Sex Diaries
Part Twentyfour - Going Once...
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG-13 (mild language)
SETTING: Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy
McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke; Grocery Store Cowboy;
Cheesecake and Whine; Times Of Your Life; I Want A Cave Man, I Want A Brave Man!; A Bigger Mousetrap; Bless Me, Father; For I Am About to Sin; Out On A Ledge; Have An Egg Instead; Charity; The Devil Cuts Loose; Toads and
Falsehoods; Ready to Go; Saying Goodbye; Crazy From the Heart; Danger; Forty Black Balloons; Partied Out; Young Men
Coming Aus; Price Check
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Ellen Hursh for editing and several 2AM brain-storming sessions. :)



The Cook County General Hospital Fund Raising Bachelor
Auction and Banquet was being held in the Drake Hotel-Luka's
former residence-and he was startled to see *his* face
featured, along with the other bachelors, on the 'billboard'
outside the banquet hall. That alone was nearly enough to
cause him to turn and flee. He always looked horrible in
photographs, and he wondered who had gotten hold of
*that* one. "Oh, dear God," he muttered, peering at the
photos. He looked like he was being booked for soliciting
barnyard livestock in that picture! He made a mental note to
find out *who* had provided it and to quietly kill them.

Kerry waylaid him in the hall, as he was trying to sneak away,
and he was led to a small 'green room', where they were
provided with all kinds of snack food items. Romano griped
about the vegetable plate until he spotted the Twinkies.

"Gotta keep your strength up for tonight," Kerry had said with
a snicker, and had ducked out, oblivious to Luka's cold glare.

"Now why can't I have a life-threatening allergy to any of
these snack items?" Luka muttered. Carter, sitting confidently
on the overstuffed sofa, crossed his knees and looked up at
his older colleague, sniggering to himself. Luka looked
uncomfortable in his tuxedo, as if he'd never been anywhere
near Armani, while Carter felt perfectly at ease.

The other bachelors began arriving, most fairly enthusiastic
about the coming auction. Even Dave Malucci seemed
excited, though Luka could only surmise that Steve was going
to be there with a *big* check. Peter Benton seemed
nonchalant, which Luka correctly figured to be a cover for
extreme nervousness. The other three attendings and the
four residents were primping at the mirror, making sure they
looked their best. Luka didn't even *glance* in the mirror.
He had showered that afternoon, shaved, then had spent
almost two hours being fitted for this damned Hugo Boss
tuxedo, which made him feel like a giant penguin. That had
been a little piece of hell for Luka, having the inside of his
thigh being touched by a perfect stranger. Of course, it had
only been a few hours before that Alexandra had been
making herself very intimately acquainted with...

"Bachelor number one!"

Luka was jerked from his thoughts by the sight of Dr. Carson
standing up and swaggering confidently from the room,
straightening his tie and grinning at his colleagues. Luka
closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He heard loud
shouting outside, and winced. God, this was going to be just
*awful*.



Carson had gone for a nice sum: $700. He came back looking
very smug, especially since a gorgeous blonde had purchased
him. Next to go out was Peter Benton, who was greeted by
enthusiastic hoots and hollers, and he came back looking
stricken. Cleo had been outbid by...well, he refused to say
who had purchased him, but it became very obvious when
Carla Reece's breasts entered the room, followed shortly
thereafter by Carla herself. Peter didn't look happy about
*that*.

Malucci was next to go out, and he returned a while later
looking pleased. Luka didn't ask him, but when Steve-a good-
looking blond with a heavy body-builder's physique-showed up
at the door, Dave jumped up, grinning happily, and left with
his boyfriend. Luka sighed. He didn't particularly understand
or even really approve of homosexuality, but...whatever.

Romano was next. He sauntered out, looking very smug.
Luka had to get up to go watch this, along with the remaining
bachelors, and they crowded at the edge of the stage, eager
to see what would happen.

An odd-looking little man was doing the auctioneering, and he
began at fifty dollars, the usual starting bid. There was only
silence from the crowd of women. "Okay, uh...forty dollars?"

Silence.

"Thirty? Lemmehearthirtythirty..."

The man sighed. "Twenty?"

Still nothing.

"Ten?"

