Finding Home Part 9

Title: Finding Home Part 9

Site: https://www.angelfire.com/tv2/firebird_ascending/

Author: Velvet Crypt

Disclaimer: Joss is God. I own nothing.

Distribution: Sure. Just lemme know where my baby’s going.

Spoilers:

Summary: Dates, fluff, love.

“Whatcha wanna do while mom and Giles are on their ‘not-a-date-just-getting-to-know-each-other’ date?” Xander grinned at Spike after Jessica went upstairs.

Spike smirked and shrugged. “Hear there might be a good movie up at the theater.”

That evening, Xander and Spike made themselves scarce before Giles came to call; not before they paid Jessica so many compliments that she blushed and hid in the bathroom, yelling at them to go to the movie already. They followed her directions, holding hands in the car on the way to the theater.

Once inside, Spike bought a large tub of popcorn and a large drink. “Hey, Spike,” Xander grinned, “What are you planning on eating?” Spike looked shyly up at Xander through his lashes.

“I thought we might share.” Xander caught his breath. Sharing popcorn and a drink at the movies. Such a simple, first date thing. And the look on Spike’s face as he suggested it…who would have thought that the Big Bad was a romantic? Xander nodded and led the way into the theater. He plopped into a chair and held the popcorn while Spike seated himself.

Xander stared at the advertisements on the screen and wondered if Spike would want to hold hands in public. He had almost gotten up the courage to ask when he felt a cool hand pluck his own out of his lap. Spike linked their fingers and then rested their twined hands back onto Xander’s thigh. Xander just smiled and got comfortable, leaning against the leather-clad vamp.

_______________________________________________________

“Do you think we’ll really have technology like that?” Xander continued the conversation begun in the car. “I mean, the kind that can hook into a person’s head and record their thoughts?” He tossed his coat over a chair and headed for the kitchen. Spike removed his duster as well, but hung it carefully up in the hall closet. He sighed and picked Xander’s coat up, hanging it as well, then followed the excited boy into the kitchen.

He found Xander with his head stuck in the refrigerator, his ass sticking succulently in the air. Spike felt his cock twitch and forced his gaze up as Xander turned around. “Uh…well, pet,” Spike tried to focus on what the question had been before he had been treated to the view of Xander filling out those pants so nicely. “I guess you will. Bloody government already knows how to put chips in people’s heads. ‘S only one more step to eavesdropping on yer thoughts.”

He didn’t realize how bitter he sounded until Xander set his snack down on the table and moved in front of him. “I’m sorry, Spike.” He said softly, sneaking his arms around the vampire’s waist. “I didn’t mean to dredge that up.”

Spike forced a smile and shrugged. “No matter, luv. It happened. I deal.” Xander didn’t appear to be buying it. Spike closed his eyes against the knowing look in those dark brown eyes. He felt Xander tug him closer and he allowed the boy to wrap him in a hug. He discovered his face fit perfectly buried in the human’s neck.

“It does matter, Spike.” Xander whispered against his ear. “It happened and I hate it. I hate what it does to you, and I can’t help but feel guilty because without it, we wouldn’t be here now.”

Spike pulled his face from its hiding place and blue eyes met brown. He smiled. A real smile. “Silver lining and all, luv.” Xander smiled back and gently pressed his lips to Spike’s forehead. Spike mock growled at him and pushed him back.

“None of that nancy boy kissing, mate. Get yer grub and let’s see what’s on the telly.” Xander rolled his eyes and picked the munchies back up. Spike held the door open for him. On his way through, the vampire’s head darted forward and he dropped a brief kiss in return on Xander’s cheek.

________________________________________________

When Jessica crept through the door, shutting it quietly and wincing at the creak, the first thing she heard was the low sound of the TV. She flinched and mouthed ‘dammit, dammit, dammit’, and looked at her watch again. Another wince as the hands pointed out that it was 4 a.m.

She took a deep breath and bolstered her courage before venturing into the living room. She was prepared for a lecture, for knowing grins, for nearly anything but the vision in front of her. Her boys were snuggled up on the couch, Xander held tenderly in Spike’s arms. He’d burrowed his arms under the vamp and lay on Spike’s chest, peacefully asleep in the embrace of a 126-year-old killer. That thought would have frightened Jessica more had said killer not been nuzzling Xander’s dark curls and purring softly.

