Title:  In My Head

Author:  Velvet Crypt

Email: tirel@pcnuthut.com

Spoilers:  Season 6 (after Hells Bells)

Disclaimer:  Joss is God. I own nothing.

Rating:  NC-17 for sexual situations, rape, implied slash

 

 

“There she is, Lila dearest.” Dru whispered, clutching Miss Edith tightly. “There’s the wicked Slayer who took my Spike.”

 

Lila eyed the petite Slayer. ~Not bad, Spikey.~ she thought, smiling slowly. ~Maybe I’ll have the dippy bitch hand the Slayer over to me as part of my payment.~

 

“Do it, Lila!” Dru hissed. “Give me back my Spike.” Lila rolled her eyes and began chanting.

 

____________________

 

 

“I think I hear something!” Buffy held up a hand and turned her head to the side, straining to catch the noise again.

 

“Beat’s me, luv. All’s I can hear is the whelp and the witch wheezing.” Spike grinned back at the two exhausted humans. Xander and Willow collapsed onto a headstone, holding each other steady. Xander offered his opinion in the way of an extended finger. Willow just stuck her tongue out.

 

Spike stepped up closer to Buffy. “Luv, the chits are done for. We should hold up a bit and let them catch their breath,” he whispered. Buffy glanced over her shoulder and winced. They did look worse for the wear.

 

“Sorry guys. I guess I’ve patrolled with Spike too much. I forget that I set a pretty brisk pace sometimes.”

 

Xander croaked something resembling a laugh.  “Buff, your brisk pace rivals the Olympiad.” He waved a hand at her. “You and Fang Boy look around. Wills and I are gonna try to catch our breath. Willow nodded, unwilling to waste any precious air by agreeing verbally.

 

Buffy and Spike exchanged a grin and turned to move on, but Spike jerked to a stop. His hand clutched his chest and his eyes went wide in confusion. Buffy walked a few more steps before realizing that Spike wasn’t next to her. As she turned to see what was up, Spike raised his eyes to meet hers.

 

“Spike?” Her brow furrowed in concern. “What’s wrong?” He opened his mouth to answer, but all that emerged was a keening wail as the pain swept over him again.

 

~Bloody hell! Hurts, hurts, hurts…ripping my soddin’ body apart…ah, Gods! Burning, fire…I’m on fire…can’t speak, can’t stand…wish I couldn’t feel~ He clung to the Slayer’s worried gaze as his legs refused to support him any longer and he dropped to his knees.

 

Buffy moved closer, kneeling in front of him, searching for the cause of his pain. “What is it, Spike? Tell me!” The angles of his face became sharper as another wave of pain wracked through his body. Buffy lunged forward and caught him as he dove nose first in the ground. “Spike! Damn it, what’s wrong?” She was starting to panic. Spike was never like this. He was like a damn Timex; ‘takes a lickin’ and such. He didn’t seem like he was even able to form a coherent thought.

 

Spike sprawled in the Slayer’s lap. If his bloody insides weren’t being torched then ripped from his body, he’d rather enjoy her frantic tone and her gentle hands searching his body for wounds. As another searing wave swept through him, he felt the world begin spinning. Rather like passing out. But he was dead. He didn’t pass out. He could be knocked out. But never pass out like some nancy boy.

 

He began to feel a bit scared. He could tell that he was lying down, but everything seemed to be receding from him. He watched Buffy’s tear-stained face move further and further away…Wait a minute. Tear-stained? What the hell? The bloody Slayer crying over him? Wait…wait! No! He wanted to ask her why…he wanted…why was she leaving? He reached out to her.

 

Buffy didn’t even notice the tears. Why wasn’t he answering her? Was this a damn joke? It couldn’t be. He looked so confused; so scared. He raised his hand and without hesitation, she grasped it, linking her fingers with his.

 

He nearly wept as he felt her small strong hand take hold of his. She came swooping back into his vision. Now it seemed as if he were falling upwards. He was rushing toward the Slayer at a breakneck speed. Just as they collided, he felt like his chest exploded outward, and then he felt nothing.

 

_____________

 

Willow and Xander stared in openmouthed astonishment as Spike fell to his knees. Buffy flew back to him and began checking him over. Then he screamed. Willow shuddered. She’d never heard anything sound that painful. His body bucked again and he fell into Buffy. She cradled his head as she began crying, begging him to tell her what was wrong.

 

He stretched his hand out to her and she took it. A moment later, the two humans watched as an iridescent mist began to seep from Spike’s body. It crawled down his arm and over his and Buffy’s linked hands. It moved down Buffy’s arm and disappeared into her chest.

 

______________

 

Buffy felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to her. Spike had stiffened just after taking her hand and she saw something shiny through her tears. It seemed to come from him and head for her. Then he jerked again and her attention was taken away by a crushing weight on her chest. A second later, the feeling was gone, replaced by a warm fogginess.

 

She looked down to see Spike frowning. Frowning was good! Much better than screaming or crying. She smiled at him.

 

“Are you OK?”

