Sex Diaries
Part Fourteen C - The Devil Cuts Loose
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG-13 (mild language)
SETTING: Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy
McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
SONG: 'It's Oh So Quiet', by Bjork (from the 'Happy, Texas' soundtrack. Good movie, btw; Jeremy Northam is, for this
otherwise calm and rational 28-year old, quite the hottie)
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke; Grocery Store Cowboy;
Cheesecake and Whine; Times Of Your Life; I Want A Cave Man, I Want A Brave Man!; A Bigger Mousetrap; Bless Me,
Father; For I Am About to Sin; Out On A Ledge; Have An Egg Instead; Charity



6:20PM Am ready. For once in my life, I am completely
prepared. Of course, it took me two hours. I changed
clothes several times, finally settling on jeans and a yellow
blouse. Wearing my favorite deck shoes, v. comfy. Searched
through 'wine selection' for something he might like. Do not
have any Croatian wines, but I finally find v. nice Italian
vintage that is in nice green bottle, doesn't smell like a wet
dog and doesn't have bugs in it, so I think it will do.

Wish he'd be early. Hope he will not be late. Am quite
nervous. Get up to look out window and, of course, see Gay
Couple at it. My God, do they ever just sit and talk? Am
thinking of anonymously sending them set of Venetian blinds
ASAP, as this is not what I want to see, especially since I
often have people over. Fairly certain that even gay friends
might find this rather...unattractive. Since I happen to know
one half of the Gay Couple it is certainly nothing I want to see,
as it becomes kind of embarrassing to be working with
someone you have seen in such...circumstances.

6:45PM Extremely nervous. Pacing around in flat. Jack and
Diane in Romantic Mood, it seems. Seems like everyone
around me is having Sex. Must get mind off that, as I do not
wish to rush things w/ Luka. He has just gotten out of bad
relationship with another woman, after all. And I recently
went on two dates with Carter-that could easily scar a woman
for life.

6:55PM Oh, God. Perhaps he has stood me up. Only five
minutes left. If he is not on time, then he will be late and I
shall have nervous breakdown.

7:01PM Doorbell!



Luka had considered buying Alexandra a bouquet of flowers,
then had decided against it. He worried that perhaps she was
allergic to flowers. He considered buying her a box of
chocolates, but that might cause a delay involving further
experiments with chocolate and popcorn. He paused outside
her door for a moment, remembering that kiss. The
sweetness of her, and the soft little kitten sounds she had
made as he'd pressed against her. He hadn't meant to be so
blatant-thrusting against her like that, making his desire for
her so obvious.

Tonight, he would behave himself. He was going to do this
right. First of all, no visits to bars. Secondly, no walks by the
river, and-hopefully-no muggers.

Finally, he mustered all his courage and rang the bell. He
only had to wait a few moments and the door opened. She
was standing there, wide-eyed, beautiful as a rose...with a
large blue stain on her yellow blouse. He started to speak,
but couldn't. Instead, he swallowed and bobbed his head
slightly, trying to signal to her that there was a problem. She
looked up at him, brow wrinkled, utterly confused.

"Uh...ah...your blouse...I think there's a...stain," he said at
last.

She looked down and her reaction was spectacular. "Oh,
bloody hell! I was writing in my diar-...I mean, I was writing
something and must have held my pen to my...while I was
thinking of...oh, bloody hell. Can you wait a few minutes?"

"Sure," he nodded. Luka found this all very entertaining. He
had been on his 'date' with Alexandra for exactly three
minutes and already he was having a good time. Of course,
he also knew that a 'few minutes' to woman could often equal
an ice age to a man.

"Come inside!" she said, grabbing his elbow and pulling him
in.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring you anything," he said as she rushed
into her bedroom. "I thought about flowers but I thought
maybe you were allergic, and as for chocolates..."

"Oh, that's all right!" she called from the bedroom. "I am
allergic to certain kinds of flowers...I get awful hay fever
every year, and as for chocolates..." She emerged from the
bedroom, having put on a crisp white blouse with a lacy
collar. It emphasized her long, graceful neck, and Luka found
himself just standing there, admiring her. She looked
delicious. "As...as for chocolates, well...we know what kind
of trouble chocolate can cause."

He hoped he wasn't blushing.

"Would you like some wine?" she asked.

"What?"

"I said, would you like some wine."

"Oh. Uh...sure, thank you. Where're your turtles?" he asked.
He made his way across the room to the window and peered
out into the fading light. Her back was turned to him as she
searched through the kitchen cabinet for two wine glasses.
She turned around and Luka was totally unprepared for what
happened next.

