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Phillip and Aunt Alex go bowling (1987) {Spaulding Mansion} Alex {on the phone with HB}: “Who else talks about Joan Rivers.” {Referring to Warren Andrews.} HB: “Well, if he’d like to go in my place to the opera, I’d understand.” Alex: “Oh, no you don’t. I‘m taking you to the opera, and you‘re going to love Loretta.” HB: “I already love Loretta.” Alex: “Really?” HB: “Shoot, yeah! And that little sister of hers, Crystal Gayle is a dandy, too!” {HB laughs, Alex is peeved on the other end of the phone.} “Hello?” Alex: “Anyway, the opera starts promptly at 8.” HB: “I’ll be by your place at 7, with bells on.” Alex: “You don’t mean that literally?” HB: “Well, of course not!” Alex: {laughs} “Just checking. I’ll be waiting, HB, goodbye.” HB: “Bye, darling.” {hangs up} “Seven o’clock. That gives me just enough time to go out and buy some ear plugs.” {At the Spaulding Mansion..} Warren: “That was… That was really HB Lewis?” Alex: “The one and only.” Warren: “And you are going to the opera with him?” Alex: “Yes.” Warren {Laughs}: I don’t believe it. Sort of like… Sort of like Jed Clampett going out with Mrs. Drysdale.” Alex: “I often wondered about those two.” Warren {incredulous}: Oh, come on, Alexandra! You can’t be going out with HB Lewis!” Alex: “Watch me. On second thought, don‘t. Now, you’re going to have to excuse me now. I need some to collect myself before my date.” Warren: “Your date?! You are actually seeing HB on a date?!” Alex: “Yes, Warren, what of it?” Warren: {laughing hard} “I don’t know. This is so…” {laughing uncontrollably.} Alex: “All right, all right! That’s it! Get out of my house!” Warren: “Aw c’mon now! I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you!” Alex: “You’re lying through your teeth, as usual.” Warren: “Listen, if you want to go out with Jed Clamp…. I mean, HB Lewis, that’s your business.” Alex: “And what, exactly, is your business? That was SO urgent a few minutes ago? You have 60 seconds.” Warren: “Alexandra, I’ve heard about the Beausart Ball. And I need your help to convince Alan to have the Beausart Ball at my place.” Alex: “Just because I’m on the Arts Council doesn’t mean I’m involved in planning the Ball.” Warren: “Then who is?” Alex: “Alan. Go nag him for awhile.” Warren: “Why bother? He’d have the ball at the local Moose Lodge before he’d say yes to me.” Alex: “Well, that’s the way the ball bounces.” {she laughs} Warren: “Alexandra, I’m going to need your help with him.” Alex: “Definitely, the Cabershaw Emeralds.” Warren: “Listen, I mean it! You‘ve got to go to Alan and convince him to hold the ball at the Blue Orchid!” Alex: “Well, all right. I’ll speak to him first thing in the morning.” Warren: “No! That could be too late! You‘ve got to go now! He could find another place!” Alex: “But surely you don’t expect me to go talk to him now!” Warren: “I’ll get your coat.” Alex: “No! HB will be here soon!” Warren: “I”ll have you back before you know it!” Alex: “I said, NO!” Warren: “All right. All right. Forget about all the times I’ve done you favors. Forget about all the times I’ve been your spy. Once you’ve done that, try to forget that I have enough dirt on you to plant a garden.” Alex: “Well, don’t just stand there, get my coat.” Warren: “Hee… hee… You’re giving in so fast.” Alex: “Would you rather I stand here and argue?” Warren: “I bet I wouldn’t. But I…” Alex: “Well, hurry up, Warren! If I’m not back here by 7 o‘clock, HB will skin me alive! Go, go!” {SE} Jackson: “I’ll fill you in later.” Phillip: “All right, it’s a lot more than I can say for some people around here.” Alan: “I’d prefer it if we didn’t air our differences in front of other people. Now, what is this all about?! I don‘t…” Phillip: “Dad, how could you?!” Alan: “What exactly are you accusing me of?” Phillip: “Dinah told me all about Henry Chamberlin’s heart attack.” Alan: “Yes, it was very unfortunate.” Phillip: “Unfor… Oh, is that all you can say for yourself!? This man puts his life’s blood into making Spaulding what it is today. And the one time he comes to you for help you treat him like a stranger?!” Alan: “Are you accusing