Reconstructed Luka
Part Three
By Miesque
miesque48@hotmail.com

RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None that I know of.

STORY SYNOPSIS: One of the Kovac children is met with an accident, and Luka and Kerry discuss what could have been.

DISCLAIMER: The character of Luka Kovac is the sole property of NBC, Warner Brothers, Amblin, and Constant C.  I created Marguerite ‘Daisy’ Childers one day several months ago and she pretty much belongs to me ;).

SONGS: ‘Crying’ by Roy Orbison

PRAISE TO: Three extraordinary friends who provide continued and loyal support, inspiration, and encouragement (besides top-notch editing!). And many thanks-you know who you are!-for the ‘doctor talk’, about which I know diddly-squat.

PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Not necessary, but see “Deconstructing Luka” (parts 1-6) for details.



“So are you happy, Daisy? Really happy?”

Karen had a tendency to ask Daisy that question every time they spoke. Daisy could only indulge her cousin. “Of course I’m happy. I have a wonderful husband, five beautiful children, a good job...well, I guess it’d be called a career, right? I’m not just happy...I’m content with things, you know?”

“Do you ever worry, though? I mean, he’s gorgeous, and women just fall all over themselves about him...including us,” Karen said, nodding toward Gretchen, who gave her a look.

“I know my Luka,” Daisy said with a smile. “I know he’s been tempted a few times, but the one woman that I worried about...you know, sometimes I felt like Melanie Wilkes when it came to her.”

“Who?”

“Melanie Wilkes, Karen...from ‘Gone With The Wind’. Scarlett O’Hara was crazy in love with Melanie’s husband Ashley, and Melanie knew it, but she was always so kind to Scarlett...became her friend, made Scarlett a part of her family. I should have done that with her, really. I can imagine she’s very lonely these days. Scarlett’s jealousy of Melanie turned to genuine love, affection and gratefulness.”

“Daisy...” Gretchen shook her head in amazement. “No wonder you were always my favorite cousin.”

“Hey, what about me?” Karen laughed.

“Well, you’re a close runner-up, Karen!”

Daisy giggled and hugged Karen, who chuckled. The three women had grown up together, more or less, and were the best of friends-always would be. Blood ties only made their bond stronger.

“Who was this woman?” Gretchen asked.

“You don’t know her,” Daisy said, lowering her eyes a little. “But she loved Luka. She still does. And whenever I think about her, I wish I had done something more...that I had made her know how much I liked her and appreciated her. I mean, she’s the one who made it all happen, really. She got him to El Paso. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Mom!”

Nik came running into the kitchen, breathless, eyes wide with fear.

“What is it, sweetie?” Daisy asked, looking up, suddenly alarmed by the expression on her eldest son’s face.

“Aleks...”

“What about Aleks?!” Daisy gasped.

“He fell...he’s bleeding like crazy, Mom...”

“Oh my God! Gretchen, call 911...Karen, see if you can track Luka down...he’s at Memorial now for the workshop!”



I was all right for a while,
I could smile for a while
But I saw you last night,
you held my hand so tight
As you stopped to say ‘Hello’
Aww you wished me well,
you couldn’t tell

That I’d been crying over you, crying over you
Then you said ‘So long’, left me standing all alone
Alone and crying, crying, crying crying
It’s hard to understand but the touch of your hand
Can start me crying

I thought that I was over you
but it’s true, so true
I love you even more than I did before
but darling what can I do
For you don’t love me and I’ll always be

Crying over you, crying over you
Yes, now you’re gone and from this moment on
I’ll be crying, crying, crying, crying
Yeah crying, crying, over you



The last speech had just ended, and Luka was glad to be able to stand up and stretch his muscles. This vacation was a lot less stressful than usual...he laughed to himself a little about that...but he was a little worn out. Well, part of that was Daisy’s fault. She had been pretty well insatiable last night. Amazing, now after ten years, that the sex was not only good but that they could laugh together so easily, even while making love. Those dogs had ventured back into the bedroom and he and Daisy had burst into laughter when Luka threw his T-shirt at them and they instantly brought it back, Poncho putting his paws on the bed and offering the shirt back to Luka, tail wagging...

