Sex Diaries
Part Twentysix - Eighteen Patients and a Dozen Roses
By Miesque
miesque1973@msn.com

RATING: PG-13 (mild language)
SETTING: Season Seven (aka "Season of the Pod People") into Season Eight. Luka has long since broken up with Droopy McHangdog (a.k.a., Abby Lockhart) and is Alone Again (naturally...)
CATEGORY: Luka Kovac/cast. Romantic/comedy/drama, vague spoof of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'...may be rather humorous, may be angsty, may end with a nuclear bomb wiping out all of Chicago...who knows?
ARCHIVE: If you must, but please inform author. :)
SPOILERS: For Season Seven and Wishful Thinking for Season Eight
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Starter Pistols and Sex Diaries; Fishin' for the Runnin'; Heat Stroke; Grocery Store Cowboy; Cheesecake and Whine; Times Of Your Life; I Want A Cave Man, I Want A Brave Man!; A Bigger Mousetrap; Bless Me, Father; For I Am About to Sin; Out On A Ledge; Have An Egg Instead; Charity; The Devil Cuts Loose; Toads and Falsehoods; Ready to Go; Saying Goodbye; Crazy From the Heart; Danger; Forty Black Balloons; Partied Out; Young Men Coming Aus; Price Check; Going Once...; Check, Please
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Ellen Hursh for editing and several 2AM brain-storming sessions. :)



The best thing to do, after an irrational and ridiculous argument with
a woman, is to apologize, no matter how right you are. Luka knew this
to be a fact, and had long ago resigned himself to the reality that he
would never, in the course of his life, actually *win* an argument
with someone of the opposite sex. It was simply impossible...trying
to win a fight with a woman was as foolhardy and ill-conceived as
getting involved in Asian land wars or marching on Moscow.

So when Alexandra hung up on him, Luka sat in his apartment, mulling
over the fact that the woman he loved was currently refusing to speak
with him. But that didn't mean Luka was going to go down without a
fight. He'd lose the argument-he already had, and was working on his
apology speech-but he'd be damned if he lost Alexandra, too. In fact,
if he did lose Alexandra, he *would* be damned. Damned to a lifetime
of loneliness and misery.

It was late morning, and he didn't have to be at CCGH 'til six that
night, so he had time to run down to the florist's and order a dozen
*white* roses, with a card reading "I'm Sorry", then he went down to
the local Chinese takeout and got a new menu (he'd lost the old one)
and made careful plans to have dinner brought to his apartment
tomorrow. If possible, he and Alexandra would be testing out his
hand-made bed tomorrow night. That gave him pause...he and Savannah
had shared that bed *many* times, long ago. Perhaps it'd be best
*not* to inform her of that little fact. He laughed to himself.
"Um...no. I may be stupid, but I'm not crazy."

He then set about the task of cleaning his apartment, which included
vacuuming, a task that was complicated somewhat by Jakko's insistence
on attacking the vacuum cleaner. Luka took a particularly sick
delight in chasing the little fiend around the apartment with it.
Then he took the dog for a walk in the park, which caused him to
receive far too much eager female attention. What was it about men
with dogs that made women go completely nuts? Jakko, however, enjoyed
the female attention, particularly the attention of a pretty little
Cocker Spaniel. Which reminded Luka that he really needed to make an
appointment with that veterinarian. He reminded himself to make that
call when Jakko was taking one of his twenty-seven daily naps...or
better yet, he could make the call from the hospital, but he was sure
he'd get a lot of ribbing from his colleagues about *that*. He could
just hear Dave Malucci commenting that it was awfully cruel to have
the dog's 'Australian boys' removed. But then again, Dave Malucci
didn't have to live with a sex-crazed Jack Russell terrier.

That made Luka start snickering. No, Malucci only had to live with a
sex-crazed body builder.

A swift perusal of his mail gleaned little except an issue of 'The New
England Journal of Medicine' and a copy of 'National Geographic',
which had a fascinating map of pre-18th century Paris and a story
about Guatemalan bee hummingbirds ("Barely bigger than a pencil eraser
but with the energy of forty-five kindergarteners on Kool-Aid!"). He
skimmed through his bills, wrote out all his necessary checks,
balanced his checkbook, which was nicely in the black, and then walked
down to the mailbox outside his apartment building and sent his mail
away. It was a nice autumn day, so he went back and got Jakko again
and took a walk up the street.