"Noooo!"

He turned back to her, dumbfounded. "What? Are you all
right? Did you hurt yours-...?"

"No, no...just...ah...don't look out the window, all right?"

That immediately peaked his curiosity, and he looked out the
window. He didn't see anything except the windows of the
apartment building directly across the way. He looked back at
her. "Is that an evil apartment building, Alexandra? Like the
house in 'Amityville Horror'?"

She peeked out the window and sighed with relief. "No.
Just...umm...here, let me pour the wine. Then we can get
going, hmm?"

He went to the sofa and sat down, musing about her frantic
state, then realized he was sitting on something. Arching up
a little, he pulled a leather-bound journal out. For a moment,
he was tempted to look in it, but realized it was her diary
and it would have been horrible of him to do that. When she
came in with the wine, he held the book up to her. "I think
this is yours."

"Oh." She flushed. "Yes. I...uh...keep a diary."

"Good. I wish I had the self-discipline for that kind of thing.
But I just don't have...well, basically, I just don't have
anything to write."

"You don't think your life is interesting enough to write about?"

"Hardly. I work, I go home, and if I can remember to, I eat.
Then I sleep for a while, wake up and go back to work to deal
with crazy people...some of whom are patients."

She chuckled. "So you don't think your life will ever get you
on the evening news?" She sat down next to him on the
couch, tucking one leg under her, sipping a little wine. He
watched her mouth for a moment, fascinated, then looked
away. He was always thinking about things he really
shouldn't think about. Thinking about forgoing the movie in
exchange for just holding her in his arms, kissing those soft
lips again.

"No," he said, clearing his throat. He took a sip of the wine,
winced, and did his best to discreetly spit it back into the
flute. It was awful.

"Bad wine, hmm?"

"I'm sorry...but it is...awful."

"I guess that's why it was marked down to five-ninety-nine at
Wal-Mart," She giggled, and he really wanted to kiss her.
But she was still sitting there, only a few feet away, having
tucked both legs under herself, holding that flute, swirling the
clear golden liquid. Her long fingers caressed the glass, and
Luka wished she was caressing him. He remembered how
her fingers had felt against his cheek, and had to struggle to
regain his self control.

"We'd better be going," he said.

She smiled. "Yes. What's this restaurant called?"

"Uh...well...it's not really called anything. It's just a
restaurant. Technically, it's called Simon's, as he's the
owner, but I suggested he call it The Drunken Sailor or
something like that-in Croatian-to confuse non-Croatian
patrons. I mean, just imagine walking up to a Croatian and
asking him for the address of the drunken sailor? Of course, I
knew of a nightclub in Zagreb called Post-Coital Glow. The
English tourists would ask where to find it and often ended up
in the red light district."

"Oh, that explains it!" she said, giggling.

"Huh?"

"Never mind." She looked up at him with those lovely eyes as
he helped her to her feet. "How do you say 'drunken sailor' in
Croatian?"

"Pijan mornar," he answered.

"That does sound good enough for a restaurant name. I
suppose this restaurant has a lot of seafood and such?"

"Yes. But promise me you won't make any jokes about
Dalmatian pot roast."

"I shall restrain myself!" she giggled.

Not too much, I hope, Luka thought. He waited for a moment
as she grabbed her purse, smiling at the memory of her
expression when she'd realized she had forgotten her purse
that night he'd taken her to Jing-Mei's. He wondered if that
had been the night he'd really started to feel attracted to her.
It had been a physical attraction before that-the normal
reaction of a man when he sees a beautiful woman. But he
had felt a real connection to her that. It was unexplainable,
anyway. He wasn't quite so scatterbrained or kooky, though
he knew he had his moments.



Alexandra wasn't very good at dealing with lobsters. She
liked lobster meat, but actually getting at the meat seemed
almost beyond her. She was successful at getting the claws
off, but had real difficulty cracking them with the nutcracker.
Luka finally reached across and helped her, deftly
accomplishing the task without much effort. She got the
lobster fork, pulled the meat out and dipped it in the melted
butter. "Mmm....very good."

Luka had ordered clams, and was already halfway through his
meal when he realized Alexandra was having trouble with her
lobster. She couldn't seem to crack the shell of the
frightening looking beast on her plate, so he offered to help.

"Please!" she said. "It just won't crack for me!"

He grinned at her and helped her crack the lobster tail. "I
think I might need a sternal saw for this thing," he said,
making a face as he battled the stubborn shell. Finally, a
solid whack with the little hammer did the trick and Alexandra
was smiling in admiration .

"You should have been a surgeon! Such precision!"

