Sex Diaries
Part Four - Grocery Store Cowboy
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG (mild language)
SETTING: End of Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") and into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke



25 July 2001

Really blew it. Dr. Kovac furious with me. Made big mistake-gave pt. incorrect dosage of meds, man nearly died. Dr. Weaver saved situation and berated him (slightly). "You should be watching more closely, Luka." Dr. Kovac looked annoyed and muttered something in Croatian and stalked away. He has been in a bad mood all day and I'm doing my best to avoid him.

Bumped into Dr. Carter several times today, and he asked me out to dinner as shift ended. Have nothing else to do, hair clean, don't have any lepers to heal or moon colonies to start, so I accepted. Sigh. He says he will pick me up at my flat at eight tonight. We'll have dinner and see a movie.

As I was leaving, though, I saw Dr. Kovac standing in the hallway, chart in hand, tapping board with his pen, looking unhappy. Did he hear John ask me out?

Ah well. At least I'm going out with a man tonight. Well, almost a man. Dad would call John a callow youth. Perhaps he's right.



Luka was in a sour mood. He wasn't sleeping well lately. He got a migraine-his first in six years-halfway through his shift and was thinking about going home to crawl under his sheets and sleep for a week when Randi hailed him.

"Hey, Dr. Kovac. There's a guy on line three for you. Says he's your father."

"My father?"

"Yeah. Hey, what's he look like?"

"Me, I guess."

Randi got a far-away look in her eyes as Luka took the phone.

"Papa? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Andrej Kovac replied testily. "I was calling you to tell you that we're having a family reunion in Dubrovnik at Christmastime. I hope you'll come."

"Oh...uh...maybe. It's possible, I guess."

"You guess?"

Luka sighed. He and his father were almost constantly at each other's throat's these days, and he couldn't understand why. What was wrong? What had he done? Andrej had only recently forgiven him for everything that had happened in Vukovar. Then, last Christmas, Luka had come to him in a state of total despair, needing advice and friendship, not berating and arguing. Andrej had told Luka to break it off with Abby as soon as possible, but Luka had stayed in the relationship for...why, exactly? To prove to his father that he could make something work that never would work? To punish himself? Maybe that was it. Abby had become an albatross around Luka's neck, though she hadn't intended to be. It wasn't her fault, necessarily. She had made several mistakes, but it wasn't like Luka couldn't have ended it much sooner.

"Well, Papa, I put in for my vacation in November. Maybe I could come for a while then and visit everybody in Dubrovnik and Zagreb. I'm sorry...I'm very busy, Papa. I have to go."
There was an angry silence on the other end, then Luka heard a click. Another dead-end conversation, he thought sadly. He hung up and glanced back at Randi, who was watching him with interest. The entire conversation had been in Croatian, but she had zeroed in on Luka's tone and expression.

"Everything okay back home?" she asked.

"Everything's just fine, Randi. Same as always." He clapped the chart down and stalked away, his head pounding even more. He went into the lounge and plopped down at the table, where Kerry Weaver was going over charts.

"Maybe we should just close the place down for the day and go home. It's too hot for humanity out there."

"Six heat stroke victims so far," Kerry said. "Most of them small children." She looked up at him for a moment, then dove back into her charts, clearly uncomfortable. Some days she was very 'easy' around him, but on most days she acted like she might explode if he touched her. He had experienced crushes from women, and felt that he had to be very careful with Kerry. She was so emotionally fragile-he would hate to hurt her. But...he wasn't attracted to her in that way, though he did love her like a sister.

Luka glanced at Kerry, then shrugged. He knew she wasn't gay. But if she was going to be so stubborn and insist on not saying anything in her own defense, well...so be it. It was her life, her business. He smiled to himself and drained down the last of his coffee. He knew at least three men who had commented that 'that red-headed woman sure is pretty!', but he also knew that Kerry Weaver, tough-as-nails ER chief and bruises-like-a-Romanov woman, had a hard time accepting such compliments.

"Too bad people don't have enough good sense to stay indoors," Luka commented. "Unlike us. We're working sixteen-hour shifts in a hospital with a bad cooling system."

Kerry snickered. "I don't want to hear any complaints! I spent two hours on the phone with maintenance this morning and they still haven't come up here."

"Shall I talk to them? Do the 'Dracula' imitation, scare the bejeezus out of them?"

"Oh, sure, then they'll never show up!"

Luka chuckled. "Okay, maybe I could pull a few strings. I know one of the guys down there...slightly. He owes me favor, at least."

"Everybody owes you favors."

"Is it my fault I'm good at currying favor?"

