Sex Diaries
Part Five - Cheesecake and Whine
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG (mild language)
SETTING: Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
SONGS: 'Treat Her Right', by The Commitments (a song that makes you want to get up and dance); 'Committed to Parkview', by Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson (a truly...odd...song)
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke; Grocery Store Cowboy



Luka was awakened at four in the morning by his phone ringing. He had no idea where it was. Cordless phones are great if you're walking around the house, but when you lay it down in some odd place, you're going to have problems. One time he found it in the refrigerator. He remembered having to sit down and ponder that one. Sometimes, a part of the brain just gets turned off and causes a person to do really weird things.

After scrambling around for what seemed like an eternity, all the while praying he'd remembered to leave the answering machine on-as if he could remember where the answering machine was, either-he finally found the phone under a stack of newspapers. "What?!"

"Luka?"

It was his father. Luka sat down heavily on the bed and covered the mouthpiece. "Damn, damn, damn."

"What's going on?" Andrej asked.

"Well, I was asleep. But...uh...I need to get up." He looked at the clock. 4.32AM. He felt hungry anyway. Maybe he'd pour himself a bowl of Post Toasties and watch another infomercial. He had actually called once to order a set of Ginsu knives. When they arrived, Luka had proceeded to cut up an old pair of shoes, a tin can, two empty quart milk bottles, and had shredded a sock. Of course, then he'd sliced his thumb and ended up needing stitches. Hard to explain that kind of thing to Chuny, who had peered up at him, skeptical, as he explained that he'd been cutting tomatoes. "At two in the morning?"

"I woke you, huh? Well, I need to talk to you about this family reunion. I really want you to come at Christmas."

"Papa, we already discussed this. I really can't. I promised to work double shifts at Christmas, to cover for everybody else who had families to go home to."

Another long, cold silence.

"Luka, you have been home exactly one time in the past eight years. That isn't right."

"I'm sorry, Papa."

"Damn right you should be! Neglecting your family! Sometimes I wonder if you're even Croatian, being so disloyal to your own blood relatives. Don't tell me you're back with that woman again!"

Luka struggled to keep his temper in check. He loved his father, and respected him too much to start yelling. "I am not back with that woman. I will never be back with that woman, unless I suddenly hear from the Weather Channel that hell has unexpectedly frozen over. And I made a promise to work Christmas and didn't you raise me to keep my promises?"

<Click>

"Damn!"

Luka threw the phone on the couch and got up to pace a bit, which usually worked off his bouts of nervous energy. Or depression.

Yes, he still got depressed sometimes. Very much so. Not to the point opening the drawer again. But the gun was still in there. At least he had gotten rid of all the bullets. That was a good step in the right direction. It wasn't like just confessing his sins and mistakes to a bishop was going to fix everything. No more than sleeping with someone would make him happy and light-hearted. But at least now he was going to Mass when he could. He went to Confession after his breakup with Abby, in fact. "She wasn't that bad, really. Just that we didn't connect. I couldn't. We had nothing in common. We were negative plus negative...and that doesn't make a positive. And yes, I slept with her. I had sex with her. Never made love to her. Just a stupid, stupid mistake and I wish my life had a rewind-erase button. But then, I'd rewind and erase everything that happened prior to November 1991 and my wife and children might still be alive and there'd be no guilt about having slept with a woman I didn't love."

Luka sighed. Between confession and sessions with his therapist, he was on a fairly even keel lately. But some days were harder than others. Hard to keep your head above water. Hard to keep just paddling along, nose the grindstone, ear to the ground...mixing metaphors. That's what happens to you when you've been awakened at four in the morning by an angry parent and English is a second language.

He switched on the TV and flipped through channels. Not much. Old episode of 'The Honeymooners'. Never liked that show. Blowhard husbands yelling at shrewish wives. Yawn. Luka sat back on the couch, forgetting that he was totally naked, and went to sleep. Woke up at half-past ten and was startled at his state of undress. He felt horrible. What was he now, Ugly Naked Guy from 'Friends'?"

Shave. Shower. Breakfast consisting of Post Toasties and waffles. He took his wallet out and looked at his picture of Danijela and Jasna, and felt so lonely he thought he might die if he didn't get to talk to somebody. Finally, at 8:30, he called Jing-Mei.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Getting ready for work. What are you doing?"

"Sitting around."

"Oh."

"Are you busy? I can hang up and..."

"No, Luka. Of course not. What's wrong? You sound...sad."

"My father called me this morning. Can't figure out what's wrong. He's been...snappish lately. I thought everything was okay between us and now..." Luka's voice trailed off and he shrugged.