 

Spike blinked, looked around, and tried to understand what the hell just happened. ~Why am I in the Slayer’s lap? What the bleedin’…What is that smell?~ HE sniffed deeper then smiled. Dru. His dark princess. She was near. He threw the Slayer’s hands off of him and rolled to his feet in one smooth motion. Looking around, he sniffed again.

 

Buffy stared, shocked by his actions. “Spike? What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong, Slayer. Everything is just right. Finally.” He grinned. “Come out come out wherever you are, my pet. I know you’re here.”

 

Buffy wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Come out? Who’s h- Drusilla.” She breathed. She watched as the insane vampire glided over the wet grass to Spike’s side. He pulled her into a tight embrace and devoured her mouth with kisses.

 

~What the…~

 

/…hell am I doing?/

 

Buffy started at the sound of Spike’s voice so close to her ear, and finishing her unspoken sentence. Then she realized that that would be impossible, as Spike had his tongue a good distance down Dru’s throat.

 

“Spike?” she questioned. Spike broke apart from Dru’s lips and glared at Buffy.

 

“What? Why must you interrupt while I am saying hello to my lady?”  He sighed. “Go home, Slayer. I have some catching up to do before I finish you off.” He smiled, a wicked smile. “But don’t worry, luv. I will get around to finishing you off. I just need to get the ‘Buffy’ taste out of my mouth.” Dru laughed and pulled his head back down to hers.

 

Buffy stared, shell-shocked.

 

/Get up, Slayer!/ She heard Spike’s voice again. /Buffy, luv, move! Before he…I…he changes his mind./ She gave up trying to wrap her brain around it and let her Slayer instincts take over, leaping to her feet and pulling Xander and Willow along as she raced from the cemetery.

 

__________________

 

“And then I heard his voice, like it was in my head,” Buffy sighed. The trio had retreated to the Summer’s home to try and figure out what just happened.

 

/That would be because I am apparently in your head, Slayer./ Buffy jumped.

 

“What?” Willow peered into Buffy’s face.

 

“I heard him again,” she whispered.

 

/Of course you did, you silly bint! Now tell the witch that I can see her. I can see the room. I can smell her perfume. I can even hear the whelp’s stomach growling. But I can’t see you./

 

Willow and Xander exchanged worried looks as Buffy’s eyes narrowed.

 

“Willow, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but…Spike…wants me to tell you that he can see, hear and smell you and Xander. He just can’t see me.”

 

Willow leaned forward and pulled Buffy’s eyelid up, exposing more of her eyeball.

 

“Will, what are you doing?” Xander asked with a chuckle.

 

/Hey, I never noticed how pretty the witch’s eyes are/ Buffy glared at Willow and jerked her head out of Will’s hands.

 

“Pig.” She snapped. Willow sat back, a hurt look on her face. “Not you, Will. I was talking to Spike the Swine.”

 

Willow looked thoughtful for a moment, then stood and took Buffy’s’ hand. “Come with me,” she ordered. Buffy followed her wordlessly into the bathroom. “Look in the mirror.”

 

Buffy shrugged and faced her reflection. ~God, I look like crap. My hair is thrashed and I have mascara running down my face.~

 

/You look beautiful, luv. You always do./ Buffy smiled shyly.

 

“Thank you.” Her smile froze. “What the hell? You just answered me, but I didn’t say anything!” Willow grinned in satisfaction.

 

“Just what I though.” She said smugly. Buffy looked at her through the mirror.

 

“Care to share, Will?”

 

“Xander and I saw some weird shiny mist move from Spike to you fight before he stopped screaming.”

 

/I wasn’t screaming. Maybe saying ow, a bit, but not screaming./ Spike said sullenly. Buffy giggled, and Willow nodded.

 

“You can hear him in your head. He can hear you. He can talk to you, but not to us. He can see things that you see.” Buffy sighed exasperated.

 

“OK, so what does it mean?”

 

/It means, luv, that I’m in here with you./

 

_________________

 

 

She opened her eyes and found him leaning on his arm, watching her.  “Spike? What are you doing in my bed?” she asked sleepily. He smiled sexily.

 

“Whatever you want me to, luv.” Buffy blinked in confusion. He took his opportunity and gently brushed her lips with his own. She shivered at the cool touch and found herself responding to the tenderness in his touch. He slid a hand into her hair and softly tugged her head back. As she complied, he rained kisses down the column of her neck, feeling her pulse speed up.

 

“Spike? I-I don’t...” she tried to vocalize her trepidation.

 

“Shhhh…” he whispered against her skin. “I promise you, luv, you are in control. Nothing will happen unless you want it to.” He chuckled evilly. “I am your willing servant, pet. You have but to command me.”

 

Buffy caught a glimpse of light out of the corner of her eye and pulled herself into a sitting position to look around the room. Candles covered every square inch of every flat surface in the room. The ceiling was surprisingly absent, allowing the moon and stars to shine crisply above them. Her plain, little girl bed was replaced with something out of a dominatrix dream.