He looked up as she entered the room. “Hey, mum.” He whispered. “Have a good time?” Jessica was relieved to see no censure in the steady gaze. She nodded silently. Spike smiled. “Good.”

“Do you want me to help you get Xander to bed?” She asked quietly. Spike smiled down at the boy in his arms and shook his head. He breathed in his boy’s scent and looked up again.

“No, he’s comfy.” Jessica nodded again and waved generally in the direction of the stairs, an inquiry in her eyes.

“Go on, luv. Go get some sleep. We can grill you tomorrow.” He chuckled. Jessica grinned and skipped up the stairs to go over the amazing night she’d just had; leaving her son in care of the undead killer cuddling him on the couch. The killer who tightened his arms around the boy and kissed silky tanned skin before closing blue eyes and heading to sleep, secure in the knowledge that all of his family was home and safe.

_____________________________________________________

Jessica came downstairs the next morning feeling happier than she had in years. She had a bounce in her step and a smile on her face that only increased as she walked into a cooking lesson. She grinned at Xander’s frustrated face as he picked eggshells out of a bowl.

“I can’t do this, Spike.” He whined. “Please? Make it for me?” Spike leaned up against the sink and shook his head.

“You’re doing fine, pet.” He encouraged the pouting human. “Everyone has to pick the shells out once or twice.” Jessica pulled a chair out from the table and sat. A cup of coffee materialized in front of her and she shot Spike a grateful smile.

Xander peered over his shoulder. “Hi, mom!”

“Morning, pumpkin. Making French toast are you?” Xander frowned, glaring at Spike.

“He convinced me it wasn’t hard to do. Obviously, he never paid attention to the fact that my breakfast making skills lie in the exchange of cash for doughnuts.” The vampire only grinned and handed Xander a whisk. Xander stuck his tongue out at Spike and went back to the task grumbling.

“So, tell us all.” Spike prodded, flipping a chair around to straddle it. Jessica’s face lit up again and she blushed.

“It was wonderful.” She breathed. “He brought me flowers; roses. Then he took me to this amazing Italian restaurant. It had candles and a strolling violinist. He ordered wine and we talked about the menu. I didn’t know what anything was,” she said embarrassedly. “I mean, there wasn’t exactly stroganoff Hamburger Helper on the menu. But he was so sweet, explaining it all to me and making suggestions.”

“We started talking and just couldn’t quit. He is the smartest man I think I ever met.” She sighed. “I must have looked like an imbecile to him.” Spike growled and Jessica placed her hand over his. “I know, you hate when I call myself stupid. But that’s the thing. Maybe I looked like an idiot, but he never made me feel that way. He managed to look interested in everything I said. He even asked questions, so I know he was listening to me.”

“Then we started talking about history.” Her eyes lit up. “I had so much fun. He knows so many things. I told him that I had planned on majoring in History in college…but then I married Tony.” Her voice dropped. “Tony preferred I stay home and be a proper wife and mother. So, I never went.”

Spike was back to growling and this time Xander stepped forward and laid a comforting hand on the vampire’s shoulder. “Giles said I should go back to school.” She laughed, a little sad.

“So? Why don’t you then?” Spike demanded.

Jessica shrugged. “Tony would never allow it.” Now even Xander’s hand wasn’t enough. Spike’s eyes flashed yellow, startling Jessica at the first deliberate sign of Spike’s true nature.

“I swear by all that is both Holy and Unholy, mum, I will take you away from that miserable bastard.” He bit out. “I’ll take care of you and Xander. You will never want for anything again. You’ll never have to be surprised when someone pays you a compliment. You’ll never have to beat yourself down before he can do it for you.” He slammed his fist down onto the table. “If I didn’t have this bloody chip, I’d strangle him with his own entrails, turn him and leave him out on the front lawn to disintegrate in the morning sun.”

Jessica was sure that she was a sick, sick woman because Spike’s threats of violence and protectiveness made her feel warm and protected in a way she hadn’t felt since she was a child. “Shush, William.” She soothed. “I know, I know. Now, tell me about your evening with Xander.”