He saw Kerry crutching past him, obviously distracted, and called out to her.

“Kerry?”

She stopped in her tracks and turned, leaning on her cane. “Oh...hello,” she said, her voice neutral, her expression guarded.

Luka smiled at her. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yes...I figured you’d be heading south by now.”

“No...this is actually kind of a leisurely vacation. No rushing. We’ve got four weeks to fool around, do nothing in particular. See the sights, visit Daisy’s relatives...we’ll be leaving tomorrow, though.”

She nodded absently, looking away. “I think about paying a visit to Chicago sometimes. Catching up on old times...but I never seem to have time.”

“So why not make time? You should see Meggy-she’s growing like Johnson grass, and Jackson still remembers you and...”

Jackson. Kerry looked away. She had delivered Jackson in the ER. Held that beautiful little boy in her arms, feeling so broken when she had to hand him to Daisy, who had looked so happy. That had been the catalyst for Kerry-she just couldn’t bear it any more. It had taken her another two years to get up enough nerve to leave, but Jackson Childers Kovac had been the final heartbreak for Kerry. She remembered that day so clearly-Daisy rushing into the ER, Luka having been forced to go with Mark to a conference in New York (dragged, more or less, against his will) and Kerry had been the attending on call. To see the child of the man she loved coming into the world, created with such love and passion...  Kerry had gone home that night and drank an entire bottle of whiskey, to anesthetize the pain, to knock herself out.

“I’m glad they’re doing well,” Kerry said, cutting Luka off somewhat abruptly.

Luka watched Kerry for a moment, concerned. She looked so...lonely. And he couldn’t understand why she would choose a life like that. He couldn’t bear the thought of being alone in the world-he had suffered that for nine horrible years, and the very thought of going through it again, even for a day, was too terrible to consider. And it especially hurt him to think that Kerry was fated for such a life...and that she had never said anything about her feelings for him.

“Kerry...it would be really good if you’d come back to Chicago. Permanently, I mean. You were always an asset to that ER, and you were always a good friend...”

Kerry almost wanted to wail “But I don’t want just a friendship with you, and I don’t want you to care about me out of pity, and I sure as hell don’t want to be the other woman!” But she swallowed and started to speak. But a loud noise distracted her. She peered around Luka and saw a gurney coming through the ambulance bay doors. And she saw Daisy rushing alongside it.

“What the hell?” she said.

Luka turned around and was horrified to see his six-year old son Aleks on that gurney, obviously unconscious, wearing a neck brace and an oxygen mask over his face.

Daisy saw her husband and Kerry, but she was too scared to go into that. She was restrained by two nurses who took Aleks into a trauma room.

“What happened?” Luka shouted.

The EMTs gave Luka the bullet. “Six year-old boy fell, landed on left shoulder, probably hit his head in the process. Unconscious about thirty minutes, but responsive to pain stimulus...”

Daisy was in tears, looking down at her baby. Aleks’ hair was matted with blood, there was blood all over the side of his face and on his shirt. There was blood on Daisy’s hands, and she looked pale and terrified. Luka instinctively put his arm around his wife’s shoulders, and she looked up at him, momentarily unable to speak.

“BP is one-ten over seventy, with pulse at eighty-eight. Glasgow coma scale at nine.”

“My poor baby...Luka, he won’t answer me!”

“It’ll be all right. Don’t worry...” But Luka didn’t sound convincing. He glanced back at Kerry, and strode into the trauma room.

“I’m Dr. Kovac...I’m this boy’s father...what’s going on?” he asked the doctor who appeared to be in charge. Kerry came in, watching as Luka calmly took control of the situation. Just like always, she thought. The Alpha Wolf in him comes shining through all the time.