Finally, a reluctant hand went up, and Luka spied Romano's
long-suffering nurse Shirley doing the bidding. She caught his
eye and shrugged. Ah, mercy. The bachelors all sprinted
back to the green room and were sitting, pretending to read
magazines, when the Chief of Staff returned, looking
disgusted. Shirley arrived a few minutes later, signed her
ticket, and the little man left with her.

"They do make kind of a cute couple," one of the residents
said. Everybody looked at him, and he shrank back into his
seat, clamming up. Luka groaned as he read over the list of
bachelors up for sale. He was right after Carter, who was
going up next to last. Luka wondered why he had been saved
for *last*. He supposed it was a means of Kerry yanking his
chain. Most of the women with more money would have
already made their purchases and would have been gone...

Luka absorbed himself in a *fascinating* article about the
Volkswagon Beetle in 'Car and Driver' magazine, paying little
more attention to the other bachelors as they left. He was
startled out of the article when one of the attendings-Dr.
Vincenzo-returned, looking terrified. "I went for $950 to
some wild-eyed woman...somebody hide me!"

The door burst open and a truly hot number strode into the
room. "There he is! He's mine!"

Vincenzo looked back at Luka, pleading, but Luka could do
nothing. "Go with God, Antonio."

The attending winced as the woman enthusiastically signed
her ticket and then made her way to him. "Come on, big
boy. We're gonna paint the town red!"

"With his blood, most likely," Carter said sympathetically.

There were two more residents and one attending to go, so
Luka returned to his magazine article. He didn't want to see
their terror and feed on it, after all. As the night progressed,
the shouting out in the banquet room seemed to only get
louder, which seemed odd to Luka. The two residents sold
for $850 and $1000 each, but they didn't look terribly happy
about who had purchased them. An old lady came in,
clutching her purse, smiling brightly at Dr. Mellon, who
grimaced back at her. "My granddaughter is just going to
*love* you! This is her birthday present...oh, there you are,
Chrissy..." Luka peered around Mellon to see a pretty blonde
standing there, blushing. Well, at least things were looking
up for Mellon.

Dr. Nickson was purchased by his ex-wife. "It's part of her
scheme to make my life miserable," the young resident said
glumly as he left.

"It's for a good cause," Carter called, giggling.
 
Dr. Narula was the next-to-last attending before Carter (the
last resident), and he left the room ashen-faced, as if he
were going off to be executed. He returned a few minutes
later only slightly less ashen-faced. "I threw up in the hall,"
he said. "At least my buyer didn't see that."

"Maybe it won't be so bad," Luka said. Narula managed a
weak smile as the door opened and an impossibly tall woman
ducked under the lintel and came in.

"Are you ready, Dr. Narula?"

Luka figured that no matter how *ready* Dr. Narula was, he
would never be quite ready for *that*. In fact, logistically, it
was impossible. But the Indian doctor somehow made his
way across the room and took his buyer's arm. Luka noticed
that the poor man barely came to her *chest*. Luka closed
his eyes and imagined incredibly tall, hairy children, then
shrugged and went back to thumbing through 'Field and
Stream' magazine, which he'd grabbed after 'Car and Driver'
started to bore him. Interesting article about bass fishing...

"Dr. Carter? It's your turn," someone called. Carter clapped
his magazine down and swaggered out the door, grinning
from ear to ear. Luka got up and followed him out, curious to
see what would happen. The bidding started at the usual fifty
dollars and rose fast enough. Luka figured the resident would
be pleased with that. It was soon stalled at $950, so Luka
shrugged and started back toward the green room. The kid
had that annoying smirk on his face again, but it was perfectly
natural that a young, relatively healthy guy would go for such
a hefty sum. Luka heard someone yell "One thousand
dollars!" and the gavel fell. "Sold, to the young lady in red!"

Carter came back to the green room, grinning even wider,
clearly pleased. His buyer arrived a few minutes later, a
beautiful young woman with sleek, jet black hair, white skin
and dark blue eyes. She smiled at Carter...until she saw
Luka, whereupon her face fell. "I thought you were the last
bachelor on the block," she said to Carter. But she signed the
ticket anyway.

"Dr. Kovac, it's your turn!"

Luka stood up slowly, ignoring Carter, and made his way
down the hall. He paused at the edge of the stage, hiding
behind the curtain, and was horrified to hear Kerry Weaver's
voice. No, this *can't* be happening...