 

“This is a dream.” She suddenly comprehended. “This is my dream and I’m laying in bed with Spike.” After unsuccessfully trying to wrap her brain around the Freudian contexts, she gave up and just grinned at him. “This is my dream, right?” He nodded lazily, his finger tracing small circles on her arm. “So I can do anything I want? Make you do anything I want?”

 

He laughed, “That’s what I said, luv.”

 

“Strip.” She ordered. Locking gazes with his love, he stood and shimmied out of his boots and jeans. He held his position for several moments longer than he needed to, but he could hardly move when the most beautiful woman in existence was staring at him as though he were a Greek god. “Now me.” She was rewarded with a flare of desire on his otherwise controlled expression.

 

He gently tugged the tail of her nightie out from under her, stroking her silky leg as he did. He then pulled it over her head and tossed it onto the floor where it settled in a pool. Patiently, he waited for instructions.  She stretched like a cat, taking up residence in the center of the bed. “Touch me.”

 

His hands worshipped her. She closed her eyes in pleasure and for a moment, he was tempted to ask her to open them. He wanted her to be here with him. Then his fears were allied by her next words. “God, Spike, you feel so good” She gasped.  “How do you do that?”

 

“Do what, luv?” He whispered.

 

“Know exactly where I need your touch next? It’s like you’re in my head.”

 

He laughed softly. “I am in your head, pet. This is your dream.” She rolled her head from side to side in denial and aching pleasure.

 

“No. You did it before. When we were awake. Before the cemetery. When we had se…made love before.” His heart swelled as she cut herself off from the literal description of what they’d done together and called it what he had meant it to be. “You always know what I need. Whether we are making love, or talking, or fighting. You just know.” She stopped talking as a low moan escaped her lips.

 

He didn’t allow another word to escape her mouth. His hands burned cold rivers of fire down her body and his lips and tongue branded her. He look her nipple into his mouth and softly rolled it between his teeth, loving the hiss of breath it caused. His hands never stopped their exploration of her body, nor did they miss a single inch. From her hairline to her succulent toes, he familiarized himself with every bit of her. He made notes of the places that caused her to giggle, to moan, or to just tremble and make incoherent noises. Now that he had a chance to know her body without her running away, he was going to savor it.

 

Finally, she bucked her hips against his naked thighs. “Please, Spike…I need to feel you…I need you to…” He brushed her mouth lightly to stop her desperate pleadings. He settled himself between her legs, but then sank lower nipping at her stomach as he made his way to the junction of her thighs. Her intended protest was cut sharply off as he dropped a sweet kiss into the mass of wet curls waiting for him.

 

He sank two fingers deep inside her and felt a shudder travel through her body as a low keen issued forth from her lips. Slowly, he worked his fingers in and out of her, loving that she thrust back onto them, trying to drive them deeper and deeper. His questing fingers found the little nub of flesh buried inside of her heat and he carefully raked his fingers across it.

 

“Ahhhhh, God, yes!” she shouted out. He lowered his face and breathed in deeply of her arousal. Unable to put the delicious moment off any longer, he took her into his mouth. He alternated between suckling her and lapping at her engorged clit, all the while keeping up the rhythm of his fingers.

 

Short minutes later, she began thrashing, ramming her hips onto his fingers and roughly holding his head still as she ground her clit onto his face. “Sp…iiiiiiiiike!” he wailed, letting her release rock through her. Her muscles clamped onto his fingers and she stiffened, coming up off of the bed as her orgasm sent her tumbling into darkness.

 

__________________________

 

Buffy opened her eyes fully expecting to see Spike next to her, the dream was so real. The sun was just going down behind the partially opened curtains. ~Spike?~ She questioned silently.

 

/I’m here, luv/

 

~Did you sleep well? Err, did you sleep at all?~

 

A low chuckle reverberated through her mind./To sleep, perchance to dream, luv./

 

A terrible thought skittered through her head. ~Um, Spike? When you’re in here, can you see everything I think?~

 

/No, luv./ She heaved a sigh of relief. /Only the really strong thoughts that seep through or when a thought is totally unguarded. Y’know…like a dream./ The sigh caught in her throat.

 

“Damn you! You were eavesdropping on my dreams?”

 

/If I recall correctly, pet, you were the one who brought me into your dream. May I quote, ‘This is my dream and I’m laying in bed with Spike.’/ She felt a mental shoulder pat. /’Side, it’s not like we’ve never done it before, right?/

 

Actually it was just like that, she grumped, awkwardly throwing up a blank wall between her thoughts and his. Never before had he been willing to let her do anything she wanted, She knew he always feared that if he gave her too much control, she might bolt. She wouldn’t have, but he didn’t need to know that. Her main problem in this whole situation was that she’d been selfish and demanding and that embarrassed her.

 

She’d made it all about her because it was supposed to be her dream. He’d done all the work while she just demanded. That was kind of embarrassing. It also made her feel guilty, because he’d obviously known that it wasn’t just her dream.

 

/Luv, can we not psychoanalyze this? You wanted it. I was more than happy to give it. I’ll always be happy to give it. I don’t need anything in return. Just knowing I pleased you pleases me./

 

She blushed a fiery red.