"I nearly was. But...uh...things happened."

She took a sip of her wine and looked at him, curious. "What
sorts of things?"

"The war. Then...uh...well...I was at Vukovar." He studied
her face for a moment, unsure if he could continue. He
decided not to. Not now. Now under these circumstances-he
didn't want to spoil the mood with a tale of tragedy. That sort
of thing tends to put a damper on romance. "I sort of lost my
nerve, yes? It wasn't really my calling, I decided." He looked
away, growing uneasy.

"You were at Vukovar?" she asked, eyes widening. He
winced. No, no, I don't want her pity. That isn't the way to
win a woman!

"Yeah."

"Oh." She took another sip of her wine and continued to
study him. He didn't like that look at all. He did not want
sympathy right now. He didn't enjoy having people tell him
how sorry they were for him. There was nothing more
embarrassing, for Luka, than talking about himself. As far as
he was concerned, there wasn't much to talk about.

"Uh...how do you like your lobster?" he asked, breaking the
uncomfortable silence.

"Oh, it's very good. I really like this restaurant." She looked
around, taking in the paintings and drawings on the wall.
Luka glanced around, recognizing a view of the port of Split,
and another of the island of Korcula-where his mother was
born. There was also a photograph, near the front door, of
Vukovar, taken (apparently) just a few months ago. Luka
winced when he recognized the western side of the medical
center.

Alexandra was watching him again, and he forced a nervous
smile. "Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes. This was delicious. Let me get my money out before
the check arrives..."

"No, no...I won't permit that. Believe me, I am a total
dinosaur about this and I won't take 'no' for an answer. I'll
pay." She seemed to accept that and he signaled for the
waiter.



"I swear, Alec Spera looked exactly like..."

"No, he did not," Luka cut her off. Alexandra giggled.

"Well, I think he did. Very sexy man, I thought. And quite
heroic. I like a guy who does the right thing...especially when
it doesn't profit him at all."

Luka gave her a cool stare, then smiled. "So you...you
enjoyed yourself?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, yes, it was a lovely evening. The fact that I didn't spill
anything on myself and didn't knock anything over, I would
say the night was a smashing success."

She was trying to find her keys. After a few moments, she
became frustrated, knelt down and dumped the contents of
the purse on the floor in front of her apartment door. Luka
knelt down in front of her, amazed at how much a woman
can stuff into such a small purse. There were cosmetics,
several odd little metal instruments for use on fingernails, a
small day planner, a brush and a comb, and a small can of
Mace. But he didn't see any keys just yet.

"Do you need any help?" he asked her.

She unzipped both outside pockets of the purse and shook out
the contents. She blushed when two tampons fell out, and
she snatched them up and stuffed them back in the purse.
Several coins fell out and made their bid for freedom, rolling
down the hall. Luka caught them and jingled them in his
palm, still crouched beside her. He watched as her hair fell
forward, covering her face. Before he could really stop
himself, he reached out and brushed a lock back. She looked
up at him, cheeks still flushed.

"I've lost my bloody keys!"

"Do you have a hair pin?" he asked softly.

She stared at him, confused for a moment, then
brightened. "Umm...yes." She dug in her purse for a
moment again and extracted a single hairpin. He tried to take
it from her, but she refused to let go. He jiggled the coins
again.

"Heads, I kiss you. Tails you give me the pin."

"Okay..."

He leaned in and kissed her, almost knocking her off balance,
but she didn't seem to mind. Her arms were around his neck
in an instant, and that kept her from falling over. He moved
onto his knees and pulled her up into the same position. He
sighed against her lips for a moment, teasing her a little, then
took his time kissing her, cautiously exploring her mouth. Just
as she was getting into it, he pulled back, wincing.

"Ouch!"

"What?" she gasped. "Oh..."

He was kneeling on her keys. He smiled and helped her back
to her feet.

"How did they get there?" she asked as he handed the set to
her. Nervously, she fumbled for the right one, and after a
few minutes had the door unlocked, but didn't open it yet.
She turned back to him, leaning against the door, looking up
at him.

Luka rolled his eyes slightly, and grinned at her. "You'll need
to get everything back into your purse, Alexandra."

"Oh...yes." She blushed again. They both crouched again
and he handed her all the items, watching intently as she
stuffed everything back in.

"How do you do that?" he asked her.

"Do what?" she breathed.

"Manage to stuff so many things into such a small purse?"

"Oh...well, I think it's just a female thing. The art of space
usage and..." She stood up, and Luka moved closer, unable
to resist. It was as if she were a magnet, pulling him
in. "...and...uh..."