The little dog kept lunging at pigeons and other people walking by,
and after a while Luka got tired of apologizing for his dog's behavior
and sat down on a bench. This was going to be tough. He was going to
have to really do his best to placate Alexandra with as little loss of
dignity as possible. Groveling had never been his strong suit, after
all. With Danijela, it had usually just taken a few good kisses and
soon she'd forget about what the argument had been about in the first
place. He had never had a fight with Savannah until last night (and
thank God that hadn't resulted in a game of Slap and Tickle), and he'd
had so little enthusiasm for sex with Abby that he'd avoided arguing
with her as much as possible. Not that she hadn't done her best to
start as many fights as possible.

He sat there a while, ruminating over various forms of apology, until
Jakko began tugging restlessly on the leash. "We'll go home when I'm
good and ready, you rat-killing beast."

Jakko sat down and glared at him, but waited. Luka finally stood up
and headed back home, his mind filled with various scenarios.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never go out with another woman
again as long as I live, even if it means having you cut off my arms
and legs and throwing me off a cliff."

"Baby, I was wrong. It was my fault that the auction happened, and it
was my fault that I was purchased, and it was entirely my fault that I
had to go out with her. I planned the auction myself....really, I
did! In fact, it's my fault that the sun sets every night! Really,
it is!"

"I am an absolute swine. Please, punish me. Anything you want to
do...leather, whipped cream, feathers, chocolate ice cream, jalapeno
peppers..."

Well, that didn't exactly sound like *punishment*, Luka thought with a
grin. Perhaps he'd save that idea for tonight...if, in fact, he was
successful at convincing her that he was sorry and it had all been his
fault. Even though it *wasn't* his fault. He had fought Kerry
through the entire thing, had voted *against* the damned auction, had
done everything in his power to look as awful as possible *for* the
auction, including deliberately *not* shaving or combing his
hair...but that hadn't helped. Nor did it matter. He was still
wrong, it was still his fault, and he'd just have to brace himself for
the storm tonight.

Jakko tugged him along toward home, and Luka decided he'd take a nice
hot shower and then take a nap before work. No use getting yourself
too wound up, old boy, he told himself. If apologies and contrition
don't work, there's always the supply closet. With a chuckle, he let
himself in his apartment, kicked off his shoes, and released Jakko.
The little dog trotted into the kitchen and sat in front of his food
bowl, waiting.

"Yeah, yeah. Lunch time. You eat better than me."

The dog looked at him as if to say, "Well, shouldn't I?"



3 October, 2001

1:35PM Was at least *on time* for work today, which appears to have
been a shock to everyone. Went into the lounge and was given a
sympathetic hug by Jing-Mei, which I don't think I really appreciated.
 My boyfriend didn't die, after all. He just went on a date with
another woman. Of course, if he slept with her, somebody *will* die.

Merely 'floated' in ER today, as I have informed Dr. Weaver of
headache (kept hangover out of it) and merely kept an eye on med
students and did charts. Am one month away from final review and
verdict on my status-will I be an attending in US of A or will I have
to go back to England? Thought of going back without Luka horrifies
me. Thought of being without Luka *period* horrifies me. Feel
dreadful and headache only worse now. Just hope I don't burst into
tears and act like lunatic in front of everyone. Not that I've never
done that before.

2:45PM Commotion at front desk and go to investigate. There is a
rather good-looking chap hugging Carter, laughing. Salt and pepper
hair, blue eyes, kind of squidgy. Blinks a bit, like Hugh Grant, and
has v. strange head-bobbing problem that is quite distracting. He is
saying hello to everyone, being hugged enthusiastically, so I assume
he must be former employee here at CCGH. See that Dr. Weaver is not
terribly pleased to see him, but she goes over and gives him a hug
anyway, and he asks her how she's doing. She tells him she's fine,
but looks as though she'd be much finer if he weren't there. Then I
see a v. pretty dark-haired woman (rather 'Slavic' looking, but
not...impossible to describe her so I won't really try) with two
rather unfortunate-looking little girls that appear to be about
two...twins, maybe. Everybody shrieks 'Carol!' and rushes over to hug
her. It's Old Times Day here at CCGH. Then I realize...Carol. Is
that the same Carol Luka was interested in a couple of years ago?

Well, this day just gets *better and better*! Perhaps next someone
will bring ancient Egyptian soldiers back to life and I'll be hacked
to bits by Anck-su-Namun. Try to slink back into lounge, but am
waylaid by Dr. Carter. "And this is Dr. Morgan, a fourth year
resident. She's up for an attending position next month. Dr. Morgan,
this is Dr. Ross and his...uh...wife...?"

"Girlfriend," the dark-haired woman said, shrugging.

