JUST THE FACTS:
Born On: October 1
Hails From: Danville, VT
Best Quality: “I’m so positive.”
Worst Quality: “I can’t multi task.”
Irrational Dislikes: Jugglers (“Maybe because that’s like multi tasking”) and Broadway show tunes
Guilty Pleasure: Ben & Jerry’s sundaes
Beauty Tip: “I seem to look my best if I’ve been drinking tequila the night before.”
Pets: Two cats, Smalley and Clancey, and a Brittany spaniel named Riley

Like anybody in the middle of complicated home renovations, Beth Chamberlin’s (Beth, GUIDING LIGHT) life is, well, a mess. “It’s been total chaos,” laughs the actress, whose Westchester house has, over the past 18 months, become a noisy kaleidoscope of custom-made window treatments, door imported from Montreal, backyard excavations and flamboyant designers who resemble Peter O’Toole.

Luckily, she’s relaxed enough to handle the hysteria. “Not a lot of things bother me,” she nods. “By nature, I’m a laid-back, optimistic person. I have to be optimistic in order to be happy.”

Unfortunately, being positive isn’t always an option—and nobody knows that better than Chamberlin, who began what amounts to one long, dark night of the soul on December 10, 1999. “That’s the day my father passed away,” she explains. The circumstances surrounding Stanley’s death are tragic. “On Sunday, he didn’t feel good, so my mother took him to the health center. His regular doctor wasn’t there, so he saw another who said that he had the flu.”

Over the next few days, his condition worsened. Chamberlin’s mother, Sally, appealed to the physicians, but they staunchly reiterated their initial diagnosis—and made her feel like a pest to boot. “By Wednesday, she asked them to take some chest X-rays because my father’s legs were swollen, his blood pressure was low and it seemed like there was a problem with his heart,” she recounts. “At first, they refused, but my mother insisted, so they were like, ‘Fine, but we’re gonna tell the insurance company that this isn’t necessary.’ Then they did the X-rays, read them and said he was fine.”

Cut to Friday morning: Stanley’s usual physician is back in town. “He read the same X-rays as the other doctor, called my mother immediately and told her that my father had congestive heart failure. He said, ‘It’s treatable, but we have to get him into the hospital immediately.’ My mother got off the phone, went to tell my father, and my father collapsed of a heart attack and died. It was traumatic for my mother because he died in her arms. He was 67 years old.” Aggravating matters, the Vermont ground was frozen, making prompt burial impossible.

The family was devastated—and Chamberlin’s trademark positive attitude turned negative overnight. “I was so angry,” she shudders. “On Monday, my mother knew that there was something wrong, and nobody would listen to her. The dismissed her. Then, if the doctor on Wednesday had read the X-ray correctly, my father would be alive today. That’s a lot to forgive, you know?”

Especially when you’re not very good at letting things go in the first place. “All my life, if people wronged me or wronged people I love, I had a hard time moving beyond that. I would say that I had forgiven, and I might even act like it, but I never felt it in my heart. Periodically, I would read these articles about people who had forgiven the person who killed their spouse, or whatever, and I would think, ‘How can you forgive that person?’ Then I would think, ‘Beth, it’s that person’s choice to make: why are you so freaked out about it?’ It would drive me crazy.”

But, in the months following he dad’s death, holding a grudge was taking its toll. “I was trying to act like I was Beth Chamberlin, but I wasn’t. I would say the right things, but I didn’t feel it; it was like I was putting on a show for people,” she says. “I was bitter. I stopped laughing. I’m normally a gregarious person, but I didn’t want to talk to people. I was too angry and so inside a shell. I felt like I was useless as a human being.

“I realized that I couldn’t live like that,” she continues. “I couldn’t go on with all that anger inside me. I didn’t like who I had become. So, I spent a lot of time alone, just meditating. I thought about my own flaws and what had happened.” Over the course of the ensuing 10 months, she inched her way toward internal peace. ‘One day, I thought, “I’m okay with what has happened.’ And it saved me. I had to forgive in order to go on living, and I was finally able to do that.

“At the same time, I suddenly forgave everybody in my life, too. Anybody who I had been holding anything against. I didn’t feel it anymore. It was like my father gave me an incredible gift. Because in my heart, I finally felt true forgiveness. Since that time, I’ve found that I’ve been able to forgive so much easier—and truly forgive. Not just act like it, but in my heart. It’s such an important lesson, and I’ve finally learned it after years of struggling with it. I can’t tell you what a relief it is.”

As luck would have it, the epiphany coincided with a certain breakthrough at GL, as well. “Maybe this is because I was going through so much other stuff, but I wasn’t enjoying work,” Chamberlin says. “I was planning on leaving the show when my contract was up last November because Beth had become so milquetoast. It was boring for me to play as an actress, and often it didn’t make any sense to me.” So, what changed her mind? I was [then-Head Writer] Claire Labine,” she shares. “I’m a big fan of hers, and I think she really cared for the show. That’s why I re-signed.”

It was a smart move: Chamberlin loves the Beth/Edmund pairing, is making enough money to pay off the Peter O’Toole look-alikes in her house and has a familiar structure and routine to guide her in the process of reclaiming her identity. “I feel so much more like the old Beth Chamberlin,” she concludes, “which is not to say that I’m exactly the same. I never will be. I’ll always miss my father. But it seems to me that getting these lessons—and they’re hard—is what life is all about. We slowly grow into better people because of them. And I’m ready for the next one.”