"I had a good time, too."

"Yes. It was..."

He wasn't thinking exactly clearly. He just needed to kiss her
again. Needed to experience that thrill again-it would give
him good dreams tonight. It took almost no effort on his part
to make her open her mouth and let him in. He hadn't kissed
a woman like this in so long-to be so intimate and bold; there
was an element of danger to it, a possibility of losing control,
of letting go of his inhibitions and good sense. He nibbled
lightly on her lower lip, then gently invaded again, a rill of
pleasure going down his spine when she eagerly
reciprocated. Her hands were on his shoulders, then began
stroking the back of his neck, tugging gently on his hair. He
pushed her against the door, hoping he wasn't being rough as
his body molded against her. Once again, his hips pressed
against hers in a blatantly possessive way, allowing no doubt
to her about how much he wanted her. His hands slipped off
her hips and upwards to tentatively cup her breasts. When
she didn't resist, he squeezed them, rubbing his thumbs
against her nipples, feeling them harden through the soft
material of her blouse and lacy bra. She sighed and he felt
her breath against his neck, then her soft lips brushing
against his skin. She was sucking lightly, then making her
way to his ear, placing little butterfly kisses along the way.

"Would you like to come in?" she whispered in his ear.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. Of course he
wanted to come in. He wanted to feel her body writhing
beneath his own, hearing her cry out with pleasure, to touch
every part of her, to make her entirely his-to be inside her,
wrapped up in her warmth and sweetness.

But it wasn't right. Not yet. He brushed his thumb against her
lower lip. "We need to take this slowly," he said.

"I can go very slowly," she said, kissing the pad of his
thumb. "As slow as you like." He watched, entranced, as she
brushed her cheek against the palm of his hand, like a kitten.

"That's not what I mean, Alexandra. I'm not going to make
the same mistake again. I can't. I can't do that to you any
more than I can do it to myself. I can't afford to this time. I
can't compromise myself again."

She nodded, but he saw the disappointment in her eyes.
That thrilled him, to realize that she wanted him as much as
he wanted her. He drew in his breath very slowly, struggling
to regain his self-control. Walking away from her now, when
she had invited him-and she hadn't invited him in for a game
of Scrabble-was going to be the most difficult thing he'd done
in years. Maybe in his life.

"I hope you understand, Alexandra. I would like nothing more
than to stay here with you tonight. But I'm not ready. I..."

"I understand."

"Do you really?"

"I think so. Perhaps not so well. But...you can tell me about
when you're ready." She paused for a moment, looking
down, licking her lips. "You can call me any time, Luka. I'm
always willing to listen."

He smiled, amazed. "Good night, Alexandra."

"Yes. Good night, Luka."

"Maybe we can do this again?"

"Make out in the hall?" she grinned.

"Well, besides that...I mean, maybe another dinner, another
movie, or...whatever..."

"Yes. I'd like that. Very much."

He hated walking away from her. Hated stepping into that
elevator and pushing the button for the ground-level floor.
Hated it when the doors closed and he couldn't see her any
more. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He
could still smell her perfume, and could still feel her in his
arms.

He would have pleasant dreams tonight. If, in fact, he slept
at all.



17 August 2001

11:45PM V. difficult to describe this evening. The meal was
v. nice, at a Croatian restaurant. I recognized photographs of
Split and Dubrovnik, and I know one of the photos was of
Vukovar, and quite recent as I noticed that the buildings had
been restored, for the most part.

Luka was at Vukovar during the war (I would assume 1991).
Oh, dear God. Was that where he lost his family? Between
praying for him and poor Andrej, besides work, I shall be v.
busy. We talked about it briefly, during dinner, and he
mentioned having been training to be a surgeon (at Vukovar?)
but that he had decided it wasn't his 'calling'. Realised that
he was uncomfortable talking about it and dropped the
subject of the war and Vukovar, for now. I would like for him
to tell me about it, but nothing worse than pressuring a man
about painful subjects. Would be as bad as asking him about
past lovers in a post-coital moment. Have a feeling he will tell
me in his own good time.

Figure he would have been an excellent surgeon. Has such
beautiful hands.

11:55PM Finished drooling about his hands. Remembering
them on my breasts. Wow...such a smashing good kisser.
We saw 'The Deep End' tonight, and despite Luka's protests,
he bears a striking resemblance to the man who played Alec
Spera. They could have been twins. Only unpleasant thing
about it were the two women sitting a few rows in front of us
who kept turning around, looking at us. Heard them
whispering that Luka was 'him'. They looked at me as though
I were some kind of slut for being with him. Had powerful
urge to flip them the bird, but that would have been unladylike
so I pretended to ignore them. Heard a brief part of their
conversation, and it went like this (poor Luka, saddled with his
own pair of stalkers):

"Joanna, I swear it's him! He looks exactly like him!"