"...Carol Hathaway."

"Very nice to meet you," I lied through my teeth. Look down at her
unfortunate looking daughters and smile. "Oh, aren't they adorable!"
Have become v. good at lying. *Ugly* babies. Somebody get them some
bananas, STAT. Mustn't be cruel, but really...perhaps they will
improve with age, but that's all they can hope for now. Look from
Carol to Dr. Ross and wonder what went *wrong*. Fairly good genetic
material, after all...

"Aren't they?" Carol smiled, beaming. "This is Kate, and this is
Tess."

"Yes...yes..." Tess? Oh, that's a lovely choice for a name. Tess
Ross. Sounds like a test for skin bacteria. Not much better than
Ella Greene, tho', which sounds like a mouthwash. "Just simply...
adorable."

Carol looks v. pleased and walks away. Dr. Ross comes over and
introduces self to me. "So you're from England, huh?"

"Yes, I am."

"I hear through the grapevine that you're dating Dr. Kovac." Seems
like a friendly-caddish type of fellow. Ten years ago I would have
fallen for him like a ton of bricks. But I'm older now and I have
more insurance and sweet Croatian boyfriend.

"Yes."

"Nice guy, I hear."

"Yes."

"Is that all you say? 'Yes'?"

"No."

He laughs and shakes his head, walking away. Like I'm gonna say,
'Yes, I'm dating Dr. Kovac. Shagged him senseless just a couple
nights ago. He's dead sexy and makes you look like roadkill.' See
Carter standing nearby, looking a little uneasy. Hmmm...

4:15PM Carol in lounge with other nurses, cooing over ugly toddlers
and catching up on gossip. I go in just to get a cup of coffee, and
overhear v. interesting tidbit of information.

"...and so Carter starts dissin' Luka, treatin' him like *crap* these
past few months, and all this time Luka just lets it slide, like it
doesn't bother him. But you know Luka...he never complains about
anything. Carter has disobeyed orders from Luka so many times...it's
a wonder Luka hasn't punched him right in the face."

"What did Carter do, exactly?" Carol asks. They have not noticed me,
apparently. I'm v. good at skulking about, making v. little noise.
Besides which, I kept my back to them the whole time. Felt like KGB
spy.

"Well, you know Luka is dating Dr. Morgan?"

Hid self behind refrigerator door, not caring that stuff will spoil.
Must hear *this*!

"Well...he starts telling Alexandra all this crap about how Luka came
on to you and so forth..." Chuny says.

"Luka came on to *me*?!" Carol nearly shouts. "That is a crock of
bull!"

"He didn't come on to you?"

"No! Well, not really. Not 'til I started screwing around with his
head. It was mostly my fault, anyway...I wasn't very honest with him,
you know? Hell, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna
apologise to him for how I treated him!" Carol sounds v. angry. "You
know, I don't know what happened to Carter. He used to be such a
sweet kid."

"It's Peter Benton's training," Haleh says snidely.

"Peter has grown up a lot lately," Conni reminds her. "Being a Daddy
does that to a guy."

"True, true...but what Carter did...Carol, have you told Doug about
Luka?"

"Yeah...basically. He knows that Luka really helped me out, and for
once in my life I was completely honest with Doug about everything.
It took him a while to get over it, but he did and he's cool with it
now. He's looking forward to meeting Luka soon. And I'm looking
forward to seeing him again. Is he working tonight?"

I wonder how long it took for Doug to get over whatever happened
between Carol and Luka? Did it involve broken plates, flailing arms,
shoutng, etc? I know that if I started flirting with another guy Luka
would become rather difficult to deal with.

"Yep. But I should warn you. Luka's girlfriend is the jealous type.
But she's a sweet girl...really nice."

Relieved to hear that. Have done best to be kind and considerate to
the nurses, since they run this place.

"Good. Luka deserves a good woman."

Haleh and Lily snicker. "After you left, he dated Abby Lockhart."

Carol snorts. "You're kidding!"

"Yep. They were together for an awfully long time, and it looked like
a train wreck-and she treated him like a boy toy...just a feather in
her cap...it was like he was grateful just to get some attention.
When they finally broke up, I think Chuny won the pool. But they
broke up and Carter's after her now. Not that he's done much to
improve his image, acting like such a jerk to Luka. I'm not sure if
it's because Carter was jealous or if it's because Luka's a foreigner.
 But either way, I've had so many times I've wanted to bitch-slap that
boy across the room." Haleh sounds v. indignant. I suppose all the
nurses must really be united behind Luka. Can't blame them, really,
when they have the likes of Carter to contend with.