 

“I thought you couldn’t hear unless it was a stray thought?” she bit out.

 

/That’s true. But your little ‘wall’ started crumbling right around the whole ‘selfish and demanding’ rant./

 

“Fine. I just won’t think anything then.” She flung her covers off and huffed to the bathroom. Glancing around the bathroom, she realized that everything she saw, he would see. “What a pain in the ass.” She grumbled. Now she had to pee, shower, and get dressed without looking at any part of her body.

 

Deep Spike laughter rolled through her. /Pet, I have seen you naked before. I think I can control myself, considering that I have no self to control./

 

Setting her chin, she stared resolutely at the ceiling as she undressed to the continued sounds of his mental laughter.

 

___________________________

 

“We really need to get a good look at the area around the spot you two became one.” Willow was stuffing a bag full of miscellaneous sleuthy tools as she spoke to the others. Buffy/Spike, Willow, Xander, and Dawn were assembled around the kitchen island.

 

“Why?” Dawn voiced the question that had been on Xander’s mind since the witch had banged on his door an hour ago.

 

“If it was magic, there is probably some residual components laying nearby. If it’s demon related, we might get an idea of what kind of demon if we find footprints. If it was something else…well, then we’ll find that too.” She shrugged. “Sure would be easier with magic, but this will be like a trip down memory lane!” She tried to look eager, failing miserably.

 

“Oh, yeah, those were such great days,” Xander rolled his eyes. “Being president of the geek squad and all.”

 

Buffy grinned. “I thought you were both pretty ok. You didn’t see me recruiting the football captain or the head of the pep squad, didja?”

 

“Well, there was Cordelia,” Dawn piped up. Three sets of eyes turned on her. “Ok, so she just complained a lot and fought with everyone, but she was there.” She defended herself.

 

“You got everything, Wills?” Buffy changed the subject. Willow nodded, hefting the sack over her shoulder. “Let’s go.”

 

___________________________

 

 

“I really don’t think this is the best of ideas,” Willow whispered minutes later, clutching Xander’s arm. She looked nervously at all the headstones and crypts that could hide two psychotic vampires.

 

“What exactly are we looking for again, Will?” Xander asked in a more normal tone, though he wasn’t too keen on the idea of all those hidey holes either.

 

“We are trying to find clues that will tell us what happened to pull Spike from his body and into Buffy’s.” Just then, Buffy’s Slayer senses went wild.

 

“Is that where I went?” Spike stepped into vision, grinning. “Well, that’s good to know. That means that I can kill two birds with one stone.”

 

Willow let out a little shriek and held her cross in front of her protectively. Xander raised the crossbow, hoping Spike didn’t notice it trembling. Buffy stepped in front of her friends.

 

“You didn’t know what happened either?” she asked cautiously. Spike shrugged.

 

“The pet told me what happened. She pulled the nancy boy out of me with some hocus-pocus. Didn’t know what happened to the great poof. Only knew I was finally free of him.” He hooked his thumbs in his belt loops. “Now, we’re gonna finally be free of both of you.”

 

A squeak from behind Buffy caused her to swing around. Dru held a wildly kicking Willow by the hair and had a foot firmly planted on Xander’s neck, effectively turning him purple. Spike sauntered up.

 

“Not very good without all your scoobies are you, luv?” he reached a hand out to stroke her cheek. At her instinctive flinch he clucked his tongue. “Now, Slayer. You wouldn’t want to be the cause of your friends demise at the hands of my Dark Queen, would you?”

 

Buffy’s eyes slid back to Dru. She had her game face on and her fangs were dangerously close to Willow’s neck. She shook her head slowly.

 

“Good. Now, you and I have a thing or two to discuss, Slayer.” Spike began circling, running his finger down her face, her neckline, her shoulders. Buffy squeezed her eyes shut. “I’ve tried to wash your taste away, Slayer. I’ve drowned myself in my princess. I’ve bathed in the blood of innocents.” He chuckled. “Funny thing, y’know. Apparently that bloody chip only works if I have the man in me as well as the demon. I don’t seem to be bothered with it anymore.”

 

Buffy opened her eyes to find him inches from her face, his icy blue eyes drilling into hers. She couldn’t remember the last time he looked at her, so full of hate and disdain. She’d gotten used to his eyes melting when they touched her, filling with love, protectiveness, and need.

 

“I don’t know what you did to me, bint, but I don’t like it.” He grasped her chin painfully in his cold hand. “I keep feeling you, seeing you, smelling you…” He growled lowly. “I feel your lovely legs wrapped around me, your nails raking down my back. I catch glimpses of gold when my dark lady is under me. I fuck her, but I smell you…goddamn vanilla like a choking cloud around me.” He shoved her head back, causing her to stumble.

 

“I don’t want to remember you, Summers. I don’t want to have you squirming around inside of me anymore. So, I’ve decided to change sensations.” He reached for her again. She dodged, instinctively, but froze as she heard a strangled moan from behind her. Spike moved in until his body was pressed against hers. “Ah, ah, ha,” he whispered. “Now be a good little girl and drop the stake”

 

The wood fell from Buffy’s open fingers and her breath caught as she recognized the gleam of lust in his eyes.

