Title: Engorgio Part 5
Author: Constant Vigilance
Status: WIP
Email: tirel@pcnuthut.com

Website: https://www.angelfire.com/tv2/firebird_ascending/
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Spoilers: AU. Characters aged up to age of consent.
Warnings: Slash
Disclaimer: I own nothing. JKR is God.
Summary: Vince casts an enlargement spell…on the wrong person.
Notes: This came from a Spam Challenge on After Class @ yahoo. WittchWay had just about enough of Enlarge Your Penis! Spammers and suggested we use their nefariousness against them. I changed the pairing but the idea remains hers.

 

 

 

The next morning, Harry ventured down to breakfast far more interested in things other than food. He noted the ridiculous cluster around the Slytherin table right away. People were crammed two to a seat and some had simply chosen to stand. Through the crowd, Harry could vaguely make out a silvery blond head. Shaking his own darker head, Harry sat down, prepared to eat his breakfast while waiting for his chance to talk to the Slytherin in question.

 

Not even a minute later, Harry hadn’t even begun filling his plate, the crowd began to disperse. Well, not so much disperse as change formation. Harry watched with interest as the bubble slowly began to expand in his direction. Another moment and Draco Malfoy broke through the throng. And he didn’t look pleased. Irritation was set into every line of his face and he frequently snarled at the hoards of students surrounding him.

 

Not surprisingly, he was wearing the same trousers as the day before and Harry thought how much that alone must have caused annoyance this morning. Speaking of…”Good morning, Draco,” he said politely as the angry blond moved closer.

 

Draco just sneered and slapped an errant hand away from his torso. “It’s morning all right, Potter. You said you would finish the rest of my clothes today.”

 

Harry warily eyed the crowd around them, noting that while they were drooling over Draco, the introduction of potential alone time for Harry was causing not a few dirty looks. “Er, yeah?”

 

“Good.” Draco said briskly. He reached out and grasped Harry’s arm firmly, dragging him out of his seat. “We’re going now.” He began pulling Harry after him, forcing his way through the group.

 

“Er, okay,” Harry muttered, trying to avoid crashing into Draco's followers.

 

Draco pulled Harry through hall after hall, down staircases and through rooms until he paused in front of a plain oaken door. Draco frowned at the people still following them and leaned very close to the door. He whispered a word and the door swung open. Draco stepped inside and yanked Harry in as well, slamming the door shut behind them.

 

He immediately began casting locking, warding and silencing charms. Harry stood in silence as well, waiting for Draco to acknowledge him again. Eventually, Draco turned around, gritting his teeth. “It’s been like that all fucking morning!” he snarled.

 

“Um…sorry?” Harry tried.

 

Draco sighed and threw himself on the bed. “No matter, I suppose. I just needed to get away from them.” He lifted his head. “And I really do need more clothes.” He gestured to his current outfit. “I’ve had to wear these same trousers and pants for two days now.” His nose wrinkled. “It’s disgusting.”

 

Harry smiled slightly. “Sure. I understand. I’ll need to see all of your trousers and pants. The shirts can stay as they are. And…and I’ll need you to try each pair on so that I can get the right fit,” he flushed. “I’m okay at the spell, just not good enough to do it without the body they’re supposed to fit.”

 

Draco nodded. “Yeah, yeah that’s fine.” He waved in the general direction of a closed door and Harry moved toward it. “You’ll find everything in there. Except for my pants. They’re in the dresser.”

 

Harry opened the door and stood awestruck. The sheer size of the cupboard was astounding. “I can’t believe those bastards this morning!” Draco continued his rant. “It’s like I’m suddenly community property!”

 

Harry hid his grin and turned back to the wardrobe. Really, the damn thing could have been another room. Had he had this kind of cupboard when he was younger, he might not have hated being trapped in it quite so much. He fished around and gathered an armful of trousers.

 

“And then, that idiot twat McDougal waved her sausage around with this hangdog look and whined that it just wasn’t big enough to be worth putting in her mouth. She needed something with more substance!” Draco absently snatched the trousers from Harry’s hands and tossed them on the bed in a heap. Harry turned back to grab another armload.

 

“And Blaise sat close enough to me that he was almost on top of me! He kept reaching past me and dropping bits of food in my lap that he oh-so-generously offered to retrieve for me!” Draco pulled the second armload of trousers out of Harry’s grip and waved in the direction of the dresser where he kept his undergarments. Harry nodded silently and closed the wardrobe doors.

 

“Then Vince started to flirt with me! Vince! The rat bastard who did this to me! He actually fluttered his eyelids at me and asked if I’d like to compare results of the bloody spell!”

 

Harry hmmed in agreement and opened the top drawer to find stacks of boxers in every color imaginable. And all made of silk. He hid another grin. The house elves must have a time getting out stains in those.