me of being responsible for Henry’s illness?” Phillip: “You didn’t have a fight with him right before his heart attack?” Alan: “No, I did not! He was upset when he got to the office. He accused me of trying to ruin him by hanging on to the mineral rights that he wanted to sell.” Phillip: “Right, and you wouldn’t budge!” Alan: “Because I was right! Besides the board had already made its decision. My hands were tied.” Phillip: “That’s a cop out, and you know it! You could have made the board reverse itself, if you had wanted to!” Alan: “Phillip, you’re taking this too personally!” Phillip: “That’s the point, Dad! An old and trusted friend came to you for help and you turned your back on him!” Alan: “Nonsense! It was strictly business!” Phillip: “Strictly business! God, I’ve been listening to you say that ALL my LIFE! Roughly translated, Dad, it means to hell with anybody who doesn’t agree with you!” Alan: “What I did, I did for a reason.” Phillip: “Well, same here, Dad. I‘ve deliberately stayed away from Spaulding business because I‘ve heard and seen enough of it to make me sick. But after what you did with Henry, I think I made a mistake.” Alan: “Oh?” Phillip: “By not getting involved, I made it much to easy for you to have complete control.” Alan: “Does that mean you’re going to take a more active role on the Spaulding board?” Phillip: “No, Dad, not yet. At least not directly. But I’m going to make sure that my vote counts for something. And if I’m not here to exercise it personally, I’ll give my proxy to Aunt Alex.” Alan: “What’s the point? You gave her your proxy for the mineral rights vote. And she cast both votes with me!” Phillip: “Yes, I know that. She told me. She also told me that she would have voted for a reversal if she had been given the opportunity in favor of Henry! Aunt Alex has a conscience and she’s not afraid to vote it!” Alan: “Phillip, I gave you that seat on the board! If you give your proxy to Alex it’s a breach of loyalty!” Phillip: “No it’s not, Dad, it’s strictly business!” {At Company} Chelsea: “I’m sure glad you’re here. You’re gonna help us with some strategies for tonight, I hope?” Phillip: “Yeah, just give me a minute, all right?” Chelsea: “What’s the matter, Phillip?” Phillip: “My father, as usual.” Chelsea: “I’m sorry.” Phillip: “Well, this time Aunt Alex and I are gonna stop him. He drives me nuts! I don’t understand the way his mind works! It’s like the Beausart Ball is supposed to make up for the Arts Series, and I’m not…. I’m not supposed to be thinking about business tonight. Right.” Chelsea: “Right.” Phillip: “Sorry, sometimes it’s hard to turn off. I’ve just been dealing with it for a long time.” Chelsea: “Well, it’s okay. It’s a good thing that you have an outlet for that frustration all ready for you tonight.” Phillip: “I do, huh?” Chelsea: “Yeah, the bowling match.” Phillip: “The bowling match.” Chelsea: {giggles} “Just think of those ten pins out there as the enemy. Daring you to come get them. With ball in hand, you take aim. You stare them down, and HAH another strike, for justice. We’re having some fun now, huh?” Phillip: “What’s with the puns?” Hawk {on the phone}: “What did you say? Really? Ha Ha! Prepare to get mashed spud head! Bwahhaha.” {hangs up} “Hey, listen up everybody! I’ve got great news!” Roxie: “What? What?” Hawk: “The Captain of O’Donahue’s team… got the flu, and cannot be there tonight.” Bea: “Oh, he’s their best player!” Hawk: “Ha…ha… ha…. I know.” Jackson: “Are they calling off the game?” Hawk: “Ah, the pinheads still want to play! With a last minute substitute” {Hawk laughs} Roxie: “Yeah!” Hawk: “Company’s victory is in the bag!” “Yeah!” Jackson: “Right.” Hawk: “Let’s get out of here. Go get..” {Snippets from the next scene.} Chelsea: {to the opposing team} “Face it Shamrock, you’re about to be plucked!” Johnny: “C’mon, Spaulding!” Phillip {bowling}: “All right, Dad, this one’s right at you.” {Phillip gets a strike.} {snip} Opposing team bowler: “We can’t start yet. Til our substitute captain gets here.” Hawk: “I can smell doom, and it’s written all over your Irish pub!”
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