Spike shot her a glare, knowing she was once again changing the subject because she had no real reason to argue with him. Xander, however, latched onto the request with a vengeance, worried by Spike’s little trip down Fangy Lane. He related everything, to Spike’s embarrassment. Up to and including the handholding and being lulled to sleep by the vampire’s purring.

Jessica noticed that, while Spike complained about Xander telling everyone about his pouffyness, he listened carefully to the parts that Xander liked most last night. She was sure the vampire was taking mental notes to add to the list of Xander’s Favorite Things.

When Xander finally wound down, Jessica propped her head up on her hand. “So? When can I expect to have some grandkids to spoil?” She nearly spoiled it by laughing at them. Both men choked and grabbed for their juice glasses. Jessica tried to look innocent. “What? I think it would be lovely for you two to adopt. Oh! Maybe you could get Willow or Tara to carry a baby for you!”

Spike looked horrified. Xander caught the twinkle in her eye and began playing along. “Oh, no, mom. I couldn’t do that. I would die of embarrassment. Spike will have to ask them.” He calmly forked a bite of breakfast into his mouth, watching Spike out of the corner of his eye as the vamp gaped like a fish. “But you know, it’s a little too early to plan on kids quite yet.” He looked at Spike full on and smiled.

“But I really like the idea of sharing something like that with someone special.” A spark caught flame in Spike’s gaze.

“Am I special, then?” The vampire asked, his world narrowing down to two emotion-filled espresso colored eyes.

“Oh, yeah.” Xander whispered, and Jessica realized that they both had forgotten she was in the room. “You’re special. So special that it sometimes scares me. I feel like I don’t even know what I’m doing. That I’ve lost control of my own thoughts.”

Spike shook his head. “I only want what you’re willing to give me, luv. I don’t want to scare you, or smother you. I want you to take your time and be sure…be sure of what you want…of us.”

Xander smiled sweetly, bringing a pang to Jessica’s heart. “I know. That’s why you’re special.” Spike ducked his head, a tiny smile appearing on his face. Jessica placed a hand on either boy’s arm and squeezed.

“How about we spend today digging through some of those old photo albums we have in the attic?” Spike looked like a kid in a candy store. Xander looked as though he were being led to the gallows, but gave in once he saw the excitement on Spike’s face.

“Fine.” He sighed. “But even one snicker, Bleach boy, and you’re in big trouble.”

_____________________________________________________

They pored through the albums and scrapbooks until the sun went down. To his credit, Spike only snickered once or twice. Most of the time was spent ‘awwing’ over little boy Xander. Jessica enjoyed looking through her son’s life again, but was saddened to recognize the signs of abuse in nearly every picture.

Xander in turtlenecks. Xander in long sleeves. Xander with scrapes. Xander with bruises. Xander in a cast. Xander in a sling. But, in spite of each mark on his tender flesh, there was always Xander with a smile. She bit her lip as it began to quiver.

She wasn’t in many pictures. She was the one holding the camera. Tony had thought taking pictures was a waste of money so he refused to take pictures. Thus, there were very few of Jessica and Xander together. The only record of mother and son was when Jessica’s mother came to visit. Xander’s Grandma was enamored of her tiny brunette replica and went through rolls of film photographing her daughter and grandson.

The woman would mail the pictures to Jessica after she’d developed them and Jessica would reverently place them in photo albums that she would then hide away from Tony’s eyes. Unfortunately, her mother passed away before Xander reached 10. Pictures were few and far between after that. Jessica still managed to sneak a roll or two once in a while, but Xander had learned the hard way that the best way to avoid Tony’s anger was to just be gone. Hence, photo ops were scarce.

Jessica knew that Xander spent nearly all his time with Willow and Jesse, and she knew he was safe. She couldn’t begrudge him that small freedom. And so, in pictures, the life of Jessica and Alexander Harris, mother and son, ended when Jessica’s mother passed away.

She was thrilled to share what there was with someone who cared for Xander as much as she did; so she monopolized Spike the entire afternoon. Not that the vampire minded. He was gradually fitting the pieces of the Harris puzzle together and the pictures helped a great deal. Spike’s attention caught on a picture tucked partially behind a happy Xander playing in the sandbox. He plucked it out and stared.