 

“And to top it off, Snape wandered over to the table to ask if I’d like to assist him in making some potions today. For extra credit! Like I bloody well need extra credit,” Draco sneered. “I asked him what he was making. Did he make something up? No! Did he even attempt to act like something other than a lecherous pervert? No! He flat out told me that he was making lubrication potions and did I mind those that warmed up when you blew on them!”

 

Draco flung his hands into the air. “What the fuck is wrong with everyone?” he screeched. Harry hmmed sympathetically again and began tossing pile after pile of pants onto the green coverlet. Draco began walking back and forth. It would have been compared to pacing had he not been stomping every step of the way. “Why is having a big cock so fucking wonderful?” he demanded.

 

“I—“ Harry tried.

 

“I mean, really! It’s not like it’s the salvation of the Wizarding World. That’s you!”

 

Harry flushed, pleased at Draco's opinion. “Well, I—“

 

“It’s not like it’s the cure for world hunger! Or the symbol of peace in our time!”

 

“But—“

“And it doesn’t fucking sit up and do tricks on command…at least I don’t think so,” Draco pondered momentarily. “And I certainly am not going to poke it in every willing orifice that gapes open in front of me!”

 

“That’s—“

 

“But they all certainly think that, don’t they?” Draco flung another hand into the air, gesticulating his point wildly. “Perfectly respectable females showed up today at breakfast looking like two-bit whores! They had more flesh showing than clothing! Jiggling breasts hanging out, looking like bloated water balloons. Skirts slit so high it’s a wonder that chipmunks didn’t decide to nest in the revealed bush! Girls bending over, girls lolling on tables, girls rubbing their disgusting squishy bits against me!” Draco shuddered dramatically. “Have they no fucking clue that I’m a queer?”

 

“Well—“

 

“And the boys! Dear Merlin what the hell happened to them? I’ve never seen so much fucking leather without a herd of cows involved! Shiny leather, black leather, studded leather, leather trousers, leather shirts, leather fingerless gloves. I like leather, don’t get me wrong. But being gay does not mean I want to exist in a quagmire of dead cow flesh!”

 

“Er…”

 

“It may sound great to be considered a sex object. But it isn’t, Harry! It really isn’t. I know just what women mean when they say people look at you like a piece of meat.” He growled low in his throat. “I just want to grab people by the nose and haul their faces up and say…Hey! I’m up here!” He mimed poking two fingers into a set of nostrils and pulling up.

 

“And they follow me everywhere!” he whined. “I had to cast warding charms on the fucking loo! And still, they got in! And they stared. Their beady little eyes wandering over my bits while I tried to piss. It was fucking horrible! I had to do times tables in my head before anything fucking started dribbling out!”

 

“That’s called anauresis,” Harry finally managed to slip a sentence in. “It was smart of you to think of doing math in your head. The part of the brain that controls mathematical processes generally overcomes the anxiety caused by someone else viewing your cock.”

 

Draco just stared, frowning a bit, looking at Harry as though he were from another planet. Harry flushed. “Percy had that problem too. Especially with the twins. They kept apparating into the bathroom with him. He had to figure something out or his bladder would have burst.”

 

Draco nodded slowly. “Yeah. That’s it exactly.” He sighed and plopped down on the bed, shoving a pile of pants over. “I’m sorry to go off on you, Harry. I’m just really fucking tired of people just looking to have sex with me.”

 

It was Harry’s turn to nod. And to look a bit worried. Draco eventually looked up at the silence and noticed the expression on Harry’s face. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“You said that you hate people just looking to have sex with you.”

 

“Yeah?” Draco agreed.

 

“So what about me?” Harry’s voice was very small.

 

Draco looked him in the eye. “Do you just want to have sex with me?”

 

Harry flushed. “Well, it’s not like I love you or anything. I don’t even—“

 

“Could you?” Draco interrupted.

 

“Could I what?”

 

“Could you love me?” Draco tilted his head and watched Harry curiously.

 

“B-but we’ve hated each other for years!” Harry stuttered.

 

Draco shrugged. “True. But you have to admit that there was passion in that hate.”

 

“Yeah,” Harry agreed warily.

 

“Passion, which directed a different way, might mean a change in how we look at one another.”

 

Harry nodded slowly. “I suppose so.”

 

Draco smiled slightly. “If I just wanted a shag, Potter, I could get any number of willing participants. This morning made that very clear. I want something more. I’ve wanted something more for a long time. And if my humongous fucking cock is what brought your attention my way, so be it. But I guarantee you that it will not be what keeps your attention,” Draco added confidently.

 

Harry grinned. “Are you trying to seduce me into a relationship using your cock?”

 

Draco laughed. “As opposed to seducing you onto my cock using a relationship?

 

“Yeah,” Harry chuckled.

 

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Draco admitted. “So, are you willing to try?”

 

“For a shot at that cock, I’m willing to do a lot of things, Malfoy,” Harry waggled his eyebrows.

 

Draco rolled his eyes and grinned. “Then let the seduction begin, Potter.”