"Now, ladies, we've saved the very best for last...the cream of
the crop, so to speak. He's forty years old, a widower, born
in Croatia...graduated from the University of Zagreb Medical
School and received further specialized training at the
University of Paris at the Sorbonne. He...uh...likes to read,
enjoys sailing, opera, and fine wines...uh...now I must warn
you, Dr. Kovac scares easily, so please *refrain* from
screaming and throwing underwear, and try to be calm and
civil during the bidding."

*Opera*?! I hate opera! Who wrote that bio?!

Luka glanced back at Carter, who was practically scowling.
But he was too sick to his stomach to smile. Even worse, he
was so scared he couldn't *move*. It took a shove from
Haleh-the traitor!-to get him out onto the stage. He stood
still, unable to move, barely able to breathe...he knew he
looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Who'll start the bidding at..."

"One thousand dollars!"

"Two thousand!"

Carter, standing in the wings of the stage, crossed his arms
and fumed. He couldn't believe this was happening. He'd
only gone for $1000, and here was Kovac already beyond that
and the bidding was almost frantic. He had always relished
his 'puppy dog cute' status on the ER staff-and it had always
meant he was never short of female attention. Now, here
was Kovac, from some backward Commie country, getting
ogled by beautiful, horny women. Even his own date had
stared at Luka and wished she'd waited to bid. Damn, damn,
damn! And there were blondes *everywhere*, all waving
their little numbered paddles in the air. It was a wonder
underwear wasn't being thrown. The bidding hadn't been
nearly as enthusiastic for Carter, after all. Getting angrier by
the minute, he finally turned, grabbed his date's arm, and
stalked away.

It was pretty much a fund-raiser's dream come true after that
$2000 bid-and a horrifying nightmare for Luka, because he
saw Alexandra sitting at a table with Jing-Mei, looking just as
stricken. The bids rose higher and higher, and Luka was at
the point of crawling off the stage and hiding in a closet when
the gavel finally fell at $6500. He wasn't even aware of who
had purchased him. He was in a daze as he climbed down
the steps and headed back toward the green room. He, too,
paused at a trash can and lost the contents of his dinner.
This was *awful*, and he wasn't sure how it could get much
worse, unless he'd been purchased by the sister of Dr.
Narula's date...

"Hello, Luka."

He nearly jumped out of his skin and whirled around. It took
him a moment to recognize her, then he blurted
out, "Savannah?!"

"The very one."

"Excuse me while I pass out."

"Oh, don't be silly. I just happened to be in town and heard
about this..." She grinned at him, then turned and signed her
ticket. "...Auction. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see
you again."

Cold terror gripped Luka. *See* him again? In what state,
exactly? The last time he'd seen *her*, she'd been naked,
for God's sake. Naked and...looking particularly satisfied. It
had been six years ago, but she hadn't changed a lot. Still
sexy and sultry, silky golden hair hanging around her
shoulders, blue eyes just as full of promise...

"Yeah...uh..."

"Now, now, don't go into a panic," she said. She still had that
impossibly sexy Southern accent, and had a purring, *feline*
voice. "I'm not gonna drag you upstairs to a room. Unless, of
course, you'd like to...?"

"No, no...I...uh..."

"Serious relationship, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, well...that's nice. Shall we go?"

Still gripped with terror, Luka stumbled out the door and into
the hall with Savannah, where he came face to face with
Alexandra. The contrast between the two women was
amazing. His former lover was a few inches shorter, but
more voluptuous and *blatantly* sexual. Alexandra was a
quieter, more elegant, refined beauty, with a look of fresh,
apple-cheeked innocence to her. If Luka had been the
bragging, arrogant sort, he could have boasted that he'd had
them *both*. But in all honesty, at this moment, he doubted
he could handle either of them.

"A-Alexandra, this is Savannah Tompkins..." He felt like he
might throw up again. But he struggled to keep his cool. Not
that he was being all that successful. He could feel beads of
sweat on his forehead.

"Nicolson," Savannah smiled. "I'm divorced."

"You two...know each other?" Alexandra asked, her voice
barely a whisper.

"Yes. Uh...a few...years ago. We...uh...were acquainted."

"Acquainted?" Alexandra said, looking up at Luka, her blue
eyes wider than ever now, her voice shaking. "Luka, I didn't
even get to bid!"