Jing-Mei, pulling her shoes on and, looking for the right accessories to her outfit, paused in mid-primp. "Is he okay?"

"I'm sure he's fine."

She narrowed her eyes. Last time she'd heard a phrase like that from somebody, it had resulted in her standing on the sidelines, watching as a good man slowly self-destructed.

"Don't be so sure. Maybe he's worried about you."

"We can't seem to talk without arguing."

"You need some cheering up, Luka. How 'bout you come over to my apartment tonight? We're gonna watch 'Dr. Zhivago', drink wine spritzers and laugh until dawn."

"Who else will be there?" Luka asked.

"Me, Alexandra, Dr. Malucci, Chuny and that nurse...Kelly whatsername. She's married but her husband is in Tennessee all week and she's bored silly. So...please come. You'll have a good time!"

Luka wasn't sure, and Jing-Mei sensed his reticence immediately, even over the phone. "Luka, you need to get out some, enjoy yourself. Come on! Besides, if you don't, we'll come over to your place and invade!"

"Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah...I'll be there. What should I bring?"

"Just your usual gorgeous self and a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage."

"Jack Daniels it is."

"Jerk!"

He laughed and hung up. He felt a little better. Jing-Mei, like Kerry, always seemed to know how to cheer him up, making him feel included and cared for. Everybody needs that. No man is an island unto himself...

Luka dozed off again and dreamed about islands and a slender Englishwoman giving him a backrub as the water crashed against the rocks. Dreamed of her warm soft body and pretty hands roaming over him. Woke up and found that certain parts of his body were clearly in full agreement with his subconscious mind.

"Damn it, get your mind out of the gutter!"

He hadn't been this...heavy since Danijela. He cursed himself and reminded himself of how inappropriate that would be, as she was a resident and he was an attending. And as little as he liked Dr. Carter, he wasn't going to try and steal his girlfriend from him as some kind of payback. It was mere physical attraction, he told himself. But he had seen something in Alexandra-something had clicked in his head when he saw her, like a light turning on. There was something about her that was so real and honest. She glowed. She made it hard for him to sleep at night.

What was wrong with him? He barely knew her.



28 July 2001

Really don't like this flat. The floor plan is all screwy. Sharp angles everywhere. And the light fixture...I believe it might have been more attractive if they had hung a urinal from the ceiling. Can't figure out the microwave...has odd buttons. Rangetop stove is one of those ultra modern flat-top things and has all kinds of bells and whistles. Promised I'd make a cheesecake for Jing-Mei's dinner party tonight. Thank God I don't need to bake it.

V. nervous about tonight, as Dr. Kovac will be there. Strange man. Saw him at work yesterday, but only briefly. Looked tired and worn down.

Dr. Carter greeted me in lift and we had chat about...oh, what does it matter? When we exited lift, he saw Abby Lockhart and began trying to Banter with me, which did not work, as I was not in mood to be used as object of jealousy. 'Accidentally' stepped on his toe and left. Carried Twiglets in labcoat pocket and snacked on them in lounge. Jing-Mei came in and sat down, smiling like Siamese cat that had just caught innocent little goldfish.

"Well, I've got my guest list rounded out for tonight."

"Really? Who?"

"Me, you, Dave Malucci-who isn't so bad, really, just let him think he's Special-Kelly Mathis, and...Dr. Kovac. Chuny can't make it."

I nearly choke on my Twiglet. "Umm..."

"Oh, come on! Besides, he's...well, he's a little lonely lately. Could use some light-hearted, giggly company. Don't back out on me, besides you promised me a cheesecake!"

I sigh. I've already had an embarrassing encounter with Dr. Kovac at that grocery. Do I need further humiliation? Perhaps I'll drop a Twiglet down the front of my dress and ask him to fish it out for me and make the image of Incompetent Nitwit complete.

"All right. I'll be there."

"Okay. Then we have a plan! No go home, freshen up and put on something to make the guys drool."

"Well, I don't know about that..."

"Oh, hush. Amscray. I'll come by after work and pick you up."

I leave in a hurry, because it's feeding time for Jack and Diane. If I can find them. I believe they have objected most angrily to my choice of music lately. Strange that two turtles would so strongly dislike 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band'. Find them lounging under bed, attacking dust bunnies while Ringo Starr waxes poetical about getting high with a little help from his friends.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not make fool of self to night. No spilling food. No getting drunk. No sluttish behavior. Wear prim and proper clothes. Eat moderately. Be strong. Be confident. I am woman. Hear me whine.

