Sex Diaries
Part Thirteen - Charity
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG-13 (mild language)
SETTING: Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SONG: '(You Make Me Feel) Like A Natural Woman' by Aretha Franklin
NOTE: 'Beyond the Edge of Reason' is Helen Fielding's sequel to 'Bridget Jones's Diary'. Just bought it a few days ago, quite funny.
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke; Grocery Store Cowboy; Cheesecake and Whine; Times Of Your Life; I Want A Cave Man, I Want A Brave Man!; A Bigger Mousetrap; Bless Me, Father; For I Am About to Sin; Out On A Ledge; Have An Egg Instead



9:15AM 15 August 2001

Am late for work. Overslept. Run, run, run. Made wrong turn, ended up on highway heading toward God knows where. But feel so good I can forget all that. Listened to radio in car on way to work and singing along (v. loudly) with Aretha Franklin:


Looking out on the morning rain
I used to feel uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But your love was the key to peace my mind

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it
I didn't know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for
Cause if I make you happy I don't need no more

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

Oh, baby, what you've done to me
You make me feel so good inside
And I just want to be close to you
You make me fell so alive
Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman


Except for lack of rain, and man in car next to me at red light who stared me as tho' I were maniac, song quite applicable to my situation. Feel quite female and squishy today. Wore lacy underthings and hope to give Luka something to think about should we end up alone today. I know...I am being v. unprofessional and acting like I'm in heat. But can't help it. Am giddy and light-headed and know I will be giggly every time I see Luka. Not going to worry too much about future, as is v. unpredictable. Going to Live for Today and Be Natural and Confident.

9:30AM Thank God for deodorant. Dr. Weaver gives me holy hell for lateness. She has already run board with attendings who are all gone in opposite directions. I take the scut cases-one being explosive diarrhea in exam two. Ugh. Wish I could do Lucy Ricardo "Wah!" cry. Instead, I go into exam two and am promptly goosed by Mr. Peterson, an elderly gent whose charms are hardly enhanced by condition of bowels and severe flatus. Wish I had surgical mask. Am light-headed, and unfortunately not from having been soul-kissed by gorgeous Croatian last night.

9:47AM Considering hanging pine tree-shaped deodoriser around Mr. Peterson's neck. Keeps goosing me when I come too close. Also considering cattle prod and bullwhip. Suspect something more dangerous than mere diarrhea. Question him about what he ate in past 24 hours. Bingo. Lactose intolerant, ate a whole bunch of ice cream at grandson's b-day party last night. Wish I could call Luka in for a 'consult', but he is v. busy w/ patients, and heard that his father is going to see Dr. Romano this AM. Now wondering if perhaps Luka caught his father's unhealthy look lately. Hope all is well...though that is hardly the case. The poor man...

Catch glimpse of Luka in hallway, talking to Dr. Weaver. His hands are on his hips and he is bending toward her, listening to what she is saying. No wonder she likes him. He is v. good listener. He looks up and sees me, and the heavens open up and a golden shaft of sunshine lights up the entire ER. That is, he smiles at me.

10:30AM In supply closet and look up to see Luka standing in doorway. He is looking at me, and I blush bright red. That is not chaste, innocent look. He looks like he wants to throw me on gurney and have me fifty different ways. Which I would not mind. He is wearing greyish/blue shirt and one of his inevitable ties, but has removed labcoat and looks dead sexy. Hair falling over his eyes in boyish way, but he looks v. mature and well-bred. Love the grey at his temples.

"Your father is here for his appointment?" I ask.

"Yes. He's upstairs, waiting. Dr. Romano is running late, or so his secretary says. So I came down to see how your day was going."

"Oh, pretty well down the loo, so far. Explosive diarrhea in exam two, a man who has an infection in his...umm...scrotum after getting it pierced by a non-professional. I suspect perhaps he did the piercing job himself. The angle of the nail is..."

"Are you doing anything tomorrow night?" he interrupts.

"No. Nothing at all." My heart begins to pound.

"Maybe we could go to a movie?"

"Sure."

"Okay. I'll see you later, then." He is smiling.

"Yes."

He starts to leave, then turns back. "Under no circumstances will we go walking near the lake." Then he is gone. Odd statement, but to each his own.

I HAVE A DATE WITH LUKA!!! Must tell Jing-Mei. Must phone Alice, who I think is in Kenya but who cares about cost of phone call when there is such good news to be told. Must also phone my Smug Cousin Helena and tell her that I am dating sexy doctor, while she is only sleeping with unemployed Argentine 'polo player' who sells cocaine and smells like saddle leather.



Luka sat down beside his father again, and examined his fingernails. Andrej flipped impatiently through a magazine, obviously becoming more and more displeased with the lateness of Dr. Romano. He tossed the magazine aside and leaned back in the chair, crossing his knees.

"I'm sure it won't be much longer, Papa," Luka said.

Andrej had more important matters on his mind. "So Alexandra was at the apartment last night?"

"Yes."

"And you ate Chinese food with her?"

"Yes."

"Have you asked her out yet?"

"None of your business."

"I'll take that as a yes."