Jessica, dressed in ratty hole-ridden jeans and a tight tank top; Xander, probably 9 or 10, wearing shorts and a tee shirt. Mother and son were soaking wet, their hair plastered to their heads as they fought over a spraying garden hose. They were laughing, their eyes sparkling, even though it looked as though neither were winning the contest.

Spike looked up from the picture, meeting Jessica’s dark eyes. “Can I have this one, mum?” Jessica glanced at the picture and smiled, eyes lost in thought. Finally, she nodded, and then turned the page. Spike continued to peruse through the pages with her, but his mind kept drifting back to that picture, now tucked safely away in his wallet. He vowed that he would see that look on their faces again.

___________________________________________________

They waited till the sun went down to venture out to the Magic Box. Xander grinned every time Jessica looked at the clock. And she looked at it no less than every 30 minutes. They found the other scoobies already there.

Jessica hovered in the entryway, suddenly unsure of herself. Giles, however, made a beeline for her and helped her out of her coat. He led her to a table in the back, overflowing with books, and quickly engaged her in helping to research a prophecy. Xander grinned at the excitement on her face and the Willow-y way she buckled down and went straight into research mode.

He turned to Spike to see where the vampire planned to pitch in, but whereas he and Jessica had shed their coats, Spike was still wearing his and was slowly inching towards the door. Xander frowned. “Spike? What are you doing?”

~Bugger it all. Caught.~ Spike just shrugged. “I have some business to take care of, mate. I’ll only be gone a few hours.” Xander’s face fell.

“But…but, it’s not safe out there!” Xander found he was nearly whining, but he couldn’t help himself. “What if those guys that hurt you find you again?” Xander’s pleading had garnered the attention of the scoobies and Spike silently growled in his throat.

“I’ll be fine, Xan.” He said calmly. “I’m not going anywhere near those daft buggers. But I have to take care of this. It’s important.” Xander didn’t look convinced. Spike sighed and waved Xander forward. Xander was at his side like a shot and Spike led them just outside the door.

Once it was shut, he swung the boy into his arms and lowered his lips to Xander’s. A small moan escaped Xander’s throat at Spike’s soft nibbling. “I’ll be okay, luv.” Spike whispered. “I promise you that. I’m not going to hare-ass off to pick a fight. I honestly have real business to take care of.”

Xander nodded unhappily. “Please be careful, Spike.” He murmured, giving in gracefully. Spike smiled at the pouty lip Xander probably didn’t even know he was displaying. The vampire allowed temptation to step in and leaned forward again to gently suck that delectable lip into his mouth. He felt Xander’s arms slip around him and his warmth press up against Spike’s cool flesh. He pulled away reluctantly and kissed the brunette on the nose, walking backwards and smiling until he hit the sidewalk.

Xander watched his vampire walk away and sighed before heading back into the shop. As he expected, all eyes were on him. He tried to brush it off with a goofy smile, but Buffy stood and crossed her arms. “Okay, spill it mister.” Another sigh and Xander made himself comfortable on the couch.

“Well, I was in the basement when mom heard this knock on the door…”

_______________________________________________________

The wee hours of the morning rolled around and still no sign of Spike. Xander was worried but tried to immerse himself in the research. Unfortunately, his fidgeting and pacing between pages gave him away. Finally Jessica gave up. “Come on, pumpkin. Let’s go home. We can wait for William there.” Xander shot a guilty look over his shoulder from his place at the window.

“Sorry, mom.” He winced. “I’m just…” Jessica nodded and gathered her coat up.

“I know, honey. I’m worried about him, too.”

Goodbyes were said and minutes later, they were on their way home. Jessica smiled over at Xander, navigating the roads with a sure hand. “I was proud of you tonight.” She said. Xander glanced at her and smiled.

“Why?”

“You made a really big step in your life today, telling your friends that you have feelings for a male vampire.”

Xander snorted. “I think that’s an understatement. I’m pretty sure I shocked Giles and traumatized Buffy for years to come.” They shared a laugh. “But I’m glad I did it.” He continued. “It makes it seem more real. Not like some dream that might slip away when I’m not looking.”

“I’m happy for you, sweetie.” Jessica rested her hand on Xander’s thigh. “Have you told Spike that you love him yet?”

Xander shook his head vigorously. “How can I possibly know if I’m in love with him?” He asked plaintively. “It’s only been a few days. Besides, he’s okay with where we are now.”

