Instant Attraction, Part 17
Before the Storm
By Miesque
miesque48@hotmail.com

RATING: PG
SPOILERS: “Such Sweet Sorrow”
STORY SYNOPSIS: One word: “Ow!”

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Luka Kovac and Kerry Weaver are the sole property of NBC, Warner Brothers, Amblin, and Constant C.  

SONG: ‘Good Hearted Man’ by Antoine ‘Fats’ Domino (thanks, Ellen!)

PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Instant Attraction; Room For Rent; Fired; Blackout; On The Line; Point of Refuge; Heart to Heart; Double-Take; Broken Valentine; In Memory...; Paint It Black; Hope Springs Eternal; Bridges; My Brother’s Keeper; Getting the Shift; Sister Wolf

PRAISE TO: Canada and Anonymous for editing and suggestions, corrections and encouragement.



That morning, as Luka came into work, he was back to being himself again-he thought-and feeling much calmer. He was determined to settle in for the long haul and win Carol once and for all. But he needed an answer from her, and he could only pray she’d be honest with him now. So he waited for her in the ambulance bay, shooting baskets (nervously, unsuccessfully) and trying to stay calm. When she arrived with the twins, he found himself squeezing that basketball for dear life, making his knuckles hurt, and asked her straight out if she still loved Doug Ross. Sometimes, he wished he was as direct as his brother. Davor would have cut to the chase a long time ago.

He had finally been informed of the man’s name by Chuny, who still shied from telling him the whole story. That had upset him enough, because he felt like he was being set up for something unpleasant. And then Carol said something about being too angry with Doug to know for sure. That hardly cleared up matters for Luka, but he was honest with her, hoping for equal treatment in return: admitting to still loving his wife, as he always would, but solemnly declaring his intention to move on with his life.

Later, after Luka and Carol had taken the babies up to daycare, Kerry’s behavior was bizarre. He knew she had been pulling double shifts because of Mark’s absence, but she had done overtime before and hadn’t been affected by it much. Now, she was on a rampage, yelling at everyone. He kept in the back of the group at the admit desk, barely listening to her bark out orders for the morning. She had yelled at everyone-Malucci, Carter, Chen-but when she got to him, her voice softened but she
didn’t look at him, and she called him ‘Kovac’ instead of ‘Luka’- something she hadn’t done since she’d hired him. But he decided her behavior was due to exhaustion, nothing more. Everybody has bad days, he knew.



Kerry was so furious with herself that it was a wonder she hadn’t exploded. She was on her twenty-fifth hour, her leg was killing her, and she was exhausted beyond description. Not only that, she had the image of Luka kissing Carol running through her head almost constantly. Just the idea made her desperate and enraged at once. So she vented her anger on everyone around her - shouting at people for the slightest mistake, chasing people down to demand they fill out their charts correctly. She was bawling Malucci out for goofing off when she saw Luka heading down the hall toward Mrs. O’Brien’s room, Conni at his side.

What the hell was he doing, going in to see her patient?

What she saw made her even more furious, but she resisted the urge to fly off the handle until she was sure of what was going on.  It wasn’t Luka’s actions-he hadn’t known-but Carol’s. She had used Luka! Good God, who did Carol think she was? And the nurse’s reaction to Kerry’s reprimand had made Kerry come very close to lashing out physically. The eye-rolling, the put- upon look, as if she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar but didn’t really give a damn anyway... it all made Kerry’s anger and jealousy come welling up like hot water boiling over the edge of a pot. “If you can’t respect my authority then maybe you shouldn’t be working here!” she snarled. Kerry came very close to just firing Carol-after all the complaining and whining she had done in the past, acting as though all her problems were everyone else’s responsibility, and as if Kerry had been making her work too hard. In fact she had given Carol extra days off and did all she could to make her life easier! Carol had done an excellent job, to Kerry’s thinking, of manipulating the situation so that Kerry was forced to deal with her and Luka as employees, and not only that, she had done a great job at making Luka look like a co-conspirator-a partner in crime - whether he’d wanted to or not. All in all, it left Kerry feeling isolated... and enraged.

Kerry had made sure that Luka knew the whole story, not just Carol’s version, about Mrs. O’Brien’s wishes-she went over it all for his benefit. And she hoped it stuck with him-that he finally knew what kind of person he had let himself fall for. A cold, manipulative, heartless woman who would use her knowledge of Luka’s tragic losses the better to twist his arm into doing something they both knew was wrong! I should have fired her, Kerry thought. That certainly would have reduced her ‘overwhelming workload’!