“I’m Dr. Peters. It’s probably not advisable, Dr. Kovac, that you treat your own son. Dr. Weaver?” He looked around Luka and saw her standing there. “We could still use some extra help here.”

“Yes...” Luka turned to look at her. “Kerry...please.”

Kerry stepped forward, pulling on a pair of gloves, and moved in between Dr. Peters and a nurse. She looked back at Daisy, who was bouncing on her heels, frantic, hugging herself.

“How far did he fall?”

“Ten feet from a tree...Nik said he landed on his shoulder but hit his head on an above-ground root...there was blood everywhere, Luka! It was horrible...I tried your cell phone...” Daisy shook her head, the adrenaline still pumping through her system. She knew it’d take her a few minutes to calm down.

“We had to turn them off in the conference room,” Luka said grimly.

Kerry spoke gently. “Head wounds bleed very badly, Daisy.”

“Hook him to a pulse-ox monitor,” Kerry ordered. “And get a new BP, pulse and respiration.”

The results came up quickly. “Breathing’s fine, pulse ox at ninety-eight,” the nurse said. “BP is one-fifteen over seventy-five, pulse is eighty, respiration is sixty.”

Kerry began checking Aleks’ eyes. “Pupils are equal and reactive...” she called out. Just then, Aleks began to come around, mumbling incoherently in a mix of English and Croatian. “No midline tenderness,” Kerry said quickly to Luka, who was looking down at Aleks.

“Aleks? Hello, sweetie, you’re gonna be just fine,” she said gently. “Your Mommy and Daddy are both here.”

The boy only mumbled vaguely, moving his arms and legs, staring up at her, confused. He saw his father, though, and cried out. “Daddy!”

Luka thought his heart was going to break, seeing his son so scared. He touched Aleks’ shoulder, smiling. “It’s all right, son. You’ll be just fine. Nothing to be afraid of. Remember Dr. Kerry? She’s going to take very good care of you.”

“It hurts!” Aleks wailed. Luka just smiled at his son. Aleks had his threshold of pain-pretty low.

“Glasgow coma scale is fourteen,” Luka called back to Daisy. “That’s a big improvement, Dais’. Very responsive. Getting more and more alert every second.”

“Now Aleks, we need you to lie still, okay?” Kerry said, her voice soothing. “Can you do that for me?”

The boy looked up at her, green eyes still frightened. Kerry took a deep breath-he was the image of his father-the same high cheekbones, the same nose. Even at just six years of age, he was a carbon copy of Luka. The others were all the same way, except for Nik, who was Daisy’s image. “Okay,” he whispered.

Aleks’ clothes were quickly removed and the only other injuries Kerry could see was a shoulder abrasion. “Okay, let’s get this head wound cleaned up with some saline,” she called.

The nurse began cleaning the wound, talking gently to the still frightened little boy. She looked up at Luka, smiling. “The laceration only went through to the aponeurosis,” she said with a reassuring smile.

“What does that mean?” Daisy asked from the door.

“He was cut only to the third layer of muscles and fat, Dais’,” Luka said quickly. “Not all the way to the bone.”

She closed her eyes, relieved, and mouthed a prayer of thanksgiving to God.

“Now let’s suture this wound,” Kerry said. “And then we’ll do some x-rays just to be sure and then we’ll take you upstairs for a little while, okay, honey?”

Luka lead Daisy out of the trauma room as the nurses worked on Aleks. He pulled her into a strong embrace, stroking her hair and muttering to her as he tended to do when she was upset. She put her head to his chest and cried for a few moments, then wiped her tears and looked up at him. “Are you sure he’s going to okay, Luka?”

“He’s going to be fine...he’s a tough little boy. Probably just a little brain bruise,” Luka said softly. “A very mild concussion.”

“So he’ll be okay?” she said cautiously.

“Yes. They’ll keep him here for twenty-four hours, most likely, then we’ll rest another day at Karen’s...”