Luka glared at his father for a moment, then glanced up at the sight of Robert Romano barreling down the hall. "Ah, Mr. Kovac. Good to see you again. Had an emergency surgery to take care of. So let's jump over the pleasantries and head on into an exam room, shall we?" He peeked around at Luka, who was standing too, hands stuffed in his pockets. "I'll have you paged when we're through, Dr. Kovac. Head on back downstairs. You'll be more useful down there. In other words...beat it."

Andrej nodded at Luka and watched his son walk away, head down, his left foot dragging ever so slightly. Ever since Luka had been released from that 'internment camp' in Bosnia, he had had that limp. It was barely noticeable except when the boy was tired. It concerned Andrej. Everything about Luka concerned him. But it was his job to worry about Luka. Pretty soon, he wouldn't be around to worry about and pester his son. Thus, he was more determined than ever to make sure there was somebody who was willing to take on the task.

"Well, Mr. Kovac. Let me tell you what we're gonna do. Just a quick physical examination, another CT and ultrasound study...I think you know the drill. Totally pain free. Just lie still and it'll all be over very fast. But before we do that, we'll head into this exam room and go over the details of your condition, shall we?"

"Do you work with my son a lot?"

"Not really," Romano answered. He had Andrej sit on the exam table.

"So why are you doing this? You are...how you say...very famous surgeon, yes? I am just a poor retired train conductor from Croatia. Impossible for me to pay you, my condition is incurable, and we both know it. So what is this for?"

"Charity?"

Andrej snickered. "You do not look like charitable man."

"Well, that's true. But I have been known to do something nice for someone every now and then. Just for the hell of it. Keeps people guessing. Now, let's go over your chart here and see what we're working against."



Jing-Mei and Alexandra were in the lounge, whispering about whatever women whisper about when Luka walked in. He gave Alexandra a charming smile and went to his locker to get some money from his wallet. He was going on a raid of the vending machines upstairs, which had actual junkfood, rather than the health food crap Kerry had put in the machines in chairs.

"How is your father, Luka?" Jing-Mei asked.

"He's upstairs right now, being seen by Dr. Romano." Luka wasn't quite ready to give Jing-Mei the details. He knew she would get overly emotional. She always got emotional when he had problems. It was nice having someone who was always so concerned for him. It was like having a mother all over again.

"Ah. I hope you introduce me to him soon," Jing-Mei reminded him. "I've been looking forward to meeting him. If he's anything like you, then..." She paused, smirking. "Perhaps I *don't* want to meet him. *One* Luka Kovac is bad enough."

He rolled his eyes and gave her a little punch on the shoulder. She giggled and winked at Alexandra, who blushed and pretended to be absorbed with 'The Edge of Reason'.

"Silly woman. But I will introduce you to him soon enough." He put his labcoat back on and went back out, but not before looking at Alexandra again-just a quick smoldering stare that made her feel faint.

"So he kissed you? Really kissed you? Where?"

"In the kitchen!"

"No, stupid! You know what I mean!"

"Yes. He kissed me on the mouth."

"Tongue?"

"Yes!"

Jing-Mei pretended to swoon. "You know, he's probably my best friend in the world. But I have occasionally had fantasies about being kissed by Luka Kovac. Just once. You know...just one of those things you have to know about in order to function in the world. What was it like?"

"Heavenly. I've never been kissed like that."

"Did he grope you? Paw, pull on clothes, squeeze...?"

"No. Not really. He was a perfect gentleman. And it's maddening!"

Jing-Mei laughed out loud. "Well, I wish I could stay here, but it's just not possible. I've got a meeting with the hospital administration in two hours and I have to get my presentation ready. See ya later!"

"Yeah. Bye."

As she left, Luka came back in. He stood for a moment, feeling...giddy. He hadn't felt this way in so long, it was almost a new emotion. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet for a moment, suddenly feeling shy. He was almost forty and feeling sixteen again.

"Hello."

"Are we still on for Friday?" he asked, looking intently at her. There was a twinge of worry in his voice.
Perhaps she had changed her mind...

"Of course. But I will not see a horror film. Can't handle that."

"Oh, neither can I," he nodded. "I'm infamous for my bad stomach. Just warning you."

Alexandra giggled as Abby Lockhart came in. The med student pretended to not notice them, rushing to her locker to get her purse. She had finally gotten a break and was taking advantage of it for a quick meal across the street, where she couldn't be yelled at, thrown up on, or have small children yell into her stethoscope. But she had seen Luka and Alexandra *looking* at each other. Luka had never looked at her that way-not even while they were in bed together. In fact, he had rarely looked at her at all, except *while* they were having sex, and Abby had realized that it was because if he'd closed his eyes he would have been seeing Danijela. He looked lit up around Alexandra-alive, happy, healthy.

Feeling even more miserable, Abby left as quickly as she came. She had not exactly been thrilled when Luka had 'let her go', but she knew it had been for the best for both of them. Their 'affair' had been an unmitigated disaster from the start. The mugging had doomed them, and her silence on the issue-doing or saying nothing about it, and just standing there while he went into a complete mental and emotional tailspin hadn't exactly helped. Perhaps, one day, they could salvage a friendship out of the horrible mess. But right now, they scarcely spoke to each other except when necessary.