Damn that woman. Damn her for behaving like her idiot boyfriend, and damn her for taking my only chance at happiness away without even trying-all Carol has to do is snap her fingers and Luka comes running, she thought as she crutched away from the trauma room. After the incident, Kerry had to go outside for a few minutes to try to calm down. But it didn’t help. She was so furious... furious about being furious, basically. She had heard about Luka giving Carol those flowers-it was all over the hospital now that Luka was courting Carol, and it cut Kerry to her core. She had never hurt so badly in her life.



You got me walkin' the floor
Like I never walked before
You should be ashamed
to hurt a good hearted man.

You know that's not fair
You got me pullin' out my hair
You should be ashamed
To hurt a good hearted man.

Because a good man is hard to find
I said a good man is hard to find

You hurt me so
I just had to let you know
You should be ashamed
To hurt a good hearted man

Because a good man is hard to find
I said a good man is hard to find

You hurt me so I just had to let you know
You should be ashamed
To hurt a good hearted man
To hurt a good hearted man
To hurt a good hearted man...



If only Carol had spared him that little speech about soulmates.

She had betrayed him. Used him. She had known what had happened to his children, and Luka realized now that Carol had used that against him to get her own way, for reasons he could not comprehend. Then she had wheedled her way back into his good graces, believing she was immune to his anger, getting him to forgive her so easily - tempting him into kissing her again - and, at the end, had finally broken his heart in earnest, and just to turn the knife in the wound, had spoken to him of soulmates, promising him he’d find one. Luka realized now that those words were just a means for Carol to let herself off the hook. How could she mean what she was saying? If this Doug Ross really was her soulmate, then surely she knew that if he died, she would never find another in this world.

Luka sat on the bench outside the ambulance bay. His eyes were strangely dry-he couldn’t really figure out why he felt so... numb? Well, he was too tired to feel bitter, too hurt to feel happy for her. He had been used, and he hated that. He hated it more than anything.

She had touched his face and kissed him again. Three times, as if further cementing this hold she had over him - didn’t she realize how powerful a thing like that was? Three times-was there some kind of message in that? The traditional traitor’s kiss, and she didn’t even realize it. Then she had turned around and left him sitting there like a damned fool, his heart breaking, humiliated, exposed, isolated once more. He had taken his chance, and had lost again. Davor had been right. He had made the wrong choice. He had set his sights on the wrong woman.

But who on earth was right for him?  It wasn’t like he was a catch, after all. He knew his personality flaws: his temper, his stubbornness, his ability to be judgmental sometimes. But weren’t all those things extensions of his better qualities? He was temperamental when he saw someone being hurt. He was stubborn about his beliefs and values. He felt compelled to intervene, by any means, damn the consequences, yes, when he saw someone doing something that was very obviously wrong. But like somebody said... ‘Any strength taken to an extreme becomes a weakness’. Besides that, he was overly thin, he never felt good any more, he was going grey, and he certainly didn’t look good lately.

Getting up, he took the long way up to the parking garage, walking very slowly, head down. He got into his car and dug through the glove compartment for what he knew was a spare cigarette-one he had stashed away for... a rainy day? Or just a really awful day? He got out and lit up, breathing in the soothing poison and leaned heavily against his car, cursing himself for giving in to this temptation. He still had another hour to his shift, and he knew it would take all his strength to endure everyone’s stares and whispers behind his back.

God, how he wanted to run away now.



“Luka?”

Davor was startled to find his brother standing there at his hotel room door. It was seven in the morning, and Isabelle was having breakfast with him.

“It’s over,” Luka said quietly.

Oh, God, Davor thought. And so it starts again. “Come in.”

Luka settled heavily on the couch, looking around the hotel room. This was a five-star hotel, very expensive, and decorated in Louis XIV, baroque carvings everywhere. Davor had always liked luxury. Luka shook his head, running his hands through his hair.

“Where have you been?” Davor asked. “I take it you never went home.” Davor knew that already. Kerry had called him last
night at eleven-thirty, looking for Luka, her voice squeaking with barely concealed fear. It was obvious that Luka hadn’t slept at all last night. His clothes were wrinkled, his eyes were dull and a little bleary, and he looked horrible.

“No, I didn’t.”

Isabelle came over, waiting for Davor to introduce her to Luka. Davor was appalled at his bad manners, and took her hand. “Luka, this is Isabelle Dubuc. Isabelle, my brother... Luka.”

Luka stood up and managed an affable smile, but he looked uncomfortable. Isabelle shook his hand, smiling at him. She was a beautiful blonde: tall, slender, willowy. A startling contrast to Davor, that was for sure.