Kerry stepped out of the trauma room and watched them from afar, her heart aching. She pulled herself back together and crutched to them, smiling as best she could. “Luka...Daisy, the x-rays just came back. No fracture.

The little boy was being wheeled out now, his head bandaged. He reached instinctively for his mother, who rushed to his side.

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy’s right here. These nurses will take good care of you,” Daisy said, kissing her son on the cheek. Aleks had improved a great deal, though. He grinned at his parents.

“That was so cool! They put stitches in my head and I didn’t even feel it!”

Luka rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, Aleksandr,” he said, tousling Aleks’ hair. The boy grinned up at his father. “Glad to know you have your mother’s thick skull.”

Daisy laughed, shaking her head, tears still in her eyes.

“Daisy, I need to talk to Kerry...you go on up. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Kerry could hardly look at Daisy, so she wasn’t prepared for the young woman to move back and embrace her warmly. “Thank you, Kerry.” She paused for a moment, then looked at Kerry, tears in her eyes. “For everything.”

With that, Daisy gave Luka an understanding look, turned and left, stepping into the elevator with the nurses and her son.

Luka turned back to look at Kerry, who looked down. “Like Daisy said, Kerry...thank you. You did a great job back there.”

“I was...I was glad I could help,” Kerry said, trying to sound casual.

He watched her for a moment, noting that she was still a rather pretty woman. She had the same delicate bone structure, the same squeaky voice...the same vulnerability underneath that tough career-woman bravado that she always tried to exude. And now, she had a strange expression on her face-her eyes softening and becoming moist. She looked...heartbroken.

“Kerry, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I never...I never noticed anything.”

“What do you mean?” she said softly, looking up at him.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared down at his feet for a moment. Then he looked up at her again. “Daisy told me...that you had...uh...feelings for me. Is that true?”

Kerry couldn’t hold back her tears now. “Yes,” she blurted out. “I did...I do.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” he said gently.

“Would it have mattered? If you had come back with Daisy and before you married her...if I had said something, would that have changed anything? Would you have left her for me?”

“But before that, Kerry...you could have said something before I went to Mexico.”

“And you wouldn’t have...this,” she said. “You wouldn’t have five children...you wouldn’t have the life you have now.”

He looked down the busy hallway, not sure what to say. “It’s like choosing a door. Go through one door, and you have one life, go through another and you have...another life. One could have been just as good as another, Kerry.”

“I don’t think we need to discuss it, Luka. What’s done is done. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m so glad you...you got what you needed, Luka. Daisy makes you happy, and as long as you’re happy...”

“She does make me happy, Kerry. But...when you left two years ago I was...” He thought about it a moment. He was pretty clueless, that was for sure. But looking back at it now, he realized how much he missed Kerry. She had been a true, faithful friend to him through the years. He had always trusted and admired her, and thought very highly of her.

“Kerry, you were really the first person who gave me a chance at County...” He stumbled over his words, and paused to sort them out carefully. “You hired me, gave me a new life. Did you know...did you know that the day you hired me was the eighth anniversary of the fall of Vukovar?”

Kerry nodded. “I know now. I didn’t know then. But I thought it was Carol who...”

“Carol? No, she pretty much dragged me down. And besides, Kerry...” He wasn’t sure he should tell her this, but finally he decided to go ahead. “She and Doug got a divorce last year. I really doubt she and I would have worked out any better.”

“I’m glad you found Daisy, Luka,” Kerry whispered. “And I’ll always be glad to call you a friend.” She began to break down, and Luka looked around, finally seeing a sign on a door reading “Lounge”. He gently pulled her into the room, thankful that it was empty.

“Kerry, Carol was never that kind to me. She used me a lot, remember? She could have been honest with me. You were always honest...though, of course, you could have said something to me at some point about how you felt. Maybe I would never have gone to Mexico. Maybe I would have stayed in Chicago and built a...”