"You're good at manipulating people. I think I've created a monster."

"You didn't create this particular monster, Kerry. I was a monster long before I met you. I'm just more subtle about it. Remember that story I told you about winning a Sherman tank from that NATO general...all night poker game, he was drunk. I won everything he had on him, including a pink tutu and an inflatable doll."

"Don't tell you still have the tutu," Kerry said dryly.

"No. But I do still have the inflatable doll."

Kerry giggled and he stood up, feeling better. He always felt better after conversations with Kerry. She didn't know it, but she had a way of lifting his spirits. 'Kindness is bound up in your heart' had been a secret Valentine he'd sent her a while ago, and she had been happy all day after receiving it, though she'd no idea who had sent it to her.

After Luka left, Kerry sighed. "I suppose the inflatable doll is a better conversationalist than Abby Lockhart."



25 July 2001

6PM Got off early, ran home. Exfoliating, plucking, waxing, combing, washing, cleaning. At some point must wonder why, as I'm not exactly horny for Dr. Carter. But might as well look good. Perhaps a better-looking bloke will see me (giggle). Wish had time to lose three pounds. Thighs look good. Breasts in very good shape. Hair looking good. Thank God Papa was a dentist, insisted I not develop English Teeth. Mum insisted I bathe every day as well. Only girl at boarding school that didn't consistently smell unpleasant.

7PM Watching 'Entertainment Tonight'. Expose on the behind-the-scenes wars happening on set of 'Three's Company'. Wow. How not interesting.

7:30PM Spilled coffee on dress. Had to change into red number, which meant new makeup color scheme and desperate search for red suede shoes. Ugh.

8PM John showed up on time, with flowers. Allergic. Sneezed. "Thanks."

We sit for a moment in my living room. He looks strangely smug, to the point that I want to slap him and pitch him out window. Asks about my canary and my two turtles, Jack and Diane. My canary, Harold, does not like John. Screeches at him and in canary-speak calls him 'Yankee Wanker!'.

"Shall we go?" I finally ask. "What are we seeing?"

"'Hannibal'," he informs me.

Oh dear God.

11PM Tipsy and v. tired. John tried to get me into bed, the bloody git. Not ready for that, and never go to bed w/ man while intoxicated, I say (not exactly a rule I live by all the time, but there you are). We saw 'Hannibal' and I threw up in loo at 5-star French restaurant. Horrible movie, bad for my stomach. John thought it was funny when he ordered calve's brains. I did not.

We talked about general things, and I don't remember a lot of conversation. He looks a little better in nice suit, but it looks like something out of 'Dick Van Dyke Show'. Kind of charming, somewhat sweet. Do remember part of one conversation as we were on couch and he was trying to put his hand up my thigh.

"So how do you like working at County?"

"I like it okay."

"Get along with everybody?"

"Just fine."

"Watch out for Dr. Kovac. He's a total jerk. He'll work you to death if he can, and he loves to lord it over everybody."

"I've not had any problems with him," I reply.

"You will. When he first came here, he was okay. But then he started going after another guy's girlfriend-and she was pregnant! Can you believe that? Then he starts getting all self-righteous and holier-than-thou with patients. Swinging around his stethoscope o' justice and whacking people with it..."

"All doctors do that. I'd be bloody shocked to see one who didn't do it sometimes."

"I'm just warning you. He's an asshole," he said, looking a bit defensive. "I don't mistreat my patients!"

Why do I not exactly believe this? "So you're a perfect doctor?"

"I'm damn' good," Carter nodded. I rolled my eyes. "Want me to demonstrate my 'doctor' skills, Alexandra?"

"No. I want you to put your bloody shoes on and go home."

He looks dreadfully disappointed, but I really don't care. Will not sleep with this little weasel. And yes, he does look like a weasel. Eyes too close together. Nose too long and skinny. Too skinny all around. Like some meat on a man's bones. Well, not to the point of being crushed, but some muscle and sinew is v. nice.

12AM Fell asleep watching 'Jay Leno' tell pathetic jokes, woke up just now. Really not funny, in my opinion. Last thought was of Dr. Kovac, which is odd, because he was quite frightening today and v. unpleasant. Didn't raise his voice at all, but he was so angry at me. Crawl under bed, braving dust bunnies, to find missing shoe. Neighbors upstairs ballroom dancers. Long night ahead.



Luka usually shopped at the Jewel for his major household groceries, but today he wanted to get some stuff from his part of the world-or at least the Mediterranean. Hard to find Croatian wine, even in Chicago, after all. His birthday was almost two months away, he was turning forty, and he wanted something that would knock him out for most of the day. Nothing better for that than a good Croatian wine, not too expensive.