"Wow...I must have really screwed Luka up!" Carol said, sounding a bit
weary. "He's okay now, though? He's doing well?"

"He's doing pretty good," Conni said. "Not very many weird moments
lately. But you shoulda seen him last night!"

"What about last night?"

"He was up for sale in a bachelor auction, for the hospital. He went
for sixty-five hundred dollars to...if the rumors are right...an old
girlfriend from a few years ago. So Dr. Morgan's mad as hell and
Luka's due in at six. We're all just sittin' around waiting for the
fireworks."

I duck out as Dave came in. Must go somewhere and sit for a while. I
suppose I can give them fireworks or a bust. Not sure what might
happen. Is now almost five o'clock and am quite nervous. Esp. since
Luka will be coming face to face with Dr. Ross *and* Carol. He has a
few surprises in store tonight, I think.

I think I shall forgive him. But first I'll let him beg for a minute.
 Good for the ego. Really wasn't *his* fault about last night. Have
been terribly irrational and silly, and quite inexcusable. Not that I
will admit that I was wrong, of course. Must keep up the side for the
opposition, after all. I shall just let him sweat a little and once
he's apologised efficiently shall make sure this Hathaway woman *and*
Dr. Carter see that I am Luka's... um... girl.

Gloria Steinem, eat your heart out.



The roses arrived thirty minutes before Luka, just as he'd planned.
When he arrived at the front desk to sign in, he saw them already in a
big vase. Kerry Weaver was sniffing at them, wrinkling her nose.
"Hello, Luka."

"Hey. You're looking good today." He paused, looking around.
"What's going on?" He noticed how quiet the admit area was. Usually,
at this time of night, the place was Grand Central Station for the Ill
and Infirm.

"Nothing much. Oh, I think I should warn you...ouch, dammit, Randi!"
she bellowed. The receptionist nodded at Luka, smiling sweetly and
Kerry bent down to rub her shin.

"Evenin', Dr. Kovac. Things have been real quiet all day...I suppose
that means the graveyard shift will be pure hell."

Luka looked from Randi to Kerry and back again, wondering what the
hell was going on. Then he spotted Alexandra coming out of the
lounge, looking cute as a button in scrubs and her labcoat. She
looked up at him, lifted her nose disdainfully, and walked away. He
sighed. Apparently the roses hadn't made much of a dent.

He followed her anyway, catching up with her outside the lounge door.
"Hey, didn't you like the roses?" he asked.

"They were very nice. I have work to do, Dr. Kovac."

"*Doctor* Kovac?" he said, stunned. "Alexandra..."

"I have patients!" she sang, walking confidently away. Luka bowed his
head and chewed on his lip for a moment, then paced after her again.

"Alexandra, please...just let me apologize. I'm sorry. I'm an
absolute swine...this whole auction thing was my fault entirely."
Well, hell, he thought. Isn't everything? "Please, just forgive me,
okay?"

"Did you sleep with her?"

"Of course I didn't sleep with her!"

She turned and walked away and he stood in the hallway, hands on his
hips, glaring after her. That woman...she *was* tougher to conquer
than Moscow! And only two nights ago she'd been screaming his name at
the top of her lungs. Now, she would barely speak to him.

He stalked back to the admit desk, where Kerry was still standing,
looking through a medical journal.

"No luck, huh?" she said.

"No," he muttered sourly.

"I would apologize to her, post-haste."

"I did!"

"Do it again. I don't know what you did, but apologize anyway!"

"I didn't *do* anything! You're the one who should be apologizing!
You're the one that suggested the damned bachelor auction, not me!
But I'm the one getting the shaft!"

Kerry smirked at him for a moment, almost made a comment about
'shafts', then shrugged. "We raised quite a lot of money last night."

"Yes. And potentially ruined my relationship with Alexandra."

"Then keep apologizing and maybe you'll wear her down."

Luka chewed his lower lip for a moment, then growled at her. "Next
time, it's a *bachelorette* auction!"

"I'll be sick that night!"

For a moment, he glowered at her, then he turned and headed into the
lounge, where he ran into his worst nightmare. He froze in his tracks
for a moment, then blinked again, figuring perhaps it was just some
kind of bizarre fantasy.

"Hi, Luka!" Carol said, jumping up and hugging him tightly.

"Uh...hi...Carol." My God. Women From My Past: 2. Luka Kovac: 0.
He looked around for a moment, expecting to see Abby Lockhart coming
at him with a chainsaw. But instead, it was just Carol, the twins,
and a guy with grey hair and some kind of tic.