 

“No, please, Spike. Don’t do this.” She breathed. His response was to grind their mouths together. She felt her lip split as he ground it against her teeth Blood filled her mouth and he pried her lips open to lap at the coppery fluid. He grasped the neckline of her shirt and ripped, tearing her shirt from her and baring her breasts to the night air.

 

/No! Bloody bastard…leave her alone!/ Spike felt enraged both at his body’s treatment of his beloved and at his inability to do anything about it. His demon seemed to know.

 

“So, William, mate.” He breathed into Buffy’s bloody mouth. “Guess you’re gonna get a bit of a treat, hmmm? Think you’ll like feeling me shagging the Slayer? Bet it will bring back memories of good ol’ Angelus, won’t it? You always whimpered so nicely when Angelus had you bent over, your face shoved into the mattress. But you never screamed, did you, William? Never cried. Never begged for him to stop. Oh, you wanted to. But I wouldn’t let you. Do you think your woman will scream, William? Do you think you’re strong enough to keep her from showing weakness? Or will you be shrieking for her?”

 

He licked a cold, wet line from Buffy’s chin to her hairline. “Why don’t we find out, eh, William?” He kicked Buffy’s legs out from under her, knocking her to the ground. He followed as she fell and pinned her body to the damp ground. Slipping his hand into her waistband, he jerked the material off of her body as though it were paper instead of heavy-duty denim.

 

Willow and Xander stared in horror as they finally realized what was about to happen. Dru giggled and hopped from foot to foot. “Punish the bad Slayer, William. Make her bleed.”

 

Buffy took one last look into Spikes glacial eyes and hardened facial lines and then closed her eyes.

 

/What the hell are you doing, Buffy?/ Spike screamed in her head. /Fight him, you silly bint! Kick his bloody ass! Stake him!/

 

~Shut up, Spike.~ She returned calmly. ~In case you’d forgotten, that is your body. I’m not going to stake you. And I could fight back, but by the time I got done kicking your ass…his ass, your nutty ex would gut Willow and Xander. Besides…~ she gave him a mental shrug, ~it’s not like you haven’t been there before.~ She tried a mental laugh, but knew that he could probably feel her terror.

 

Her head rocked back with the force of Spike’s solid hand. “Pay attention when I’m shagging you, luv.” He grinned. “It’s rude to think about someone else during sex.” His hands moved up and cupped her breasts tightly. Flicking his tongue over her left nipple, he twisted its sister painfully. Buffy winced. “That’s better, luv. Focus on me.”

 

Brusquely, he pushed her thighs apart and settled between them. “I really was never into all that nancy boy foreplay you and ‘William’ were in to. All that kissing and heavy petting…waste of time, y’know.” With one quick flick of his hand, his jean buttons were undone and he pushed them low on his hips. “Say hello to Daddy, Billy-boy,” he laughed and thrust his hips forward, sheathing himself fully in a smooth motion.

 

Not finding a demonic Spike even relatively sexy, Buffy wasn’t ready for him. She squeezed her eyes tighter and bit nearly through her tongue to keep from screaming as he tore into her. She may not have been wet before, but her torn flesh provided her some relief in the way of the blood dripping from of her each time he pulled out.

 

The smell of the blood seemed to excite him further and he slipped into game face as he pounded her harder with each thrust. Spike had gone from screaming threats to his demon to pleading for Buffy to kill him to small whimpers that sounded like a wounded animal. She tried to concentrate on anything but her gentle, playful, kinky lover raping her in hate and anger.

 

She finally noticed the images flashing through her head as she turned her attention away from her own body. She could see white cotton sheets, covered in blood, and hands clutching the sheets with whitened knuckles. They were small hands, but decidedly masculine. Her vision blurred as ‘she’ was flipped onto her back. She stared in stupefied horror at the man in front of her.

 

His dark hair was longer than it had been when she knew him. His body was leaner. His eyes were the same dark brown, but they were not the soulful one’s she’d fallen in love with. They were dark pools of evil. Right now they were laughing down at her, and his mouth quirked in a sardonic smile. “Not going to scream, boy?” Angelus asked. “Guess we’ll have to try harder.”

 

Another slap knocked her back into her own body. “Didn’t I just tell you that it wasn’t nice to think about someone else while you were being shagged?” Spike sighed. “I guess I’ll just have to try harder to get your attention.” She shuddered at the paraphrasing of Angelus’s words. He seemed to like that as well. Leaning down, he licked her breast again, teasing the nipple into a hardened nub with the combination of a cold tongue, the night air, and the horrible feeling of familiarity.

 

With a deep growl, he opened his mouth and sank his teeth into the pale flesh as he thrust himself for the final time deep within her small body. As soon as the last spasm swept through his body, he pushed off of her and buttoned his pants. “I seem to remember you being a more lively partner, Slayer. What’s wrong? Didn’t like my technique?” he laughed harshly and stood.