He drove to his favorite ethnic grocery shop and went in, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. Gavrilo always kept the place so dark, as if he had something to hide. And considering that Gavrilo was a Serb, Luka wouldn't be too surprised if he was hiding something. Eh...

"Hello, Dr. Kovac," Gavrilo called from behind the counter. Luka nodded to him and grinned.

"Very hot out there. Kill any Archdukes today?"

Gavrilo just laughed. "Not yet! And it is damned hot. Can't stand it. Stay in here today."

Luka made his way down the aisle, grabbing a small hand basket on his way, and began his search for Croatian fare. Gavrilo often got stuff that Luka had cravings for (besides Milky Way bars). He searched the aisles for the stuff on his list, muttering about dateshells and Gavrilovic salami. A quick perusal of the deli (such as it was) resulted in Luka finding sarma, which was quite thrilling as he hadn't had any of that in almost ten years. He also bought some peppered Slavonian sausages, all with Gavrilo watching him, smirking. Luka was always willing to buy 'home food' if he could get his hands on it. Having found that and some pizzelle cookies from Italy, he headed back to the meat counter. He wanted a good chuck roast and some sirloin strips.

He was perusing whole chickens when he glanced up and saw Alexandra Morgan pushing a cart toward him, looking at goat cheese displays. He looked around nervously, wondering what she was doing here. This was hardly a well-known grocery shop. What, was she following him?

That would certainly be...nice. No, of course it wouldn't be nice! Like he needed a stalker in his life!



26 July 2001

Oh dear God. Ran into Dr. Kovac at Gavrilo's Exotic Foods today. Jing-Mei recommended it to me, said it had curry and other such things, besides a large supply of English candy (and Twiglets! There is a God!). Nearly had mild thrombosis when looked up and saw him. V. embarrassed, did best to avoid him. Scooted around displays and attempted to make self shorter, which is not quite possible as am five-ten. Became even more obvious when I was crouching down behind shopping cart. He came over and looked down at me.

"Lose a penny?" (I swear to God he was snickering)

"No...no, just studying the wood finishing on these old floors. Very nice work, don't you think?"

"Yes. Excellent work. But you're not going to find groceries on the floor."

Couldn't think of anything to say. Felt like bloody fool. Stood up and realized I am able to look him almost directly in the eye. His eyes are greenish/greyish/hazel...something. Can't put finger on color. Was he following me? He looked rather curious-that same look as in the park. Like he wanted to say something but decided against it.

"Buying Twiglets?" he said, looking into my cart.

"Yes." Feel even more embarrassed. Eating Twiglets as I write this.

"I suppose you feel homesick sometimes, too."

"Yes."

"You're from...uh...Devonshire?"

"Yes." Wish ground would open up and swallow me.

"Pretty part of England."

"You've been there?"

"A couple of times."

"Oh. Did you like it?"

"Well, yes. I suppose I did." He looked away, and I catch sight of his profile again. Flawless.

Can't think of anything else to say. Feel like moron. Must be moron. How hard can it be to talk to someone like this? Not like he's alien from another planet. And we're both foreigners...strangers in strange land and all that rubbish.

He finally nods and his body language is quite clear. "Get Away From Me". So I do. I scuttle away, pushing cart. Knock over canned tomato display. Almost die of embarrassment. Head toward front of shop, get in queue. Realize I do not have cash. Dr. Kovac suddenly behind me, speaking rapidly in Croatian (??) with Gavrilo. I suddenly realize what is happening. Dr. Kovac is handing Gavrilo his credit card, paying for my groceries. I try to stop him, but too late. $65.47 in debt to large Croatian.

God, I wish I was dead.



Luka made a Dalmatian pot roast from the little roast he'd purchased and sat down in his kitchen, eating and reading the newspaper. He glanced at the grocery bill beside him. The woman sure liked Twiglets. He shrugged and tossed the bill in the trash.

Why had it thrilled him to see her? What the hell is wrong with you, Kovac? he asked himself. First of all, she's already dating the Drugstore Cowboy. Seems even a tad scatterbrained, if forgetting to take money to the grocery store is any indication. But...such beautiful eyes. And lovely skin. Wonder what her skin tastes...

He sat up straight and shook those thoughts out of his head. He would get over that soon enough. He simply wasn't ready for that kind of thing yet. He didn't want to get into a rebound relationship.

He sighed, poured himself another glass of Pavlac wine and toasted himself. "Alone again...naturally."

To be continued...