"Oh, God! He does look like him, doesn't he?"

"Maybe I should go ask him if he's him."

"Why would he be here in Chicago?"

"Well, he's also on that show...and it's set in Chicago."

"Like he'd be here in this theatre with that...woman."

"Maybe it's not him after all."

"No...it can't be. In fact, he doesn't look like him at all."

Luka leaned against me and whispered, "They look more like
him than I do." I nearly spilled my popcorn, laughing.

He kissed me twice-wonderful kisser. Bloody amazing; knows
what a woman's mouth is for. I became quite dizzy and light-
headed, and still feel tingly all over. And it was v. obvious
that he wants me. He all but said so. Would have happily
gone to bed w/ him. I am not ashamed to admit that. But I
think I'm also a bit flattered that he didn't want to go too fast-
that he seems to respect me enough to consider my
feelings, too-is this guy for REAL?! Sleeping together would
have been v. nice (spectacular, I suspect), but it would have
been a mistake. I'm not particularly thrilled about sleeping
alone again tonight, but it's v. nice to have a gentleman for a
boyfriend. And he asked me out again.

12:05AM Still wound up from tonight. Flipped through CDs
and finally found a song I have loved since I saw 'Happy,
Texas' last year. Quite applicable to the situation. Were it
not for Luka, I would think Jeremy Northam quite the sexiest
man on the planet. Russell Crowe is cute, too. Also have a
little thing for Gary Sinise and Sheppard Smith from Fox
News. Yes, I am strange. Perhaps always will be. But if
Luka likes strange, all the more power to strange.


Shhhh, Shhhh
It's, oh, so quiet
It's, oh, so still
You're all alone
And so peaceful until...

You fall in love
Zing boom
The sky up above
Zing boom
Is caving in
Wow bam
You've never been so nuts about a guy
You wanna laugh you wanna cry
You cross your heart and hope to die
'Til it's over and then

Shhh, Shhh
It's nice and quiet
Shhh, Shhh
But soon again
Shhh, Shhh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse, zing boom
The devil cuts loose, zing boom
So what's the use, wow bam
Of falling in love

It's, oh, so quiet
It's, oh, so still
You're all alone
And so peaceful until...

You ring the bell, bim bam
You shout and you yell, hi ho ho
You broke the spell
Gee, this is swell you almost have a fit
This guy is "gorge" and I got hit
There's no mistake this is it

'Til it's over and then
It's nice and quiet
Shhh, Shhh
But soon again
Shhh, Shhh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse
Zing boom
The devil cuts loose
Zing boom
What's the use
Wow bam
Of falling in love

The sky caves in
The devil cuts loose
You blow blow blow blow blow your fuse
When you've fallen in love
Ssshhhhhh...


Ah, Bjork. Besides wearing a swan to the Oscars, she can
write a pretty good song.

12:30AM In bed, wishing I was hugging a big, strong
Croatian instead of this bloody teddy bear. I remember what
he told me about that nightclub, Post-Coital Glow. Good thing
I didn't tell him about that trip to Zagreb I took once with Alice
and our cousin Sarah. It was quite an interesting experience
to end up in the city's little-known red light district, being
propositioned by various perfect strangers.

12:45AM Up for a glass of water, look out window and see
Gay Couple asleep together. Take Valium and stagger back
to bed. Write out list of 'Things to Buy', among them:

Venetian blinds (must get address of Gay Couple...hmm...not
like I can call information and say, "Hi, I need the address of a
gay couple that lives directly across from and below me...")
Croatian/English dictionary or 'Learn Croatian' tapes a larger purse
new bottle of 'Vanilla Fields' perfume, which Luka seems to like
best stain remover I can find (yellow blouse may be salvageable, but not likely)
Twiglets a nice chuck roast need to find recipe for Dalmatian pot roast; perhaps
something can be found on internet, but when I tried to get
connected the server was down-of course!-and I was in no
mood to sit around waiting. Will check on weekend.

12:51AM As stupid as this sounds, I sincerely hope Dalmatian
pot roast does not involve what I immediately thought it
involved. I know it doesn't, but I'm human and have many
foibles. Going to bed. Have to be up at eight. V. sleepy.
Have been kissed and groped (a little) by a gorgeous, sweet
Croatian. I suppose this means that by tomorrow the shit will
hit the fan.

To be continued...