“No. No, Luka. Don’t think about what could have been. That’s useless. What could have been never will be. It wasn’t in the stars, that’s all.”

“Well, I don’t believe in the stars,” Luka said, smiling.

“Then it just wasn’t meant to be.”

He looked down for a moment. “Kerry, come back to Chicago. I can’t bear the idea of you being alone, without a family. If it weren’t for you, I would never have found Daisy. I would never have found such...such happiness. You’re a part of my family, Kerry. An invaluable asset to our lives.”

“I don’t need pity, Luka,” she said, unable to hold back her tears.

“It’s not pity, Kerry. It’s a friendship. One that I value immensely. One that I hope you value as well.”

“What about Daisy? Wouldn’t she be kind of suspicious if I came back?”

“She would be delighted, Kerry. She valued your friendship, too. She was always very fond of you, even though she knew... You were always kind to her...you delivered Jackson...you treated my son today.”

“That was the worst day of my life,” Kerry whispered. “Delivering your baby...when all my hope was gone...”

Luka drew in his breath, seeing Kerry for what she was for the first time: a lonely, unloved woman. Yet he didn’t pity her. She had chosen this life for herself. She had chosen not to speak, had decided on her own never to say a word. Until now. Now, she had an opportunity.

“But your hope isn’t gone, Kerry. I won’t give you the speech Carol gave me ten years ago about soul mates and how you’ll find someone. That won’t make you or me feel any better...she was just letting herself off the hook. But I want you to be a part of my life again. You’re family to me, Kerry. The first family I had in Chicago, though I was too much of a wreck at the time to realize it. Everything I have is thanks to you...my work, my wife...even my kids, Kerry. I don’t want you to be alone any more, Kerry. That isn’t how it should be. No one should be alone when they have friends who love them.”

Kerry sniffed, wiping her eyes. Luka didn’t touch her-he kept his distance from her, letting her make up her own mind. It was her decision. “I’ll think about it, Luka. I’ve been wanting to go back to County for a long time.”

“You know, if you came back, I could give up my job as ER chief and go back to being an attending again. That’s the life I think I’d prefer. You would have my job...you’d have a career and a family.”

“You really are a family man, aren’t you?” she asked, smiling softly. “Willing to give up a lucrative career for...for happiness.”

“Yes, Kerry, I am. Everybody needs family. Even when they drive us crazy. Promise me you’ll think about it?”

“I promise,” she whispered.

He embraced her then, letting her cry against his chest. Gently, he kissed her forehead, and gave her a handkerchief to wipe her tears away. She glanced up at him and almost laughed. Maybe loving him while not being able to actually have him would be beneficial in some way. She would be included in his life, and in the life of his family, and she could love him and be a friend to him. No risk of being rejected and cast out. No loneliness. She would be accepted, valued and loved.

“Good.” Luka nodded. She started to hand the handkerchief back, but he waved it away. “Keep it. I’m going to go check on Aleks. You’ll come up later, I hope?”

“Yes. Of course.” She smiled, and watched him leave. For a moment, she stood in that silent lounge, pressing the piece of fine linen to her mouth, breathing in his scent. Kerry would always love him, but at least now she knew he loved her back, albeit not in the way she hoped. But at least she was loved. And that was what she had always wanted from him. His love.

Luka paused outside the lounge door, his mind whirling. He did love Kerry, but...not like that. He would always be helplessly in love with Daisy. But Kerry had been his first loyal friend after the deaths of his first wife and children. She was the one who gave him a new life, a future. And for that, he would always love and cherish her. She was his friend, and there was no way in hell he’d allow her to end up alone.

He wiped his eyes, drew his breath in slowly and exhaled, and nodded firmly. He needed to go upstairs to see his son.

TO BE CONTINUED...

--
Do something, every day, that scares somebody.
-Dale Gribble, "King of the Hill"
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
~Erma Bombeck
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
~Stephen Wright