Luka didn't even notice when Abby came and went. He was still looking at Alexandra. He could barely take his eyes off her. She was beautiful. A vision in a white shirt and blue jeans. He could barely wait 'til Friday.

"I'll see you later," he said.

"Yes. Of course."



16 August 2001

7:50AM Alice called at 6 this AM, asking me what the hell I was talking about in the message I left w/ the Red Cross office. "Something about croutons, Argentine polo ponies and popcorn," she said, clearly Annoyed With Me, as usual.

"No, no, no. It was about a Croatian! A Croatian doctor I've met here in Chicago, at County General. His name is Luka Kovac."

"Ah. What about him?"

"We're dating," I tell her. "Well, technically we are. We haven't actually gone on a date *yet*. That's Friday night. But he kissed me."

"Oh?"

"Yes. He kissed me."

"Well, don't rush things."

Alice. Always the sensible, pragmatic one. Wish could reach through phone lines and slap her. Instead, I merely growl at her. "I am not rushing things! I am being Strong and Confident and Independent," I haughtily inform her. "And *he* kissed *me*."

"Did you have chocolate anywhere near you?"

She knows me too well.

"Well, yes..."

"Tongue, hmm?"

"Alice!"

"I'm just warning you to take things very slowly. Is he a very nice man? Is he polite to waitresses?"

"He is polite to everyone."

"That's a good sign. I remember whatisname...James, your last boyfriend. He was nice to *you*, but he treated other people as if he were a French waiter."

"Luka never treats anyone badly."

Alice is quiet for a moment. "Luka?"

"Yes."

Another v. long silence. What is she thinking? "Luka Kovac, hmm? What does he look like?"

"Tall, very lean, dark hair, grey at the temples, olive-y skin, *beautiful* eyes, flawless bone structure, very sexy..."

"How old is he?"

"Fortyish."

"Fortyish?!"

"Only ten years, Alice!" I snap.

"What's his history?"

History meaning 'How many people did he stab to death with a sharpened spoon while escaping from a Turkish prison, where he had spent the past six years because he had been caught in a hotel room naked with his gay lover's Shetland pony?'

"He's a widower. His wife and children...died. In the war in Croatia."

"Oh...dear. That's terrible."

"Yes."

"I suppose you'll be providing a great deal of conjugal comfort."

"I shall hang up now, Alice."

"Is this For Real, Alex?"

"I don't know. I hope it is."

Am on strict diet and exercise regimen now, in preparation for Friday. Will not eat anything but celery sticks, Saltine crackers and will only drink water. Must decide what to wear, too. I wonder if it's only going to be a movie, or will it be more than that? Must keep from fantasising.

8:45AM Perhaps he will take me dancing? No. I doubt Luka is a dancing sort. He is 'uncomfortable in society', as Jane Austen would put it.

9:15AM Perhaps will take me to amusement park or carnival. Then remember that we both possess tricky stomachs and would not be able to handle food or rides well. Nothing spoils romance like vomit. Ugh.

10:05AM Sitting in car, wishing bloody thing would start. Am writing as am waiting for tow truck to come. Look up and see You Know Who standing there, looking at me, wide-eyed.

"I didn't know you lived in this neighbourhood," he says.

"Oh. Yes. I do." Wish could crawl under car. Am so embarrassed.

"Uh...I've never seen you around here."

"Oh. Well. I've seen you...I mean, I...uh...I live in that apartment building. I have a lovely view..."
Oh God, I wish I was dead.

He looked at me, kind of wild-eyed, for a moment, then politely offers to give me ride to work. I accept, as cannot afford to be late so many times. Really getting quite ridiculous. Mention this to him-that I am always late.

"It's always good to be on time," he tells me.

Yes. Obviously. "That is very important, true," I say, like a stupid cow. "It ruins things if you're late...especially if the other person is...uh...on time."

He grimaces, then looks at me for a moment and I Know That He Knows I Know. Feel horrible.

10:35AM Apologising to Dr. Weaver fruitless. She is furious w/ me for being late and threatens to give me a bad review in my application for attending position at CCGH. I will be up for it in another two months-if I get the attending position and things work out, I can move out of Jane's flat, get my own place and apply for a green card. If I do not get attending position, I will have to go back to England and be miserable as I was before I left. Luka comes over and listens as I explain why I was late today. Tells her to calm down-that it wasn't like I *planned* to have my bloody car break down.

"This is none of your concern, Dr. Kovac!" she snaps. He looks at her, pursing lips and staring down at her, waiting, and then she seems to shrivel up and look embarrassed. She looks at me and says she's sorry for having shouted and to *please* try to be on time from now on. "I realise things happen that cause delays. That's why you *must* make time for unforeseen circumstances. Start a few minutes early, if you can. That's all I ask."

Luka looks at me for a moment, and wish he would give me a hug. But he only nods and smiles reassuringly. "Get to work," he says. "I have a feeling it's going to be a long day."

To be continued...