 

Glancing over at their small audience, he was pleased to see the witch, in tears and hanging limply, and the whelp with his eyes screwed shut, tears streaking down his face as well. Dru captured his gaze and licked her lips. By unspoken command, she dropped Willow and moved toward Spike.

 

“So, pet,” Spike ran his hand over her ass. “What do you say to leaving these wankers to sort their pathetic lives out while you and I shag ourselves silly?”

 

“Oh, yes, Spike.” She nodded, reaching up to lick a stray drop of slayer blood from the corner of his mouth. Taking her hand, Spike walked away from the defeated slayer and her friends without a backwards look.

 

Willow and Xander scrambled across the intervening distance, not even bothering to stand. As they reached her ravaged body they were confused by the litany coming from her bruised lips.

 

“Shhh, shhhh…. it’s ok. I know it wasn’t you. I know. It’s ok…shhhh, honey. Please, stop crying. Please, Spike, I know it wasn’t you. I know you would never hurt me. I know you would never do that to me. Shhhhh….shhhh, God, Spike, please, baby, stop crying….”

 

“B-Buffy?” Willow asked softly. Buffy opened her eyes and stared up at her friend. She tried to push herself to a sitting position and failed until Willow grabbed one arm and Xander the other.

 

“Please,” she begged, tears filling her eyes. “Help me convince him. He’s losing it. He isn’t even speaking anymore, just wailing, making this horrible animal noise.” She shuddered slightly. “Please?”

 

Willow and Xander exchanged a look and then they both moved to hold her. As their arms settled around her, she wrapped her own arms around her waist tightly.

 

“There. See, Spike?” She whispered. “We’re gonna be ok. They have us. Willow and Xander have us. They won’t let go, they won’t leave us. They know it wasn’t our fault. Shhhh, baby, they have us.”

 

“S-Spike?” Willow started hesitantly. “Spike? Buffy’s right. We don’t blame either of you. It wasn’t you.” She gave Xander a ‘look.’

 

“Err…yeah, Spike…” he stumbled over the words. “C’mon, Buddy, snap out of it. It’s not like you wanted to…errr, umm…y’know.” Willow rolled her eyes.

 

“Come on, Buffy, Spike. We’ve got to get you out of here before they change their minds and come back.” She and Xander helped Buffy to her feet and each slipped an arm around her waist, not breaking contact. Together, they limped out of the cemetery.

 

___________________________

 

“We have to put him back together.” Buffy sighed, closing her eyes. “He’s totally William now.”

 

Willow looked in concern at the weariness lining her friend’s face. The last week has taken its toll on them all, but Buffy bore the brunt of it. Spike had apparently not gotten the Slayer out of his system with the rape. He continued to stalk her. He left her presents not unlike those Angelus had left for her when he lost his soul.

 

He sent his minions after her and the scoobies but not to kill, only to torment. He also began striking out at William. He sent horrible poetry, full of eviscerations and comparisons to internal organs, and dedicated to his ‘tender sibling.’ He raided his stash of Buffy memorabilia at the crypt and began sending it piece by piece along with lewd and violent promises of how he’d collect his own kind of Buffy items for the ‘shrine.’

 

With each new and horrible gift, Buffy felt the man she’d know slip away. He was replaced with a helpless, frightened and needy little boy who now spoke in whispers when he spoke at all.

 

“I can’t get him to even think about fighting back anymore. He just wants to lurk in the corner of my head and wail apologies at me.” Buffy smiled wryly. “And I find it totally bizzaro to realize that I’m complaining about that.”

 

Willow grinned. “I’m disappointed that I can’t hear that for myself.” She turned back to the tome in front of her. “I actually think I might be able to fix him though.”

 

Buffy sat up in her chair. “How?”

 

_________________________________

 

“You know, I’ve been dreaming of this for years.” Xander whispered, petting the tazer in his hand. “Ever since we stole this, I’ve been wanting to zap bleachy with it.” Buffy looked pointedly at him. He grinned and shrugged.

 

Continuing to pet the weapon, Xander took up position behind a crypt. The plan was to use Buffy to draw Spike out and then zap him with some voltage. Then, they would deliver his body to Willow, who was setting up the ingredients to restore his two halves. Now the only problem was luring Spike into their trap. In the end, Buffy decided to just challenge his in front of his crypt.

 

Giving a nod to Xander, Buffy took up a fighting stance.

 

“Spike!” She yelled. “Get your undead ass out here. We have unfinished business!” After a moment, the door to the crypt opened and Spike and Dru stepped out, both grinning.

 

“I was hoping I hadn’t broken you yet, Slayer.” Spike tossed his cigarette aside. “I wanted one last dance before sending you into oblivion.”

 

“Whatever, Spike.” Buffy glared. “Let’s just do this.”

 

He looked disappointed that she didn’t want to verbally spar with him, but shrugged off his duster and stepped out onto the grass. Buffy immediately launched a full on assault. She threw everything she had into it, punishing him for hurting her. Punishing him for hurting William. He seemed a bit startled by the ferociousness of her attacks, but held his own.

