapy program and I also learned a lot of pain management techniques that help."

"Well it definitely sounds like you are back on the right track," Kerry said with a smile, "but I want to reemphasize what Mark said, if you need any help at all, please come to either Mark or I."

John nodded, touched by their obvious concern for his well-being.

"So," Mark said. "When do you feel like you'll be ready to come back?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow it is," Mark said. "I'll pencil you in for 8 a.m., okay?"

"Sounds good," John replied with a grin.

"Okay we'll see you then." The three said their goodbyes and John went back down to the ER in search of Benton. He finally found him seated with Cleo in the lounge.

"Hey Carter, how'd it go?" Benton asked as Carter entered

"It went pretty well," Carter admitted as he sank onto the couch with a relieved grin. "Romano was there though…that kind of threw me at first, but he was surprisingly okay about everything."

"That's good man," Benton said with a grin. "I'm glad for you."

"I'm happy for you too, Carter." Cleo plastered a smile on her face. Didn't he ever get what he had coming to him? She thought back to the time he had doctored Eddie Bernero's chart and had gotten off scott free. She wished now she had just turned him in. She looked at Carter and wondered why Peter had this bond with him. They came from totally opposite backgrounds. As far as she could tell, they had nothing at all in common. She just didn't understand it at all.

Just then Haleh came into the lounge. "Dr. Finch? We have a 12-year-old boy in severe abdominal distress. Can you come and look at him."

"Be right there," Cleo said as she stood up and kissed Peter goodbye. She watched as Haleh went over to Carter to welcome him back. Didn't these people have anything better to do than to fawn over a druggie? Cleo walked out of the lounge fuming.

End Chapter 3