“Are you okay with it?”

Xander drove in silence for long moments. “I don’t know.” Jessica nodded and turned to look out the passenger window, mostly to hide the smug smile that snuck it’s way onto her lips.

________________________________________________

The Harris’s found something in the next two weeks that they hadn’t even realized they’d been missing.

Jessica spent nearly every free moment at the Magic Box, Giles thrilled to teach her anything her heart desired. They had dinner together at his apartment, in town, at her house. Each time, Giles made it seem like an honor to be seated at the table with her, just chatting about whatever came to mind.

She realized one evening that Giles knew more about her childhood and teen years in one week than Tony Harris had bothered to ask about in 20 years. He knew her dreams, her secret wish list of things to do before she died. He knew the story of her first kiss, her first job, even her first pet.

He made her feel smart, special, interesting. No…he really didn’t make her feel anything. He empowered her to feel those things about herself. And that was so much better. It was a bizarre but amazing feeling to be proud of something she’d said or done.

Xander was slowly coming to realize that he had something to offer as well. He was allowed to be himself for the first time since he realized that being himself only caused pain for him and his mother. He could be happy, or sad, angry or depressed…and it was all okay. Not that he had much reason to be angry, sad or depressed with the amount of attention Spike paid to him. But the fact that the vampire didn’t think any less of him for his ‘nancy boy’ tendencies, that he even encouraged Xander to express whatever emotion he felt…it was exhilarating.

Spike would laugh with him when he laughed, let him vent his anger when he was upset, and hold him when he cried. And every action would result in the same soft touches, gentle kisses and cuddling. Xander began to think about what Jessica said that night, nearly two weeks ago, when he’d told the scoobies about his feelings.

He realized he loved spending time with Spike. He loved how the Big Bad was so gentle, so caring towards Xander and his mom. He loved how concerned Spike was about their well-being and how frustrated he must feel at being unable to convince them to leave the Harris household. He thought about how Spike made him feel safe, warm, cosseted…loved.

Spike made him feel loved. He hoped he made Spike feel the same way. A light clicked on in his head. Spike made him feel loved. ~How can he do that unless he loves me? And I want him to feel the same way he makes me feel.~ Xander snorted at himself in disgust. ~Dumbass. You’ve been in love with him for weeks now and are just realizing it?~

He went in active search of the vampire and located him fussing around downstairs, separating laundry. He cleared his throat to let Spike know he was there and the smile Spike bestowed on him in turn nearly melted him. “Hey,” Xander said huskily. “You have a minute? I’d like to talk to you.”

Spike looked a bit nervous, but came to sit next to Xander on the side of the bed. “S everything alright, pet?” Xander nodded and took a hold of Spike’s hand.

“Spike,” he began, looking up from his perusal of the slender digits in his grasp. “I want you to know that the last two weeks have been the most amazing I’ve ever spent. I’ve never…been in a relationship…with someone who was okay with just getting to know each other. Someone who wanted to get to know me and not just tell me about themselves.”

Spike smiled cautiously. “Well, happy to oblige, luv. But I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. Twasn’t a hardship or anything.”

Xander squeezed his hand and smiled.

“I’ve really liked getting to know you, too. To know William. I’m glad that you aren’t afraid to show both sides of yourself, at least to me and mom.”

Spike frowned. “Why are you telling me this, Xander?”

“I just wanted to let you know how special I think the time we’ve spent together has been.” Xander explained.

Spike stiffened and pulled his hand free. “Are you leaving me? Asking me to go? Because, that’s fine. I can do that.”

Xander looked surprised and shook his head. “What the hell are you going on about, Spike? No, I’m not asking you to go.” Then it hit him. And he grinned. “Stupid vampire. I’m not trying to get rid of you. Actually, I’m asking you to stay. For good. With me.”

Spike just gaped. He didn’t fight when Xander took his hand back. “Why?” He whispered.

“Because I love you, dumbass.” Xander laughed. Spike slowly began to smile. His grip tightened in response to Xander’s hands. His eyes began to light up, mirroring Xander’s.

“Y-you love me?”

Xander nodded, reaching out with one hand to brush a curl away from Spike’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Xander-mine.” He breathed. “And I can’t imagine anything that would make me happier than to stay with you. For good.”