 

It soon became apparent that Buffy was wearing herself out. Grinning, Spike began to close in. Several punches to the face later, and Buffy was picking herself up off of the crypt steps. Staggering slightly, she wiped the blood from her face and turned back to face him. A hand wrapped itself into her hair and jerked her head to the side, while another hand held her own stake at her heart.

 

Trapped in the grip, Buffy could only silently curse her stupidity at forgetting about Drusilla.

 

“Oh, Spike,” Dru crooned. “Look at the pretty Slayer. She looks so tasty. Can mummy have a bite?” She sank her fangs into Buffy’s neck in one smooth movement. Buffy winced at the pain and struggled to free herself.

 

Slowly, blackness began stealing into the edges of her vision, and she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears. Growing fainter and fainter. Dimly, she recognized a familiar voice screaming for Dru to let her go, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

 

The grip on her hair loosened and the cold body pressed against her back was suddenly gone. To weak to stand, she crumpled. She felt arms catch her and gently set her on the ground and then the blackness took her.

 

_________________________________

 

 

Xander tried to scream out a warning as Buffy stood, but Drusilla already had her. He watched in horror as the vampires sank her fangs into his friend’s neck. Then amazingly, Spike was there.

 

“Dru, luv, let her go.” He growled, in game face. Dru glanced up at him and wiggled her eyebrows without stopping. Spike looked confused for a moment, but then stepped forward. “I mean it, Dru. Let the Slayer go.”

 

Spike could hear Buffy’s heart begin to skip. He didn’t understand the blind panic it called forth in him. “Dammit, Dru, let her go now!” He snatched the stake out of Drusilla’s hand and slammed it home in her chest.

 

He stared in horrified astonishment as his Dark Goddess widened her eyes in betrayal before exploding in a cloud of dust. Buffy began to fall and, before he could stop himself, he had caught her and lowered her to the grass. Then his world dissolved into a red haze as the prongs of the tazer hit his back.

 

_________________________________

 

Willow stared at the spell components. She heaved a sigh. The door opened behind her and she didn’t even turn around.

 

“You got him, Xander?” she asked tonelessly.

 

“Got who?” a gentle voice asked. Willow jerked and leaped to her feet.

 

“Tara? What are you doing here?” She whispered, eyes wide. Tara smiled.

 

“Dawnie told me about Spike and Buffy.” She replied. “I figured you might need some help with the restoration spell.” Willow closed her eyes.

 

“You’re disappointed in me.” She breathed. “I’m sorry. I know I said I was done with the magics. And I was. Really. I haven’t tried a single spell in weeks. But this is big. Buffy needs me. Spike needs me.”

 

She felt a finger on her lips and opened her eyes. Tara smiled into them.

 

“Willow. I was concerned that you were using too much magic. And for the wrong reasons. I never wanted you to give up magic entirely. Or refuse to work magic to fight a big evil. I just wanted you to think before casting. That’s all. And I think you’ve learned that. And that’s why I’m here. I want to help you.”

 

Willow’s eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around her love.

 

_________________________________

 

Buffy watched the witches put the final touches on the spell circle and went to relieve Xander from Spike watch. The vampire had been oddly subdued since he woke up. Buffy assumed it was because he was filled with regret over Dru.

 

As she came into the room, Xander smiled in relief and headed back out to the living room. Spike glared at her, game face on. She grinned and moved to his side.

 

“Ready, lover?” She asked huskily. “Ready to get up close and personal with your conscience?” Spike growled and jerked at his bonds. Buffy leaned in closely, letting him feel her breath on his cheek as she whispered in his ear.

 

“It’s ok, Spike. You don’t have to pretend. William and I have been talking about you and we have come to a conclusion.” Spike sneered.

 

“What could a goody-goody slayer and a ball-less whelp possible understand about me?” Buffy ran a finger down his cheek and smiled in satisfaction as he jerked away, unsuccessfully hiding a shudder.

 

“We know why it was so easy for us to capture you…luv. We figured you out.”

 

“Well, then do enlighten me…luv.” He snapped his teeth at her small finger.

 

Buffy laughed and lowered her face stopping mere centimeters from his own. “You want William back. You need him.”

 

“What the hell would I need that poofter for?” He rolled his eyes.

 

“You need him for cover. You need him to take the blame for all the things that you aren’t supposed to feel.” Spike looked enraged.

 

“What things? I don’t feel anything but a strong desire rip your bloody clothes off and shag you til you scream, and then tear your bleedin’ head off and pour Dru’s ashes down your neck.” He jerked at his bonds again, and Buffy rubbed her cheek against his, causing another shudder to run through his body.

 

“See? Even when you want to kill me, you can’t help yourself. You want to touch me, to taste me. You can’t help it. William feels the same way. Though, you’d call it some disease or a curse or a spell I cast on you, William knows what it is. He’s learned to deal with it, to make it a part of him. You need him back so you don’t have to admit that you feel it too.”

 

“Bloody stupid psychobabble.” Spike tried to head butt her, but she pulled away, anticipating his move. She smiled and lowered her lips until they actually brushed his.