“Is there anything I can do?” she asked kindly. “Would you like some breakfast? I can order room service...”

“No.  Thank you,” Luka said softly.  “I’m not hungry.”

“You’re never hungry,” Davor said tiredly, sitting down on the chair opposite Luka. “In fact, you never take care of yourself, do you?”

“Thanks a lot, Davor,” Luka muttered. “Perhaps you’d like to go over the other mistakes I’ve made in my life and make me feel even better.”

Davor smiled. “Isabelle, would you please order some scrambled eggs and toast for Luka? And some orange juice.”

She nodded and went to the phone. Luka hadn’t realized it until now, but Isabelle had spoken Croatian to him, albeit with a slight French accent. Davor looked at his brother, concern still in his eyes. “Luka, you’ll be okay. This was just a bump in the road.”

Luka eyed Davor wearily.  Inside, he was shaking, and he couldn’t respond for a moment. “Bump... in the road? What the hell does that mean?” he mumbled.

“Tell me, Luka, did it ever feel... real? Did it ever feel like she was... was right for you?”

Luka shook his head. He didn’t know. He couldn’t deny that something had always been nagging at the back of his mind, that something wasn’t working, no matter how hard he tried to make it work.

“What did she say? Or did she just break it off without saying anything?”

“She told me that...that her boyfriend or whatever he was... was her soulmate. That she was empty without him. And that I would find someone someday....” That she’s ‘out there’, Luka thought.

“Well, she was right about that,” Davor agreed. “She is out there. I know that for a fact.” He made a mental note to call Kerry as soon as Luka left. He doubted his brother would stay for long. “All you have to do is look.”

Luka cringed at his brother’s words. “How the hell would she know? I’m hardly a catch, Davor. Look at me... I’ve been a... a wreck for nine years.”

“But you’re starting to feel again, aren’t you, Luka? You’re coming alive again, and even if this woman broke your heart, you can at least be grateful to her for that. I didn’t think she was right for you, but I doubt she hurt you on purpose.”

“Yesterday...” Luka said softly. “There was a... a DNR patient... who hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to her daughters. The woman was Kerry’s patient, but Carol had one of the nurses call me in to revive her and didn’t tell me. Next thing I know, Kerry’s yelling at both of us...” He paused. Well, that wasn’t true. Kerry had yelled at Carol. Suddenly, it dawned on Luka that Kerry had barely looked him in the eye, and had only lashed out at him briefly... but that whole time, she never really met his gaze, though he’d felt awful about it and had humbly apologized to her. “Come to think of it, she yelled mostly at Carol. She didn’t even look at me,” he added dejectedly.

Davor was relieved to hear that. Kerry was still in denial, but at least her feelings for Luka hadn’t changed.

“And were you angry with Carol?”

“Yes. But then she...she wheedled her way back into my...  and then she just cut me off again. Like I was nothing... like all the help I gave her, all the support I gave her meant nothing... like there had never been anything at all between us...”

He couldn’t continue. He hoped Davor was right-that this was just a bump in the road. A short delay in his recovery process.

Davor stared at his brother for a long time. Luka was heartbroken. Betrayed. And that infuriated Davor. Good thing I’ll never see that woman again, he thought. She wouldn’t know which end was up after I was through with her. Nobody hurts my little brother.

He knew it was best not to touch his brother right now, so he sat back, watching Luka’s face carefully. It was amazing how much he had aged in the past nine years. Now, there was just more grey hair in the future for Luka, more loneliness, more
despair, unless he sought what he really needed: Kerry. Sometimes, Davor wanted to grab his brother, shake him, and yell, “She’s right in front of you, dammit!”

Instead, Davor just sat with him, silently comforting him. My brother the wolf, he thought. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope.



Kerry hung up the telephone and leaned heavily against the kitchen counter. He was all right. He hadn’t bolted. In fact, he had promised Davor he would return home immediately and get some sleep. Kerry wasn’t sure what to do.

Studiously, she avoided consuming any alcohol. She didn’t want her mind to be cloudy while she talked to Luka. Davor had described his brother as ‘devastated’, and that seemed about right. Carol had strung Luka along for months, never telling him the truth about Doug, then had cut him off.  In the meantime, she had isolated him from nearly everyone. “Yeah, I’m sure that if she had known he was living here, she would have found some way to get him away from me, too,” she said bitterly.

She was in a cleaning frenzy when Luka came in. The house smelled like Lemon Fresh, and he paused, wrinkling his nose, in
the foyer.  Kerry had just finished mopping the kitchen, and she put her hand up when he came to the door, warning him not to step on the still-wet floor. She stepped out and passed him, heading back toward the living room, turning slightly so that he could only see her profile.