8PM Barely ready. Have taken out every dress I've got and finally settled on same red number wore on date w/ Carter. Red shoes appear to have wandered away (to Oz, perhaps) and am frantically crawling around on floor, looking under every piece of furniture of flat for the bloody things when bell rings.

"Coming! Hold a bit!"

Jing-Mei is silent and I start cursing. "Cannot find my mf shoes and I'm getting very CROSS!" Am in my slip, having not quite gotten around to putting on red number. Fling open door and am horrified to see Dr. Kovac standing there. He looks equally horrified. Thank God it's a full-body slip. Covers enough, but doesn't exactly leave a lot to the imagination. Oh, God, let me die now.

"Jing-Mei sent me to get you," he says at last. He stares at his feet, at the numbers on my door, at a potted plant in hallway. Everything but me. Not like I blame him. Bloody hell.

"Yes. I'll get my dress and we'll go. And my keys. Oh, hell...where are my keys!?"

"Are these your keys?" he says, holding the set up. "They were still in the door."

A wonder I didn't faint. Grabbed keys from his hand, gabbled something about needing to get ready, and rushed to my bedroom. Pulled on dress, thought about going barefoot, and rushed back out into living room. He is still standing in the door, apparently unwilling to come inside uninvited. "Umm...perhaps you could help me find my shoes?"

He eyes me for a moment. "I'm a vampire. I must be invited in..." He sighs when I don't laugh, and shrugs. "Sure...what is THAT?!"

His gaze is fixed on Jack, my turtle, who is making his dignified way across the living room. Diane isn't far behind, but has been distracted by a bowl in which I have placed a piece of watermelon.

"A tortoise. A Russian tortoise. Jack. And his girlfriend over there, Diane." Gabbling again. Aren't there execution squads for twits who can't keep from saying idiot things?

"Oh." He looks around flat for a moment, evidently unthrilled to be here. Jing-Mei must have sent him to get me.

"Dr. Chen sent me. She said her car was still in the shop." He was doing something strange with his hands. Grinding his thumb into his palm. He looked very uncomfortable, like he'd walked in on something he didn't want to see. Plus, I noticed he licked his lips a lot. Remembered psych courses at Oxford. Signs of a shy personality. Introvert?

"Don't forget your cheesecake," he said as I started toward the door.

"Oh. Yes." I rushed back to the fridge, opened it and found the cheesecake. And my red shoes. How did they get in there? Brings new meaning to the term 'cold feet'. Put them on quickly and hoped he didn't notice that I had stored shoes in 'fridge. Grabbed cheesecake and rushed out. Dr. Kovac took the cake from me, shaking his head.

"You remind me of someone," he said. He stood, waiting, and I wondered what he wanted.

"Yes?"

"Aren't you going to take your keys out the lock?"

If I keep kicking myself like this, I will be bruised from top to bottom. He patiently waits outside lift as I lock door and make way down hall. Standing in lift, I remember I have forgotten purse. Damn. Cover face w/ hands and wish I possessed a brain.

"What's wrong?"

"Forgot my purse."

"You have your keys. There's not a cover charge at Jing-Mei's, so don't worry about it."

So far, I have made...well, I've lost count of how many times I've made a fool of myself with Dr. Kovac. Can this night get much worse?



Luka tried for a while to figure out who Alexandra reminded him of. But he never could put his finger on it. He gave up as he helped her into his car. She seemed to kind of deflate once she was seated and sat there, looking like she wanted to cry. Poor girl. Forgetful, scatterbrained, lives with turtles and puts her shoes in refrigerators. Nobody's perfect. Luka smiled to himself as he got into the driver's seat and turned the engine on.

The radio was blaring loudly, and he started to turn it off. But she stopped him, her hand touching his briefly, making them both jump. "I like this song."


Hey!

I wanna tell you a story
Every man oughta know
If you want a little lovin'
You gotta start real slow
She's gonna love you tonight now
If you just treat her right now

Squeeze her real gentle
Gotta make her feel good
Tell her that you love her
Like you know you should
So if you don't treat her right
She won't love you tonight

Hey hey hey!
Hey hey hey!

If you practice my method
Just as hard as you can
You're gonna get a reputation
As a lovin' man
And you'll be glad every night
That you treated her right

Hey hey hey!
Hey hey hey!


Luka noticed that she was tapping her foot with the music. When they stopped at a red light, he half expected her to get out and start dancing with the mounted policeman at the corner. Luka turned the radio down a tad, as the horse was staring at them like an old granny. "Turn that crap down!"

He wouldn't allow her to carry the cheesecake. If it got dropped, he'd rather it be his fault. She still looked mortified by the events of the past twenty minutes. Gets seen in her skivvies by a near-perfect stranger, loses her shoes, can't find her keys, forgets her purse. Dropping a cheesecake would pretty much destroy her evening.