 

“You need William back, Spike. So you don’t have to admit that the demon fell in love with me too.”

 

“Bitch!” He hissed, jerking at his bonds. “That’s bloody rot and you know it.”

 

Buffy only smiled and stepped away from the vampire. “Ready, Will?”

 

Willow and Tara moved into position, Willow at his feet, Tara on his left.

 

“Ready, Buffy.”

 

Buffy and Xander took up position; Xander on the right and Buffy at his head. They both held their hands out.

 

Willow made a shallow cut in each of their palms and they turned placed them, bloody side down, onto Spike’s naked flesh. She made an identical cut on Tara’s hand and then put the knife down. She started chanting and sprinkling a silvery powder over Spike’s body and her friend’s hands where they touched Spike.

 

Spike thrashed under their hands and growled, game face set at the forefront. He opened his mouth to hiss an obscenity and he was suddenly on fire. He felt a sucking vortex begin in his chest and felt something reaching out of him, searching for something.

 

At Willow’s nod, Tara and Xander released Spike’s body, leaving Buffy in sole possession of his flesh.

 

She felt like a mindless drone as her body moved itself around to Spike’s side. She had no control of her limbs as she threw a leg over his waist and straddled his hips. She frantically worked at the bindings holding Spike’s arms and gasped in relief when they came free.

 

Buffy and Spike’s eyes met, pain roiling in both. Their hands slid over each other until their hands met. They linked fingers. Buffy felt a part of her seeping away. She felt the tugging on her consciousness and she began to cry.

 

“Don’t leave me,” She whispered. “Don’t leave me alone in here.”

 

Spike smiled through his own tears and eased up on the tugging. “I won’t leave, Buffy.” He replied. “I just need to be back in my own body. I belong to you, and I’ll never leave.” His eyes drank in her tears and he couldn’t resist her pleading gaze. “I’ll take a piece of you with me, Buffy. And I’ll leave a piece of me to replace it.” He squeezed her fingers. “That way, we’ll never be alone. Either of us.”

 

Buffy nodded, hitching her breath back. Gracing him with a watery smile, she released her grip on his consciousness. He gently eased it from her body and into his, sneaking a tiny piece of Buffy to take back, leaving a tiny piece of William with her.

 

The Scoobies watched as Willow continued chanting. The iridescent mist poured from Buffy’s body and enveloped Spike. It lingered for a moment and then settled into the vampire and disappeared. Buffy collapsed onto Spike’s chest, unconscious. Spike managed to wrap his arms around her before he followed her into oblivion.

 

___________________________

 

Slowly, Spike opened his eyes. He felt the coldness of the floor against his back, but his front was toasty warm. Glancing down, he found himself gazing at the top of a blonde head.  A glance around the room showed the remains of a spellcasting, but no scoobies. He smiled as Buffy gave a little growl at his movement.

 

“Luv?” he whispered. “Wake up, Buffy.”

 

She cracked an eye and squinted up at him. “Mrphrr?” she mumbled. Spike grinned.

 

“I don’t know what that means, luv. How are you feeling?”

 

She pushed up on his chest and shoved her hair out of her face. Giving an introspective look, she shrugged.

 

“I feel fine. No permanent damage.”

 

He nodded. “Same here.”

 

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment and then smiled, a slow, sweet smile full of joy and love.

 

“What?” Spike asked, feeling his heart jump at the sunshine of her happiness.

 

She opened her eyes and stared down at him with something he never thought he’d see sparkling in her eyes.

 

“I was afraid you were gone.” She said shyly, ducking her head. “But I can still feel you.”

 

He ran a finger down her cheek.

 

“I love you, Buffy.” He said seriously. “I have no idea how I can even think about making up to you for the things I did, but I want you to know that I’m going to try.” Buffy placed a finger on his lips.

 

“Shhhh. I don’t need you to make it up. It wasn’t you.”

 

Spike looked away briefly, and when he looked back his eyes were suspiciously wet. “No, Buffy. It was me. It was my demon. It’s who I am.”

 

Buffy sat up. “Bullshit. It’s half of who you are. You share your body with the demon and with William. Together they make Spike.” She shrugged again. “You were right when you told me that I needed a little monster in my man. William was sweet. I still adore him, but I need more than what he wants to give me.”

 

Spike watched her face carefully.

 

“I also need a little man in my monster.” She continued. “Pure demonic Spike was scary as hell. He frightened me…a lot. I can’t imagine spending my life with him.”

 

Spike winced but held her gaze. She cupped his cheek.

 

“Now, the demon/William combo…that I like. I like sweet adorable William when he’s tempered with kick-your-ass demon. I like the demon when he’s being checked by William behave-she’s-a-lady.” She smiled and leaned over him and brushed his lips with hers.

 

“I like Spike. I like the half-and-half action. I like you.” She kissed him again, and then pulled away to stare into his endless blue eyes. “I love you.”

 

He let out a small uncontrollable sob and pulled her against his chest. Buffy sank back into his embrace, feeling like she was coming home for the first time since she’d come back.

___________________________