“You shouldn’t be doing that kind of work, Kerry,” he said dully. “I’m sure your leg must be hurting.”

“I don’t have servants,” she answered, swallowing. “I guess you... you heard that Carol quit yesterday.”

“Yes. I did.”

“The two of you... were good friends?”

Luka paused, and then it just poured out of him. “I thought we were something more, but I was wrong. I was hoping...” He stared down at his feet for a moment, unable to look at her. He had never been spurned by a woman before, and he had no idea how to react. Rage? He knew his ego had been crushed, and it wasn’t like he enjoyed that, or that he could honestly say he was happy for her. From what little he’d heard about the situation, he couldn’t say he’d like Doug Ross much if he ever
met him.

“Maybe you should talk to Davor... or maybe even Dr. Reed.”

“I talked to Davor. And Dr. Reed is out of town for a family
funeral.”

“Oh.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Luka.”

He stared at her for a moment. “Did you know about this Doug Ross, Kerry?”

“Yes. I did.”

“And why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t Carol tell me right at the beginning?”

“I’m so sorry, Luka... we just didn’t feel it was our place...”

Luka didn’t want to lash out at Kerry, and he leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have accused you.”

“Call it the ‘sin of omission’,” she answered softly. “As your friend, I should have said something... but, it wasn’t really my place. You and Carol are both adults and... and sometimes things just don’t work out.” There you again, she thought. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person.

“I’ll be all right,” he said. He had a feeling it would take him a while to recover. “Kerry, I want to apologize for yesterday... for that DNR patient. I had no right to interfere...”

“It’s okay,” she shook her head. “You didn’t know. Besides, I had no excuse for yelling at you like that. I’ve meddled with your patients... knowingly at that, and I had no right to do it. You weren’t given all the information.”

“Carol deceived me,” he said simply. Kerry nodded, but he didn’t notice and continued. “Or maybe I was deceiving myself... I don’t know. All this time, she didn’t tell me the truth, until it was... almost too late. If she had told me, I wouldn’t have even thought about it, you know? If she had just told me...”

Kerry sighed sadly, but avoided looking directly at him. “Luka, if you need someone to talk to, or if you need any help...you know I’m here. I’m not good at giving advice, but I have two ears and I can use them pretty well.”

He smiled for the first time since he’d walked through the door. Even in this state, he still had the most beautiful smile she’d ever seen. “Thank you, Kerry.”

Luka looked around. “I guess I’ll have to get into the basement through the back...?”

“Yes. I’m afraid so.”

That smile again-tinged with sadness, but so dazzling it was almost too much for Kerry to look at-and he was gone. She crutched to her couch and sat down. The hateful side of Kerry’s personality-the side that seemed to reveal itself the most - wanted to do something to really stick it to Carol Hathaway. Maybe a nasty ‘referral’ letter that would be sent to every potential employer Carol applied to. As a kind of catharsis, Kerry mentally wrote it out: ‘This woman disobeys direct orders, goes against every policy you can imagine, lies, deceives, and manipulates. Not only that, but she appears to have no regrets
about doing any of the above. If you hire her, prepare yourself for whining, complaining, eye-rolling during reprimands, and general snotty, interfering and uppity behavior that most people grow out of when they’re ten.’

Kerry chuckled to herself. She felt a little better now. It’s always good, she knew, to write the nasty letter first, vent all your fury, then send out the more politely worded dispatch later. But no way in hell would Kerry Weaver give Carol Hathaway any kind of glowing recommendation, after what she’d done to Luka. Maybe just ‘She’s a fine nurse but I would not recommend her for any position-especially since she quit without notice and left us without a charge nurse’ would suffice. Levering herself off the couch, Kerry headed toward her kitchen and almost stepped onto the linoleum before remembering it was still wet.

She heard Luka downstairs, and paused, listening to his quiet sounds. Except when he was upstairs, she barely knew he was around most of the time-at least not consciously. What would it be like, she wondered, to have him living up here? Sleeping in my bed... holding me at night, making love... making babies, even. They had had so many conversations in the past, sitting in her kitchen, so completely at ease with each other, despite their differences. They were, she realized now, compatible opposites. But didn’t he see her? She was so completely tuned in to him, almost from the very moment she’d met him.

Suddenly, she felt so much calmer. Carol was gone. The competition was out of the way, gone forever. Given some time for healing, maybe... maybe Kerry Weaver would have a chance.



To be continued...