"Luka, this is Doug. Doug, this is Luka."

"Yeah...hi..." Luka noted that Doug was a few inches shorter, but
strongly built. Oh, God, I hope he doesn't want to fight. I'd hate
to have to injure somebody today, even though right now I feel like
punching something-anything-anyway.

"So this is Luka, huh?"

"Yep," Carol smiled. "This is the guy that helped me so much with the
twins...he was so sweet to me, Doug. I think you two could be very
good friends."

Luka made a strangled sound in his throat, thinking, What is this, my
first day at kindergarten? then nodded. "Yeah...uh...yes, it's very
nice to meet you, Doug."

"Yeah, it's great to meet you, too, buddy. Anybody that takes good
care of my girl is okay in my book. So what's the shit Carter's been
sayin' about you...that you put the moves on Carol while I was off in
Seattle acting like an ass?"

"Doug..." Carol said, rolling her eyes. "First of all, don't call me
'your girl', and secondly, you were not an ass. I was the ass."

"I was an ass, Carol. Just because you told me to stay away didn't
mean I had to. Eh, well... so this ass visited you occasionally,"
Doug shrugged. "Anyway, Carol told me about the kiss and all that
crap...and that's all over and done. We all make mistakes, right?"
Doug raised his eyebrows at Luka, who looked at Carol, completely
surprised. "Now, what are we gonna do about Carter?"

"I would suggest hot wax and a sternal saw," Carol said.

"Now, wait a minute here!" Luka interrupted. "I have to work with
Carter every day...I see no reason..."

"*I* don't work with Carter," Doug said, rolling up his sleeves.
"It's about time Cashmere Boy learned a few lessons."



6:45PM Most ridiculous thing I think I've ever seen in my entire
life, and perhaps the most hilarious.

I was going over charts at the front desk, Randi blowing bubbles and
reading 'Cosmo' article to me ('Is He The One?') when Dr. Ross and
Luka came out of the lounge, both looking v. pissed. Ross looks
particularly upset, while Luka looked ready to kill, which is Not A
Good Thing. They head out into the ambulance bay and start shouting
at each other, Luka occasionally throwing in what I assume are v.
nasty Croatian epithets.

Carter heads out to observe the action, and I see he is smirking.
This should be good.

Luka and Doug are still arguing and I finally go out to see what's
happening. As soon as Carter comes out, they both stop shouting and
look at him. Doug steps forward, looking quite aggressive. "I hear
you were spreading lies about Carol."

"W-what?" Carter took a step back. "Are you...you're kidding me!"

"Isn't it true?" Doug snapped. "You said that Luka put the moves on
my girlfriend, didn't you? Went around dirtyin' up her good name?"

"Well, he did!" Carter shouted.

"Well, perhaps someone should point out that Carol and I were *not*
seeing each other at the time, were barely in communication, in
fact...so that means that pregnant or not she was free to date anybody
she wanted," Doug said, getting right into Carter's face.

Carter looked around, wild-eyed, hoping someone would come to his
defense. But the nurses have all gathered outside, watching, arms
folded, all looking v. angry, and even Dr. Weaver is keeping quiet.

"As far as I know, Kovac treated Carol extremely well," Doug said.
"And that makes him okay in my book. You, however, have acted like a
complete jerk toward Kovac. Now, what do you think that means,
Carter?"

"Uh..."

The sound of a man's nose breaking isn't pleasant, and I felt awful
for poor Carter lying there on the pavement, moaning. The nurses all
shrug and head back inside. Really *ought* to do something, but the
more I think about it, the more I figure it would make Carter think I
gave a damn. I look at Luka, who comes over and looks at me, waiting.

"I said I was sorry, Alexandra..."

"You were a very bad boy," I tell him.

"Yes," he says contritely. But I know he's only playing the Game like
any reasonable man. I burst into laughter.

"Oh, all right. I forgive you, I suppose. But I think you shall need
a great deal of punishing tonight."

"Really? Punishing?" He raises his eyebrows.

"I think I know the correct punishment."

"And that would be?"

"No sex."

"What?!"

To be continued...


POST-SCRIPT: I don't mean to be cruel re: the Ross/Hathaway babies,
but...well, I've seen worse-looking babies in my life. But I always
did think they were unfortunate-looking. There's a commercial for
some kind of ovulation monitor or some such, with video of babies that
resulted from use of said monitor, and one of those babies makes me
think of Jimmy Durante (the nose in particular). "Oh, dear, they went
to all that trouble and got that ugly baby!"