Turn On, Tune In, Cop Out
Part One
By Triggersaurus
catherine@cjtrigg.freeserve.co.uk

Rating: PG, for occasional, mild language
Spoilers: Maybe Season 6, but none really
Genre: Whole cast/humour
Disclaimer: I ate the rights to ER. Sue me.
Thanks: I think I should have a little cheerleader pack who come out at this point and do a big whoopy-thing for Ryan because he's a fantastic editor and co-writer. I realised I now totally rely on him to check all my Americanisms for me, and I feel a little bad about it so maybe the cheerleaders would help show my gratitude.Just don't tell Aurora, Ryan!



Cogito, ergo sum - I think, therefore I am

"He's bleeding out!"

"Pulse is 180!"

"Where the hell is Benton??"

"He's going into cardiac arrhythmia, Dr. Greene."

"Make that V-tach."

"Crash cart!"

"Charge to 200"

"Charging"

"Clear!"

The body leapt as the electrical waves passed through it, and then dropped back onto the gurney, head lolling to one side.

"Still in V-tach."

"Charge to 360, clear!"

The body heaved again, and the machine behind him let out a series of short sharp beeps, which slowed down rapidly.

"We got a rhythm, but he's bradying down fast."

"Another milligram of epi, someone page Benton."

"I already did, Dr. Greene."

"Well page him again!"

"Dr. Greene, his pulse ox is down to 80."

"Someone get the thoracotomy kit."

"I can't find one!"

"What do you mean you can't find one?"

"Dr. Weaver is using one next door, but there are none."

A loud interruption stopped Lydia in her tracks, as a large man in black sweats and a dark green t-shirt burst into the trauma room. He stopped in his tracks and gazed around with a huge grin on his face before throwing his massive arms in the air and whooping. He spun around and turned his head to face the top corner of the trauma room, waving into the small security camera that was installed there.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeellllllloooooooooooooo America!! Ya see this?! I'm in 'ER'! I got in!! Wooooooooooo! Check this out!!"

He turned away from the camera, spotting Kerry Weaver and Luka Kovac, who had been drawn through the adjoining doors to see what all the noise was about. He threw an arm around her neck.

"Look, it's Dr. Weaver!! Hey, Kerry, how DID you get that crutch anyway?! Luka, man, tell us what happened, huh? And look, hey it's Dr. Greene! This looks like a bloody one here, huh?! Get that thoracotomy tray, stat!" He poked at the body on the table, still grinning inanely and moving progressively around the room.

"Yosh, my maaan! Lydia, you rock girl! Dr. Dave! Got any dating advice for me, huh?! You know what, one day that Dr. Chang or whatever will loosen up a bit, you just gotta hang in there buddy. She'll come round." With one final whoop, the man danced out of the trauma room doors, and straight into the path of a dozen security guys. Except these men didn't look like normal hospital security.they were all in black, like SAS men. Upon closer examination, they were wearing badges on their jackets, which said "Actual Reality Productions".

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