undefined
Author: Jozzy
Title: Crazy Love
Summary: My own universe set right after the whole New York thing.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff.
Spoilers: After the whole New York thing
Rating: PG-13 for language
'Shippers: M/M M/L I/A
Part Two
I wanted him since as long as I could remember. I dreamt of him at night when I was a little girl. He was my night in shining armor. I never saw him, not until that day in the cafe. I was looking into his eyes and I just kind of fell.
I know its not healthy for me to love him. If we are together everything goes wrong. I don't want that for him. I want him to be happy. I want him to be safe. Unfortunately I have to pick which one he gets to be. His fate is in my hands. I can either give in and just be with him. That would make him happy for a little while. But then the shit hits the fan. Or I can stay away, he'll be sad, but alive and well.
Most days when I look at him it seems like the easiest decision in the world. I would do anything to keep him safe. Then other days, particularly when Tess is draped all over him. I want to walk up to him and kiss him. I want to tell him that I love him, that I'll never love anyone besides him. Of course I don't do this. Instead I just go up to my room and cry into my pillow and write everything down in my diary.
Reality sucks. In a place like Roswell, where all the citizens depend on illusions to survive, reality is a curse that comes and bites us on the ass every couple of weeks. One week everything will be normal. We're all just teenagers with normal problems. Like Maria and Michael. They could be any couple on the street. Two totally in love people, but the guy has commitment issues.
The next week were fighting Skins and running from alien hunters. Some times its just to much for me to handle. That's why I went away this summer. Everything was in shambles with Max, I just had to get away from Roswell. I didn't get that far, not really. I didn't call or anything. But I did think about everyone every moment I wasn't moving. So I kept myself to busy to think.
At first I told myself that I would date, so that I could forget Max. I would find a nice normal human guy and have a wild summer with him. There was even a guy at work that liked me. He would allude to dates and I just pretended not to understand. In the end the thought of going out with someone else made me feel like I was cheating on Max.
Sometimes I remember how my life was before. When Kyle was still my boyfriend and Maria and I were still close. I remember seeing Max in the hallways and not even thinking about him. He used to be that weird kid in my class who no one really talked to. I knew he had a crush on me. Everyone knew really, Max had a thing for staring at the back of my head during any class we had together. But I never gave him the time of day.
Oh how things change. I can't go a minute of the day without aching to see him. He clouds my dreams at night. I wake up in sweats sometimes. When ever he is near I can sense him. My eyes dart automatically to his tall lanky form. When I look at him my hands itch to burry themselves within his hair. My throat becomes parched and I swear my lips get dry all of a sudden. I feel sticky and uncomfortable because I am using all my strength not to just throw my self on him.
**********
I don't believe that Liz would ever cheat on me. However I do know that she thinks that us being together is a bad idea. I don't know why she thinks this; all I do know is that I will change that. I don't care why she is doing this. I just want it to end.
I want to hold Liz in my arms again. I want to hold her in my arms all night long. I want to see my love reflecting back in her eyes. I want us to be together. I don't care who thinks it won't work. I'm a prince damn it, I can make it work.
Michael told me once that he thought my 'Liz obsession' was really a manifestation at deep seated need to lose my virginity. Don't ask me. Liz is the only person that I've ever found truly attractive. There were other people who I could tell were cute, but Liz had my eye since I had come to Roswell.
I guess it was pretty obvious to anyone who had a class with Liz and I that I liked her. I spent most of my freshmen year staring at the back of her head. It wasn't really something I could help. She was just so beautiful. My eyes and mind gravitated towards her when ever she was anywhere near me. It was like I could sense her.
I can still feel her sometimes. When we're at the Crashdown and everyone's gone for the night. Maria and Liz will be cleaning up for the night and Michael doing whatever he does to keep the kitchen clean. Isabel and I will just be sitting around, normally arguing about something or other when I'll just get this sensation. Its like a spark that runs up my body, from my toes straight to my heart and then outwards until I'm coated in it. And when I turn I usually find Liz standing there, looking at me. I like to think its her love that I feel on nights like that.
It's not fair.
Liz and I never did anything to anyone.
We deserve to be happy.
We deserve to be together.