"I know, I'm sorry...I had no idea...and I didn't
know...Savannah was...in town..." He was gasping for breath
now. What the hell was he supposed to say? 'Oh, by the
way, Alexandra, I once had a purely physical relationship with
this woman six years ago...it meant nothing and now she's
purchased me for $6500, apparently in hopes of having
another purely physical relationship again...I hope you don't
mind, sweetheart'?

"Oh, dear...this is your girlfriend?" Savannah said, smiling
sweetly at Alexandra, but looking her up and down with half-
shaded eyes. "Don't worry, honey. Nothing will happen. I
just wanted to see an old friend, and in the meantime I got to
donate money to a worthy cause."

Carter came up behind them, Vampira, Queen of the Night on
his arm. He gave Alexandra a knowing look, and she paled,
biting her lower lip. Luka turned to Savannah. "Savannah, do
you mind if I talk to Alexandra for a moment?"

"Sure, Luka. No problem. I'll be waiting in the hotel bar."
She smiled at Luka, looked at Alexandra again, and left.

"How well *acquainted* with her were you?!" Alexandra said
sharply, as soon as Carter and Savannah were gone.

"I...uh...well..."

"You slept with her?"

"I did, yes."

"God!"

"He had nothing to do with it!"

"Did you...love her?"

"No, Alexandra. I didn't. I know that makes me sound like
a...a total jerk. We were in full agreement at the time that it
was just...physical. It happened and I'm not really proud of
it. It's in the past. And it stays in the past."

"So you used her?"

"She used me, too."

Tears were in her eyes. "How do I know you're not just using
me?"

"Alexandra! That's ridiculous. I told you that I love
you...what else am I supposed to say?"

"Well, how do I know? I've had men deceive me before. I
can't stand this...I can't stand getting my heart broken again!"

"I would never hurt you, Alexandra. And you *know* I didn't
want to do this, and I sure as hell didn't know she was here!"
He didn't mean to raise his voice to her, but he was becoming
frustrated. He was already a wreck, he really didn't need
Alexandra's angry accusations to top off an all together
horrible night.

"So you slept with her?"

Luka figured that being totally honest at this point wouldn't be
wise. Neither he nor Savannah had done much *sleeping*
while in bed together. "Yes."

She winced. "She's...very pretty."

"Yes, she is. But that wasn't the point. We had a *purely*
sexual relationship, with no strings attached. It lasted about
six weeks and then it ended, no hard feelings, no anger. It
just *ended* and it's still over and it will still be over
tomorrow! I never said I was proud of it. But it happened
and that's that."

Alexandra burst into tears then, which Luka hadn't expected.
He rubbed his eyes, then gathered her into his arms, hugging
her tight. "Beba, I love you. I love you...please don't let this
come between us. It's only a 'date', not anything else. Why
would I leave you for *her*? I love *you*."

"I'm all right. I'll be okay. I'll just go home and drink
excessively." She wiped her eyes, and Luka gave her his
handkerchief. She blew her nose in spectacular fashion, and
he waved away her offer to return it.

"Not too much, I hope. I'm only required to be on this 'date'
from now 'til midnight. Maybe I'll come by tonight...?"

"No, you probably shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm often an angry drunk," she said sadly.
Alexandra bit her lip, blushing. "I'm going to try and not be
angry any more. I promise."

"Good. It'll be all right. It's just one dinner, that's all.
Nothing special." He tugged his tie loose, which he didn't
realize made him look particularly appealing. "I'll call you,
then."

"I might not answer. Just let me be upset tonight and then
tomorrow I'll be okay...once I get over the hangover."

He kissed her very gently, and she sighed against him. "This
is going to be a dreadful night," she said. "Just bloody awful."

"Yeah." He figured it wouldn't be so bad for him. It wasn't
like Savannah was *repulsive* or anything. But for
Alexandra's sake, he intended to be as grouchy and
uncommunicative as possible. He would be the date from
hell, if possible. If only he could guarantee a mugging, then
the date really *would* be awful. Just as long as Savannah
didn't come along later and try to rape him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then, beba?" he asked, touching his
forehead to hers.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Alexandra. I wish I didn't have to do this."

"I know."

"Will you forgive me?"

"Eventually."

He smiled at her, and gently wiped her tears away. She tried
to smile, but only ended up biting her lower lip again, which
made him need to kiss her again. "I'll see you," he said softly.

"Yeah." He walked away, and didn't hear her whisper "Going,
going...gone."

To be continued...