Jing-Mei greeted them enthusiastically. Dave and Kelly were already there. Luka immediately felt like a fifth wheel. What was an almost forty-year old man doing here, with all these relatively young people?
The youngest of the bunch was Alexandra. He had asked a few subtle questions and had most of the pertinent information about her. Thirty years old. Never married. Educated at Oxford.

Dave was telling the ladies about how he had a very 'dark side', and Luka moved closer to hear what his younger colleague was saying. "Hey, listen, I have a very dark side. The Dark Side of Malucci. It's very well-documented and much feared by all who cross my path."

"Didn't Pink Floyd have a hit with that...about thirty years ago? 'Dark Side of Malucci'?" Luka asked. Jing-Mei snickered and handed him a very dry martini (shaken, not stirred).

Dave didn't seem to appreciate Luka's gentle barb, but he said nothing. He resumed bragging to the ladies. Even though Kelly was happily married and Jing-Mei had about as much interest in him as she would in undergoing a lobotomy via weedwhacker.

Luka sat down in Jing-Mei's easy chair (which had long ago been designated as 'Luka's Chair', as it suited his large frame very well) and drank his martini. Alexandra followed Jing-Mei to the kitchen and started slicing up the pies. Kelly joined them shortly, rolling her eyes. "Too bad Chuny couldn't make it. She and Dave could have practiced their Spanish on each other."

"Hey!" Luka called from his chair. "You didn't give me an olive!"

Jing-Mei rolled her eyes and went back into the living room. She dropped an olive in his drink and he grinned at her. "Only one olive. And one martini. You're driving Alexandra home, after all. So eat plenty."

"Yeah, yeah..." He nodded. He had no intention of getting inebriated tonight.



11:45PM Just got home from dinner at Jing-Mei's. Laughed a lot. Dr. Kovac tells v. funny stories about childhood in Croatia. Like time he spray-painted v. bad word on lower regions of statue of Communist leader in Dubrovnik and time he won Sherman tank from NATO officer in poker match.

He asked me to explain cricket to him. Struggled to remember the rules and got them confused with, if I recall, skittles. Dave then told me that Dr. Kovac didn't even understand baseball, so how would he understand cricket, which was even worse? That caused him to get kicked under the table by Jing-Mei. Dave told many stories of sexual conquests, at which we all laughed. Even Dr. Kovac laughed, a rather interesting sight. The man can smile with the best of them. Beautiful teeth, even if lower teeth are bit crooked. But I'm English. I'm used to crooked teeth.

Lots of music at party. Loved lyrics to this song and looked for them on internet and am pasting them here, because they made me laugh...


There's a man across the hall who sits staring at the floor
He thinks he's Hank Williams hear him singing through the door
There's a girl in 203, who stops by to visit me
And she talks about her songs and the star that she should be
There are lots of special people staying in or passing through
And for one thing or another, committed to Parkview

There's a girl in 307 coming down on thorazine
And a superstar's ex-drummer trying to kick benzedrine
There's a boy just below me who's the son of some well-known
He was brought in by his mother 'cause his daddy's always gone
There's a bum from down on Broadway and a few quite well-to-dos
Who have withdrawn from the rat race and committed to Parkview

There's a girl who cries above me, loud enough to wake the dead
They don't know what she has taken that has scrambled up her head
There's a writer and a singer who has tried and tried and tried
They just brought him in this morning, an attempted suicide
There are those that never made it, those that did but now are through
Some came of their own good choosing, some committed to Parkview

They wake us about 6:30, just before the morning meal
While they're taking blood pressure, they ask us how we feel
And I always say "Fantastic! There ain't nothing wrong with me!"
And then they give me my injection and I go right back to sleep
The days are kind of foggy and the nights are dreamy too
But they're taking good care of me, committed to Parkview


Sounds like a Morgan family reunion!

Driving me home, Dr. Kovac told me I could call him Luka if I liked. I would like too. Luka. Such a sexy name. And I'm not even drunk, so I'm thinking rationally. He is v. good looking. But he doesn't seem interested in me.

"I'm such an idiot," I told him as I took keys from him. "Forget my keys, lose shoes...I'm trying to get better!"

"I like you just the way you are," he said. Then he looked embarrassed and left quickly. But he said it so earnestly I have to wonder if perhaps he meant it. But I know better. I need to improve myself. Am usually a total wreck and can't do much right.

Pity Party for Me. God, at least he didn't mention the fact that I forgot my bloody clothes, too!

Bed. So tired. No headache tomorrow, at least.

To be continued...